Family Mental Illness

In 1919 my great aunt was found wandering in Central Park (NYC) with her clothes off. She was 19 years old. The cops took her to a psychiatric institution. She ended up living there until she was in her mid-50's. So most of her life. Although my mother took my sisters to visit their great aunt (I wasn't to be born for quite a while), no one ever knew her diagnosis.

I have asked family members who knew her for information, but all I get is a cold shoulder - even though my great aunt was, by all accounts, a "kind and gentle person". Unfortunately, she died shortly before I was born. I am named after her.

I had an uncle with severe OCD, a cousin with bipolar disorder, my mom had borderline personality disorder to an extreme (and I suspect some added psychosis in there, too). My father, I believe, had bipolar disorder.

Aside from my great aunt and my cousin, none of the other relatives ever received (or stayed with) treatment.

How about others? What does the mental health map in your family look like?

On mums side it’s German, so stiff upper lip and lockstep. Emotions are denied. But mums younger sister had problems and was on psychological meds and died young, in her 60’s I think. I’ve a couple cousins on that side that have bipolar and my daughter too. One of my cousins daughter is an out and out drug user and everyone suspects she bipolar but she’s never been sober long enough to be diagnosed.

On dads side, neurosis, and anxiety abounds. But nobody dares speak of this. My grandfather was in the state hospital for years, I remember visiting him there. then when hadal came along he was let out to a nursing home but all this was blamed on a fall. Mum claims he was an alcoholic but anybody who drinks more than one glass of wine is in her book an alcoholic, so?

So who knows.

Yeah, so, so many alcoholics and addicts have an undiagnosed mental illness. My mom insisted that her father was "an alcoholic", too. I don't doubt that he was, but why was he drinking so much?

One of my sisters was an addict. She was such an incredible person, so expressive and alive. I would not have been at all surprised if she actually had BD.

I wonder if ever there will be a day when most people don't run and hide from receiving treatment for mental illness...

I feel ignored by certain family members because they refuse to discuss my great aunt's mental illness. I mean, I'd like to know why she spent her life institutionalized! I just get the standard, "Oh, well..." -subject change. So I've stopped asking.

I did do some major digging on an ancestry site once, though. I found out that my aunt's "job" in the psych institution was working in the laundry there. I hope someday to visit her grave.

Interesting thread! I wrote like 4 pages of stuff but decided not to post it, but wanted you to know I find this thread very cool and like reading your insights into family mental healthy histories ! -- I will say the gatekeeper, so to speak, is my mom in terms of the histories and it's sadly colored by her own denial to accept it for what it is, so I may never know truly about many of those in my family.

I have the same great combo: borderline mother and bipolar on my dad's side of the family. I have to say that even though I inherited the bipolar, the borderline caused by far the most psychological damage beyond that. I don't really resent my dad but I do resent my mom for the things she did. Thankfully I don't have borderline myself but growing up that way did **** me up pretty bad. I can't work on that right now though because I first have to get the bipolar stable enough to work on other issues without messing me up even more. Always nice to have something to look forward to, eh?

The only one who ever saw a pdoc was my dads sister. She’s BP2. My maternal grandma took xanax for panic attacks and likely had PTSD. Her husband was an alcoholic. Her daughter(my aunt) had substance misuse issues and killed herself. My dad is an addict with lots of bipolar/psychotic/adhd symptoms. My mom for sure has seasonal affective disorder and GAD but isn't diagnosed with anything either. I have a cousin on my dad’s side who recently OD’d so probably had an opiate use disorder too.

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Originally Posted by MarcusAurelius Interesting thread! I wrote like 4 pages of stuff but decided not to post it, but wanted you to know I find this thread very cool and like reading your insights into family mental healthy histories ! -- I will say the gatekeeper, so to speak, is my mom in terms of the histories and it's sadly colored by her own denial to accept it for what it is, so I may never know truly about many of those in my family.

I'm glad you find this thread helpful, MA.

It's too bad about your mom. There's that denial again.

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Originally Posted by FluffyDinosaur I have the same great combo: borderline mother and bipolar on my dad's side of the family. I have to say that even though I inherited the bipolar, the borderline caused by far the most psychological damage beyond that. I don't really resent my dad but I do resent my mom for the things she did. Thankfully I don't have borderline myself but growing up that way did **** me up pretty bad. I can't work on that right now though because I first have to get the bipolar stable enough to work on other issues without messing me up even more. Always nice to have something to look forward to, eh?

