[redneckhippie]

My dad died almost a year and a half ago. He and my mother were married for 45 years. I stayed with her the first two months (Luckily, I was on medical leave for a hysterectomy, and we were able to be there for each other).

I had a great childhood with a loving, caring, nurturing mother who would do anything for anyone.

A few months ago, Mom began ranting and raving. Yes, anger is part of grief. I understand that and just let her get it out....she needed to do that. Her anger turned to rage, and she pushed away every friend she had. Some of them were 20 to 50+ year relationships!
She started using and manipulating others to get what she wanted, then dropped them like a bad habit. People helped her sell Dad's stuff, running her errands, doing chores, etc..... So many friends and family helped her move to be close to her only two grandkids and my sister. (only about an hour away)
She started having random fits of mania, but I did not know what to call them. I just assumed she was still healing from the grief.
Fast-forward to today. She has been in full-blown mania for a few weeks now. Changing her number, leaving the state and not letting us know where she was, sending these rambling lengthy texts with grand ideas, telling us God told her to do this and that (she was never religious).
Everything that she spews is pure hate, and you can't reason or talk to her. So I just listen and tell her how much we love her and want her to be happy.
A few days ago, she decided she hated my sister's husband and blacklisted my sister and her little boys! "I can live without them", she said. Before recently, they were her *world*.
I guess I don't know how to proceed from here. A few days ago, she decided to build a house out of the state and start these businesses. She's 66 and in great shape, beautiful, and so full of energy. She went and talked to a builder and realtor. Last week she was going to build a house on my husband's family land.
I looked up "manic episodes" after a few people mentioned it, and it describes her to a "T".
The thing is, she has never been this way. Ever. So it's all new to me. She will refuse meds because her sister had depression and sat in a dark room and chainsmoked all day. She thinks anyone on meds will end up the same way! I take anti-depressants and have a job at a Health Clinic, so I don't see how she still thinks it's true.
My sister is heartbroken. All Mom's friends love and care for her. None are angry, just very concerned with the erratic behavior.
Sorry for the long post. I have asked coworkers about suggestions, but no one has actually dealt with someone having a full-time manic episode. There's never a "down". It's a constant up. She doesn't sleep much and buzzes around all day long, talking to herself or any stranger who will listen.
Does anyone have any kind of suggestions on how I can help her? She invited me to a lake cabin she rented 4 hours away, but I don't want her to tell me to ****-off if I try to talk to her. I am at a total loss here. Thank you for letting me get it out - I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything!

[bpcyclist]

I am so sorry you and your mother and family are dealing with this difficult situation, red. Listen, speaking as someone wiht decades of bipolar 1, which is likely at play here, there is no reasoning to be done with a floridly manic person. The main reason for this is that the part of the brain that governs certainty is on fire. So, not only does she have nonfactual, unreal beliefs, but those beliefs are held with more certainty than she has ever experienced in her life--ever.

Unfortunately, it is quite a challenge to get help for folks like this unless they are a danger to self or others, in which case they can usually be committed. This may be your best current shot with your mom.

Have you talked to a psychiatrist where she currently is located? Maybe that person could help you get a plan of attack here.

If she does not get help willingly, she is extremely likely to end up either in the emergency department or arrested. That is the normal course of events fo folks like us who are super, super manic and untreated, because we just have no judgment.

She is alos very likely to blow huge amounts of cash without any thought. Another reason to try to get her some assistance.

65 is quite oldish for first onset of a manic episode. Is she on any meds, by chance? This is a bit of an odd story.

Sending you strength and support. It is very difficult, what you are contending with, and illustrates why some states want to make it easier to civilly commit people in crisis. Not sure how I feel about that as a patient who has been commtited, but her story shows why it might help some people occasionally.

Hang in there. Mybe try to find a pdoc where she is now operating. Good luck!!!

[fern46]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I am so sorry you and your mother and family are dealing with this difficult situation, red. Listen, speaking as someone wiht decades of bipolar 1, which is likely at play here, there is no reasoning to be done with a floridly manic person. The main reason for this is that the part of the brain that governs certainty is on fire. So, not only does she have nonfactual, unreal beliefs, but those beliefs are held with more certainty than she has ever experienced in her life--ever.

Unfortunately, it is quite a challenge to get help for folks like this unless they are a danger to self or others, in which case they can usually be committed. This may be your best current shot with your mom.

