I had a panic attack when I woke up this morning. For some reason, I thought a lamp in my room was an intruder watching over me while I was sleeping. Now mind you, this lamp has been sitting on my dresser since I moved in exactly 2 years ago and I always see it when I wake up. But basically, I opened my eyes and went, "HOLY SH_T." Then I scrambled out of bed and went, "oh, just a lamp..." (It's a bronze lamp with a black shade, and is rather large, and I thought the black part was someone's hair.)

Am I starting to experience paranoia? I haven't been taking my AP. It's been about a week since I stopped taking it.

Normally when I get paranoia, I believe that I am being watched/stalked. Then I start to think that people have installed hidden cameras and are watching me. I may also get extremely delusional and think that the government is after me (although that is a rare occurrence for me even when in psychosis).

[SorryShaped]

Why did you stop taking your AP?

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Why did you stop taking your AP?

Severe akathisia and my pdoc wasn't helping when I reached out. He has an "assistant" who kept brushing me off and refusing to make an appointment for me. I couldn't talk to him because she is the barrier.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I had a panic attack when I woke up this morning. For some reason, I thought a lamp in my room was an intruder watching over me while I was sleeping. Now mind you, this lamp has been sitting on my dresser since I moved in exactly 2 years ago and I always see it when I wake up. But basically, I opened my eyes and went, "HOLY SH_T." Then I scrambled out of bed and went, "oh, just a lamp..." (It's a bronze lamp with a black shade, and is rather large, and I thought the black part was someone's hair.)

Am I starting to experience paranoia? I haven't been taking my AP. It's been about a week since I stopped taking it.

Normally when I get paranoia, I believe that I am being watched/stalked. Then I start to think that people have installed hidden cameras and are watching me. I may also get extremely delusional and think that the government is after me (although that is a rare occurrence for me even when in psychosis).

I get the same thing, blue. I wonder if it continues while you are awake, or if it is just going to be sort of while half-asleep. If you were really sort of still asleep, I personally would be less concerned, myself. Maybe just the tail end of a weird dream or something.

That said, it is always possible for folks like us to get psychotic, especially when off meds, so try to be aware of what is happening with you today. See if those old paranoid/delusional thoughts are creeping in. Pay attention. And if they are, reach out. Ask for help. Hopefully, it was just the end of a weird sleep.

Sending you calm and peace!!!! Have a great day!!!!

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I get the same thing, blue. I wonder if it continues while you are awake, or if it is just going to be sort of while half-asleep. If you were really sort of still asleep, I personally would be less concerned, myself. Maybe just the tail end of a weird dream or something.

That said, it is always possible for folks like us to get psychotic, especially when off meds, so try to be aware of what is happening with you today. See if those old paranoid/delusional thoughts are creeping in. Pay attention. And if they are, reach out. Ask for help. Hopefully, it was just the end of a weird sleep.

Sending you calm and peace!!!! Have a great day!!!!

Yeah, it's possible it was the tail end of a dream. If it was, though, I certainly don't remember it. Still, I am feeling especially panicky and anxious right now. I guess I am just nervous for no reason. A nervous energy. I wish I could pinpoint why I am shaky.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Blue,

This must have been quite scary!
When there is a stimulus erroneously perceived, it's technically called an "illusion."

Someone might say don't be concerned about an illusion.
I do believe you have illusions when you are very close to experiencing psychosis. I recall you having reported this before.
Either way, when pairing the fact you've needed to give up your AP with experiencing an illusion, I advise being watchful for additional signs/symptoms.

You also, when becoming psychotic, are convinced you have a special mission for saving the earth/humanity.
I mention this only because this might help you to identify if/when you might be experience your usual type of a delusion.

If you become psychotic, what's your plan?

Love ya!

[SorryShaped]

Fwiw, I frequently have panic attacks while sleeping or waking up, even when I was fairly stable it happened a lot.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Hi Blue,

This must have been quite scary!
When there is a stimulus erroneously perceived, it's technically called an "illusion."

