Bipolar Check-in #40

Thanks Bizi ! How am I ? I honestly don’t really know, ugh.

I think the pain/breathing/Fibro/cfs/PsA/insomnia/waiting on Ultrasound results etc etc

It’s all just suffocating me right now. I think a lot about an exit, but no plan or letter writing, (that’s when I know I need help. )

I just hope as I get answers and I go back to breathing well my outlook and mood will improve, this time of year is historically hard for me so I have to keep that in mind.

All the political stuff is really awful..,. Hopefully your husband won’t have to worry about his job. Everything about life is so daunting and scary with what’s going on in our country.

How’s life treating you ?

Thank you for being honest. I am glad that you are safe.
You have been Struggling to breath and being so ill for too long....
Along with your hubby's health....you bear a heavy weight on your shoulders. You are a peach. ((((((HUGS)))))))

Thank you and I appreciate your support...

bizi

Sorry Christina hopefully things improve soon. I've been busy setting up self study for myself. I don't know if I'm stable or not. I'm not over thinking it though. I do miss you guys.

Thanks !!!!

I think it’s good your not over thinking anything and just “ doing”

Thank you everyone for your condolences and for your support, it's very much appreciated.

In better news my eldest son is coming to visit next week. He also moved closer and he's now just in California instead of a 21 hour flight (he's still 6 hours away for me but he's much closer than before).

Also my mother is turning 75 next week and we have arranged a big gathering for her at a nice restaurant. I'm paying a big chunk on my credit card to make room for the big bill. There will be 13 people at the party.

I have been thinking about how I have been feeling in preparation for answering my pdoc when she asks. I'm on the fence about whether the depression is better or whether this is a bit of hypomania and whether I'm happy with the way things are at the moment.

The brain zaps are getting on my nerves. They're completely random so far. I feel so strange taking about them because they're so strange, I feel as if others think I'm making this up (no one here).

I wonder if these zaps are related to my sleep because I'm down to about 5.5 hours a night when I used to get 8 to 9 hours before this started.

I finished and published the article I was working on. Now that it's out of my system I can get back to the book.

My father will be discharged from the physical rehab center sometime next week. I must say that my siblings and I had quite a disagreement about where Dad should go from there. Dad clearly stated that he did not feel safe to go home (re: his drinking urges - people, places, things). In the end, my dad chose what my siblings were offering. That's fine. At least an action plan is decided on and in the works. Dad will move, temporarily, into an assisted living facility. It is a nice one, but not as close to me as the ones my sister and I looked at a few days ago. It's actually exactly right in between where my siblings live and where I live. That is generally nice, but the thing is is that the IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) he will attend is literally a 3-minute drive from my house. So, instead of me driving 10 minutes to a place to pick him up, I'll need to drive 25 minutes. I know, not that big of a deal. I did ask my siblings if they could sometimes pick him up at his assisted living and drop him off at the IOP. I would then take him back to the assisted living. Maybe in the end this will work out even better for me.

My sister sent me a long shopping list full of things that our dad needs for the assisted living. I'm going to go to Target once she clarifies a few things.

I am still nutty about my Christmas cookie project. I finally got my husband to look for one additional Czech Christmas cookie recipe from his mother's notes. He had to translate it for me. We made them once in the past and it was a failure, but I think that was because he was directing the project. This time I finally got a sense for the recipe. I'm going to make them either today or tomorrow and take photos. Wish me luck in getting them right this time. Then, I'll have only one additional cookie to make. The last ones will be the most challenging and potentially the most impressive. The last will be 3-dimensional cookies. They are a nut-based "cookie" made with a mold in the shape of a bee hive. Then then are hollowed slightly and filled with rum cream and set on a vanilla wafer. Normally they look cute, but I'm going to REALLY make them impressive by putting honey-colored chocolate on the tops of some and top them with an edible decoration that looks like a bee. Others I'll leave traditional. Some others I will coat with white chocolate and put edible silver star-shaped glitter on. Some I will coat in white chocolate colored green with food coloring, and then decorate with multi-color non-pareils to resemble a 3-D Christmas tree. Hubby said he'd be afraid for his sister to see these for fear she'd think I was going nutty again.

@BirdDancer

Am happy for you that you have been passionate about the cookies. will await for the finished product photos! I hope they come out just like you want them to come out.
Good news about your dad. I hope your family comes together for his IOP sessions.
thinking of you today.
hugs
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Happy birthday!

Happy Birthday, Polibeth! I do hope you recover from the pneumonia quickly.

Thinking of you. I’m sorry you are going through so much. I hope this all gets straightened out soon. Continued prayers for you and your husband.

Christina - I think you are right and it’s time to call in the tdoc and pdoc since today made the fourth time I couldn’t make it to see M. I think I’ve been putting it off because I can’t afford it. I really was thrilled the other day to get those coats from my brother because I didn’t have one and couldn’t afford it. I know you know how that is.

Between the co-pays for these specialists I’m seeing and the upcoming co-pay for the surgery on my pinched nerve, I’m tapped out. I’ve been hoping it would get better on its own without trying to find the money for this. I’ll try to work something out since it would be cheaper then IP.

Thank you for your support and concern. I appreciate you.

Happy birthday! I hope you feel better soon

@BirdDancer good luck with the Christmas cookies! They sound great! love reading your posts about the stuff you bake as I love baking too

Thank you, bizi! I'm thinking of you, too, and hope you will be well.

The stress experienced by my family has just GOT to ease!!!! My brother is in the ER right now diagnosed preliminarily with a-fib. My sister is with him. I just got back from Target and other stores buying stuff for my dad for the assisted living.

Update: My sister said that my brother has congestive heart failure. They will be doing a special echocardiogram tomorrow. He'll need to be under general anesthsia for it since they are sending some kind of thing down his throat. They are apparently going to give his heart some kind of shock to get his heart beating properly again. This is just terrible!

BirdDancer, I am sorry to hear about your brother and hope everything is okay. I hope a much needed break from the stress comes soon for you and your family.

Jennifer that's so tough to have to weigh the finances with the care you need. I hope you are able to work something out and get some help. Yes, it is cheaper than IP as you said.

Christina I am sorry you are suffering so much. I hope your breathing gets better soon. That must be so scary and disheartening to deal with for so long. Are you seeing your therapist and getting needed support I hope?

@BirdDancer I hope things turn out as well as can be for your brother.

Oh my!!! Dear BirdDancer.... you and your family have so much going on!
i am so sorry your brother is experiencing heart issues.

Please, please, please... do as much self-care as you can manage, if at all possible? Everyone is highly stressed and understandably so.

Much love and many prayers.
We are here for you1