[Moose72]

I found an old journal of mine from when I was 14. It was existential musings, basically. In it, I talked about how people - teachers etc.- would tell me I was a genius for my poetry and musical abilities, saying I was a genius at the piano at the same age. I know it is an Adult Child (of an Alcoholic) thing to feel different than everyone else, so maybe that is part of this. Did you ever feel this way? My aunt, on a walk, told me I was special (as a teenager). People used to tell me this simply because I beat the 2% survival rate when I was born early. (I'm 48.) I've had times when I felt I was "an alien"- both because I feel so different from normal people in the ways I see the world, which may be an ACOA thing, but I wonder if it's not a bipolar thing as well? Now, I am very average. My best friend says he likes me because I think more like a man and that when I'm hypomanic I am very sharp-witted- that he wishes I could be this way all the time. I once did think I was an alien- saw myself in a bathroom mirror at the grocery store with big black eyes and that everyone was out to get me. I even wrote a blog entry about this, saying I feel like a social outcast- different than everyone else- all the "normies".

Am I alone in this?

[CANDC]

Hi Moose. I am glad you posted about this.

I think we all have special talents to some degree that get buried in all the things society says we must do and be, in other words, the "normies".

In my opinion, bipolar brings out greater extremes of behavior and makes me more open to creative ideas and more accepting of different kinds of thoughts and behavior.

My own expectations can be my own worst enemy, because I project everyone else as normal. I am not sure there is a normal although many people seem to be trying. When they succeed at meeting their normal expectations, then they pat themselves on the back. Some people like myself, have such unrealistic expectations of what normal is, that they cannot possibly meet them. This seems to make being normal even less attainable.

As far as being aliens, we are all made of stardust and elements and water that came from outer space. Doesn't that make us all aliens?
@CANDC

[*Beth*]

Yes, that is how I feel, too. I don't think I'm being psychotic when I say that it occurs to me that certain groups of people come from certain planets, galaxies, planes, whatever. Like, maybe people who are autistic are from a certain place. And people who have Down's are from a certain place. And us, people with BD, maybe we're from a certain place.

I just watched a movie that swimmingly told us about called "Touched with Fire". Exceptional movie. The 2 main characters meet when they are IP and there's a lot of discussion about how they think they might be from another planet.

When all is said and done, no human being really knows from where we come. Or where we are going.

[Moose72]

I'm watching that movie right now. Interesting so far- a bit triggering, though.

[Nammu]

When I was 8-9 I used to sneak out the window after my parents were asleep( yes even back then I had insomnia) and go lay on the picnic table and watch the skies for my real parents to come and get me. No you’re not alone

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Yes, that is how I feel, too. I don't think I'm being psychotic when I say that it occurs to me that certain groups of people come from certain planets, galaxies, planes, whatever. Like, maybe people who are autistic are from a certain place. And people who have Down's are from a certain place. And us, people with BD, maybe we're from a certain place.

I just watched a movie that swimmingly told us about called "Touched with Fire". Exceptional movie. The 2 main characters meet when they are IP and there's a lot of discussion about how they think they might be from another planet.

When all is said and done, no human being really knows from where we come. Or where we are going.

They said "Maybe we are aliens".i don't know why someone hasn't come to tell them to go back to bed though!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

