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*Beth*
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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 03:55 PM
  #921
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Originally Posted by yellow_fleurs View Post
Hey all, still feeling down and trying to motivate myself to pack. At least I did most of the kitchen yesterday. I also need to donate my old car and I really hope I can find that darn title. I am the worst with that kind of stuff. Yesterday the psych resident told me to try fixing my iron levels first to see if that helps my depression, but then called back today and was like actually if you want to try stopping the gabapentin you can. I think he probably talked to the psychiatrist about that. Depression is a warning for gabapentin and I think all antiepileptics maybe?

I honestly feel like such an annoying patient and like they seem a bit frustrated with me and I feel really awkward about all that. Nothing I can do about these med responses, though. Anyways, it is all probably going to work out even if it doesn't feel like it right now, and I am aware my life is good in many ways even if it doesn't feel that way. I am going to go figure out this car title thing. Get out of this chair and do something productive. I stopped doing my walks and most of my healthy habits, just don't even have the willpower but need to.

Sending compassion to everyone.

It seems like all psych meds have the possible side effects of depression or anxiety. Even the meds that are supposed to treat those conditions sometimes do the opposite of what they're supposed to do.

I feel like my pdoc is sometimes annoyed with me, too. But you are absolutely correct - we cannot help how our bodies and minds react to medications. And truthfully, I think most of us feel like our care providers are annoyed with us. When I've been courageous and actually asked the providers if they are they always say Of course not! This is my job. In truth, I think if anything, they feel like it's on them if we aren't doing well.

I'm with you on walks. I make a huge effort to do some kind of exercise, even if 10 minutes of stretches, every day. And I was taking regular walks, but I've slacked off. I truly dislike walking, unless I'm in a large city with lots of things to look at. I find walking through suburban streets so lonely and even boring.

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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 03:56 PM
  #922
I’m doing ok. I just had to take a break from PC. I felt like I was becoming too dependent on it. I also had to deactivate my Facebook account. The news was too triggering. I was panicked all weekend about my therapist. I didn’t want to fire her. I had just had a panic attack while sending her the email. I had my mom send one Sunday night explaining how I felt like my surgery in October changed my personality and how I’ve just become angry and moody because of my UTI.(the at home test is still showing I have one but I feel fine) My therapist replied that I misunderstood her and she just needed to create boundaries in emails and that she’d be happy to continue to work with me.

So I saw her today. I kept it very business. We talked about the emails. She just said again that it was a safety thing. But she was pretty enthusiastic that I had learned stuff in the program. She did ask how I know when something isn’t going to work out and when I feel like it will work out. I felt like she was kind of asking about me and her. I mentioned that one therapist I had. I didn’t make any connection to current T. Basically I was just treading really carefully today and keeping it professional. We did not keep track of the time which kinda threw me off for a bit afterwards. I felt like it was kind of an abrupt ending. But I see her again next Tuesday. So I didn’t fire her. She was very nice and more non business then I was being. And she was not being standoffish the way I kind of politely was being.

I called my primary this morning. I asked him if I could split my dose of my injection in half and take it every week instead of every other week. I feel like that will level out my moods since this transition is mainly why my moods have been so ****ed up for 10 months.

I see my Pdoc in a couple hours. I plan on having him keep everything the same since primary has already adjusted things today.

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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 06:45 PM
  #923
I just did my Pdoc appointment lying down in my bed on my side. It went fine. Just the same get a better sleep schedule and are you happy with your meds stuff. I don’t feel good again. I had a bunch of diarrhea this morning. I forced myself to eat lunch thinking I just needed to eat. I thought therapy was the problem after. Now I’m not focused on it. I’ve been uncontrollably shaking for a few hours. My breathing is a bit rapid. My eyes are watering. If I don’t throw up tonight, which I feel like I might, I’ll just sleep it off.

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Default Jan 19, 2021 at 10:30 PM
  #924
Not okay. Can't stop crying and feeling ecstatic. I want non-existence. I can't believe that decreasing an AP would do this to me, I think something else is going on. I think I'm having a mixed state episode. I'm scared when this happens, I feel out of control. I should just go to sleep, but that sounds like the stupidest waste of time imaginable. However, it is in my best interest to sleep so I took extra medication, hoping it will just knock me under.

