[redtaurean]

Dang Valentine's Day is always trying to play me, I swear.

My head raced to an alternate world's sultry text session today at work between my boyfriend and his ex when I found out he would be fixing her oven for work. The first 5 minutes of an R rated movie. I couldn't feel fear- just overwhelm. I couldn't feel excluded- just anger. My whole body shut down, and I sat in my work cube, mouth open like a zombie. Breathing heavily, but not often- crying on and off- craving violence like throwing my computer, or punching the closest person. I could barely move my limbs, and I could barely talk without a giant roar of pain sound.

I can feel the shut down because my face and front goes numb while It kind of vibrates and warms from the inside out. If this is what batteries feel like when they start to go out, I give them more props. At this point I feel like something or someone is holding me back, wrapping me up like an infant in a blanket burrito. Everything takes more energy to do, and energy is what I can't seem to find.

This lasted for hours today, sometimes It lasts for days or weeks so I am grateful. I do get scared sometimes though, that the rollercoaster is starting again and I am out of time to rest emotionally. Mania and Depression both wear me out.

[Crazy Hitch]

Oh that sucks I'm sorry that all had to happen today. I hope the feeling passes for you soon. Intrusive thoughts suck.

[Soupe du jour]

Welcome to the forum, @redtauren! I'm sorry to read of your rough day yesterday. Triggers can definitely cause me temporary "blips" of what feels like insanity. Like you, they can be quickly passing or continue much longer. It feels like almost a seizure, of sorts.

[Pinny]

Aww Im so sorry @redtaurean I hope youre feeling a bit better. It's horrible to experience those kinds of things. Sending lots of hugs your way