Bipolar check-in #42

Completely wiped out and exhausted. Slept all day yesterday, all night, got up at 4, then, immediately went back to bed because I could not stay awake. Maybe I am just getting caught up on the last several months of sleep deprivation. Maybe I am crashing a bit due to the recent addition and big doses of Dpeakote and Thorazine and so forth. I dunno.

Anyway, not judging myself. Wanted to ride this morning but just could not make it happen. I am going to do what I can do. Whatever that is. Hopefully, not as blue and sort of hopeless as yesterday was--it was fairly difficult.

Sending euthymia and peace and love to all!!!!

bpcyclist, I second your sentiments. Hopefully not as blue.
Yesterday my in-laws came for lunch, bringing a bunch of food for us. I very much appreciate the gesture, but my MIL being fanatical about fresh food has given us more than we'll consume. I have no doubt that much of it will go bad before we can eat it. I have past experience to support this. So here I am grateful, yet frustrated. ... and feeling guilt over the frustration.

My wife is doing psych research today with 4 groups, 3 study groups and the control group. So she's away for the first half of the day. I need to find an activity that doesn't involve throwing things out. On the other hand, getting rid of things could help toward the move. ...

bpcyclist, I hope your mood evens out shortly. Long depressions after manias are not givens. Sometimes the pendulum swings a little the other way before settling in the right place.

Daonnachd, can you freeze some of the food? That's nice that your in-laws were so thoughtful.

Hubby and I went to his barber downtown to get his hair cut. While hubby was getting his cut, a good friend and one of her friends happened to be downtown and spotted him. She's the friend that invited us for Chinese New year dinner. We really like her so much! She's a bundle of positivity and exhuberance.

Upon returning home, we saw that our new neighbors were home. I told hubby that we should stop procrastinating and introduce ourselves. Immediately! I actually made a batch of vanilla crescent cookies just for that purpose. I hope they like them. They're freaking good! We introduced ourselves and gave the lady the cookies and a bottle of wine. Her husband was visible, but didn't come to the door, but her little girl (maybe 4 years old) did, but was clearly shy. The lady seemed happy about our welcome and introduction. I'm almost certain they are Chinese, but I didn't speak any Chinese. I'm wondering if the husband perhaps speaks little English. We'll eventually find out. She didn't invite us in, but I didn't expect that and was even a bit relieved she didn't. I'm glad the first introduction is over with.

Many people in the area I live now barely know their neighbors. That wasn't the case in my childhood hometown, in the same state. Things have changed over the years. We kind of followed my Czech husband's tradition of introduction.

Had a great night last night celebrating my up coming Birthday but have felt really rubbish for roughly 24 hours. Sever neck, skull, head pain. Eyes are killing me. Feeling sick constantly. Have been having a lot of dizzy spells. Generally feeling quite pants. But maintained to enjoy myself last night and I did. I've slept about 4 hours and then slept 2 more in the afternoon as soon as I had lunch. I must peak too early. I felt better after my nap. Fast forward 3 hours and I'm gone. I'm shattered, sore, aching, feeling really icky and dizzy continuously. I hope the docs can sort me out. Seeing the nurse tomorrow to get a home monitoring BP machine. If this is all BP related then fine I can take meds for it. But if this is yo do with the lesion on my brain then I'm unsure what can be done

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Laura Had a great night last night celebrating my up coming Birthday but have felt really rubbish for roughly 24 hours. Sever neck, skull, head pain. Eyes are killing me. Feeling sick constantly. Have been having a lot of dizzy spells. Generally feeling quite pants. But maintained to enjoy myself last night and I did. I've slept about 4 hours and then slept 2 more in the afternoon as soon as I had lunch. I must peak too early. I felt better after my nap. Fast forward 3 hours and I'm gone. I'm shattered, sore, aching, feeling really icky and dizzy continuously. I hope the docs can sort me out. Seeing the nurse tomorrow to get a home monitoring BP machine. If this is all BP related then fine I can take meds for it. But if this is yo do with the lesion on my brain then I'm unsure what can be done

That sounds miserable. I truly hope you're feeling better very soon. It does sound like there could be BP symptoms going on. I had quite high BP, had no idea. Felt odd in my head, many heaches, extremely exhausted, just ill in general. I thought it was psych med side effects. Well, come to find my BP was quite high. I take Amlodipine for the BP and what do you know...all those odd, "sick" feelings went away.`

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer Hubby and I went to his barber downtown to get his hair cut. While hubby was getting his cut, a good friend and one of her friends happened to be downtown and spotted him. She's the friend that invited us for Chinese New year dinner. We really like her so much! She's a bundle of positivity and exhuberance. Upon returning home, we saw that our new neighbors were home. I told hubby that we should stop procrastinating and introduce ourselves. Immediately! I actually made a batch of vanilla crescent cookies just for that purpose. I hope they like them. They're freaking good! We introduced ourselves and gave the lady the cookies and a bottle of wine. Her husband was visible, but didn't come to the door, but her little girl (maybe 4 years old) did, but was clearly shy. The lady seemed happy about our welcome and introduction. I'm almost certain they are Chinese, but I didn't speak any Chinese. I'm wondering if the husband perhaps speaks little English. We'll eventually find out. She didn't invite us in, but I didn't expect that and was even a bit relieved she didn't. I'm glad the first introduction is over with. Many people in the area I live now barely know their neighbors. That wasn't the case in my childhood hometown, in the same state. Things have changed over the years. We kind of followed my Czech husband's tradition of introduction.

I grew up in a typical 1970's American suburban neighborhood. There was a group of ladies that were appointed by the neighborhood Association to be the "Welcoming Committee." They'd bring a basket of goodies and such to new neighbors. And, of course, pick up all the latest gossip...

