[MuddyBoots]

My hip and my knee are pretty colors today ahah. My whole body hurts. In a good way though.
Last night I couldn't fall asleep again, so I took 30mg temazepam and 100mg seroquel. I haven't taken either in a while so got knocked out for 12ish hours. I am feeling the med hangover majorly today. On my second cup of coffee and starting to return to normal.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Count me among those who watched the inauguration and enjoyed it thoroughly (music I didn't give a hoot about, and wth with that skirt?!, but anyway...). I actually stood up for both inaugurations, clapped, exclaimed and even cried a little. So VERY relieved. So very proud also to FINALLY see a woman achieve this. I agree with Beth-- there was love written all over it. And sure, one could say it's just words and the sorts of things that are spoken at such an occasion, but they didn't ring hollow. I think he is a good man. And that means the world.

We signed the lease last night. We can move in next week (no prorated rent, just free till the February rent kicks in). My boss offered the loan of his van. Both these things are so nice! I don't have a ton of stuff, but still wish I could just wiggle my nose and have everything magically there. Lol. I need to get my hands on some boxes. A bit apprehensive about taking apart a big IKEA cube unit (and of course RE-assemble...), but it's a beast and there's no way around it. (I could leave it, but I love it, so... no.)

I'm doing alright. Much better, between now having a President that is worthy of the position and having the new place all official. Hey, it'll be the one place ever (and I've moved a LOT) that I'll remember when I started renting it, lol! My anxiety level has dropped significantly. Now all I have to do is deal with a heavy workload at work (that I've been working since extra hours because of) and move. Coffee please!

I’m glad you’re doing better. That’s great news about the move. I hope it goes smoothly.

[Moose72]

My hair before was six or more inches past my shoulders- hard to wash, impossible to style, very curly and heavy. Now she blew it dry wavy/straight. I feel so much more free! I feel like my age- or older! I just look old no matter which angle I take it from, or which facial expression I make. I don't know why the pic is sideways.

[Mountaindewed]

My anxiety is the worst today. If my mental health team decided to put me inpatient I don’t think I’d be against it. But I can’t eat and I just keep taking Xanax which isn’t helping. I’ve had two 1mil XR and one .5 in about 2 hours. When I do eat my stomach hurts so badly. I went to the mall today for the first time since March and I really had to use the bathroom. I have not used a public restroom since starting my transition. I identify as male and I also pass more for male then I do female. So I decided to use the guys room because I felt like no one would yell at me. No one was in when I went in. When I came out 2 guys were there and one guy was coming in and he gave me a glance but I hurried on my way. I feel super awkward but also kind of proud of myself. But yeah I’m not sleeping well or eating much and I am so incredibly anxious. I was sweating in the mall and my feet felt slippery because they were sweating too.

I think it’s just really bad anxiety. I don’t think there’s anything physical going on but I can think of several big stressful events coming up.

Although I do kinda freak out sometimes about cancer. Specifically leukemia and bladder cancer.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all! I am doing better I guess the lowering of the gabapentin did the trick, or something else coincidentally changed. Thank goodness because now I have the motivation to finish up this packing and moving. I am still feeling bittersweet about it, but not deeply sad for no identifiable reason. I would really love to get my moods more stable.
I am preparing to donate my car as I think I mentioned, and I do feel a bit nostalgic about that. It's been my car since I could drive and my grandmother's before that. A lot of memories with it! It's time, though. I can't safely drive it to my next destination.
I treated myself to a matcha latte this morning after cleaning out my car. I gave up coffee, but this was a nice treat.
Sending compassion to everyone.

[Soupe du jour]

We've been in Czech Republic for a number of hours now. All flights went well. I will try to check in tomorrow. I am incredibly sleepy! In bed at what is only 8:07 pm Czech time.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by BethRags

It seems like all psych meds have the possible side effects of depression or anxiety. Even the meds that are supposed to treat those conditions sometimes do the opposite of what they're supposed to do.

I feel like my pdoc is sometimes annoyed with me, too. But you are absolutely correct - we cannot help how our bodies and minds react to medications. And truthfully, I think most of us feel like our care providers are annoyed with us. When I've been courageous and actually asked the providers if they are they always say Of course not! This is my job. In truth, I think if anything, they feel like it's on them if we aren't doing well.

