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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
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#1
What have you given up for the greater good? After a second episode I learned more about what triggers me. I know more about what I need to stay away from. Unfortunately, many of my triggers are activities I love. I'm struggling with the loss right now and I am not sure yet how to work these things back into my life strategically.
I have discovered that I love to write. My brain craves stimulation and higher thought and writing was a pleasurable outlet for that. It caused too much stimulation, so I've given it up for several months. I miss it. I am a very spiritual person. I enjoy researching and reading spiritual texts. I enjoy discussing philosophy. This is very triggering for me. I've greatly reduced my spiritual time lately and I feel like a huge part of me has been diminished. I found purpose in volunteering to help abuse victims. This work is triggering for me as well. I know there are infinite other groups in need, bit I miss this type of work. I am not sure if I'll ever hold a job again. I chose to stay home with my children before I knew I had issues, but the thought of never stretching myself professionally in the future is a sad one for me. I am into physical health, but any major shift in my diet causes instability. I tried intermittent fasting right before I got sick last time. Who knows if it was related, but I decided to just stick to what my body already knows for now. There are little things too like not being able to tolerate a second cup of coffee... I am working with a new method for monitoring myself. The goal is to design a system that allows me to do some of these things again in small doses and spaced out so that I am not stimulating any one aspect of myself too much. |
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Daonnachd, Fuzzybear, Innerzone, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, wildflowerchild25
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Legendary
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#2
What became triggering from the activities you mentioned is probably that you did them to a point of intensity. I like that you are doing some again in small doses and less often. Maybe focus on the level of intensity as well. Then you can add the activities in larger time frames again.
I’m not bipolar, and not sure of what diagnosis as my t will only say “complicated trauma history”, but I get triggered too. For example, like you, religious study, helping others with emotional issues (as a peer), can become triggering and I know when I need to take a step back or else I’ll plummet. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, fern46, Soupe du jour
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
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#3
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My diagnosis is unclear as well... It is great that you've learned what to take in small doses. It really does make a difference. For me, I'm having to learn to look at the net result of doing things in small amounts over time. If I look at it that way I can see I still have what I want. When I look at one day at a time I feel like I'm missing out. Its definitely a battle of perspective. |
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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Grand Member
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#4
I've given up working full time. This obviously has financial consequences and at times makes me feel less-than.
But I made the change to lower the stress level of my life and also to more easily make sure I sleep enough. Because I'm part-time (I actually have a different schedule every day, it's hard to explain), some days I don't work in the morning and can sleep more. Lack of sleep is my biggest trigger. My brain just can't handle it. I go doolally. So I take my night meds early (including klonopin, which helps me sleep) and even on days I don't have to get up early for work, unless I'm especially tired, I set my alarm, but always giving myself enough sleep time. This self-care, for me, is vital. __________________ Bipolar 1 Lamictal: 400 mg Latuda: 60mg Klonopin: 1 mg Propranolol: 10 mg Zoloft: 100 mg Temazepam: 15 mg Zyprexa 5-10mg prn (for Central Pain Syndrome: methadone 20 mg; for chronic back pain: meloxicam 15 mg; for migraines: prochlorperazine prn) |
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Bugtussel, Daonnachd, fern46, Soupe du jour
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#5
Hey fern, I get triggered too by some of the things you mention, which I also love. I like the idea of working them back into your (and my) life, but maybe with less intensity. My brain does crave stimulation and higher thought. I find practical chores (and very mundane conversations with ''normal'' people, especially those who are also very lacking in empathy and judgmental ) very triggering and also I dislike them grrr (who doesn't sometimes I guess... my dislike is extreme though and related to trauma grrr)
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#6
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I hope you keep sharing as I find your posts very helpful and insightful (eta sorry about the ''double'' post. I have to go and don't have time to merge them. __________________ |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
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#7
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Sleep is a huge trigger for me as well. I didn't know it, but I can see the pattern now. I sleep great 99% of the time, but I had two days of insomnia before each of my episodes. I think other factors triggered the insomnia and it was perhaps a byproduct of my brain doing weird stuff. |
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, Gabyunbound, Soupe du jour
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Grand Magnate
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#8
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I am sometimes triggered by judgmental people or people with low empathy, but I'm also trying to look at that differently. I considered there are people who must feel it is violating that I can read their emotions so deeply. They must feel judged that I can see. I certainly do not always enjoy it when my insides are on display. Anyway, thinking about that has helped me remember to put some distance between myself and others. I don't need to always read people. I started as a defense mechanism as a child, but now I am safe and strong. I can just let people be and when I do I find they are less judgy in return. It is hard though, because it is a deeply instinctive habit at this point. Thanks Fuzzy for both of your posts. You are very kind |
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, Soupe du jour
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#9
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But I did learn something from that person..... What NOT to look for in a ''good'' therapist And when to ''run for the hills'' Thanks for your post. It;s helpful to me __________________ |
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bpcyclist, fern46, Soupe du jour
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Magnate
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#10
I have given up working full time and working as a professional. I cannot complete university due to my illness. I’m hoping, once I have been stable for a time, to get my health care aide certificate. 8 months might be doable.