Someone might say don't be concerned about an illusion.
I do believe you have illusions when you are very close to experiencing psychosis. I recall you having reported this before.
Either way, when pairing the fact you've needed to give up your AP with experiencing an illusion, I advise being watchful for additional signs/symptoms.

You also, when becoming psychotic, are convinced you have a special mission for saving the earth/humanity.
I mention this only because this might help you to identify if/when you might be experience your usual type of a delusion.

If you become psychotic, what's your plan?

Love ya!

Thanks, WC.

I don't have any plans for handling psychosis. I have an appt with my pdoc (finally) on Monday midday, so I'm just trying to hold out until then. I can call the after hours service, but they suck. There's a 90% chance they'll say it's "not an emergency." (I seriously don't understand what constitutes an "emergency" these days. It's like no matter what you say, they say it's not an emergency and they won't connect you. Even that time I puked up all my meds 5 mins after I swallowed them (because I gagged) and I wanted to know if it was safe to take them again, they were like, "this is not an emergency. Leave a voicemail for your doctor and they'll get back to you later." WTF. Or when I'm experiencing withdrawal from something because my pdoc forgot to give me an Rx, they're like, "it's the weekend and we don't allow asking for prescriptions. Call back on Monday during business hours if you want a prescription.")

So yep, no real plans. I've got no support on weekends. I don't even want to bother with the on-call psychologist because the answering service will just say my concerns are "not urgent" and to call back during normal business hours. *eye roll* My therapist says they shouldn't be doing that because they're just contractors and have no medical/therapy licenses or qualifications, but whether their BS is illegal or not, it doesn't matter because they're just going to do it anyway.

Yeah, this office is messed up. But, other offices don't take my insurance, so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm sure it could be much, much worse, though. I know there are some people who can only see a psychologist once every few months and same with pdocs, so I'm grateful that I can at least get an appt with my therapist every 2 weeks, and that she at least responds to her own phone calls (unlike my pdoc who has a brain dead "assistant").

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Fwiw, I frequently have panic attacks while sleeping or waking up, even when I was fairly stable it happened a lot.

Interesting. I rarely get panic attacks, and I don't think I've ever had a panic attack while waking up before. I'm just not used to them, I guess.

[fern46]

I think maybe some of the thought patterns that are present when you are in psychosis are coming up. That doesn't mean you're in psychosis though. You have good insight. You were able to quickly recognize it as a delusion. Maybe take the opportunity to explore what the feelings of being watched are all about for you. What do they represent? Why do they cause you so much fear?

I'm not discounting what WC offered. That was sage advice based on your patterns. I'm only suggesting that maybe you can work on these patterns a bit when you're in a state that allows them to come through to your world on a smaller scale than full blown psychosis.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

Severe akathisia and my pdoc wasn't helping when I reached out. He has an "assistant" who kept brushing me off and refusing to make an appointment for me. I couldn't talk to him because she is the barrier.

Hi blue,
Grrrrrr. I can relate to being brushed off when I had genuine concerns that required to be addressed. What is wrong with these “assistants”.. they are worse than clueless and useless. I wish I knew how to bypass them

Hugs and support from my cave to yours

[Moose72]

I'm sorry, blue, that your pdoc has to have a brainless "assistant" and that the after-hours people don't help either. The after-hours line is similar where I go- but they can dispatch someone to come to your house if you are suicidal. I had to do that recently. And my pdoc doesn't always call me back, either. Sometimes, she'll wait a day or more or not call back at all- depends on how big of an emergency she thinks I'm in. Its really frustrating. But there's always the psych emergency services I can call or go in to see someone there at the hospital. They deal with all sorts of things. The price is, though, that you have to wait HOURS and its usually in the evening which turns out to be overnight. They have a TV in the waiting room but that gets old fast.