The strawberries and honeydew melon need to be out to mature. The melon will be fine, but the problem with the strawberries is that mold matures at a faster rate than the berries will do. The apples I'll eat pretty quickly. Bananas will go into smoothies in just a couple of days, probably the blueberries, too. The mandarins would burst if frozen. Ah! The mangoes I can freeze. Good idea.

I'm getting rid of books. History books to my best friend who is also a history nerd like me. Science books to a friend who is a biology professor. Religion books to a friend who is purely very spiritual. Lit books will go to one of my former students who now teaches English in secondary school. PURGE!

I am exhausted. I was up very late last night worrying. I even took klonopin and while it calmed my heart rate, it didn’t help me sleep. I was worrying about my debt, how I could make money, etc. it was terrible. I think I finally fell asleep around 2am. At least I got to sleep in today.

My kitty is home from the hospital. He’s still straining to urinate but he’s alert. I hope it’ll go away. I don’t want to have to put him down.

I see my pdoc on Tuesday. I’m not going to tell her I already stopped the haldol; rather I’m going to “ask” her if I can try stopping it because of the jaw twitches. I have not had any twitches since I stopped the haldol. And I have not any psychotic symptoms, which makes sense because I only get psychotic in mood episodes and I haven’t had an episode since September.

Secretly, I am considering weaning off of depakote as well to see if I can manage on lamictal alone. I primarily suffer from depression, and I don’t really do anything dangerous when hypomania except maybe shop a bit more. Which I won’t do, considering how little I make. The depakote didn’t do much to prevent the hypomania episode I had two years ago, either. So I want to see if I can manage on just one med. I know I can’t manage on no meds. I’ve tried that many times and it has been disastrous. But maybe, just maybe, I can do with one. Don’t call me stupid, please.

Sounds like a fruit paradise, to me! The strawberries would only last two or three days max, in my house. Mandarin oranges should last several days in your fridge. It might be a good opportunity to consider following my 2-veggie/fruit per meal policy If you like to bake or make nice meals, I can certainly offer some ideas for how use all of that fruit. My husband is a fruit maniac (excuse the use of this word).

I would greatly appreciate any ideas you've got. We have a lot of fruit to use. I just made smoothies for lunch using some of the bananas and blueberries (with a little honey to sweeten it up). PM would be fine.

I am so sorry, Miss Laura. It is very, very important that at your visit tomorrow, you tell that nurse absolutely everything that has been going on with you. Maybe try to write it down today/tonight/in the morning so you can remember more easily. I have found that when I am really struggling with something, it is more difficut to recall everything.

So, please tell her the entire story. They will take care of you. I am certain of it.

Sending you pain and nausea releif and comfort and peace.

Hey, you guys-- I am transported back to a number of delicious casseroles...

You can use quite a few blueberries making some yummy blueberry/buttermilk pancakes. Yum!!!!

I applaud your stopping the Haldol, given what was going on. But remember, this disease/disorder/whatever it is can change as we get older. In my case, in my younger years (I am now 55), it was depression-centered. In the middle, it was really bad mania. Now, years later, my bipolar 1 is clearly in a major psychotic era. I get psychotic all the time now, depsite being on Abilify and Thorazine and a bunch of other crap. It is not a static process in some folks, so just remember that. The past is not always the best predictor of the future in bipolar disorder.

Thanks, she will know what's been going on as the hospital have requested this to be done before I actually see her again on 6th. I will tell her my symptoms purely for the fact its massively impacting on my life and it's very sore. Also I can't keep going on like this as I'm miserable. The meds they gave me aren't working I'm on Codeine, Naproxen and Paracetamol.

I know this doesn't mean much, but it pisses me off. Some jackass at my company sent an email to a bunch of people thanking my former boss for being "inspirational." This douchebag of a boss promised me a promotion and a raise, but gave me neither of them after I complained about one of his favorite employees he managed. He also took money off of my bonus for every minute I was late to a meeting. For example, if I had a conference call at 10am and I showed up at 10:01am, he'd take $100 off my bonus. It didn't matter if my phone or my computer wasn't working; I still got money taken off my bonus. And the amount of bonus money was eligible for was not that much in the first place. Then he treated me like dogshit by giving me projects he knew I couldn't do. It was no coincidence, as all of this happened after I complained.

I don't know how/why my boss still works for my company. I thought he was fired. Or maybe he was just scolded. I don't know. My current boss vouched for me and reported him. (This was like 3 years ago, though.) But I pretty much lost $700 off my bonus because I showed up for a meeting 7 mins late. I was taking care of my grandma who had dementia and needed help going to the bathroom. But no, he didn't care. He's a f**ing sack of s***.

In my experience, when people like this douchebag continue to get promoted, it is almost always as a result of being tight with someone in a more lofty position with serious authority and power. Someone has his back. That's the problem, usually.

Whenever I hear about horrible bosses I think of Frank burns on MASH, he went totally off the rails but got promoted. Seems like there's a frank burns in every company.

Amazon says my new (used) book won't be arriving until the latest date they quoted- the 14th. Maybe it will come earlier anyway.

Laying in bed listening to a different CD. Its relaxing.

Speaking of relaxing Im at the end of "Manic". Too bad- I was wanting to start "Electro Boy" right after.

Wednesday, I have a check up with my liver dr. He's going to scold me for not being thin. And why is there a 7 pound discrepancy between drs scales and my home scale? Stupid home scale. Of course they weigh me in my coat and steel-toed boots...

Waiting for N3 to get home but I bet it wont be until 9ish.

Went to lunch with my friend today. No exciting conversation. Feel its a waste of money if I don't have a good time.

I'm in my pajamas waiting to switch over the laundry.

My best friend went to key west Wednesday. Should be back sometime today as he works tomorrow.