I'm right there with you, FluffyD.


I had to smile at your last sentence. Always nice.

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Originally Posted by Sapien The only one who ever saw a pdoc was my dads sister. She’s BP2. My maternal grandma took xanax for panic attacks and likely had PTSD. Her husband was an alcoholic. Her daughter(my aunt) had substance misuse issues and killed herself. My dad is an addict with lots of bipolar/psychotic/adhd symptoms. My mom for sure has seasonal affective disorder and GAD but isn't diagnosed with anything either. I have a cousin on my dad’s side who recently OD’d so probably had an opiate use disorder too.

A lot of substance use in your family.

My aunt killed herself, too. She was 60 years old and I've always wondered what was going on there. But it's the usual wall of silence.

There's so much mental illness on my mother's side of the family. I suspect my grandmother and at least two of her sisters have/had bipolar. My mom is definitely borderline but she doesn't see anyone for it and blames all of her problems on everyone else in the family. I have a cousin with borderline who is working very hard on herself and I am so proud of her.

I don't know who my biological father is so I don't have a map for that part of my family tree.

Like many here, there is a lot of bipolar disorder and depression in my family. I'll try try try to be as brief as possible.

A great great grandmother (my dad's mother's side) was said to have basically lived in her attic, barely moving for long periods of time (depressed).

My paternal grandmother (the grand daughter of above), fell severely depressed in her early 30s after giving birth to her youngest son, who had Down's Syndrome. Then she became psychotic, with symptoms my father described as manic ones. She started to believe she had ESP, that her doctor was in love with her and stalking her, and riding by her house in a "mini car". She even slit that doctor's car tires. My paternal grandfather tried to get her to a psychiatrist. He even got her to the office, but she refused to go past the waiting room. The stress of this grandmother's illness affected my father, greatly, leading him to be hospitalized with a "nervous breakdown".

In retrospect, my father (just mentioned) had anxiety, depression, and manic symptoms off and on throughout his life. The worst manic ones started about four years ago, along with alcohol abuse. It was highly concerning when town people started telling my siblings (and my husband) that his behavior was "out of control". Weird stuff! He ended up in the ER many times, but wouldn't go inpatient. It took almost dying from alcohol to finally get him help, then he had a severe depression.. He's been in an assisted living facility for over a year. After all of that, he is finally on bipolar medications (Abilify and Lamictal) at 78 years old.

My youngest nephew struggled with depression and mixed type episodes since his young childhood. The first crisis was when, as a kid, he deliberately consumed some rat poison. That was soon after my mother's (his grandmother's) death. He struggled on with very few "breaks" his whole youth. He had a series of ECT three times, and 9 psych hospitalizations. At one point, my older nephew had a restraining order against him because of violence during an episode. My youngest nephew lived with my dad and brother for over a year, before the restraining order was lifted. Then he moved back with my sister. A year later, he ended up in the hospital again after suicidal threats. He checked out prematurely. One week later, he was gone. Forever.

I obviously have bipolar disorder (type 1). My sister had been diagnosed with bipolar type 2. I have a second cousin on my mother's side with bipolar 1. My maternal grandmother had once had a "nervous breakdown" after giving birth to my uncle. [That was never really properly explained.]

I have a first cousin on my father's side with a bipolar 1 diagnosis. She is a very tragic figure. She had a trauma in her childhood, plus her mother left my uncle, leaving him to raise her. That cousin became a heroin addict and alcoholic, eventually. She gave birth to three kids, then abandoned them. My uncle and his second wife adopted and raised those kids. She was in prison numerous times for drug charges, DUI's and thefts. She is legally no longer able to be in New Jersey. She had her face totally tattooed and changed her name.

Hiya @BethRags,
So sorry you can't seem to get a satisfying response regarding your great aunt. Sounds like a fascinating life story. Maybe some day you will discover more about her.

I've got quite a bit of mental health conditions in my family. Mostly a lot of depression. Mom. Aunt's. Mom's brothers were both alcoholics. Mom's son and daughter from a previous marriage both suffer with depression. The daughter with something else but I'm not sure what.

Dad suffered from alcoholism, depression, paranoia, anxiety, maybe PTSD, maybe NPD. One of his brothers, alcoholism. One likely Social Anxiety Disorder.

Then there's me. I'm a hot mess! C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, Social Anxiety Disorder, etc. All refractory to treatment.

It seems mental health concerns run in families and maybe get worse through the generations?

