Giddy's Thoughts #1

(copied from check in thread. it's important I track my posts right now, but also get more readers in the check in.)

So I've finally gotten a therapist, but it's only for 3 sessions per issue ("case") for free...and it's complicated. But I started last week and have another one scheduled for this week and I'm discussing marital stuff first. Then will work on more personal issues. It's stressful, but t seems nice and is accommodating to my needs.

In other news, talked with GP again. The main takeaway is he's increasing my Zoloft from 100 to 150mg daily to combat any extra anxiety as well as my OCD tics (BFRBs). I didn't even think of it during the session, and I'm not too worried because I've been symptom free for awhile now on Zoloft and even my "symptoms" were apparently not problematic, but am just giving a heads up to folks who know me/my situation that I might have some changes...if I really am on the bipolar spectrum. So kinda just a heads up and that I might be checking in more because of this.

In other news, I'm ever so slightly concerned ...no, i don't even want to say it. Let's just say that i've had a stye for a couple of weeks and have been fatigued past few days. Stye is a bit concerning because of it's length, but it gets better, but the fatigue is likely just PMS. (started my cycle 5 days early this month. wth?!)

Um...I'm going to start my own personal writing challenge tomorrow and for the month of June. The official CampNanowrimo is in July as it turns out, but I'm ready to go now. Might do both months, or might just do it this month and skip the official one. At any rate, my creative juices have been staying pretty good this whole year, so that's good. I've also been coloring in my Mandala coloring book.

Not really much else. I'm pretty boring and well, Covid doesn't help matters either. Just do a lot of tv and movie watching.

-----------------------------------------Now for the Official Update--------------

So yeah, she got my email (I sent her the list of areas where I might set some boundaries in my marriage). Apologized for not writing back and was even super appreciative how I said I didn't want to cross any boundaries by writing when not necessary, but that she was actually completely fine with me if I sent her things in between sessions, as long as I didn't have expectations for an urgent response. Totally fair! She's been super accommodating! And even at the end of the session, she said I could try to arrange last minute sessions, any time and any day (except Sunday) and she'd do her best to make it happen. So cool, right?!

Now the nitty gritty. (and I will still try to keep this short). We discussed a few of the points; stuff that was of most concern right now. She did actually read it beforehand and said they were all good things to address though. But so we did discuss at length some, and part of the discussion centered around my feelings and anxieties and how experiences with my Dad in the past were sometimes similar and sometimes different than my husband and the irony about how my husband isn't the biggest fan of my Dad either, and kind of inferred that Dad doesn't always agree with H's ways either and how I'm stuck in the middle. My relationship with my parents, especially Mom, but both, is very important to me, but H wants to protect me from the toxicity of my Dad. I understand the concern, but I also, as i said, want to see more of Mom (again, not counting pandemic crap). Complicated.

She also asked about my relationship with my sister. Said we were close, but I couldn't talk about some things (like personal marital matters) with her for fear of judgment and or gossip. Not that sis would intentionally gossip, but she talks a lot. And she can be judgey with other things...like how people dress, or if they act kind of carefree she seems to make us feel like we're kinda wild and she'd never do that...in a way though, these are good things. If I'm concerned about whether I'm being a little "out there", she can return me to center. Anyway...

but the basic idea is that I really don't have anyone to really talk to about serious matters, not family, not husband, and I need that. I need this therapy...and so next session, we are going to talk about how I can express just how very important this is for me to my husband and how I really need it...it's to be proactive to save the marriage, not to make us even more distant. I really really hope she can help me feel comfortable making that conversation happen and that I do it and that it goes well. It's scary! I don't think he would, but if H left me because I was going to therapy...I mean, omg! How crazy would that be! And I don't want him to, and I really do appreciate the bounty of good things I have with him, and even recognized and told T just how good things have been over the last 2 weeks with just a couple of concerns, but no fighting and so I know things CAN be good...it's just H has to want it. I really hope he does.

edit: completely forgot to mention on there [here] (guess I'll add it now) i still haven't started my med increase. H went to the pharmacy today, but it was closed, probably due to the riots/protesting. sigh! sad and scary times!

Do you feel supported on here?

I’m genuinely curious. I don’t always read your posts (due to my own triggers)

I just want to say I’m glad you’ve found a therapist. That is a great, positive step