I'm with you on walks. I make a huge effort to do some kind of exercise, even if 10 minutes of stretches, every day. And I was taking regular walks, but I've slacked off. I truly dislike walking, unless I'm in a large city with lots of things to look at. I find walking through suburban streets so lonely and even boring.

Thanks! This made me feel a bit better about it all. I think you are probably right a lot of us feel that way. I also realized it might partly be the way he communicates is pretty short and without much expression and it can make it seem like he'd rather I wasn't talking to him haha. So, I think I need to not read into it too much. I agree about the walks, either being in a city or out somewhere in nature works for me, but anything else just bores me.

[yellow_fleurs]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

We've been in Czech Republic for a number of hours now. All flights went well. I will try to check in tomorrow. I am incredibly sleepy! In bed at what is only 8:07 pm Czech time.

Yay you made it! Congrats

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My hair before was six or more inches past my shoulders- hard to wash, impossible to style, very curly and heavy. Now she blew it dry wavy/straight. I feel so much more free! I feel like my age- or older! I just look old no matter which angle I take it from, or which facial expression I make. I don't know why the pic is sideways.

Haha, you don't look old! Actually, you look very young. The haircut is really cute, frames your beautiful blue eyes so nicely.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Haha, you don't look old! Actually, you look very young. The haircut is really cute, frames your beautiful blue eyes so nicely.

Aww. Thanks.

I forgot to say that I got a couple books. I was driving home from my hair appointment, and decided to turn left toward Barnes and Noble. I found two books I found interesting: Hurry Down Sunshine by Michael Greenberg and the classic Touched with Fire- by Kay Redfield Jamison

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Aww. Thanks.

I forgot to say that I got a couple books. I was driving home from my hair appointment, and decided to turn left toward Barnes and Noble. I found two books I found interesting: Hurry Down Sunshine by Michael Greenberg and the classic Touched with Fire- by Kay Redfield Jamison

Touched with Fire is such an excellent book. I read Hurry Down Sunshine a few years ago. I wish I could remember it...it seems to me that it was meaningful, but my memory is horrible. Let us know how you like it.

[wildflowerchild25]

I was in a mild panic all day long due to house stuff. Turns out I didn’t realize I had to have a separate termite inspection and the inspection window is over Monday!!! I spent a lot of time at work trying to find and make appointments. I got one for Saturday but my realtor obviously needs to be there to open the house. He said he’s going to try to get the inspection window a little smaller so we don’t all have to sit there for two hours waiting. Especially because it’s going to be 19 freaking degrees.

The plumber I called for my mom was a no show. I found another that was much more responsive and also nicer on the phone. My mom pledges to handle it herself but I have my doubts. Grandma agreed that the rest of the house can wait since my moms not moving anytime soon anyway.

In any case as long as the termite inspection can be done we’re ready for the next step, requesting that the sellers make necessary repairs. We only want the termite damage addressed and a piece of broken siding that needs to be replaced in order for water not to seep through. Hopefully they agree to that. We are probably not going to withdraw anyway. RS says he thinks he can fix the visible termite damage himself. We’re just asking for the sellers to pay for a contractor to assess the damage. All the other problems are easily fixed and RS can do them himself, except for electrical. But we have two electrician friends who will help us out.

We only have four months left on this “lease” for the rented house. I have lease in quotes because I’m tempted to tell the landlord to keep our security deposit and **** off. Not pay rent for the time we’re not living here. I believe I have a case because the landlord never presented us with a new 12 month lease in June of last year. I guess he just assumed that since we were paying, we still lived here. There is no written or even verbal evidence that we agreed to stay a whole second year. It’s just a matter of whether it’s worth fighting in court. I’m sure he would try to take us to court over it. And I’m equally sure we would win, I just don’t think the cost of a lawyer is worth the trouble for three months of rent, especially because our first mortgage payment wouldn’t be until April first so we’d only have to pay both for two months. Is it worth arguing over $3600? I’ll have to ask my real estate lawyer if he knows anything about it.

I’m looking forward to a nice long hot shower, which I will do now.

