While I have my reasons for not celebrating the holidays all through out the year, I will say this, being an agoraphobic person tends to make for an extremely lonely holiday season. Mind you, its my own fault due to not being into all these holidays, yet still, people watching everyone around you, having such a good time carrying on, laughing, joking, enjoying others company. I often wonder, why can't that be me?

That being said, its not just the holidays that get me down (as mentioned above), being an agoraphobic, it tends leave me remaining fairly isolated, being more of a recluse these days, as I watch the world around me pass me by. I've found, through the years, that most people will avoid me like the plague once they find out (or I tell em) bout my issues. Which only adds to this already defeating/ insufferable isolation.

Tonight for instance, was here at my work, back here in my work station doing what I normally do back here, people watching. As time passed by, in walked my brother and sits down at the bar. After while, our dad, walks over and sits down next to him. Twenty minutes goes by, I look up and still see them sitting there, just a chatting away.

Thirty minutes passes by, fourty five minutes goes by, and then an hour and they are still up there chatting away. I pondered to myself as I sat here, wish our dad (or any of my family for that matter) would sit down with me like that and just start up a chat. Sadly, however, my relationship with our dad is rather quite labored, as Im the youngest out of 3 kids.

Honestly, when all is said and done, I feel more like a complete stranger when it comes to my family. When it comes to me or my issues with them, its more “Out of sight/ Out of mind”, as they don't want really much to do with me or my issues.They say they don't have a problem with em, yet saying and doing (in my book anyways) are two, entirely, different things......


To give ya a for instance on what my family thinks of those with a MI, or suffering from a disorder like Chronic Depression, had my uncle look dead at me and say, you want to kill yourself? Here, let me load the gun for you, pull the effing trigger already. So ya, very little sympathy in my family when it comes to such things.

Ive tried the whole Criagslist thing for a good five years or so, looking for friends (and friendship only), met quite a few individuals over that time frame. That being said, however, after sharing more bout my life and all that entails, very few have stuck around..... Which I get it, its not easy dealing/ being friends with someone with these conditions/ disorders.

Never mind, most people who don't suffer with such things tend to forget, we, never asked for such things. We, were simply born this way, or certain things transpired in our lives which we had little to no control over, yet I digress.


Just wish life could have been different (ya know?), like, being able to be more outgoing, not being triggered so much, or easily... Being able to walk down the side walk without thinking everyone is out to get you, or why are they staring at me, which in turn becomes a trigger. Everything is a trigger anymore :-( Which in turn, is why i live my life the way I do, remaining/ staying isolated away from everyone.


Seems like, anymore, unless im all Happy-Go-Lucky/ with Smiles and Bells (living in fairy-tails) all anyone can expect from the masses is, get away from me. On the other side of that coin, however, once Mania sets in and you're all sorts of energetic and going-going-gone, then everyone wants to be your friend. Just wish I was happy-go-lucky more often then not. :-(

Wow, what your uncle said to you was horrible. Encouraging suicide is disgusting.

I don't have any friends myself. Everyone has either stabbed me in the back or wanted nothing to do with me because of my mood swings -- or both. When I'm depressed, i'm just a "party pooper;" when i'm manic, I "talk too much." They seem to hate both sides of me, and they only tolerate me when I'm stable.

Anyway, have you tried joining a support group? Not sure if you've heard of DBSA, but they are a great group to join. People who struggle with mental health issues are often the most tolerant and understanding, and you may be able to make good friends there, which is why I mention that. Also check out NAMI if you haven't already.

I don't do NAMI or DBSA because I am not "out" -- but I would join if I was. I just fear that I won't be able to keep my job if people find out about my bipolar.

@ Bluebicycle - What do you mean "because your not "out""? Ive heard of these places, yet due to my work schedule, working nights/ sleeping through the day, I find it hard to connect with most anyone on any chat site, or group.

Originally Posted by KasperBlue

@ Bluebicycle - What do you mean "because your not "out""? Ive heard of these places, yet due to my work schedule, working nights/ sleeping through the day, I find it hard to connect with most anyone on any chat site, or group.

What I mean is I haven't told anybody at work that I have bipolar. I work a desk job and some of my co-workers have made fun of people with schizophrenia. (I don't have schizophrenia, but I do have psychosis that occurs independent of mood episodes, so it's kinda like they're making fun of me without realizing it.)

Not sure what to suggest for support then. Sounds like your schedule makes things difficult.

You could try meetup.com to find some night owls like yourself. Lots of people like to do events at night anyways, rather than during the day.