[Soupe du jour]

I'm beat! Everything in my house is clean and/or dusted, except the floors and carpeting. Hubby says he'll do that. I also did some laundry.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I'm worried about you. This post is rambling and doesn't make much sense. And you're back onto "love is our answer" mantras. Plus there are multiple typos

Example: Daughter xants to auction her virginity on ebay to help battered women, or whatever. On and on.

I have no idea what this means.

Huh. Okay. I guess. I amm worried, too, now ?

[Sunflower123]

Great therapy appointment discussing strategies for minimizing SAD. Feeling more hopeful. IP is not an option for me although SI is high.

[MuddyBoots]

Ive got so much **** to do tomorrow and I’m freaking out. Getting drug tested for a potential job is part of the to do list. 29 days ago I had a massive amount of edibles throughout the day which is what I’m worried about (the other stuff is definitely out of my system) and also I’m prescribed benzos and I didn’t explain that to them when she called me today so hopefully I will be have a chance to explain and prove that I am told by medical professionals I need to take them.

Therapy in the morning. Trying to come up with stuff that relates to my therapeutic goals instead of talking about the trolly problem for 20 minutes. I need a therapist that’s more aggressive with keeping me focused during sessions. I literally spent an entire last session talking about different types of ski wax meanwhile I was in and out of crisis mode.

Being excessively self destructive. That’s what I need to talk about tomorrow. Like agreeing to hang out with an abusive ex again during a pandemic knowing what it is going to lead to and having urges to get high right now because why should I get a job with benefits and good pay?
Should also continue the chat about ADHD. Like what symptoms she sees in me and why she wants me to be tested and how treatment would change if I got diagnosed. My pnurse doesn’t know jack **** about me (we dont even know what each other looks like, so far only two phone calls with each other the majority of which was her scolding me for stopping a medication I was allergic to).
It’s like my Ts job is to derail me it seems. I know even if I write this stuff down I’m going to be spending the session talking about some stupid shyt.

[Moose72]

Note to self (and whomever else this might help): Do not mix Zevia cream soda (flavored with Stevia sugar substitute) with pickle-flavored pork rinds! EWWWW!

[Innerzone]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

My mother was hospitalized for low oxygenation and then the discharge coordinator recommended that I get her discharged on Hospice. So I spoke with the hospice liason, and after her case was presented to the hospice doctor, she was accepted.

She has end-stage COPD, MS, and a slew of other things. The discharge coordinator told me that my mom's acceptance into hospice is and can be due to her diagnoses and not a doctor saying she has x amount of time to live. Hospice provides a great deal of and excellent services, so I am very grateful that they are now one board, but continue to worry and worry about my mother.

I spent the night at her house while she was hospitalized. Hadn't brought my meds because hadn't expected to have to take her to the ER, so I missed two doses of all meds. Slept terribly that night.

Driving the 1.5 hours home last night, I was crying and felt towards the end of what I can take. I got a call from hospice very early this morning, so still haven't gotten much sleep, and sleep is the single most important thing for me to avoid episodes. I feel like hell.

My mother was in terrible shape after the hospital, felt mistreated by the nurses, and was terrified about the prospect of being cared for by a caregiver she dislikes overnight. But I had to go. I needed my meds, and I needed sleep. If I had stayed, I wouldn't have slept, she gets up multiple times a night.

Thanks for reading...

I'm so sorry. That's rough. The hospice seems like it should be a relief to you though, yes? I seem to recall the family not exactly being helpful on her care. Hope you are able to get some good sleep soon...

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Note to self (and whomever else this might help): Do not mix Zevia cream soda (flavored with Stevia sugar substitute) with pickle-flavored pork rinds! EWWWW!

Noted. I have zevia cream soda too lol

[Blue_Bird]

I was having a bad day but I played my ukulele and that helped. I want to start practicing every day again. It brings me a lot of happiness, very fulfilling hobby

[Daonnachd]

Oh, @Gabyunbound, I'm so sorry to learn of what's happening with your mother. Sorry, too, about your situation with your meds. I hope you're able to stay on top of the meds as you travel back and forth.

