Bipolar check-in #43

*Beth* · Mar 04, 2020 at 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

My ECT was scheduled for this Friday, the 6th, but the office just called to say we can't do it with my medical clearance expired. Now I'm looking at pushing my treatment out to the 20th because I have to get an EKG for the clearance paperwork.

That so sucks. I'm sorry.

My check-in...I had terrible insomnia last night following a bad panic attack...that turned into an all-night panic in which I was terrified/convinced that my youngest cat was sick. I was so frightened that I took him to the vet this morning and thank the universe, he's fine. It's me who is nuts.

All the meds, all the therapy, and still I'm paralyzed with relentless anxiety and panic. Worked so hard overnight to breathe, reframe, refocus, you name it. Tiny success with breathing, but nothing measurable.

Appointment with podiatrist. Surgery is the next step (pun intended). Remove bone spur on achilles tendon, clean the tendon. Recuperation will be slow, but I have my fingers & toes crossed and prayers to the creator said that when full recuperation is done normal movement will be restored - without pain.

I just want a night's sleep tonight. Oh, and my T cancelled for tomorrow. Not unusual; she cancels one session in ten.

Moose72 · Mar 04, 2020 at 09:43 PM

Feelin great! Full belly, comfy pajamas, watching a nature show, fresh sheets, squishy comforter, teeth brushed, lights out... I feel dozey which is nice.

Goodnight, all! I'm up at 5 again.

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 10:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

A warm hello to all,

I have been plugging along. Not much to say.

Trying to cope with many injuries from a fall down a long staircase on Sunday. Two black eyes from multiple blows too the head. Trying to get around on crutches.

Days 2 and 3 (today) have been much more difficult than day 1.

I am very lucky in that I have no broken bones .

Love to All!

Panda

You know how sorry and sad I am that this happened

But your sharing your panda eyes with me the other day ? I’m sorry I am just getting a chuckle out of it

in the most supportive way of course

Love you so much

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 10:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius

I go back to work today. I shouldn’t complain since I’ve had so many days off (3 days). I went to HR and got papers filled out to maybe get accommodations for my anxiety. It’s a risky move because I feel I already have a stigma, but I just don’t think I can handle this job. I’m trying with all my might to do it, but it’s hard. I’m nervous now just thinking about it. The Klonopin doesn’t seem to help. I don’t notice any difference in my anxiety level when I take it, so that was a bust. It was my lifeline, my last resort. I was hoping to have a meeting with HR before I went back to work (I was off my scheduled days) but I haven’t heard from back from her. It is what it is I guess.
When you just inherently don’t feel right, what do you do? These last few days I can’t sit, sleep, eat, or do anything and feel comfortable. I find myself pacing just wishing one activity would feel “relaxing”. I am not doing well with it. My therapist I think is running out of things to help me. His last message to me was basically “keep on truckin’!’ – Ok, so I simplified a little too much. Essentially it was as long as I’m putting one foot in front of the other I’m moving forward, and that’s a plus.

I’m afraid of the repercussions at home for quitting, but I don’t know how much longer I can torture myself with this work. I just want to cry thinking about it. Not contributing to my own needs is a burden on everyone else. I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in a dark place away from everyone.
All of you are very kind to read these messages and give support. I appreciate that. Sometimes it’s just nice to know you’re being heard by someone.

I hope things will settle down. You will get accommodations needed.

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

I will keep Tennessee and you in my thoughts. Sending healing purple vibes to both.

Thank you

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirdDancer

Christina, that sounds so scary. Everything you mentioned! The tornado makes the current status of the COVID-19 in the US seem like nothing. I hope the people are found OK.

I'm glad you are soon seeing your T. I know that he is very helpful for you.

Thank you

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Love and healing vibes to all

Panda

~ Christina

Thank you

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Oh, Christina!!!!! Many, many hugs and much love your way!!!!! Kind of at a loss for words...

Thank you

BeyondtheRainbow · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:04 PM

Today is the one year anniversary of my father's death. It's weird. I have so many complicated thoughts about him. But it's still sad. I've been distracted all day, not by thoughts of him, but just in general. I even forgot I was going to go to a church thing tonight.

