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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 04:50 PM
  #41
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I started reviewing math stuff I’ve already taken classes for in attempts to get back in school for meteorology or chemistry or maybe engineering (or physics or math or x,y,z, or this or that). Something math intensive though. I feel like if I hadn’t been taking calc II with a crap professor while manic, psychotic, doing ECT, and being hospitalized every other month, I could’ve kept going instead of flunking and not wanting to spend another grand to retake the courses I was in.

I feel like I have so much wasted potential. I’m so far behind everyone else my age. I’m stuck in a cycle of self destruction and defeat that I don’t know how to get out of.

Never feel that you're behind "everyone else"! I know so many people who believe that. It's our weary minds giving us false information. You have an illness and you work SO hard to cope with it. Suspend judgment, Sapien and give yourself the love you deserve.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 05:06 PM
  #42
I feel like I have so much wasted potential. I’m so far behind everyone else my age. I’m stuck in a cycle of self destruction and defeat that I don’t know how to get out of. that's how I feel too.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 05:36 PM
  #43
Hi all. I am a bit stressed as some family members (adult and kids) have been exposed to Covid (and the person who likely has it is also someone I know and care about). I am glad that my mental health is overall stable so that I can not totally panic. They are in good health and not too old, but still.

Actually, in general I have felt weirdly calm lately. I don't understand, but I wonder if my emotions are blunted or something. However, I am taking Wellbutrin and lo loestrin for my moods and I am not sure that either would cause this? Like I used to be super high stress and now I am relaxed? I am not depressed so it is not that, either.

I got an interview for a job scheduled for next week. I am happy because I want this job and I also need a job so I am not unemployed come January.

Take care!
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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 06:31 PM
  #44
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So I called the doctors about my blood test results. And I’m having kidney issues. Which explains the massive amount of pain I’ve been in and the other physical symptoms. I need to go into the hospital tomorrow for an abdominal ultrasound.

I wish people would give me a ****ing break about my mental health. I know when something is wrong medically. Someone’s mental health doesn’t just get suddenly bad for no reason after being stable for almost 6 years.
I hope nothing bad (or at least not major) is found from your ultrasound. I'm supposed to have a similar ultrasound sometime soon to investigate a possible issue with my kidney health, though I am not experiencing any pain.

It's terrible that people with mental health issues aren't always taken seriously about physical ones.
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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 06:46 PM
  #45
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Your other friends are. We, your friends who matter, think it's funny.
Thank you!

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 06:59 PM
  #46
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Never feel that you're behind "everyone else"! I know so many people who believe that. It's our weary minds giving us false information. You have an illness and you work SO hard to cope with it. Suspend judgment, Sapien and give yourself the love you deserve.
You’re right. It just sucks that other people are able to function and their successes are getting degrees, landing jobs/getting promoted, and getting married and my successes are “I haven’t done anything that has a high probability of killing me in a week and I remembered to eat a meal today.”

Guess I just gotta remember I have disorder(s) that make my little successes matter as much as others’.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:04 PM
  #47
Had/am having a bad panic attack. Just did 15 minutes of yoga to see if that helps. I think it did a little bit. I'm not sure though. I'm trying to pretend I'm a person who doesn't have really bad anxiety/panic attacks and see if that helps somehow. I don't know. Maybe that doesn't make any sense. I'm just trying everything because I'm so sick of it.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:13 PM
  #48
I woke up in pain today. My left side and left lower back hurt a lot when I moved. It would hurt when I'd cough or hiccup etc. Just turning over in bed hurt so that I'd grimace. My kidney functioning is impaired according to recent bloodwork. But this felt like muscular- like how did I sleep?! Am I just getting old?

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:25 PM
  #49
Moose, that sounds like it might be a kidney stone. If it still hurts tomorrow it might be a good idea to get checked out. That hurts so badly and goes from the kidney around the side and down the back. When I had mine I hated having to sit up or roll over because it hurt so much.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:27 PM
  #50
Pdoc is calling me day after tomorrow at 1:30. Dunno what to tell her- yet again.