[bpcyclist]

Lost a friend on PC tonight. Just.heartbroken. so tired of being judged. Maybe I should quit posting and crawl away. Why am I so hated ? Just do not see it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Lost a friend on PC tonight. Just.heartbroken. so tired of being judged. Maybe I should quit posting and crawl away. Why am I so hated ? Just do not see it.

I cannot even imagine anyone judging you in a negative or hateful way. You have a divine soul that sparkles and shines. You are a rare gem. Is it possible that the person was concerned about you, just because you've been having a rough go lately? Please: don't quit posting and crawl away .

[*Beth*]

My eyes are so dry from meds (probably Cogentin), I was having trouble being on the forum for more than a very short time. Then for some reason I was playing around with changing the color format. I switched it to "Black Smart" and discovered that the black background is so much easier on my eyes! I wish I could make the entire internet black, instead of the glaring white that it is.

I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but at this moment in time I'm holding my own. I truly needed to go IP Wednesday night, but I'm guessing the 2 med increases kicked in by Thursday morning. Once that happened I felt stable enough to use other tools, cbt, meditation, etc.

I hear that Los Angeles is in full lockdown again and our governor is saying that if our covid cases continue to rise most of the state will go back into full lockdown. But I feel hopeful because the first vaccinations might start by the end of December.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I cannot even imagine anyone judging you in a negative or hateful way. You have a divine soul that sparkles and shines. You are a rare gem. Is it possible that the person was concerned about you, just because you've been having a rough go lately? Please: don't quit posting and crawl away .

Thank you, darling, for supporting me. I am so grateful.

I started a couple things today to help pass the time at home during COVID. I started binge-watching a Canadian series from the 2010s called "Being Erica" about a 32-year-old woman who has a lot of regrets whose therapist sends her back in time to behave differently. If only therapists could do that! I also started knitting a simple scarf. It's just to pass the time.

So glad you're feeling some better, Beth. I'm hopeful about the vaccines too.

Hugs to all who struggle!

[Mountaindewed]

I am still not feeling great. My left side and middle abdomen hurts and my back is covered in these pinpoint red dots. I’ve been getting migraines for the first time and I’ve had 4 infections since the end of July. Yeah I’m kinda nervous.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Note to self (and whomever else this might help): Do not mix Zevia cream soda (flavored with Stevia sugar substitute) with pickle-flavored pork rinds! EWWWW!

I’ve only tried the mountain Zevia hoping it tasted like really good Mountain Dew. It didn’t.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

My eyes are so dry from meds (probably Cogentin), I was having trouble being on the forum for more than a very short time. Then for some reason I was playing around with changing the color format. I switched it to "Black Smart" and discovered that the black background is so much easier on my eyes! I wish I could make the entire internet black, instead of the glaring white that it is.

I can hardly believe I'm saying this, but at this moment in time I'm holding my own. I truly needed to go IP Wednesday night, but I'm guessing the 2 med increases kicked in by Thursday morning. Once that happened I felt stable enough to use other tools, cbt, meditation, etc.

I hear that Los Angeles is in full lockdown again and our governor is saying that if our covid cases continue to rise most of the state will go back into full lockdown. But I feel hopeful because the first vaccinations might start by the end of December.

So proud of you, Beth. I am always here for you.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I am still not feeling great. My left side and middle abdomen hurts and my back is covered in these pinpoint red dots. I’ve been getting migraines for the first time and I’ve had 4 infections since the end of July. Yeah I’m kinda nervous.

You are doing great, MD. We are here for you.

[bpcyclist]

Woke up early and watching news. President has lost his mind. Going to prison. Oh well.

Going hiking with daladico in a few hours. Yay ! Hugs and love to all !!!!

[MuddyBoots]

I hate myself so much. Finally get a job and I ruin it by snorting oxy before the drug test and before therapy. It was going to be 3 weeks clean tomorrow. I’m not even going to show up today. I have other crap to do anyways.
Lost power last night for five hours. I’m gonna go for a walk later check out the damage to the trails.
Getting back in touch with a (more than) friend too. He likes cooking for me but truth be told I’ve been trying to not feed my fat *** lately.

edit: Therapist explained why she thinks I have ADHD. Says I seem very back and forth and all over the place. Bouncing from topic to topic and really unable to focus for long. I’m going to ask to be tested next time I talk to pnurse.