Bipolar Check-in #40

Here we go...

Thank you! How are you?

WC I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know It is difficult, but it is worse when you're running on fumes. Hopefully you will be able to rest tonight.

Your mom and your aunt are in my thoughts as well. Much love to you!

Thanks for the new thread @BipolarWolf!

I seem to have developed brain zaps over the past few days. They seem to be random and last from just a fraction of a second to a few seconds long.

The last time I felt this was many years ago when my GP at the time abruptly stopped an antidepressant I was on.

I'm so tired because I'm not sleeping much, about 5 hours a night.

But the plus side is I use the time in the morning to write. I'm so far behind.

I'm actually working on an article at the moment. It's been on my mind for a while so I'm finding it easy to write because the idea is well developed.

I had hoped to finish my book in October but things became really busy and I hardly wrote that month. At this rate I'll be finished by February. I guess it'll be a good start to 2020.

A family friend died earlier this week as a result of a stroke. The friend was initially a friend of my side of the family and became friends with my wife's side too when we got married so many years ago. She and my sister had a good relationship. The funeral might be in a week or so.

You're in my thoughts WC, namu, birddancer, and others. I appreciate your support and hope the best for your respective situations.

I feel so unwell this morning. It's not really depression. It's rather deep sadness and a major psychological fatigue. I feel like hiding in bed all day and only talking to my husband, and even not him that much. I'm greatly disappointed in how my siblings treated me yesterday.

I wish these stressors disappeared. Luckily I see my psychiatrist this week, and my therapist. My husband and my psychiatrist are the only people in my life that really seem to care and show caring to me. One of my old therapists did, but she moved far away. She has contacted me recently, and I responded, but I can't continue that relationship.

I guess it’s just one of those days for a lot of us. I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. I feel tired and stressed although things are working in my favor recently. I am having a hard time concentrating on any one thing, but it’s more restlessness than anything else. I’ve decided to eat lunch with my mom and watch classic comedies (like the Golden Girls) with her. I am a sucker for classic sitcoms. It’ll be a night, lighthearted afternoon. It’s good to decompress.

On the work front – so glad to hear back that I can start Monday! That was a huge relief but you know how people like me are – we can’t just celebrate without worry. It’s been very cold here the past few days (with snow) and I’m afraid my car will freeze up and I won’t be able to get it to start, or thawed in time for work. My work starts at 6AM, so I have to really regulate my sleep patterns so that I can get up early enough to combat any issues. I bought some de-icer and a scraper, so I’m ready come what may. Let’s just hope and pray that things work out.

On the personal front – I’ve been doing alright. Despite the uneasiness that is creeping in, I’m managing well. A good lunch and a good laugh should help cure a lot of what I’m feeling, or at least, I hope. Last thing I need is to fall into a depression again. They are long and hard to fight my way out of. My meds do a good job of keeping me balanced, the Lamictal was a giant leap in effectiveness compared to my previous medicine cocktails. Let’s hope it helps me stave off highs and lows.

Today makes the third time I couldn’t make the trip to see M. I asked if we could meet in a town much closer to me tomorrow morning. Just really not functioning. Hopefully, I can make it tomorrow and things will turn around. It’s supposed to be a beautiful day.

Warm wishes to all.

Oh, the irony...
I responded to the one post on here that asked whether family relationships have improved since being on medication, and I shared that things improved with my mother. Well, we ended up having a big argument today. She is now not speaking with me. I am in my 30's, and she still tries to interfere with my life and get pushy. When I try to set boundaries, she gets offended, and it blows up into something much bigger than it should. I hope we are able to just let it go, because I hate being on bad terms. I apologized for my part, and I am not expecting an apology when it comes to her anger/control issues. I do admit to my part though, because I feel bad about my difficulties regulating my emotions. I am going to a concert today with my brother, and we are having problems with the tickets when he tried to transfer one to me. So that is a big mess. Hopefully things will be okay later, but I'm feeling rather anxious and moody.

I hope things get straightened out with your mom and that you have a good time at the concert. Things will start looking up.

Thank you.

Just check ing in to get the new thread. We're are just in a waiting pattern. Mum's resting comfortably and sleeping a lot while the meds do their work.

I'm glad to hear she is comfortable and sleeping. I thought I had posted earlier but I guess my post didn't go through. I am thinking of you and your family and hoping everything turns out OK. I know how hard it is to play the waiting game. I hope for the very best!

I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

He was such a wonderful guy. So loving toward everyone and a great sense of humor. He and his wife had just retired.

An update for anyone on my aunt.

She has been transferred to a rehab facility near her home, where she will recover further and will eventually return home..

A bonus for her: One-half of the building that houses the rehab facility also houses the nursing home. My uncle lives there. he has dementia. They were eating lunch together today. How sweet!

My mom is doing better now that her sister has stabilized. She has also agreed to try an amino acid and a herbal formula (in a gummie), which has decreased her anxiety.

i so deeply appreciate the concern, the support and the Love offered by this community. :

Thank you for the update.

Deepest sympathy for you and you family during your recent loss..

I have been watching for you, wondering how things are going for you.

I’m sorry you are feeling unwell. Major psychological fatigue can do a number on you as can sadness. I often feel that my daughter and my dream team as I call them are the only ones who care or show caring to me so I can relate to that.

It may not be irl, but we care for you here as well. I hope you feel better soon.

Thanks for keeping us posted. Please keep updating us. Glad your mum is getting the care she needs. Continued prayers for your mum, you and your family

I'm sorry for your loss Scooter I hope the brain zaps go away and you're able to get some sleep

My condolences on your loss. He sounds like he was a great guy. It reminds us to enjoy the life we have now and not wait to be happy until X happens.

So happy to hear about your aunt and your mom. That’s good news. I hope the recuperation for your aunt goes smoothly.

Just saw your post in the 39th check in thread Wild Coyote, I'm really sorry for your loss

I'm glad your mom and aunt are doing better