I'm watching a documentary about Crownsville Maryland's mental hospital. Lots of horrible things went on there over the years and even into the 90's! It's called "Crownsville Hospital: From Lunacy to Legacy" It's on Amazon.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:49 PM
  #51
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Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs View Post
Hi all. I am a bit stressed as some family members (adult and kids) have been exposed to Covid (and the person who likely has it is also someone I know and care about). I am glad that my mental health is overall stable so that I can not totally panic. They are in good health and not too old, but still.

Actually, in general I have felt weirdly calm lately. I don't understand, but I wonder if my emotions are blunted or something. However, I am taking Wellbutrin and lo loestrin for my moods and I am not sure that either would cause this? Like I used to be super high stress and now I am relaxed? I am not depressed so it is not that, either.

I got an interview for a job scheduled for next week. I am happy because I want this job and I also need a job so I am not unemployed come January.

Take care!

What scares me about covid is the "post-covid" disorders that some people get. Blood clots, lung issues, strokes, etc.

I hope & pray that every one of your family members will be okay.

I'm always hearing about Wellbutrin being "activating", but so many people say it's calming. Loestrin is a contraceptive pill? Do you feel like the calmer feeling is a good thing, or is it too blunting?

Good luck with the job! Keep us posted

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:54 PM
  #52
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You’re right. It just sucks that other people are able to function and their successes are getting degrees, landing jobs/getting promoted, and getting married and my successes are “I haven’t done anything that has a high probability of killing me in a week and I remembered to eat a meal today.”

Guess I just gotta remember I have disorder(s) that make my little successes matter as much as others’.

I know. I'm there, too. All of the friends I grew up with have "normal" lives. My life is not normal, it's weird. If nothing else, meds cause life to be abnormal. I have a bunch of childhood friends who regularly run marathons. If I walk around the block it's a success, because meds make me feel so off-balance and tired.

All those reasons make it so, so important to have 24/7 support. We really need it.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:57 PM
  #53
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Pdoc is calling me day after tomorrow at 1:30. Dunno what to tell her- yet again.

I'm watching a documentary about Crownsville Maryland's mental hospital. Lots of horrible things went on there over the years and even into the 90's! It's called "Crownsville Hospital: From Lunacy to Legacy" It's on Amazon.

Ooh, thanks. I'll watch it. The history of mental illness treatment is hard to know, but it's interesting.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 08:00 PM
  #54
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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow View Post
Moose, that sounds like it might be a kidney stone. If it still hurts tomorrow it might be a good idea to get checked out. That hurts so badly and goes from the kidney around the side and down the back. When I had mine I hated having to sit up or roll over because it hurt so much.

Ugh. I had a kidney infection when I was 9 months pregnant. Was that ever painful.

How's it going with your medical situation, Rainbow?

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 08:01 PM
  #55
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Moose, that sounds like it might be a kidney stone. If it still hurts tomorrow it might be a good idea to get checked out. That hurts so badly and goes from the kidney around the side and down the back. When I had mine I hated having to sit up or roll over because it hurt so much.
It doesn't hurt as bad now. It hurts a little when I move a certain way. Nothing like earlier. Earlier, I didn't want to get out of bed because moving hurt so much and I ended up going back to sleep hoping it would go away with some more sleep. I had slept an okay number of hours already so I didn't need to go back to sleep and i got up at 1:30, still in pain. I thought, at first that I might have reflux since I had it as a kid. But, I grew out of it eventually in my childhood so that's not likely. Does the pain come and go? Right now I'm not feeling anything but twinges of pain that come and go when I cough or sit up.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 08:03 PM
  #56
Today I cooked a stew. It's been such a long time since I've cooked anything because my apartment gets too hot. The stew turned out nice. It makes me sad, though, because I used to cook for my husband and children...seems like the years went by way too quickly. I wish I wasn't sad about so many things.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 08:23 PM
  #57
I found the following:

Symptoms
Some kidney stones pass on their own when they are small before causing any symptoms. Larger stones block urine flow and cause painful symptoms -

Renal pain which is intermittent and severe radiating to groin, and testis in males is the most striking feature
Pain worsens during movement
Blood in urine
Pus in urine
Fever
Difficulty in urination, feeling of urgency, frequent, painful, burning micturition
Nausea, vomiting, chills and fever are seen in case of infection
Urinary retention
Causes
The formation of kidney stones cannot be attributed to a particular cause, but several factors increase the risk.

