When intensive outpatient program (IOP) didnt help me

I am just remembering

Because i am feeling more depressed

I was crashing, I took 3mg of ativan. Leftovers ...

I have a therapist who I saw once in october, mext appointment on February. He helped me, I liked him.

Why does the IOP didnt work? They didnt want to discharge me even if it wasnt helping me, but i pushed it.... And I got an appointment at a CMH center.

I am happy with my new therapist, but i am seeing him once each 3 months

Why couldnt therapist at the IOP help me? They saw me as far as twice a week!!!

I am sorry i cant think straigth from the benzo

Still feel anxious

Depression comes from nowhere
Wanting to cry comes from nowhere
Weird halluconations come from nowhere
Laugh and laugh hysterical laugh, pain laugh.
I do not know what is wrong with me, i feel hilarious inside, but i am not psychotic because i keep im touch. I feel another hilarious me inside while i want to die. I Dont know what is wrong with this. Urges are there.

Why is another hilarious me inside while i feel so depressed? There is me laughing inside uuuuh uuuh it is a SH bastard (I do not SH).

How can i be so depressed while other things inside me are famtastic crazy sming?

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

When do you see your Pdoc next ?!! He or she would be the one to see if a Med tweak or change would help.

Is it possible to see a T on a regular basis ? That’s a great help to do many people.

Be your own best advocate and get the treatment you need

I dobt have a pdoc, if i asked for an appointment it wod likely be im januart. I cant start. A new med then. I could tru a new one bow since i have finish all my examns an i am free t o suffer meds sideeefecr..

My therapist gave me his first open.... I f
Guess if he makes a place for me i could see hum with luck once a month

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

I hope you can something sorted out

Are you ok?

It certainly sounds like you could use the services of a good psychiatrist. Do you know how to go about making that happen?

I called the CMH center to ask for an appointment with my psychiatrist (I never saw her but i was supposed to have one assigned).
Tb
They told me I have to wait until I see my therapist in February to be seen by a psychiatrist. AjahahGAhah

I asked for an appointment with my GP, fortunately someone cancelled today so I will see him in 2h. He is an *****le. I hope he can give me am AD and a short acting benzo.

Usually I avoid meds but now I think I need them, at least short term.

I want to cry all the time but I am smiling augh.. it hurts

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

I saw my GP, he said he cannot prescribe an AD,he gave me xanax 0.25mg and told me to call my CMH center and ask for an appointment with a psychiatrist. I told him I tried 3 hours ago but they wouldn't give me an appointment wlth a psychiatrist before I see my therapist in February. He was like "What???". And that is it.

Egh, I am more depressed than anxious so I do not know what is the xanax for...

I haven't eaten in 24h, I am not anxious. I have taken an aspirin with vitamin C (It tastes so nice...). I am just tired and wanting to cry.

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

Sorry that happened to you, Oliver. That's very unfair to you.

Did he say why he can't prescribe an antidepressant? If he didn't say why, you should press him on it. You should also see if you can get your doctor to connect you with a psychiatrist of some sort, even if it's temporary. Surely your doctor knows of *at least* one psychiatrist he can talk to? And if not, he probably knows of another doctor in his office who knows a psychiatrist.

How are you doing today?

I am sorry you are struggling, and that the IOP therapist couldn't help. Sometimes I think some therapists are more skilled in general or at a particular type of therapy, or are better fits for us as individuals. That's good you found someone better, but that is a really long time between appointments. Maybe you can ask them to put you on a wait list if they have any patients cancel?

He knows more than a psychiatrist, but since I am assigned to that CMH center, I cannot see a psychiatrist outside it unless I go to ER or pay for a private one. It's how the public system works here.

I woke up feeling SUI, the dawn/dusk simulator lamp I bougth made me feel better I guess??? After two hours in bed with the lamp Next to my head I started feeling a bit Hyper, but I am overwhelmed at the same time. I feel like a tornado without any reason, sonthing like "I DO NOT WANT TO EXIST BUT I
KEEP DOING THINGS NON STOP AHAHAH *I laugh but I actually want to cry*".

I ate around 1200kcal 17h ago (after 24h fasting), fasting makes me feel in control of at least something. Ugh. I gonna keep an eye on this, the control issue reminds me of people with anorexia, but neither I am anorexic nor I intend to develop any kind of ED.

I am afraid of calling the CMH center again.

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

I called. Ugh.

I got an appointment with a psychiatrist on 30 december.

I am feeling horrible but I am full of energy.

Stop brain, stop dear brain aaaaah.

Tornado of thoughts, feelings tornado, wwoooph wooowoh

I don't want to be IP.

I am afraid of the psychiatrist. Don't want meds pushed 🙃

Isn't there an alternative method to deal with this?
I need to give the psychiatrist alternatives.

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

Ok, I took some prazosin. Surprisely, I do not feel agitated, crashing, and so anymore. I just keep feeling exalted, but It is a happy under control excitement. ....

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-

I'm glad you called! I'm on light meds to start and I slowly increased. Some times medication is the only thing that stop it for me.