Bipolar Check-in #40

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

I've been missing. A days ago, I had a stomach ache when I woke up. It got worse as the day went on. Finally about 830 pm I decided I needed to visit the ER- mainly because the nurse I'd talked to on the phone said I should. While I was there they did an ultrasound of my right side. I don't have my appendix so that was out. I mostly lay in the bed in my room in the ER and watched tv still in pain. But there was no vomiting so I figured it wasnt ileitis. I've had ileitis many times and it usually includes vomiting and sweating and shock and low blood pressure. Nevertheless, I discussed the facts with the attending and she said she thought it was ileitis. On my discharge paperwork said my reason for presenting to the ER was "upper right quadrent abdominal pain" and my diagnosis was the same! Weird. Why tell me ileitis then not write it down? Yesterday I slept a lot because I didnt get home until after 4 a.m. Today, I am achey and sore but the pain that made me squeeze my eyes shut is gone.

Going out was a huge mistake. I only planned to pickup a medication at the pharmacy and then quickly go for a few things at the grocery store. It turned into a mild dissociative state experience (depersonalization/derealization). I felt like I was in a trance most of the time. I did weird things. I found myself just standing in one place, not knowing what I was even there to do. Then I super overdid it and went to the bread shop. There I saw a woman that seemed to trigger me. I won't go into how/why, but I guess I was staring at her, and she eventually noticed. That disturbed me that I was acting like that. I got home almost wishing I hadn't rescheduled my psychiatrist appointment. It was originally supposed to be in 15 minutes. I thought about calling him to ask for the time back, but I knew he'd never get the message on time, and he's probably already given that time slot away. Maybe it's all for the best.


About 20 minutes ago, I heard my garage opening. Why was Hubby home so early? Apparently for good reasons that I didn't recall. I told him that I overdid it and now I don't want to do anything more the entire night. No cooking. Nothing. I just feel disturbed. Sometimes day dreams race through my head and seem so real. They're usually something rather scary.


I wonder if I actually hurt myself with the long shower and all of the errands. Now my voice is so hoarse and my cough is scary.

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

Sorry you had to go all through that

How’s life otherwise ?

Just goin day by day. Got my bills paid this month as usual. I get to sleep in tomorrow since N3 doesn't work. * found a post online about people who are missing their ileocecal valve but the board had a capcha and it wouldn't take what I'd typed even though there was nothing wrong. Still a bit sore from the other day but nothing tyleno wont fix. It didnt help one bit! I ate chicken for dinner and it mightve been to greasy- even though it was baked and not fried since my belly still is talking to me.

Well my monthly shopping is done, all my meats are cleaned portioned and packed up in the freezer.

Saw my T today and he helped me sort some stuff out I’ve been struggling with.

Tomorrow we are heading 1.5 hours north to buy the granddaughter presents for Christmas. It can be stressful because my husband sees lots of stuff and wants to get it all. I’m kinda the bad guy because I need to remind him of the budget. Shes 4 and gets gifts from about 20 people. She certainly isn’t going with out.

Well it’s almost impossible to make a fist with my left hand, my middle finger is throbbing and feeling warm.

Every joint in my body is extremely unhappy

I really need to get started on another biologic this PsA pain over my whole body is daily increasing. I fear I’ll be going to Florida is really rough physical shape.

I'm sad. My cat didn't make it. She passed this morning. I cried so hard I puked.

I hope your Florida trip isn't horrible! *Pixie dust to make it all better!*