[Fuzzybear]

I was talking to someone who said that anger, especially their own, scares them.

I wonder about different peoples thoughts on this.

(sorry about another thread, I wanted to post this in the moment when I think of it)

Yes. I thought the violence was behind me, but apparently it's not.
Other people being angry scares me too because they become unpredictable.

[Tucson]

Its what I am capable of when I feel very angry that scares me. Fortunately, I recognize this, and I am working in it. For instance, my dog has been abused by a previous owner. So I have to make doubly sure that I do not intimidate her, and work to not even raise my voice at her. This can be very difficult for me to do,

[fern46]

Yes. Not the anger I know exists, but the anger that lives below the surface.

[Skeezyks]

Anger is something I have a lot of difficulty with. In my case, though, it doesn't so much scare me as make me very sad.

This is a little complex for me to answer. In short, I don't think I would use the word "scare" myself, in my case. My immediate blood family members all had tempers. I had and still have a temper. Some of the anger can become normalized for some people. It was, in my family. I wouldn't say that abuse was an issue in my family. It was just more hot-bloodedness. My husband's father and two of his sisters were similar, so my temper didn't seem that foreign to him.

I know that I have scared people outside of my family, as a result of rageful mania. One past therapist even called my psychiatrist and told him that I scared her. That ended that therapy relationship almost immediately afterwards. I also know that my anger has pushed past friends (and potential ones) away. Over the years, I've gained more insight into what they may have seen and felt. That has helped. Back then, I lacked that insight. Back then, I thought they were overly sensitive and unforgiving. Sometimes I thought my anger was fully warranted. Truth is, most all of my past anger was not really directed at people (or any living thing), but more at life's frustrations. "Frustration" was a word that went through my mind thousands of times. There were times when I raged that people got angry at me for it, but I got angry that they simply wouldn't let me get the frustration out. "Leave me be to rage!" I'd think. Certainly "stuffing it" wasn't healthy for me. Actually "stuffing it" was the most dangerous thing for me to do. For that reason, I never felt the anger released was bad.

With the insight into past anger, and anger that still crops up, I've realized the lack of control I sometimes have. I can't say that that scares me, but it still frustrates me. My moods, better regulated, have eased my anger, so has a more casual attitude.

When people show anger towards me, I rarely ever cower. I'm pretty tough, in that respect. However, rather than having an immediate anger response to anger, I can now better step back and see where it stems from. Stepping away (time out), deescalation, and more immediate apologies/recompense (if relevant) have resulted. I think I'm more forgiving of others' and my own anger, than some others are. In cases where others' anger is unconditionally permanent, I grieve a bit, and move on. No sense grieving or being injured forever.

[Jmayfair]

Yes!, my anger/rage has caused me bodily damage more than once.

I'm very pissed off right now, which is scary to me because I tend to lash out when anybody least expects it -- including me. I'm trying not to do anything that I'll regret.

I don't know why I'm pissed off, but I just am, I guess. Might have something to do with missing my meds last night, though. But that's too off topic right now.

I know that I tend to be VERY physically destructive when I'm enraged. Will destroy laptops, phones, TVs, furniture, etc.. So, that is another reason it's scary.

[wiretwister]

the simple and honest answer is yes , I think to be human is to know anger .

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Anger is something I have a lot of difficulty with. In my case, though, it doesn't so much scare me as make me very sad.

Speaking of, I was going to tell you that you look kind of mad in your avatar...

[Moose72]

I get wary and sometimes afraid when people are angry. It doesn't even have to be anger directed toward me- just hearing someone when they're angry is enough to scare me. This is probably because I grew up the child of an alcoholic. He wasn't always mean or loud or scary, but when he was it really got to me.

[Wander]

Due to a traumatic childhood having other show a lot of anger around me scares me. I am getting better at not reacting as I heal. My own internal rage scares me even more. I am usually very calm and pleasant (as my pdoc says) but when the rage button is switched ... Wow! I can become very destructive. Again, as I heal this occurs much less often.

[YGGN]

I suffer from some severe form of repressed rage, stemming from trauma following chronic, severe, long term psychological abuse in my childhood by a dangerous parent (now neutralised). Simply put, the traumatism was so ridiculously intense that my body somehow repressed it in a way that my brains has been permeated by some kind of irrationnal belief saying: ''I am not safe. I am not safe. I am NOT SAFE. EMERGENCY. SOS. SOS. SOS... save me please... tell me the danger is gone... reassure me.'' It put my mind in a permanent state of defense, and it's been like that since adolescence (I'm now 32).