__________________ It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
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bpcyclist, Fuzzybear, Soupe du jour
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#11
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#12
Lack of sleep and stress are also big triggers for me. But in terms of giving up what I love, it's mostly the other way around; I can't do what I love because of the BD, or at least I have a very hard time of it and can't do it as well as I want to. Being unable to do what I want is a big stress factor and source of frustration for me. But I can never give up my goals and ambitions. I can't and don't accept that there are things I can't do, only that there may be temporary setbacks. I always keep waiting for that moment when the BD will relent at least for a while. The day I can't hope for that anymore is the day my life loses all meaning. I guess maybe I'm too stubborn but there it is.
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Anonymous41462, bpcyclist, fern46
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#13
Something came to my mind as I read your OP. It was a reminder of an ending scene in the Wizard of Oz. I found the following at Necessary Facts: What (if Anything) Did Dorothy Learn?
"At the end of the 1939 movie version of The Wizard of Oz, Glinda the Good Witch says that Dorothy could have gone home any time, but she had to learn that for herself. Scarecrow asks Dorothy what she learned. She replies: 'Well... I think that it ... That it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em. And it's that if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any farther than my own back yard because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.' Clearly, what begins as a cliche ends as a contradiction." Well...I am definitely not saying that one should be resigned to a situation. Just the opposite. I feel it's more finding the real you again (or maybe even for the first time) that is there, and will always be there all the time. It can be a quite a journey to find that you are there all along, and will be. Self discovery need not be done through arduous work, but simply taking the time to listen carefully. |
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bpcyclist, Daonnachd, fern46
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
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#14
Quote:
Can I tell you something funny? Or maybe not funny, but related. When I got sick the first time something about that movie triggered me. We had a poster from it in our home and it always felt a bit haunting. When I got sick the first time I ran to it and ripped it from the walls and smashed it into pieces. I learned after that night that I had been running from my own subconscious for a long time. In a way, it is my biggest adversary. However, it is also my solace. Whatever haunts me can be a friend. It is all about learning to work with it properly. Thanks a lot for this. It resonated. |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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Grand Magnate
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#15
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
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#16
I hope you find a way to get what you want even if it comes in an unexpected form. I think it is great you have hope. It is a powerful ally.
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Soupe du jour
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#17
I had to give up teaching. Every year I would suffer a breakdown. My last year teaching was absolutely horrific. And I was just a special ed support teacher! I wasn’t even alone In the class! I wanted to be a special ed teacher specifically for students with emotional difficulties, but the lesson planning, IEP writing, grading, etc was all too much stress. After my last year teaching I became a paraprofessional. I tried my hand at teaching one more time but I only made it a month. It took a lot for me to admit my education had gone to waste. The amount of money I spent on trying to get my post baccalaureate...I never completed it.
But, now I am a paraprofessional in a private school for students with emotional/psychiatric disorders. So I still get to work with the population I intended to. I make less than half of what I made as a teacher, but honestly it’s a small price to pay to remain stable. I haven’t been hospitalized or had to take a leave in 2+ years. And now with all this remote/synchronous learning, I’m seriously glad I got out when I did!!! __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
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#18
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bpcyclist, Soupe du jour
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Legendary
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#19
Only thing I loved that I gave up for the heater good was the best job I ever had.
My position, although extremely stressful and overwhelming at times to the point of triggering either a manic or depressive episode, was equal parts challenging, rewarding and enjoyable. It also helped that I felt like I was making a difference in people's lives. After about 15 jobs, I thought I had found the one, the one I could turn into a career, but after a few resignations and restarts, it was clear that the stress was too triggering. I'm diligently looking for a job I could do from home now, to work remotely, with no luck... I REALLY miss working, and am trying to find something bipolar friendly. If anyone has any ideas or leads I'd appreciate any input. __________________ DXD BP1, BPD & OCPD "The best way to make it through with hearts and wrists in tact, is to realise, two out of three aint bad" FOB... |
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#20
An excellent topic for us. I have had to make some major adjustments.in my journey, I have determined that the fundamental issue in my brain is a problem of excitation and inhibition homeostasis. I am unable to balance effectively.
So, I wrote a book about my state' s forensic psych system, but that was so traumatizing that I may not publish it. It is too triggering. I have no love life because I do not want to go through my illness history with a bunch of chicks who may be bigots. Could really use a partner. No dice. My ex would not let me see my son. Should have sued er ***, but am psychotic too often, she woulda shredded me. On and on. You are a systems woman, fern. You will sort this out with a plan that works for you. You always do. Hugs!!!! __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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