When I was 8-9 I used to sneak out the window after my parents were asleep( yes even back then I had insomnia) and go lay on the picnic table and watch the skies for my real parents to come and get me. No you’re not alone

~~~~ ~~~~

[bpcyclist]

Personally, I believe an incomprehensibly powerful God created me and us and very much wishes for us all to reunite in a wondrous and happy place.

That said, as a bipolar slash schizophrenic person, I, myself, feel like a monster much of the time

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Personally, I believe an incomprehensibly powerful God created me and us and very much wishes for us all to reunite in a wondrous and happy place.

That said, as a bipolar slash schizophrenic person, I, myself, feel like a monster much of the time

Like a monster? Why?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Personally, I believe an incomprehensibly powerful God created me and us and very much wishes for us all to reunite in a wondrous and happy place.

That said, as a bipolar slash schizophrenic person, I, myself, feel like a monster much of the time

Yes- why do you feel like a monster?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Like a monster? Why?

Because 98 percent of non-MI people abandon us, stigmatize us, and treat us like we are crazy, dangerous lepers. The world is full of bigots.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Because 98 percent of non-MI people abandon us, stigmatize us, and treat us like we are crazy, dangerous lepers. The world is full of bigots.

I think that's because of the unpredictability they see in mania.

[bpcyclist]

Well, rather treating us like we are radioactive, maybe they should read a little and learn how the brain works.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Well, rather treating us like we are radioactive, maybe they should read a little and learn how the brain works.

I agree. I've blogged about how the bipolar brain works, citing articles online. Maybe I should research that again- after seeing "Touched With Fire" I am interested in how our brains work. What is the brain doing exactly when we are manic- when we are in psychosis. I read something recently about which areas of the brain are abnormal in bipolar brains- there were quite a few.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I agree. I've blogged about how the bipolar brain works, citing articles online. Maybe I should research that again- after seeing "Touched With Fire" I am interested in how our brains work. What is the brain doing exactly when we are manic- when we are in psychosis. I read something recently about which areas of the brain are abnormal in bipolar brains- there were quite a few.

I thought it was fascinating in the movie, where the normal brain image looked sedate, but the manic brain image was all lit up.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I thought it was fascinating in the movie, where the normal brain image looked sedate, but the manic brain image was all lit up.

Yes that was cool. I'd like to get a scan of my brain when manic.

[fern46]

It makes sense it lights up. There is both abnormal electrical and chemical activity during that time.

It is a chicken/egg situation. We are triggered either by neurochemicals and then the body responds electrically or we have an electrical trigger and the body then responds with neurochemicals. They always work together side-by-side. People with epilepsy have seizures due to a physical defect in the brain, but if you look at manic brain activity it is similar.

Our temporal lobes specifically react abnormally. This is the area of the brain that controls emotion, spiritual experiences, language processing, sleep wake cycles, auditory processing, fight or flight...

So now maybe it makes sense as to why we hear things, say weird stuff, love music, can't sleep and feel very spiritually connected when we are manic or in psychosis. There's an electrochemical fire happening in an area of the brain that is responsible for allowing us to be who we are. No wonder we do not recognize ourselves when this happens. No wonder our thoughts race. This is why we get paranoid.

The drugs we take essentially cool down the fire. They inhibit the processing of the neurochemicals which in turn also slows the electrical firing. It goes the opposite way for depression and speeds things up.

This is all just some basics. There are nuances and plenty of additional details to uncover, but this helped me to come to grips with what was happening and why tiny triggers can set off huge chain reactions like they do. We are chemically very sensitive and maintaining the balance is very tricky.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by fern46

It makes sense it lights up. There is both abnormal electrical and chemical activity during that time.

It is a chicken/egg situation. We are triggered either by neurochemicals and then the body responds electrically or we have an electrical trigger and the body then responds with neurochemicals. They always work together side-by-side. People with epilepsy have seizures due to a physical defect in the brain, but if you look at manic brain activity it is similar.

Our temporal lobes specifically react abnormally. This is the area of the brain that controls emotion, spiritual experiences, language processing, sleep wake cycles, auditory processing, fight or flight...

So now maybe it makes sense as to why we hear things, say weird stuff, love music, can't sleep and feel very spiritually connected when we are manic or in psychosis. There's an electrochemical fire happening in an area of the brain that is responsible for allowing us to be who we are. No wonder we do not recognize ourselves when this happens. No wonder our thoughts race. This is why we get paranoid.

The drugs we take essentially cool down the fire. They inhibit the processing of the neurochemicals which in turn also slows the electrical firing. It goes the opposite way for depression and speeds things up.

This is all just some basics. There are nuances and plenty of additional details to uncover, but this helped me to come to grips with what was happening and why tiny triggers can set off huge chain reactions like they do. We are chemically very sensitive and maintaining the balance is very tricky.

Excellent post, luv

[Daonnachd]

Since I'm coming late to the party, I'll just focus on the initial question.

Maybe once I felt like an alien, now I think more of an outcast. That I had a connection with society but that has been eroded.