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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
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#81
Only had four hours sleep. Feel crap. Tired but wired. In three hours or so I see my pdoc. I will try to post when that’s over to let you all know how it goes. However, if I’m moved to a locked ward they may take my phone. Hopefully, it won’t come to that. Right now I have a lot of passive SI so he probably won’t order me to be locked up. I get worse late afternoons usually. Mostly, I just want my pdoc to find the right med combo to calm me down ASAP. Then I can stabilise, ho home, and live a ‘normal’ life.
__________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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*Beth*, bizi, Innerzone, Victoria'smom, yellow_fleurs
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
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#82
Just saying hi! Let us know how you're doing, if you can.
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Wander
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
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#83
I am totally losing my mind! Just saw my pdoc and lost my *hit. I was so angry with him for ignoring my cries for help in the last few days. He remained calm, listened and apologised. I’m stopping Seroquel as it gives me rebound anxiety, and going back on Haloperidol, and Lorazepam. Both in high doses for a few days. He said he would check on me tonight to make sure the agitation and anxiety are decreasing. If meds can’t contain me I will be locked up.
I was so angry and agitated when I spoke to him. I was not in control. I’m still shaking. I’m so scared. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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bizi, Innerzone, Nammu
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Wise Elder
Member Since Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 9,242
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#84
Thinking of you. Sorry for the last of wise words but just know you're in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I knew what else to say. I'm sorry it is so scary for you.
__________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1700 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 1.5 mg clonazepam., 50 mg Seroquel |
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bizi
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Wander
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
given |
#85
__________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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BeyondtheRainbow, bizi
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Crone
Member Since May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
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#86
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time.
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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bizi
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Wander
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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#87
You said on the check in thread your afraid you will fall. Fall into what ??
Your in a safe place... When I have felt so afraid and scared of what might happen next .. I throw my hands up I’ll just in a sense give up, stop fighting , just land where ever .... why ?? Because it’s often a huge relief and a big step in the right direction as odd as that may sound. Your already in a mental place of agony.. things honestly won’t get worse, your in a safe place , your seeing a Pdoc and he is trying to find a combo that will stabilize you. You have nurses to help you. Many hugs ! __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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bizi
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bizi
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
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#88
Quote:
__________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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bizi
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~Christina
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,861
18 43.9k hugs
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#89
Hi sweetie, am so sorry that you are unstable. That sounds so scary.
You are in a safe place though and you need time to let the meds work. I am surprised they have not increased your lithium???? bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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Wander
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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#90
Your making sense, your in a crisis mode, your grasping at anything to find “control. “ Sometimes letting go is a much better decision.
I speak from experience with ptsd that at some point before you can begin to heal you have to let go and have that crash, the funny thing is my “ crash “ wasn’t nearly as bad as I had thought and assumed it would be. I will always have some triggers and some dates of the year will be hard and that’s okay . We can’t erase our past but we can move forward. __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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bizi
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Nammu, Wander
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
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#91
Quote:
Bizi, you mentioned my Lithium. My pdoc doesn’t think I’m manic or mixed, and I just spent 5 months tapering down to half the dose. He did check my levels though. It never stopped me going manic anyway. It calms my impulsively which keeps me safer. I think it’s still working in that regard as if I had of gone through this experience before I started Lithium I would have impulsively destroyed myself by now. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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bizi, fern46
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bizi, fern46, ~Christina
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
Member Since Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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#92
Quote:
I’m glad your feeling better __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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bizi
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Wander
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
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#93
My pdoc just quickly visited me to make sure I had calmed down. I told him I’m still very agitated but manageable for now.
Now I plead the sleep fairies visit me soon so I punch out of feeling this way. It is like having your body covered in ants and you can’t get them off. Not pleasant to say the least. I can’t concentrate because of it. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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bizi
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~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#94
Quote:
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bizi
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~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
5 4,300 hugs
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#95
Quote:
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bizi
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Guest
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#96
I'm thinking about you this morning, Wander, hoping you will feel a little better today. Please stay safe. We care!
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bizi, fern46
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fern46
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#97
Sorry you're struggling so much, Wander.
For what it's worth, I think you're a very strong person for not giving up. You're putting up a fight, you're advocating for yourself, and you're doing your best to get better. That's what counts IMO. Although things may seem bleak right now, things will get better for sure, and that's because you're not giving up. I know that "things will get better" sounds so cliché, but it really is true. You've got this. Your doctors, nurses, and all of us are fighting for you too. |
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bizi, fern46
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fern46, Wander, ~Christina
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Bizi is bizi
Member Since Nov 2005
Location: cajun country
Posts: 10,861
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#98
I hope you were able to sleep.
and have a better day. ((((((HUGS)))))) bizi __________________ 150mg of lamictal 2x a day haldol 5mg 2x a day 1mg of cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, 4-5 peri-colace for chronic constipation multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine at noon PRN Remeron 15mg at night, zyprexa10mg under tongue, requip2mg. |
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Wander, ~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
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#99
Quote:
The mantras work a lot of the time in reducing my anxiety. I’m still a beginner though as I can feel rage when I try to accept my ‘****ed up past. Not quite zen about it all yet. __________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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Anonymous46341, bizi
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bizi, ~Christina
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: Milky Way
Posts: 4,746
9 2,611 hugs
given |
#100
__________________ Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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Anonymous46341, bizi
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~Christina
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