Bipolar check-in #43

Morning all. Happy Wednesday.
Dr managed to speak to my husband this morning and it’s all confirmed for discharge tomorrow.
Yay! I’m so pleased.

Still kicking around...

Hubby is anxious about Covid19, so I humored him a bit. We’re still dealing with the flu that’s way more common now. Staying inside a lot is not helping my mood any, especially when it’s dark and rainy. I just want to get away from the house.

Otherwise I’m okay and doing the usual things.

Love to all!

That sounds very difficult, and potentially dangerous. If your mood is all over the place I would suggest you consider that program to keep you safe, monitored, and to get effective treatment quicker. I am sorry you are going though this.

My parents are being wonderful and driving me to university and appointments to take some of the physical and mental load off so I can keep studying. The Fibromyalgia has been pretty bad. I can grit it through the pain and other awful symptoms, but can't drive when really dizzy. I feel like I am crawling through a haze this week. Pushing on in hope that this flare-up will pass in time for me to continue with both my units at university. So far I am keeping up with the workload, but it is increasing fast now I am in second week of semester. I am loving my units. One should be pretty easy to get good marks in. The other is journalism, which will be much more difficult and time consuming. I will have to do many interviews to write articles. I have a few ideas of topics. I think there are three news articles, weekly quizzes on the news, and a feature article to do in the next 12 weeks. It should be fun if my health plays ball.

I am so thankful for my parents. The whole covid-19 virus thing has me worried for them as they both have health issues. I will do all I can to care for them if things get bad. So far the panic in my city is much more dangerous than the virus. People are already cleaning out shelves in shops. We are heading into our flu season down here in Australia so it's bad timing. I am hoping it will blow over but I can't help but wonder what I will do if things get bad. Our health system is already overwhelmed by standard issues. I have no idea how they play to care for the extra load of patients. My main worry is getting mentally ill and not being able to get hospitalised if I am unsafe. Sigh, I should try and relax. Studying journalism prevents me from avoiding the news.

Wishing you all good health, and sending hugs to those who are hurting.

Fharraige- Hey! Nice to see you again! Sorry that you folks are/have been sick and hopefully that clears up soon. Good to hear you're doing ok otherwise though! <3

If anyone prays Please send some to Nashville ... it was hit by 2 EF3 tornados last night.

Thus far 25 confirmed deaths, a whole family , Mom Dad and 2 young children can’t be found..likely 70 + people are missing

It looks like a war zone, the mass destruction I’m unable to wrap my mind about it. I am constantly nauseous seeing pictures and video. But it’s almost impossible not to watch. So many places I have gone to are literally just gone , wiped off the earth.

In other news. I am dealing with some life altering things in my life in the last few weeks ... My blood pressure is horribly high , heart rate 120+ I have a constant high anxiety running and I’m almost always on the verge of a panic attack.. this is ALL situational.... more medical appts coming up , but hurry and wait. The ground feels like it’s cracking under my feet. I have not been able to take a deep breath in weeks , no amount of breathing or coping skills are helping. My Xanax is doing very little if anything.

I see my T tomorrow thank god. I am visibly shaking.

There is huge amount of unknowns but yet there is some really awful things possibly coming down the road... timing is unknown.

I. am. just. terrified.

Christina, sorry things are so hard right now. I am glad you are seeing your therapist tomorrow.

Situational stuff can be harder than the regular stuff, at least for me. I hope it clears up soon.

Please let us know if we can do anything or how we can be more specifically supportive. I am praying for Nashville and for you as well.

All involved in those horrific tornados are in my thoughts, as are you while you continue to suffer so badly. I am not a person who prays in the exact sense, but I do send comfort and healing vibes as best I can. I hope your T can help you out, and that the future holds some bursts of joy amidst the pain.

I had a great appointment with a therapist today.

I'm sorry I didn't respond last night. I fell asleep and closed the tab accidentally so I just forgot and had no reminder.

Thank you for the support. To be fair I've been a little slower than recommended but I've felt safer giving things 5 days than 3. Sometimes I've been fine until day 4 and then it just turned out to have been my being over-zealous with eating newly added fruits.

But you're right, it is a hard diet and I don't know how many people would willingly do it. I think all the years of trials and errors with meds has made me more patient with such things.

Anyway, I just wanted to answer because I really appreciated this post. You need a lot more than I do right now so thank you for making me happy and I hope that the same happens for you.

That's great Whatever 2013! Was this a first visit?

Thank you

Thank you

(((((( Christina ))))))

Love you more than words. Praying for you. It's my pleasure to support you through very difficult times.

A warm hello to all,

I have been plugging along. Not much to say.

Trying to cope with many injuries from a fall down a long staircase on Sunday. Two black eyes from multiple blows too the head. Trying to get around on crutches.
Days 2 and 3 (today) have been much more difficult than day 1.

I am very lucky in that I have no broken bones .

Love to All!

Panda

I go back to work today. I shouldn’t complain since I’ve had so many days off (3 days). I went to HR and got papers filled out to maybe get accommodations for my anxiety. It’s a risky move because I feel I already have a stigma, but I just don’t think I can handle this job. I’m trying with all my might to do it, but it’s hard. I’m nervous now just thinking about it. The Klonopin doesn’t seem to help. I don’t notice any difference in my anxiety level when I take it, so that was a bust. It was my lifeline, my last resort. I was hoping to have a meeting with HR before I went back to work (I was off my scheduled days) but I haven’t heard from back from her. It is what it is I guess.
When you just inherently don’t feel right, what do you do? These last few days I can’t sit, sleep, eat, or do anything and feel comfortable. I find myself pacing just wishing one activity would feel “relaxing”. I am not doing well with it. My therapist I think is running out of things to help me. His last message to me was basically “keep on truckin’!’ – Ok, so I simplified a little too much. Essentially it was as long as I’m putting one foot in front of the other I’m moving forward, and that’s a plus.

I’m afraid of the repercussions at home for quitting, but I don’t know how much longer I can torture myself with this work. I just want to cry thinking about it. Not contributing to my own needs is a burden on everyone else. I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in a dark place away from everyone.
All of you are very kind to read these messages and give support. I appreciate that. Sometimes it’s just nice to know you’re being heard by someone.

Oh no! That's awful WC... you're right it could have been worse. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself. I hope your Mom can help you in some way.

Oh my! I'm so sorry you were injured. Stairs can be dangerous! I'm glad you didn't break a bone. Did you go to the doctor? Given your head blows, please be certain you didn't get a concussion.

Yesterday I took some prn Seroquel regular on top of my usual meds, to kind of tone done my growing upswing. The night before that I had taken prn Ativan to help with sleep. In both cases, the prns helped achieve the desired effects. This morning I feel quite level in mood, but have a sinus headache. The headache isn't that bad.

When I saw my therapist yesterday she wanted me to call my psychiatrist when I got home. I decided not to. I'm glad I didn't considering this morning. I see my psychiatrist this afternoon. I will tell him about my mild upswing, but am hoping I won't have a medication increase.

I've been overeating lately. It is like self-medication. I had actually started to drink double the amount of wine/beer as usual, which nowadays isn't that much, but it is too much for me and on my medications. Last night I didn't drink anything but water, coffee, and orange juice. I'll try to stick to this for a while.

I will keep Tennessee and you in my thoughts. Sending healing purple vibes to both.