[*Beth*]

Feeling down. In a few days it will be 2 years since my daughter has communicated with me. In 2018 I had the worst manic episode I've ever had. I ended up IP. My daughter decided that having a mom with BD didn't fit into her professional life. She and I had been extremely close, but when she cut me off she used a hatchet. Chop. Zero contact.

Last night my husband (her dad) spoke with her; he avoids conflict at any cost so will never confront her about her estrangement with me. That really hurts; I feel that I cannot truly trust him.

So it goes.

I'm trying not to think about her, but it's hard not to, especially as we enter the holiday season. Especially this holiday season, already being stressful and dreary.

The pain is immense.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m pretty irritated today. It seems like I’m getting pissed at every little thing. I do wonder if it’s the remeron. The anger didn’t start until I started it on Tuesday night. I guess I’m doing ok overall.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Ugh, I'm so sorry, Christina. The clinic I go to started out with an option for either phone or internet sessions (T and pdoc). Two months in it was either internet or nothing. Same reason - phone sessions didn't pull in enough revenue. I am able to do telehealth (it works most of the time ), but I wonder what happened to the people who couldn't? I guess they just got dropped. It's horrible.

What will you do?

This is a rural town, There are loads of people still using flip phones and no data, many do not have internet at home.. My T isnt happy at all about this.. But his hands are tied.

But yes Money drives any and all things.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Feeling down. In a few days it will be 2 years since my daughter has communicated with me. In 2018 I had the worst manic episode I've ever had. I ended up IP. My daughter decided that having a mom with BD didn't fit into her professional life. She and I had been extremely close, but when she cut me off she used a hatchet. Chop. Zero contact.

Last night my husband (her dad) spoke with her; he avoids conflict at any cost so will never confront her about her estrangement with me. That really hurts; I feel that I cannot truly trust him.

So it goes.

I'm trying not to think about her, but it's hard not to, especially as we enter the holiday season. Especially this holiday season, already being stressful and dreary.

The pain is immense.

I am so sorry. I’m thinking of you and sending big hugs.

[*Beth*]

Jennifer 1967

Thank you so much. That means a lot.

[Soupe du jour]

My day ended with a nightmare!

I worked my butt off getting the house ready for real estate staging and photographs. Hubby was totally unable (or willing) to do anything because of his eye. I will say that the stagers did an amazing job! Well worth the money. Our realtor came for paperwork signing, to see everything, establish listing price, and schedule the open house. She pressured me a bit to get the garage and basement in passable appearance before the open house. I say "me" only because Hubby was not even willing to come up from the basement to see her and sign the papers. It was embarrassing! He wasn't THAT bad off! Plus, I know how difficult it will be to achieve the garage/basement cleanup... because of Hubby. Fern knows.

So, doesn't sound that bad? Well, after all left, I went upstairs to take it easy. I decided to look in the spare room at its staging. I happen to look at the ceiling, and was horrified! These two full days of heavy rain, and the several days of partial rain before them, challenged our poorly re-shingled roof too much. The ceiling suddenly, within the day, now has several wet marks. Newly painted ceiling, at that! A little over a week before our newly scheduled open house. The roofing was/is our homeowners association's responsibility, but still. Who knows how long it will take to get the problem fixed. We now need the problem (and rain) to stop. We don't expect fast reimbursement for the obvious need for another painting of the ceiling (after the wet marks dry). The room has new carpeting and some of the stager's belongings in it... staged. Fing A!

Here is the lovely photo of the ceiling, which may possibly get even worse. Luckily no other rooms seem affected. Hopefully not!

I definitely think I deserve to cry about this, but am just too tired to.

The emergency guy is here now. Luckily Hubby is now taking over for me. I am just sitting here feeling horrible.