Risk factors include:

Dehydration: Consuming inadequate amounts of water regularly for prolonged periods of time greatly increases the risk. People living in hot and dry climates and who sweat a lot are also at increased risk
Family history: People who have an affected family member are more likely to develop the disease
Certain foods: High sodium diet, oxalate and foods that increase acid levels
Obesity
Diseases/surgery of the digestive tract- Inflammatory bowel disease, gastric bypass surgery
Certain medical conditions- hyperparathyroidism, sarcoidosis, urinary tract infection, some cancers


I think I am dehydrated. My kidney function was sub-par last month- twice! I don't have any signs of infection. I have been peeing a lot, but I thought that was from the coffee. We'll see how I feel tomorrow, I guess.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 08:28 PM
  #58
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Today I cooked a stew. It's been such a long time since I've cooked anything because my apartment gets too hot. The stew turned out nice. It makes me sad, though, because I used to cook for my husband and children...seems like the years went by way too quickly. I wish I wasn't sad about so many things.
I hear you. I have times when I think my kids grew up to fast or that I wasn't there enough for them. That I should've stayed home all the time so I didn't miss any part of their childhoods. But, I realize they are still here and I can make the best of TODAY with them. Last night I called N3 and we had such a nice talk about his schooling and how his calculus class is going and what his new classes are going to be next semester. We also talked about some things about radiation since I'd just watched a documentary with it in it.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 08:36 PM
  #59
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How's it going with your medical situation, Rainbow?
I'm having another mammogram and an ultrasound assisted needle biopsy Thursday or Friday. I have to have another mammogram thanks to my local hospital losing the first one I had done. I am not pleased and will be writing a complaint letter about this and the fact they've delayed this whole thing by 3 weeks.

I really liked the person I talked to, who I hope is the doctor.

I'm just over this. Hopefully the needle biopsy is it, although my family doctor made it sound like I'd need a surgical biopsy as well. That would be lovely to avoid. I think they know less than they thought they did/would because of the missing images.

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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 08:38 PM
  #60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moose72 View Post
I found the following:

Symptoms
Some kidney stones pass on their own when they are small before causing any symptoms. Larger stones block urine flow and cause painful symptoms -

Renal pain which is intermittent and severe radiating to groin, and testis in males is the most striking feature
Pain worsens during movement
Blood in urine
Pus in urine
Fever
Difficulty in urination, feeling of urgency, frequent, painful, burning micturition
Nausea, vomiting, chills and fever are seen in case of infection
Urinary retention
Causes
The formation of kidney stones cannot be attributed to a particular cause, but several factors increase the risk.

Risk factors include:

Dehydration: Consuming inadequate amounts of water regularly for prolonged periods of time greatly increases the risk. People living in hot and dry climates and who sweat a lot are also at increased risk
Family history: People who have an affected family member are more likely to develop the disease
Certain foods: High sodium diet, oxalate and foods that increase acid levels
Obesity
Diseases/surgery of the digestive tract- Inflammatory bowel disease, gastric bypass surgery
Certain medical conditions- hyperparathyroidism, sarcoidosis, urinary tract infection, some cancers


I think I am dehydrated. My kidney function was sub-par last month- twice! I don't have any signs of infection. I have been peeing a lot, but I thought that was from the coffee. We'll see how I feel tomorrow, I guess.
I hope it's all better tomorrow!

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