Woodsy1

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Originally Posted by woodsy1 Hiya @BethRags, So sorry you can't seem to get a satisfying response regarding your great aunt. Sounds like a fascinating life story. Maybe some day you will discover more about her. I've got quite a bit of mental health conditions in my family. Mostly a lot of depression. Mom. Aunt's. Mom's brothers were both alcoholics. Mom's son and daughter from a previous marriage both suffer with depression. The daughter with something else but I'm not sure what. Dad suffered from alcoholism, depression, paranoia, anxiety, maybe PTSD, maybe NPD. One of his brothers, alcoholism. One likely Social Anxiety Disorder. Then there's me. I'm a hot mess! C-PTSD, MDD, GAD, Social Anxiety Disorder, etc. All refractory to treatment. It seems mental health concerns run in families and maybe get worse through the generations? Woodsy1

Thank you for your comment about my great aunt. I have tried to contact the psych hospital she was in (it's a very large hospital, still functioning in some capacity in Queens, New York)...they just never respond. But I think that if someday I can get to the library in that neighborhood there are historical records of the hospital.

My hope is that it's not that mental illness is worse as the generations, but that more people are reaching out for help with mental health problems.

I'm so sorry that your symptoms are refractory. It's rough enough to have mental health challenges, let alone ones that are difficult to treat.

My family’s history seems unclear. I’ve heard, though never confirmed, that my maternal great grandmother “stuck her head in the oven” at least once, but she was found. My grandfather was an alcoholic. He went to rehab in the 70s and didn’t touch a drink again, although he remained unchanged emotionally. My mother has had major depression for my entire life, but has never admitted it to herself. I cannot remember a time when she wasn’t paralyzed with depression, even before my dad died. A lot of anxiety, too.

Me, I severe anxiety when I was young that has morphed into the wonderful plethora of illnesses that I have today.

I know nothing of my dad’s side because he died when I was so young. We were never close with his side of the family. My two cousins that still live in the state are 10-15 years older than me, so we never had much in common. The other cousins live in Michigan. I’ve only met them in person once.

Honestly, most of the problems in our family derive from generations of abuse. I’m not sure how my grandmother was raised but I do know her mother divorced her father sometime during her childhood, which was absolutely unheard of, so I imagine some bad **** was going down. My grandmother, as sweet and loving as she is now, was extremely abusive toward my mom when she was growing up. I’ve heard stories about being forced to sit at the kitchen table long into the night until everything was finished on your dinner plate. Poking my uncle with a fork until he finished his cottage cheese and threw up. Hurling abuse at my grandfather while he just completely froze her out and read a book, purposefully ignoring her to get her more fired up.

And then my mom had us, and though she was never physically or verbally abusive, she was so emotionally stunted that she just never emotionally connected with us. She just stayed upstairs in her little hole and ignored us. We had basics like food and clothes, but after my dad died we had to learn to fend for ourselves. Often my dinner was chips or crackers or something. I can’t remember her ever making us a home cooked meal. Because she is a hoarder our house was always completely disgusting, until I finally figured out how to clean it enough so it was slightly presentable and wouldn’t get us in trouble with CPS.

My brother is completely ****ed up from this. He spent almost all of his tween/teen years getting high and drunk off of everything except heroin. According to his wife, who was the same way, they had “a little cocaine problem” earlier in their relationship. My brother still struggles with drinking.

And I absolutely despise my uncle’s family.

