Bipolar check-in #46

bpcyclist · Jun 08, 2020 at 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giddykitty

Well, issues surrounding the when and how I'm going to make this last appointment (of the 3 free) have come up. The first available between us isn't until June 18th. I did message her to see if I can get something sooner, like Wednesday or even tomorrow...it's going to be tricky trying to communicate with her right now though. sigh! so...just a little stressed about it all!

Oh! And apparently, I've come to the end of my Clonazepam (for anxiety). I mean, I have the "as needed" backup, but the intent was to get off of it...I'm a little nervous about getting withdrawal symptoms though, or just being extra anxious with everything going on. Sigh!

Are you saying you are just quitting Klonopin cold turkey? That is not goiing to work, giddy. You have to taper it over months. I am very worried about your plan.

bpcyclist · Jun 08, 2020 at 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I'm sorry it's going so roughly for you, and wanted to tell you that I think your process is a very worthy one. Our thinking can contribute SO much to troubles (Oh thanks "so" for your "contribution", ugh!

) And who needs that kind of piling on, right?!

Wishing you a lot of successes (so many battles our mind can give us!) in your endeavor, and hope you get to feeling better soon.

Thanks, IZ.

Wild Coyote · Jun 08, 2020 at 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Very rough day for me yesterday. Quite down and blue, amotiavational, andhednoic. Barely able to get the most basic stuff done. Oh well. Wd do what we can do.

I am trying to work hard on being more positive and more accepting of reality. Trying harder not to judge myself. To look for the gifts, not the deficits or losses. For example, if I felt well enough to ride th ebike for even an hour or work on my books, it would really help me, but the part of the brain that governs motivation is just not functioning for me right now. At all.

All my academic and career success was driven by a fierce feeling that I was not good enough. You can get a lot done when You feel that way. But it is not a healthy mindset for me. So, I am trying to lose that. It is a process for me. Judging me is bad for me. I need to accept me, even when all I can do is just sit in my chair and try to make it past the next hour.

Love and hugs and support to all, especially those struggling. Stay with it. Things will turn around. Have faith, if you can.

I am sorry you are going through this rough patch. Times like you are describing lately can be so very painful and difficult.

Is this typically what depression looks/feels like for you?
I hope you feel better soon.

bpcyclist · Jun 08, 2020 at 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you are going through this rough patch. Times like you are describing lately can be so very painful and difficult.

Is this typically what depression looks/feels like for you?
I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you, Wild Coyote. You know, it has been awhile since I had a full-on depressive episode. But this does feel a little familiar in ways, as described. I suppose it is possible I could be due for one. Usually, these occur in October and November for me. But last year, I became manic in October, so, maybe my schedule has turned all around or something.

I will keep tryin gto help myself. It is all we can do. Thank you.

giddykitty · Jun 08, 2020 at 10:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Are you saying you are just quitting Klonopin cold turkey? That is not goiing to work, giddy. You have to taper it over months. I am very worried about your plan.

Oh no no. I did have doses for like the past 2 months.

bpcyclist · Jun 09, 2020 at 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by giddykitty

Oh no no. I did have doses for like the past 2 months.

Oh--my bad. Good. So happy to hear that. I found getting off Klonopin to be pretty challenging for me, even going slowly.

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020 at 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Very rough day for me yesterday. Quite down and blue, amotiavational, andhednoic. Barely able to get the most basic stuff done. Oh well. Wd do what we can do.

I am trying to work hard on being more positive and more accepting of reality. Trying harder not to judge myself. To look for the gifts, not the deficits or losses. For example, if I felt well enough to ride th ebike for even an hour or work on my books, it would really help me, but the part of the brain that governs motivation is just not functioning for me right now. At all.

All my academic and career success was driven by a fierce feeling that I was not good enough. You can get a lot done when You feel that way. But it is not a healthy mindset for me. So, I am trying to lose that. It is a process for me. Judging me is bad for me. I need to accept me, even when all I can do is just sit in my chair and try to make it past the next hour.

Love and hugs and support to all, especially those struggling. Stay with it. Things will turn around. Have faith, if you can.

Good post!!