I think my washer broke which will be expensive to repair I'm sure. And it won't be fixed by the store I bought it from as they went out of business locally so I'll use the one local appliance repairman. I should get on his schedule for about 2 months out based on my mom's experience. I'm hoping if I try again it will magically spin.

My mom is coming to help clean tomorrow. I have been depressed and not doing a great job with the housework. So I've been trying to fix the disorganization at least somewhat before she's here.

Anyway I think I can fall asleep and if I can that's fantastic.

Good night and thoughts/prayers to all who need them.

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

That so sucks. I'm sorry.

My check-in...I had terrible insomnia last night following a bad panic attack...that turned into an all-night panic in which I was terrified/convinced that my youngest cat was sick. I was so frightened that I took him to the vet this morning and thank the universe, he's fine. It's me who is nuts.

All the meds, all the therapy, and still I'm paralyzed with relentless anxiety and panic. Worked so hard overnight to breathe, reframe, refocus, you name it. Tiny success with breathing, but nothing measurable.

Appointment with podiatrist. Surgery is the next step (pun intended). Remove bone spur on achilles tendon, clean the tendon. Recuperation will be slow, but I have my fingers & toes crossed and prayers to the creator said that when full recuperation is done normal movement will be restored - without pain.

I just want a night's sleep tonight. Oh, and my T cancelled for tomorrow. Not unusual; she cancels one session in ten.

Hope your feeling better soon

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Today is the one year anniversary of my father's death. It's weird. I have so many complicated thoughts about him. But it's still sad. I've been distracted all day, not by thoughts of him, but just in general. I even forgot I was going to go to a church thing tonight.

I think my washer broke which will be expensive to repair I'm sure. And it won't be fixed by the store I bought it from as they went out of business locally so I'll use the one local appliance repairman. I should get on his schedule for about 2 months out based on my mom's experience. I'm hoping if I try again it will magically spin.

My mom is coming to help clean tomorrow. I have been depressed and not doing a great job with the housework. So I've been trying to fix the disorganization at least somewhat before she's here.

Anyway I think I can fall asleep and if I can that's fantastic.

Good night and thoughts/prayers to all who need them.

Anniversaries are hard despite what kind

I’m going to hope that the washer is an easy cheap fix

~Christina · Mar 04, 2020 at 11:43 PM

More people have died, many others in critical care, blood shortages , still dozens missing. The pictures and videos are just shocking.. one home all the walls were gone except that of a young girls , she had drawn or painted a tree on , it stood tall.. lots of strange examples of the truly unexplainable. I hope they find more survivors.

Today families are telling there stories, stories of the horror, there moment of joy when they realized there family and loved ones are alive.

Tennessee is called the Volunteer state and it is exactly that.

People not effected are bringing there food trucks into areas to feed anyone thats hungry for free. Truck loads of water, thousands of people are coming into the path of tornados and helping to move debris, finding personal items , all being organized by area. Shelters and vets offices staff are out picking up pets lost in the storm, being treated for injuries.

The beautiful American Flag is being hung on parts of buildings or homes with something still standing if just a chimney ..

There is no politics going on, no one cares. People just helping people. AirBnbs are putting up displaced families in need for free, hotels are giving anyone rooms. Clothing , baby needs, personal products ... everything is being given.

It’s sad that a disaster has to happen for community’s to come together.

I saw my T today.. Just sitting in his office was a comfort. My life is likely to become unbelievably complicated.

Hugs friends

BeyondtheRainbow · Mar 05, 2020 at 03:35 AM

A new thread is started at bipolar Check-in #44. I've requested this one be closed to decrease confusion.

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Bipolar check-in #43

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BeyondtheRainbow Wise Elder Member Since Apr 2015 Location: US Posts: 9,658 (SuperPoster!) 9 11.8k hugs given	Mar 05, 2020 at 03:35 AM #993 A new thread is started at bipolar Check-in #44. I've requested this one be closed to decrease confusion. __________________ Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily