Beth's Keeping Track Post

*Beth* · Dec 27, 2020 at 04:18 PM

So far, so good on the Lamictal decrease. It seems that (for now, anyway) 200mg is a good dose. The only uncomfortable sensation I have is that my legs feel shaky, not strong. From past experience, I suspect it's the Klonopin reduction that causes that symptom.

I'm still experiencing a degree of depression, but I believe it's more situational than biochemical. I'm quite happy staying in my apartment most of the time, but sheesh...almost 10 months of seclusion gets to me sometimes. Just a stroll around a store besides the grocery - and not having to wear a mask while doing so - would lift my spirits. A friend's father died on Christmas Eve; I would like to show her my support by attending his funeral service but, because of covid of course, I cannot.

I had a dream that I was conversing with Jack Kerouac. He was holding a small, furry Siamese cat. It was a wonderful dream.

It appears that possibly, my neighbors are moving. I hope they are. They're my only unfriendly neighbors, I get tired of saying Hi to a stone face.

*Beth* · Dec 31, 2020 at 06:11 PM

Ending 2020 on

200mg. Lamictal
18mg. Trilafon
100mg. Pristiq
200mg. Amantadine
2mg. Klonopin (except for the "withdrawal" days when I do 1.5mg.)

...and doing some great work with therapy.

*Beth* · Jan 01, 2021 at 07:18 AM

Forgot...
25mg. Seroquel and ZzzQuil at bedtime.
Sometimes 12.5mg. Seroquel, but that doesn't work for more than 1 night at a time.

The ZzzQuil is a problem. I don't want to keep taking it, but can't fall asleep if I don't.
Going to try melatonin 1 of these nights, but it hasn't ever done much for me.

Fuzzybear · Jan 04, 2021 at 09:45 AM

I'm sending hugs and love

*Beth* · Jan 04, 2021 at 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I'm sending hugs and love

Thank you so much, Fuzzy. Your support is very meaningful to me.

Fuzzybear · Jan 05, 2021 at 08:34 PM

Thinking of you

*Beth* · Jan 07, 2021 at 08:09 PM

Too sleepy and zoned out. All the time. I don't feel that I am myself. Somehow I have to address this with Dr. W. I keep losing my assertiveness with her - partly because of doing online appointments. I'm still finding that difficult.

Fuzzybear · Jan 08, 2021 at 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Too sleepy and zoned out. All the time. I don't feel that I am myself. Somehow I have to address this with Dr. W. I keep losing my assertiveness with her - partly because of doing online appointments. I'm still finding that difficult.

I don't care any more that they judge me (irl).... frankly they are such morons that their opinions are completely worthless..

Now if they would generously give me 5 minutes of their time..

Maybe I would be able to dazzle them with my social skills (sorry about the sarcasm... they are just so BORING over here and I do not think I ''should'' deny MY truth, that would be being a ''victim''_

It's hard to be assertive when they do not or cannot listen, for whatever reason. You have my empathy

*Beth* · Jan 08, 2021 at 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I don't care any more that they judge me (irl).... frankly they are such morons that their opinions are completely worthless..

Now if they would generously give me 5 minutes of their time..

Maybe I would be able to dazzle them with my social skills (sorry about the sarcasm... they are just so BORING over here and I do not think I ''should'' deny MY truth, that would be being a ''victim''_

It's hard to be assertive when they do not or cannot listen, for whatever reason. You have my empathy

Thank you, dear Fuzzy. And you have my empathy, too.

MuddyBoots · Jan 08, 2021 at 06:05 PM

Have you lost your assertiveness with your t too or just pdoc? Maybe your T could help with some tips or communicate directly with your pdoc?

*Beth* · Jan 08, 2021 at 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien

Have you lost your assertiveness with your t too or just pdoc? Maybe your T could help with some tips or communicate directly with your pdoc?

Good question, Sapien. I haven't been remarkably assertive with my therapist, either. Not like I was prior to telehealth. It's so difficult to communicate with them when I cannot use my entire body. In many ways it's easier to communicate by typing than by being on camera from neck up.

My T and my pdoc work together, so my T is aware of the reputation my pdoc has in the clinic for being a somewhat scary person. I'm not displeased with my pdoc, though...I just wish I could communicate more effectively with her. Actually, discussing it more serious with my T is a really good idea. Thank you!

*Beth* · Jan 14, 2021 at 08:33 PM

I'm fed up with:
blurred vision, sleepiness, lack of motivation, my eyelids feeling heavy and irritated, overheating/sweating.

Since I can't stop my Lamictal and I'm on just 200mg., and I can't stop my Pristiq, and I seem stuck with Seroquel (small amount) for sleep, I'm cutting way back on the Trilafon (AP). That way, I can also cut back on the Amantadine (for tremor). I've decreased quite a lot for 2 nights and haven't felt any negative effects. I have to figure out where I'm at with dosage; I don't even know.

Without sacrificing the holistic quality of my mental health, I absolutely cannot stand putting up with all these side effects anymore.

*Beth* · Jan 15, 2021 at 11:38 PM

I actually felt substantially better today. As in, alive and functioning. Alert. I'm thinking that perhaps I can decrease the Trilafon down to where I started, 2mg. Or maybe 4, max. I have a pdoc appointment on Tuesday, so I'll run all this by her.

