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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
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#1
I found an old journal of mine from when I was 14. It was existential musings, basically. In it, I talked about how people - teachers etc.- would tell me I was a genius for my poetry and musical abilities, saying I was a genius at the piano at the same age. I know it is an Adult Child (of an Alcoholic) thing to feel different than everyone else, so maybe that is part of this. Did you ever feel this way? My aunt, on a walk, told me I was special (as a teenager). People used to tell me this simply because I beat the 2% survival rate when I was born early. (I'm 48.) I've had times when I felt I was "an alien"- both because I feel so different from normal people in the ways I see the world, which may be an ACOA thing, but I wonder if it's not a bipolar thing as well? Now, I am very average. My best friend says he likes me because I think more like a man and that when I'm hypomanic I am very sharp-witted- that he wishes I could be this way all the time. I once did think I was an alien- saw myself in a bathroom mirror at the grocery store with big black eyes and that everyone was out to get me. I even wrote a blog entry about this, saying I feel like a social outcast- different than everyone else- all the "normies".
Am I alone in this? __________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 1.5 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bpcyclist, Rick7892
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#2
Hi Moose. I am glad you posted about this.
I think we all have special talents to some degree that get buried in all the things society says we must do and be, in other words, the "normies". In my opinion, bipolar brings out greater extremes of behavior and makes me more open to creative ideas and more accepting of different kinds of thoughts and behavior. My own expectations can be my own worst enemy, because I project everyone else as normal. I am not sure there is a normal although many people seem to be trying. When they succeed at meeting their normal expectations, then they pat themselves on the back. Some people like myself, have such unrealistic expectations of what normal is, that they cannot possibly meet them. This seems to make being normal even less attainable. As far as being aliens, we are all made of stardust and elements and water that came from outer space. Doesn't that make us all aliens? @CANDC __________________ Super Moderator Community Support Team "Things Take Time" |
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bpcyclist
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bpcyclist, Rick7892
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catches the flowers
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#3
Yes, that is how I feel, too. I don't think I'm being psychotic when I say that it occurs to me that certain groups of people come from certain planets, galaxies, planes, whatever. Like, maybe people who are autistic are from a certain place. And people who have Down's are from a certain place. And us, people with BD, maybe we're from a certain place.
I just watched a movie that swimmingly told us about called "Touched with Fire". Exceptional movie. The 2 main characters meet when they are IP and there's a lot of discussion about how they think they might be from another planet. When all is said and done, no human being really knows from where we come. Or where we are going. __________________ |
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Silver Swan
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#4
I'm watching that movie right now. Interesting so far- a bit triggering, though.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 1.5 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Crone
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#5
When I was 8-9 I used to sneak out the window after my parents were asleep( yes even back then I had insomnia) and go lay on the picnic table and watch the skies for my real parents to come and get me. No you’re not alone
__________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Rick7892
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Silver Swan
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Location: USA
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#6
Quote:
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 1.5 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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catches the flowers
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#7
__________________ |
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bpcyclist, Nammu
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bpcyclist, Nammu
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#8
Personally, I believe an incomprehensibly powerful God created me and us and very much wishes for us all to reunite in a wondrous and happy place.
That said, as a bipolar slash schizophrenic person, I, myself, feel like a monster much of the time __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*
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catches the flowers
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#9
Quote:
Like a monster? Why? __________________ |
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bpcyclist
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Silver Swan
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#10
Yes- why do you feel like a monster?
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 1.5 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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Legendary
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#11
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*, Daonnachd
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*Beth*
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
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#12
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 1.5 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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#13
Well, rather treating us like we are radioactive, maybe they should read a little and learn how the brain works.
__________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield |
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*Beth*
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Silver Swan
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#14
I agree. I've blogged about how the bipolar brain works, citing articles online. Maybe I should research that again- after seeing "Touched With Fire" I am interested in how our brains work. What is the brain doing exactly when we are manic- when we are in psychosis. I read something recently about which areas of the brain are abnormal in bipolar brains- there were quite a few.
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 1.5 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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bpcyclist
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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catches the flowers
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#15
Quote:
I thought it was fascinating in the movie, where the normal brain image looked sedate, but the manic brain image was all lit up. __________________ |
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Silver Swan
Member Since Jan 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 16,576
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#16
__________________ Wellbutrin XL 300 mg Ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 20 mg 2x/day Invega 1.5 Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) Mania (April/May 2019) |
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*Beth*, bpcyclist
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Grand Magnate
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#17
It makes sense it lights up. There is both abnormal electrical and chemical activity during that time.
It is a chicken/egg situation. We are triggered either by neurochemicals and then the body responds electrically or we have an electrical trigger and the body then responds with neurochemicals. They always work together side-by-side. People with epilepsy have seizures due to a physical defect in the brain, but if you look at manic brain activity it is similar. Our temporal lobes specifically react abnormally. This is the area of the brain that controls emotion, spiritual experiences, language processing, sleep wake cycles, auditory processing, fight or flight... So now maybe it makes sense as to why we hear things, say weird stuff, love music, can't sleep and feel very spiritually connected when we are manic or in psychosis. There's an electrochemical fire happening in an area of the brain that is responsible for allowing us to be who we are. No wonder we do not recognize ourselves when this happens. No wonder our thoughts race. This is why we get paranoid. The drugs we take essentially cool down the fire. They inhibit the processing of the neurochemicals which in turn also slows the electrical firing. It goes the opposite way for depression and speeds things up. This is all just some basics. There are nuances and plenty of additional details to uncover, but this helped me to come to grips with what was happening and why tiny triggers can set off huge chain reactions like they do. We are chemically very sensitive and maintaining the balance is very tricky. |
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bpcyclist, Moose72
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*Beth*, bpcyclist, Moose72
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catches the flowers
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#18
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Excellent post, luv __________________ |
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Magnate
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#19
Since I'm coming late to the party, I'll just focus on the initial question.
Maybe once I felt like an alien, now I think more of an outcast. That I had a connection with society but that has been eroded. __________________ >< |
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*Beth*, Moose72
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