I feel like I get on the wrong side of people

Fuzzybear · Dec 21, 2019 at 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

I can agree with all of that. Yes, it is complex. victims of bullies are actually in fact often infinitely stronger. The reasons the abuse occurs are also incredibly complex. Thank you for pointing out this important distinction. It is why I said the selection is due to their perception of weakness. Their perception does not define reality. Jealousy is a powerful motivator and I think your thoughts there are spot on in many cases.

I think the important part is knowing your strong qualities and renewing them no matter how many times a bully seeks to extinguish it. It is also important to disallow the behavior to continue.

You have many amazing qualities. Your instinct on the why in your case is much more apt to be accurate than mine.

Thanks, I agree, thanks for posting and sharing your insights

Where I often used to fall down was in not disallowing the behaviour to continue early enough,... as in not spotting obvious but often quite “cleverly concealed” red flags early enough... not dumping them before they dumped me or continued to insult me or ... etc

fern46 · Dec 21, 2019 at 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Thanks, I agree, thanks for posting and sharing your insights

Where I often used to fall down was in not disallowing the behaviour to continue early enough,... as in not spotting obvious but often quite “cleverly concealed” red flags early enough... not dumping them before they dumped me or continued to insult me or ... etc

I have fallen prey to those same tricks before. I will again. I think anyone with a good heart probably has. Fool me twice...shame on me I guess, but sometimes I want to believe in the good that is also within them. My mother always says 'when people show you who they really are, look!'. I see wisdom in that, but I also hold hope for better in the future even when people make bad choices. I have done some rotten things in my time and I appreciate the forgiveness others have shown. It is a slippery slope. These are certainly difficult waters to navigate.

Fuzzybear · Dec 21, 2019 at 03:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

I have fallen prey to those same tricks before. I will again. I think anyone with a good heart probably has. Fool me twice...shame on me I guess, but sometimes I want to believe in the good that is also within them. My mother always says 'when people show you who they really are, look!'. I see wisdom in that, but I also hold hope for better in the future even when people make bad choices. I have done some rotten things in my time and I appreciate the forgiveness others have shown. It is a slippery slope. These are certainly difficult waters to navigate.

I agree, I too have done some things that I realise now were “wrong” and I guess the fact they were a reaction to being abused does not totally “excuse” them. I too always appreciate forgiveness when offered and also when I apologise my apology is always genuine. I have had a genuine apology thrown in my face by more than one person though which can be quite scary. (not anyone here)

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