Have you talked to a psychiatrist where she currently is located? Maybe that person could help you get a plan of attack here.

If she does not get help willingly, she is extremely likely to end up either in the emergency department or arrested. That is the normal course of events fo folks like us who are super, super manic and untreated, because we just have no judgment.

She is alos very likely to blow huge amounts of cash without any thought. Another reason to try to get her some assistance.

65 is quite oldish for first onset of a manic episode. Is she on any meds, by chance? This is a bit of an odd story.

Sending you strength and support. It is very difficult, what you are contending with, and illustrates why some states want to make it easier to civilly commit people in crisis. Not sure how I feel about that as a patient who has been commtited, but her story shows why it might help some people occasionally.

Hang in there. Mybe try to find a pdoc where she is now operating. Good luck!!!

Apparenlty you're never too old. My mom had her first after 50 and mine came at 38. It could be reactive psychosis. That can present with mania like symptoms and grief can be a cause.

I agree with all of bpcyclist's advice. He is also spot on with his assessement that any beliefs she has are certainties in her mind. Mania bypasses the reasoning center of the brain in a lot of cases.

It might be worth consulting an attorney as well. It sucks to have your parent commited, but it is unlikely she will come down on her own.

She may not be bipolar and she may not need meds forever. She does sound like she needs to be assesed though. Is she using any kind of substances like marijuana?

It may also make sense to look into the mental hospitals in your area. Some have special programs for women. If she does have to go it would be nice for her to be in the best place you can find ahead of time.

If you can get her to an ER they will assess her and then maybe put her on a hold and then send her to a psyc hospital if they deem it appropriate. You can also look into the mental health crisis teams in your area. Sometimes you can call them and they will come to your home and do an assessment there. Both of those options are much better than going to jail... You mentioned she is driving. That is super risky while manic.

I am sorry this is happening. I have been in your shoes and it is tough.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi!

Welcome to PC!
I hope you will find the information and the support you may be seeking.

I am very sorry for all you , your mom and family/friends are going through.

To my knowledge, it's not terribly unusual for anyone in their 50's, 60's or even 70's , 80's to experience their first episode of mania. While many start their mood disorder episodes much earlier in life, others demonstrate a different onset/pattern.

You've gotten some great info and advice from fern46 and bpcyclist.

When someone does not have a history of mental illness earlier in life it is extremely important to explore other possible causes for altered behaviors. It would be ideal if your mom would agree to see her primary care doctor for an exam and labwork. S/he might also want her to have additional testing.
Sometimes, labs can be off a bit and can cause all kinds of behavioral changes.

My pdoc has told me many stories of when she was a resident and the psych team would be called to the ER to assess someone who was psychotic. A talk with the family would let them know there was no prior history of psychosis/mental illness in this family member, which does set off an alarm to check labs first and then possibly more tests, depending upon the findings. Of course, it can be difficult, if not impossible to convince loved one to see a doctor if they feel there is nothing wrong.

Often, older people are followed by their primary care doctor for some diagnosed condition. Follow-up appointments are often scheduled every 3-6 months. Is it possible your mom has an appt scheduled with her primary care doc? If so, you may want to see if you can accompany her and/or try to contact the doctor ahead of time. With the HIPPA laws in place, her doctor cannot talk to you, giving you information. This does not mean you cannot contact the doctor. A physician is not prohibited from LISTENING to you. If you can get in touch with her doctor, talk away.

It sounds like your mom's behavior is erratic, but not totally out of control at this time. The laws in most states are very much in favor of your mom's rights. The best intervention might be a family intervention. Some families organize interventions on their own. I don't think that is always the best way to go. I would talk with NAMI about this option. Sometimes, it can be very helpful to have a therapist or someone with education and experience to help the family with an intervention.

Another option might be to contact NAMI in your area. NAMI usually has a lot of information for families, as well as for those suffering mental illness.
NAMI also knows the ins and outs of the resources and the laws in your state re: any type of family effort toward an intervention, should it ever come to that. NAMI also offers education and support to families. The current behavior appears to be mania, regardless of the exact cause.

I am grateful you feel you can reach out here. It certainly does not hurt anything to make inquiries. I hope you will continue to do so with any resource which may be helpful to you and to your mom.

Your mom is lucky to have you looking out for her.

I wish you, your mom, your family the very best.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc, red

You’ve been given some great advice by bpcyclist, fern, and Wild Coyote. I hope you find pc to be of benefit.