So my brother and I have come to the conclusion that it is better to cut ties with everyone except my grandmother and go low contact with my mom and just focus on our own families and breaking the cycle of abuse. That is why I am so thankful to have found RS; otherwise my son would have grown up in the same situation.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 My family’s history seems unclear. I’ve heard, though never confirmed, that my maternal great grandmother “stuck her head in the oven” at least once, but she was found. My grandfather was an alcoholic. He went to rehab in the 70s and didn’t touch a drink again, although he remained unchanged emotionally. My mother has had major depression for my entire life, but has never admitted it to herself. I cannot remember a time when she wasn’t paralyzed with depression, even before my dad died. A lot of anxiety, too. Me, I severe anxiety when I was young that has morphed into the wonderful plethora of illnesses that I have today. I know nothing of my dad’s side because he died when I was so young. We were never close with his side of the family. My two cousins that still live in the state are 10-15 years older than me, so we never had much in common. The other cousins live in Michigan. I’ve only met them in person once. Honestly, most of the problems in our family derive from generations of abuse. I’m not sure how my grandmother was raised but I do know her mother divorced her father sometime during her childhood, which was absolutely unheard of, so I imagine some bad **** was going down. My grandmother, as sweet and loving as she is now, was extremely abusive toward my mom when she was growing up. I’ve heard stories about being forced to sit at the kitchen table long into the night until everything was finished on your dinner plate. Poking my uncle with a fork until he finished his cottage cheese and threw up. Hurling abuse at my grandfather while he just completely froze her out and read a book, purposefully ignoring her to get her more fired up. And then my mom had us, and though she was never physically or verbally abusive, she was so emotionally stunted that she just never emotionally connected with us. She just stayed upstairs in her little hole and ignored us. We had basics like food and clothes, but after my dad died we had to learn to fend for ourselves. Often my dinner was chips or crackers or something. I can’t remember her ever making us a home cooked meal. Because she is a hoarder our house was always completely disgusting, until I finally figured out how to clean it enough so it was slightly presentable and wouldn’t get us in trouble with CPS. My brother is completely ****ed up from this. He spent almost all of his tween/teen years getting high and drunk off of everything except heroin. According to his wife, who was the same way, they had “a little cocaine problem” earlier in their relationship. My brother still struggles with drinking. And I absolutely despise my uncle’s family. So my brother and I have come to the conclusion that it is better to cut ties with everyone except my grandmother and go low contact with my mom and just focus on our own families and breaking the cycle of abuse. That is why I am so thankful to have found RS; otherwise my son would have grown up in the same situation.

I'm so, so sorry about the childhood abuse. Me, too. It makes me tired just to think about it. The damage done to children by parents who are not in mental health recovery is horrifying.

Thanks for your kind and compassionate words. I like your perspective that maybe people are just reaching out more now. I'm glad that we don't live in an age of silence. Talking about our issues with each other makes life more bearable.

I hope you have as good a day as possible.
Woodsy1

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Originally Posted by woodsy1 Thanks for your kind and compassionate words. I like your perspective that maybe people are just reaching out more now. I'm glad that we don't live in an age of silence. Talking about our issues with each other makes life more bearable. I hope you have as good a day as possible. Woodsy1

How kind of you. Thank you so much. Have a beautiful day, yourself

My grandmother drank like a fish and ultimately killed herself. I was 11 and everyone in my family told me that I was too young to understand. They called her a manic depressive. After I was diagnosed and began to learn about bipolar symptoms it was clear that she had bipolar and, unfortunately, had no help. My grandfather simply coped and as a result completely ignored my father and aunt, who grew up with their own PTSD issues. Looking further into the family history, it seems that others had 'different' behavior.

I'm sorry you did not get to know your great aunt. My family too refused to discuss anything about my grandmother until I forced the issue with my own symptoms. Getting families to open up about these things is so difficult. In past generations it was so misunderstood.

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Originally Posted by wolftrap My grandmother drank like a fish and ultimately killed herself. I was 11 and everyone in my family told me that I was too young to understand. They called her a manic depressive. After I was diagnosed and began to learn about bipolar symptoms it was clear that she had bipolar and, unfortunately, had no help. My grandfather simply coped and as a result completely ignored my father and aunt, who grew up with their own PTSD issues. Looking further into the family history, it seems that others had 'different' behavior. I'm sorry you did not get to know your great aunt. My family too refused to discuss anything about my grandmother until I forced the issue with my own symptoms. Getting families to open up about these things is so difficult. In past generations it was so misunderstood.

It's sad, about your grandmother.

It is hard. For some reason many families seem to think there's a blame/shame thing that goes on. Or they think it's "weird" that someone wants to know about a mentally ill family member. With regard to my great aunt I have the feeling that my sisters and some cousins grew up being afraid they'd be "locked up" like Great-Aunt Beth.

Communication goes so far and is so very healing.

That’s so interesting that you found out about your Aunt. I hope you are able to learn more. I have no clue about how far back bipolar runs in my family. All I know is that My mom has bipolar 1. As far as I know she’s the only one out of her 6 siblings that got it. Though one of her brothers and her sister are both off and on again drug addicts and alcoholics. I’m the first one out of my moms 6 kids to have an episode with bipolar 1, but my two baby sisters both suffer depression and take meds. So it could be possible it morphs into bipolar but God I hope not!!!! Then I have 1 first boy cousin who has had it since he was about 19. I’m pretty sure he has bipolar 1 also. I don’t know if anyone else in my family that has anything.