Most of the time, especially lately, while my body has entered the processing/evacuation phase of the anger (I quit medication, a.k.a ''emotional pain killers'', in september 2019 after almost 11 years of that and all the other fake solutions that comes from the typical ignorance connected to those kinds of problems, that which I cured with self-education), lately then, I simply can NOT pass one single hour without screaming, yelling, arguing with myself violently and irrepressibly, out loud, and this, ALL THE TIME, practically (the neighbors have complained several times and even threatened to call the authorities because of the noise - i live in an apartment). I cannot walk to the grocery store, which is literally across the street, without having people run away from me because I either shout, become enraged, or otherwise give off a considerable level of aggressiveness, again for ''no apparent reason'' ( to the eyes of the people who witness this, of course). It is in a way that the average psychiatrist, when consulted, responds that they have ''a very hard time, in all honesty, to believe this. Obviously it doesn't make sense to be traumatized by a traumatism, therefore my being surpassed by a problem meaning the problem does not exist, you must just be sick. Here, grab some drug, as if putting a physical pill in your body to solve a non-physical problem that stems itself from a source that is outside your body in the first place, could possibly make sense'' (I trust I don't have to mention that that is what they say implicitely, not explicitely, though it's still pretty much that).

Yes, it's that ridiculous.

Also, when in a time of the day I call ''relative calmness'', meaning when I do not scream or whatever, especially when I read or write, disruptive thoughts make me start talking out loud about what I just learned or synthesize as an information (as I am writing right now, these vociferations interrupt me too. Always.) As if my brain feels the irrepressible need to justify itself to someone else, reconstructing past altercations in scenarios in which I am the dominant, winning, or at least I efficiently defend myself and correct the other person's delinquant behavior) which has actually been the case all my childhood, being incessantly violated in my mental and physical integrity for the sake of satisfying someone else's need for domination, here aforementioned degenerate primate of a step-father needing to distract himself from his own tormenting insecurities - it seems he lacked the ability to resist the urge to persecute a defenseless child that he felt was 1) brighter than he was, 2) the offspring of another man (my biological father, deceased) whom he secretly envied, and 3) to help him out a little, even Nature herself spared him from having to go through countless rejections by women troughout his life, having made him sterile in the first place anyway (he had just one testicle left), while at the same time securing safety for other human beings by thus preventing him to reproduce at all so he doesn't plague us high-potential individuals, with dangerously stupid little versions of himself, also She did this to protect any child, let it be his own, from his inability to take care of them, for cause of being himself afflicted by pathological immaturity, and even then, one can conclude all those measures didn't suffice apparently, since he still ended up having a kid under his responsibility, and oh, matter of fact, look what happened, kid in question turned out to become an enraged considered-to-be-sick man; therefore, it is easy to understand my step-father's frustration - you see the kind of situation here. Let's not break into the societal implications etc; a deplorable problem indeed, but one that yet remains unsolvable if I just don't find a way to win back my dignity to begin with. Also an absolutely debilitating problem, as you can imagine, my brain just seemingly being incapable to break free.

But either I will find a way, either I will make one.

Been studying anger management and everything connected to it, stoicism notably (Seneca, Marcus Aurelius). Unfortunately, everything I have come across as information doesn't cover the problem specifically. All authors studied so far consider anger as a regular intruder, but obviously my case, it seems, is one of exception, from what I deduced by not finding anything specifically focused on this. All the books start from basics that have, say, a step one, but apparently my problem is even more basic than that, starting from before that (step 0 instead of step 1), or else it's this principle that applies, just way, way deeper than that. An animal thing.
I can't ****ing believe this has even happened, as I am writing this. Using writing for its main advantage, instead of orally talking to culprit; it cannot make you look stressed so that the stupid ****ING chimpanzee of an average obese boy-turned-man-but-only-merely-physically, reasons that ''Oh, see, you look stressed, therefore it must mean you're wrong, by association of looking stressed with not being in control to therefore being wrong and worth disregarding, you have nothing to say because you know i'm right in my flawed logic, only my own repressed anger makes me stupidly embody the very mistake I'm projecting on you, which in itself is the one contradiction I can never, and will never, even if told by someone else, come to realize ''.

