Not Sure Where I Belong....

I am not really sure where I belong. Obviously, the truth is nowhere or 6 feet iunder.

Seriously, though I have some many provblems, some of course, worse than others that I have almost given up on the idea of help in my life any longer.I have been on this site off and on over a couple of years, but now due to the Covid Pandemenic and my living in a foreign country where it is hard to get any psych care,let alone for someone like me who has CPTSD, and I do mean the complex side and all it's intentant problems I am almost giving up. I am trying,, but there are time, I swear death or oblivion would be better.

About 2 months ago a good friend introduced me into a young psychllogist who wanted to try and help me. I thought ok. I'll give it a shot. Unfortunatelyone of my most serious and more complex issues is I have MPD. I know it is called Dissociative Disorder these days. Yeah, that keeps it nice, controllable sounding. it is not. It is hellish. I live in Hondoras which is a Xian country and thus it was decided I have demons in me, Ah, NO, A BIG NOOO! I May be really on another planet sometimes, but demons. NOO! I know most of my background and I don't see or hear Belzebub anywhere around

I got rid of that therapist, he was way off the mark in no uncertan terms. But with the Covid and Honodoras being a small country I cannot find any psych care here

I also have bi-polar depression, which has been one of my major issues. It is insistent and insideious. Fighting this thing is....there are no words. I just can't do it anymore.

So, I am trying not to give up but don't know where I belong here on your website, or if you even want the likes of me on your website. I know I need help. Last week my housekeeper's mother died in our house of pnemonia. Was it Covid related? I don't know. Unfortunately I have witnessed people die before but this came on the back of a Internet "friend" Steve Cash:: I am just starting to get over that.

I have plenty to do. I am a writer, but I am also a writer who is finding it increasingly hard to concentrate and spends most of the day in bed thinking up ways to die.

Is there anyone, anywhere who might be able to offer me some help? Please, I no longer know where to turn, except in one direction, and I don't want to go down that walk way yet, although sometimes it seems all that is left me. Please. THank you. Rosewater\

JUst to carry on a correspondence might help. Anything. I am desperate. Thank you.