[*Beth*]

Soupe du jour A nightmare is right! Twice in my life I've had a ceiling cave in due to the weight of water. It is a good, good thing that the emergency guy is present. Yikes. I hope it all turns out well!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Soupe du jour A nightmare is right! Twice in my life I've had a ceiling cave in due to the weight of water. It is a good, good thing that the emergency guy is present. Yikes. I hope it all turns out well!

Thanks, Beth!

I am finally in bed. I just want to sleep for a while.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@bpcyclist: So sorry to hear you are having a hard time in your family. Get lots of rest and be good to yourself. Snuggle Albert! Hush says arf!

@Coolbreeze74: So glad to hear you are enjoying your son, his smiles and laughter. It's must be hard to care for another human, especially one who has challenges. I know i have my moments with my dog and she's just a pet!

Tank you so much, whatever.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Jester'sRags, I hope the Latuda continues to show promise for you. Glad to see you check in today!

@bpcyclist, sending big hugs your way. You must take care of yourself right now. One can't usually reform or change others. They must do such work on their own. You are a good example to others and a kind loving man. I hope your daughter recognizes that over time, as she develops and experiences more life. Perhaps such positive examples will help improve her behavior, accordingly. If not, then there must eventually come acceptance, though I hope any grief is alleviated without such a need.

Thank you, Soupe, always.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Woke up out of a deep sleep. Now cant seem to settle back down. My son is doing well. I'm doing ok. Just watching TV and movies. Things are mellow for me finally. So good to see my son smile and laugh.

Hope everyone is well. Hugs to those struggling!

Such a relief.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Sapien

There’s so much I want to do today! I want to go out, but I have to wait for laundry to get done first. I want to go for a run too, and write a new song I’ve got IDEAS. My soul is inspiration.
I really need to move though. I talked to my neighbor on a walk yesterday and he wanted to know why we don’t hang out anymore (he was a drug buddy). I just saw blood all over my arm, but now its normal?

Real blood ?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Drenched in Philadelphia! It's real fun walking through puddles with a medical boot on my foot.

Tomorrow is another rainy day. I'm worried about flooding. Our staging and photography are tomorrow. Won't have the benefit of natural light.

Yesterday I had my psychiatrist appointment. He asked about my foot/ankle. I mentioned how swollen and bruised it had been. In response, he asked to see my foot. What?!?!? I said I had the medical boot on, and with laughter I turned my laptop towards my elevated leg, and added "Do you really want me to take it off, including my sock?" Luckily he said no.

After telling my husband the story above, he wondered if maybe pdoc has a foot fedish.

Laughing.With you.

[*Beth*]

A crap day. It's like I was a different person yesterday, my life a different life. All of a sudden, today it all looks frightening and pointless. I managed a half-block walk and mopped the floor. The rest of the day I slept. One more hour and I can crawl back into bed.

I hope this is just a one day thing and not the usual depression that strikes at this time of the year.

I read that there will be a full moon for Halloween tomorrow night, which is cool. Pretty. Nature.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

depressed

I have accomplished nothing in the whole day (blah blah blah) and I'm not even going to eat well tonight- I'm having a plate of turkey breaded dinosaurs

which is exactly a healthy meal a 24 year old woman puts on her menu

not childlike at all

well, I guess I enjoy them, so their is that

Support and hugs. Feel better !!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’m doing not too well today. But I did see my therapist in person. So that’s good. I felt like the session went well. We talked about the Pdoc appointment on Tuesday. Also in person. I said that went well. She asked me if he had talked to me about the melatonin or not. And I said “well actually... he told me that you emailed him.” And she said something like “oh yeah how did that make you feel?” And I said something like “well I wasn’t going to bring it up unless you did because I usually just keep stuff like that to myself, but it kinda annoyed me.” And she said “yeah I figured it did” then we talked about how it was a safety issue.” And I said “Now I don’t know what to tell you and what not to tell you.” But she could tell I was pretty pissed. I said I was not a typically angry person but how I was angry this morning and at my mom which I’m not usually and she thinks it’s because I was annoyed at her instead of my mom and my mom is a safe person. I honestly think the remeron is ****ing with my moods today. But at least I got a decent session in. I said my chest felt like it was in Vietnam and T paused for a split second and said “I bet.” My mom laughed and said she probably had no idea what the eff I was saying but therapists are trained not to judge. I just feel like a moody mess today.