BTW guys, yes english is not my first language, that's why some technical terms might bot be the right ones. But I think you get it. Actually that's part of the ridiculousness of it all; just finding the right words, even in my own language, has been quite an adventure, let me tell you that. Only that, in itself, is a sign of a serious issue, when even identifying, let alone finding people smart enough to even believe it is even possible (a lot of people find it inconceivable, as seen previously with so-called mental health ''expert'').

Any advice/resources?

Thanks for watching folks,

See you next time,

Your Pal,

YG G

not me- but I have overheard others say that I scare them.

but I'm honestly not bothered what people think of me. we all have our likes/ dislikes about a person.

when it comes to me, you take all of me (for who I am, good days and bad), or nothing at all and you stay well away from my life. I've been known to shut people out for exactly that reason- they like the good, can't tolerate the bad

when other people are angry at me though, yes it does scare me. I like people to talk in a soft, quiet voice where possible

and I like to try not to make people angry

but it's hard

[Mopey]

Yes, Fuzzy, anger frightens me. If I'm around two people obviously angry, raising their voices and so forth, I just want to retreat ANYWHERE - jump under a table and suck my thumb, or something.

I hate it when anger arises in myself because I have a terrible time with the expression of it. I can always feel myself losing it, whereupon I go into a slide, raise my voice, and say and do things that in about 2 seconds I am very sorry for and would give anything to take back. One of my therapists told me I had a nasty streak. I do. I get mean, sarcastic, cutting.

And then -- the guilt and fear start in. What will be the consequences? What will be the pushback?

So I've tried very hard to learn to control and titrate the expression of my anger.

Hugs to you:

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Yes, Fuzzy, anger frightens me. If I'm around two people obviously angry, raising their voices and so forth, I just want to retreat ANYWHERE - jump under a table and suck my thumb, or something.

I hate it when anger arises in myself because I have a terrible time with the expression of it. I can always feel myself losing it, whereupon I go into a slide, raise my voice, and say and do things that in about 2 seconds I am very sorry for and would give anything to take back. One of my therapists told me I had a nasty streak. I do. I get mean, sarcastic, cutting.

And then -- the guilt and fear start in. What will be the consequences? What will be the pushback?

So I've tried very hard to learn to control and titrate the expression of my anger.

Hugs to you:

That's one thing no therapist has said to me, that I have a ''nasty streak''

although he did say

Possible trigger:

We are shafting each other



WTF did that mean? He is a Freudian. And he got annoyed when I asked him a question as well as not answering my question so I have no idea what that meant aside from it being mean, triggering and probably about s.x

hugs to you

[Mopey]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

That's one thing no therapist has said to me, that I have a ''nasty streak''

although he did say

Possible trigger:

We are shafting each other



WTF did that mean? He is a Freudian. And he got annoyed when I asked him a question as well as not answering my question so I have no idea what that meant aside from it being mean, triggering and probably about s.x

hugs to you

Gosh, Fuzzy, I'm not sure what he'd mean by that except possibly that you were sparring with each other? Trying to injure or poke at each other possibly?

Not sure....

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Gosh, Fuzzy, I'm not sure what he'd mean by that except possibly that you were sparring with each other? Trying to injure or poke at each other possibly?

Not sure....

Well, I was not, ever, trying to injure him.

grrrrrrr

It does sound like that, I agree.

I strongly suspect

Possible trigger:

he was either ''insane'' or had Narcissistic injuries which he was taking out on me

[Mopey]

You think maybe his ego got injured by something you said?? Not that you meant to hurt him, of course...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Mopey

You think maybe his ego got injured by something you said?? Not that you meant to hurt him, of course...

It's possible I guess.

[cashart10]

I honestly have almost no temper...unless I’m extremely manic and then I rage. That kind of rage doesn’t even always happen when I’m manic though. In fact, it hasn’t happened in years. When it does happen, it does scare me. The last time it happened, my oldest was about 3 and the kids drove me into a rage and so I went to the basement and banged my head against the wall repeatedly. While I didn’t take it out on them, it was so dangerous and I fear I could one day take it out on them.

Other people being mad at me...makes me very sad. I hate it and it usually makes me cry, even if it’s irrational. The exception to that (probably obviously) is my kids getting mad at me.