I'm sorry things are so hard right now. I also find that for me, judging me is bad for me.

much love

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020 at 04:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thank you, Wild Coyote. You know, it has been awhile since I had a full-on depressive episode. But this does feel a little familiar in ways, as described. I suppose it is possible I could be due for one. Usually, these occur in October and November for me. But last year, I became manic in October, so, maybe my schedule has turned all around or something.

I will keep tryin gto help myself. It is all we can do. Thank you.

I am wondering if my schedule has somehow turned around also.

Thank you for the selfless support you offer here while going through this pain, and the rollercoaster I also experience. You are much appreciated, by me!!

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020 at 04:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I am sorry you are going through this rough patch. Times like you are describing lately can be so very painful and difficult.

Is this typically what depression looks/feels like for you?
I hope you feel better soon.

I'm sending much love to all

Jun 09, 2020 at 04:31 AM

I am feeling a bit bitter because I have had a post removed without any explanation (not from this site, somewhere else)

though I am annoyed, I have learned from my past mistakes: if I get all irate about it, I'm going to be removed and possibly reported

so going to try and act like it never happened and just continue like normal

Jun 09, 2020 at 04:32 AM

I'm meant to bhe having someone ring me today re a complaint.

but I have decided to turn my phone off and not speak to her

I've nothing to say to her today

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020 at 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I'm meant to bhe having someone ring me today re a complaint.

but I have decided to turn my phone off and not speak to her

I've nothing to say to her today

I can't say I blame you. I'm sorry you are in a situation where it's necessary to make a complaint.

This is ..... not dissimilar....... to things I have experienced.... and even continue to experience..............

If you do decide to speak to this person, you have my support.

Fuzzybear · Jun 09, 2020 at 04:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I am feeling a bit bitter because I have had a post removed without any explanation (not from this site, somewhere else)

though I am annoyed, I have learned from my past mistakes: if I get all irate about it, I'm going to be removed and possibly reported

so going to try and act like it never happened and just continue like normal

I'm sorry this has happened!

I think you're wise in continuing on like normal.

It's great that you've learnt from your past mistakes. That's all any of us can do.

Jun 09, 2020 at 07:01 AM

Trying my best to stay clean and sober today. It's not even 8am and I'm already struggling. I talk to my (useless) therapist later this afternoon. I just wish I didn't exist

childofchaos831 · Jun 09, 2020 at 07:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spikes

Trying my best to stay clean and sober today. It's not even 8am and I'm already struggling. I talk to my (useless) therapist later this afternoon. I just wish I didn't exist

You can do it spikes! We got two months yesterday... It's been a rough two months, but we made it. You can make it!

Mountaindewed · Jun 09, 2020 at 09:37 AM

I feel much better then I did yesterday. So maybe it’s just my general anxiety disorder and not the Wellbutrin since it’s not constant. Also the weather was really bad yesterday. So it could have been allergies as well.

FooZe · Jun 09, 2020 at 06:05 PM

The new thread is here: Bipolar check-in #47

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Bipolar check-in #46

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Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 09, 2020 at 04:31 AM #990 I am feeling a bit bitter because I have had a post removed without any explanation (not from this site, somewhere else) though I am annoyed, I have learned from my past mistakes: if I get all irate about it, I'm going to be removed and possibly reported so going to try and act like it never happened and just continue like normal

Anonymous32451 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 09, 2020 at 04:32 AM #991 I'm meant to bhe having someone ring me today re a complaint. but I have decided to turn my phone off and not speak to her I've nothing to say to her today

Anonymous43918 Guest Posts: n/a	Jun 09, 2020 at 07:01 AM #994 Trying my best to stay clean and sober today. It's not even 8am and I'm already struggling. I talk to my (useless) therapist later this afternoon. I just wish I didn't exist

Mountaindewed Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Jun 2016 Location: Where the sidewalk ends Posts: 38,806 (SuperPoster!) 8 9,772 hugs given	Jun 09, 2020 at 09:37 AM #996 I feel much better then I did yesterday. So maybe it’s just my general anxiety disorder and not the Wellbutrin since it’s not constant. Also the weather was really bad yesterday. So it could have been allergies as well. __________________ I'm Blue

FooZe Administrator Community Support Team Member Since Apr 2009 Location: west coast, USA Posts: 26,275 (SuperPoster!) 15 5,130 hugs given	Jun 09, 2020 at 06:05 PM #997 The new thread is here: Bipolar check-in #47