[bizi]

wildflowerchild25
I hope the plumbing issue gets resolved quickly!And that you sell the house.
We just sold our mother in laws house. There was a lot of work done to the house and they had to lower the price because they had done enough.They finally got what they wanted for it.They spent $50K on repairs and up grade of light fixtures, new roof,new air and heater foundation repair sump pump repair.painted the entire inside of the house and the basement floor as well.
It is quite a job selling a house.
good luck again.
bizi

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

...There is no written or even verbal evidence that we agreed to stay a whole second year. ...

I don't know the law in other states, but here in Calif every agreement between a landlord and tenant must be in writing. But the law here usually sides with the tenant. Again, I don't know about NJ.

[Moose72]

Now I'm worried that I exposed myself to covid today at the mall. The salon has everybody sign into a couple electronic forms using a QR scanner. It said stuff like "if you get covid you will not take us to court and if you do you will have to pay all our fees..." Then I went to the middle of the mall where they'd taken all the tables and chairs out but they still had a couple massage chairs so I got a coffee and sat in a massage chair for 5 or 10 minutes.

[Mountaindewed]

Yeah I’m worried I exposed myself too. And it was super hot in the mall and I thought heat spread the virus quickly. I heard if you don’t start to begin to show symptoms in 4 days you should be fine.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm sorry I am so behind here. I'm sending hugs to all and will try to get a little caught up as soon as possible.

We arrived in Czech Republic yesterday late morning, after a brief stop in Amsterdam, Netherlands. The flights were comparatively pleasant and on time. The plane from NYC to Amsterdam was only about 1/4 full, so we slept stretched in a horizontal position over five seats. Nice! In contrast, the plane from Amsterdam to Prague was mostly full.

I have jet lag, and am just plain exhausted and sore. I can't wait to go to our new home, but for now we are staying with my husband's sister. Though being a guest is tiring, it's a little more like home with my sister-in-law. Unlike my family members, my husband's sister and nephews have and will help(ed) us with many things.

We have lots of errands to run.

[MuddyBoots]

I just got back from the vet's. I cried because while my cats were in there (just checking their blood pressure) and I was waiting in the car, another couple drove up and they both went right inside carrying a cat. Because of covid, they only allow people in when you're saying goodbye. I know what room they went into and I was there just in August. I will likely be back in that room soon as I have two really freakin' old cats with kidney disease and high blood pressure (both being treated). I didn't know the couple or even recognize them, but I wanted so badly to give them some kind words and a hug. I hope they take it easy and remember all the good times.

I'm still crying. I feel like it's stupid because I didn't know them or the cat and cats die every day and there are a lot of bigger problems to be facing right now, but feelings, ya know? They're intense and beautiful but irrational and frequently painful.

I think it's a "bring my headphones on my walk" day.

[yellow_fleurs]

Hi all! I just had a termination session with my therapist, the one I was seeing for about a year and half. She was glad I had called to make the appointment. I was on the fence about it, but glad I did. I actually got up the courage to ask her if she was frustrated with me, and she assured me that she was not because as a counselor she understood it was all part of the process even if I were stuck. I also told her how therapy had confused me at times like what I was supposed to be doing or talking about and she encouraged me to speak up about that in the future. I had been rather unwell last time we met so it was nice to have a session where I was doing better.

In other good news I found my car title and did not have to go to that appointment. So, that made my day a little easier. I had put it away somewhere safe like I had expected haha. Going to run errands, grab some breakfast and then pack up. Last full day in my apartment.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing ok today. I have a good amount of anxiety right now so I don’t know how much worse it’s going to get throughout the day. But right now I’m not doing too bad. I am at the point though where I’ve started putting medical and therapy bills on credit cards. Which is exactly what you shouldn’t be doing. I had a Visa gift card so I was able to buy pants and shirts which I really needed. But basically my prescriptions are $10-$60 each and I get a $200 therapy bill each month. Plus the bills for my ultrasound and my gynecologist came in as well. I can hardly wait until we move so I can get back to working. We have the carpet people coming in on Monday and they are putting in carpet both upstairs and downstairs. so we have to take stuff off the dressers and bookcases and closets today. The new contractor got back to us so he’s going to start working soon. Things are coming along. I think I’m finally accepting the move.