Super good job being transparent. Yay !

[Moose72]

Hello, all. Watching Johnny Carson. It's past my bedtime and I'm still in the living room. I'm leaving my phone in the living room tonight plugged in because I had it in the bedroom last night but it was at only 50% when I woke up! So I don't know if its the phone or the charging cable that's bad. I think its the cable because the one out here worked just fine.

Got a notice on my door today that they're going to be fixing the balconies for five days coming up next week. That means I need to bring my outside chairs and table inside. I don't want to get the carpet dirty so I'll have to put down towels or something and I'm not even sure where to keep them. It's not like there's a lot of extra room in here.

I wish I had a pet but I can't afford one. I can't even afford to get a fish set up because they are expensive too. Besides- where would I put a fish tank?

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

That sounds so sad, cyclist. It sounds like your ex can be poisonous. Whatever-whatever for her ...but it's a damned shame for you to see a pernicious pattern evolving in your daughter.

Let me/us know if there's anything we can do to support you. In the meantime, take care of yourself.

Thanks so much, Beth. Rough dzy. Called crisis line. ER. Whole thing. Nice police people helped me. Got totally psychotic, ranting and raving crazy talk. No clue what I am saying when psychotic, justconstant terror of upsetting my creator. Total andobabble.

Fine now. I do get intermittent, short psychotic bursts. I do. So short, you cannot even medicate them and they âre gone. I always come here or to my sz pals, but was quicly overwhelmed and dialed 911, afraid of a single, terrifying command. Super terror. Yikes !

But. But. I did know enough even through the hazy mess that when I think God is asking me to jump again, that that is s always, always false data. Always.

Doc and nurses and police were so sweet. So helpful. I do love our police very much. Such hard jobs. Gonna write a thank you note. I am.

Thanks for the lovely support. The police and hospital all complemented us. You guys. Obviously no name of where or who we are. But I did say, this is how we save our respective lives every day. They had no idea. They were really in awe of us. They were. Wanted you all to know. Hugs.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Thanks so much, Beth. Rough dzy. Called crisis line. ER. Whole thing. Nice police people helped me. Got totally psychotic, ranting and raving crazy talk. No clue what I am saying when psychotic, justconstant terror of upsetting my creator. Total andobabble.

Fine now. I do get intermittent, short psychotic bursts. I do. So short, you cannot even medicate them and they âre gone. I always come here or to my sz pals, but was quicly overwhelmed and dialed 911, afraid of a single, terrifying command. Super terror. Yikes !

But. But. I did know enough even through the hazy mess that when I think God is asking me to jump again, that that is s always, always false data. Always.

Doc and nurses and police were so sweet. So helpful. I do love our police very much. Such hard jobs. Gonna write a thank you note. I am.

Thanks for the lovely support. The police and hospital all complemented us. You guys. Obviously no name of where or who we are. But I did say, this is how we save our respective lives every day. They had no idea. They were really in awe of us. They were. Wanted you all to know. Hugs.

I am so glad you reached out and got help. That sounds like such an upsetting experience, but I am happy to hear the medical staff and police treated you well. Please take care. Are you doing any better now?
I have been really impressed by all the times I have seen people on this forum help others get help and I was just thinking about how great this place and all the people are, including you.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all. I am irritable today, but trying to carry on. You know those days when you just feel like a walking lemon of bitterness? Haha, I don't think that sentence even made sense, but you get the idea. Feeling like it's hard to see past this low mood, but trying to remind myself they don't last forever. I spoke with my nephew on the phone today and that brightened my mood for a moment, though. It's almost impossible for me to not feel better around those kids, they're like rays of sunshine to me. Sending compassion to all.