*Beth* · Jan 17, 2021 at 05:38 PM

Trilafon - 2mg. last night, 2mg. this morning and I feel better than I have in a long time. I have energy, not falling asleep as much and can enjoy things, like music, again. I have thoughts and feelings.

The next one to go is the nighttime Seroquel. Melatonin or ZzzQuil has been more helpful.

But first I have to throw away this dorky, flat little wooden angel I still have hanging up from the holidays.

bizi · Jan 17, 2021 at 06:01 PM

WE finally took down the trees and put the decorations away. Hubby did a lot of owrk cutting off the lights from the smaller tree. they were broken would not light any more so we will get new lights next year.WE looked for a small tree and could not find any.

congratulations about decreasing the AP....watch for rebound hypomania. I got very psychotic discontinuing geodon in april of last year. Although I was in patient at the time and needed a med change. haldol is now my AP 5mg twice a day. occasionally I take a zyprexa 10mg disolvable at night if I can't sleep. Only then do I take requip for restless legs from the zyprexa. I have a good PDOC she is a nurse practitioner, we have only face time with each other for a few months now.
It is good that you feel better!
again be mindful of some potential hypomania...which can quickly switch to mania.
bizi

bizi · Jan 17, 2021 at 06:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Good question, Sapien. I haven't been remarkably assertive with my therapist, either. Not like I was prior to telehealth. It's so difficult to communicate with them when I cannot use my entire body. In many ways it's easier to communicate by typing than by being on camera from neck up.

Try moving your phone back if you are face timing. This way she can see more of you.
bizi

*Beth* · Jan 17, 2021 at 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi

Try moving your phone back if you are face timing. This way she can see more of you.
bizi

Thanks for your advice about rebound hypo, bizi. I use a desktop pc, but moving back will still work, I think. Good idea!

*Beth* · Jan 18, 2021 at 05:13 PM

bizi, your advice was wise. At only 4mg. of the AP (Trilafon) I had a helluva day yesterday, and not doing too well today either. It started out with feeling really happy and up. That lasted for a couple of days. Great, right?! But then something came along that annoyed me. I started feeling irritable, then angry, then too close to rage for comfort. "Happy" is gone. At this point I feel down, angry, discouraged. VERY moody and not stable, at all. I feel like I want to talk my head off, but there's no one here to talk to, except my cats, bless them.

I hate having to be on an AP. I really thought that *this time* I could do it. Well, no. So back up to 6mg. - minimum. I'll try the 6, see how that goes. At least I'm able to be honest with myself.

I want to thank you for your support and smarts.

*Beth* · Jan 19, 2021 at 07:03 PM

Pdoc appt. - she says I need to go up to 14mg. on the perphenazine (Trilafon). Decreased too much, too fast, she says. I'm sure she's correct.

I will do as directed, but I cannot (won't) tolerate being half-alive from the medication.

Fuzzybear · Jan 19, 2021 at 07:06 PM

I'm sending hugs and love

BethRags

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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Dec 31, 2020 at 06:11 PM #162 Ending 2020 on 200mg. Lamictal 18mg. Trilafon 100mg. Pristiq 200mg. Amantadine 2mg. Klonopin (except for the "withdrawal" days when I do 1.5mg.) ...and doing some great work with therapy. __________________
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 01, 2021 at 07:18 AM #163 Forgot... 25mg. Seroquel and ZzzQuil at bedtime. Sometimes 12.5mg. Seroquel, but that doesn't work for more than 1 night at a time. The ZzzQuil is a problem. I don't want to keep taking it, but can't fall asleep if I don't. Going to try melatonin 1 of these nights, but it hasn't ever done much for me. __________________
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,329 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jan 04, 2021 at 09:45 AM #164 I'm sending hugs and love __________________
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,329 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jan 05, 2021 at 08:34 PM #166 Thinking of you __________________
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 07, 2021 at 08:09 PM #167 Too sleepy and zoned out. All the time. I don't feel that I am myself. Somehow I have to address this with Dr. W. I keep losing my assertiveness with her - partly because of doing online appointments. I'm still finding that difficult. __________________
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MuddyBoots Monster on the Hill Member Since Sep 2020 Location: by the river Posts: 4,124 (SuperPoster!) 3 4,831 hugs given	Jan 08, 2021 at 06:05 PM #170 Have you lost your assertiveness with your t too or just pdoc? Maybe your T could help with some tips or communicate directly with your pdoc? __________________ Live life for nothing but that sweet sweet melody.
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 15, 2021 at 11:38 PM #173 I actually felt substantially better today. As in, alive and functioning. Alert. I'm thinking that perhaps I can decrease the Trilafon down to where I started, 2mg. Or maybe 4, max. I have a pdoc appointment on Tuesday, so I'll run all this by her. __________________
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Beth catches the flowers Member Since Jul 2019 Location: Downtown Vibes, California Posts: 15,701 (SuperPoster!) 4 23.7k hugs given	Jan 19, 2021 at 07:03 PM #179 Pdoc appt. - she says I need to go up to 14mg. on the perphenazine (Trilafon). Decreased too much, too fast, she says. I'm sure she's correct. I will do as directed, but I cannot (won't) tolerate being half-alive from the medication. __________________
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Fuzzybear Wisest Elder Ever Member Since Nov 2002 Location: Cave. Posts: 96,329 (SuperPoster!) 21 81.2k hugs given	Jan 19, 2021 at 07:06 PM #180 I'm sending hugs and love BethRags __________________
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