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 10:23 AM
  #925
Hubby and I fly to Europe today. I'll share about some cool things yesterday/today a bit after we arrive there. Luckily the weather is good both at origin and destination. It feels strange having a one-way ticket. We will have to check-in the old-fashioned way because of that. Not for Hubby, but for me since I am not a European citizen and it's a pandemic. We will have our negative Covid test results and marriage certificate in hand. We were married in our destination country, so it is written in both my husband's native language and English. That's perhaps extra helpful.
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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 10:36 AM
  #926
Happy travels, Soupe!

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 12:32 PM
  #927
Happy safe travels. Can’t wait to hear more.

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 12:50 PM
  #928
Safe travels, Soupe! Enjoy the ride

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 02:31 PM
  #929
Just got back from skiing. Home a little early because I hurt haha. Great day!!! Snowed on and off all day (which made visibility crap near the summit but whatever) and there were only a few patches of ice. Speaking of which, I was bombing this run (steepest groomed run at this place that is known for their expert skiing) and I caught a little air, fudged the landing on hardpack and went down. I must've fell about 200 feet (it was well over half the trail). I had to redeem myself on this trail, and I fell again (going much slower, but this time heading towards trees)!
So my hip is bruised now lol. Fun day. Some pow in the ungroomed.

And we got a new president, so that's rad

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 02:44 PM
  #930
I had a video chat with my gynecologist this morning. Basically she can’t do a hysterectomy and to get just a hysterectomy done you need to go through a **** ton of hoops because your basically getting sterilized and at 27 years old with no kids she’s not sure I can get it done. She said you need 2 psychiatrists to give you clearance and make sure you never want kids. She said with my autism and other mental health diagnosis she said it would be really hard. She referred me to a hospital downtown that has a whole facility that does that stuff. But I’m honestly wondering if it’s worth it. I wanted the hysterectomy done to help me get through my PMS every month. But maybe just splitting up my injections every month will help even my moods out. I read that a lot of trans guys don’t get bottom surgery. Some do still want kids. I’ve never wanted kids. There’s this thing called a packer that trans men use so it looks like you have guy parts. So you pass even more. So I think I may get one of those and continue to work on my weight loss.

But thank god the national news was so positive today.

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 06:46 PM
  #931
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Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
Just got back from skiing. Home a little early because I hurt haha. Great day!!! Snowed on and off all day (which made visibility crap near the summit but whatever) and there were only a few patches of ice. Speaking of which, I was bombing this run (steepest groomed run at this place that is known for their expert skiing) and I caught a little air, fudged the landing on hardpack and went down. I must've fell about 200 feet (it was well over half the trail). I had to redeem myself on this trail, and I fell again (going much slower, but this time heading towards trees)!
So my hip is bruised now lol. Fun day. Some pow in the ungroomed.

And we got a new president, so that's rad

Yikes, you're courageous. I've never been brave enough to go skiing. I'm glad you weren't hurt any worse!

YES! We have a new president

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 06:56 PM
  #932
I watched the entire inauguration and it was beautiful. Perfect. There was love written all over it.

Went to my GP because I feel like I have a uti that won't go away. He said nothing came up in the urine test. He sent it out to the lab. But he's concerned about a possible prolapse (bladder). Greaaat. I had complications with the birth of my son years ago and my bladder has never felt quite the same since. GP also said there could be an obstruction between my kidney and bladder. Sounds scary. I'm trying to be level-headed. Can't it just be a uti? Ugh.

I took too many pills last night. I was not okay. I slept very hard (it's difficult to be concerned about taking too many pills when the sleep is so restorative). Therapist tomorrow, pdoc next day. Good.

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 08:15 PM
  #933
I am greatly relieved. So comforting to have a sane president again. I’m relieved on so many levels about that. Now if I could just get mum her shots I could relax more.

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Default Jan 20, 2021 at 11:05 PM
  #934
Congratulations to my American neighbors on your new president!

My province is under a stay-at-home order. It's really hard not being able to get out for a change of scenery, to the mall or joyriding our subway. But vax are being distributed, so it's not going to be forever. I guess we're all in this together.

I had a bad night at Scrabble club and will lose a pile of points. Heavy sigh!

Hugs to all who struggle!



EDIT: The stats came out at Scrabble club and i got the second-highest play of the night and the word was SMARTIE!!!

Last edited by Anonymous41462; Jan 21, 2021 at 12:05 AM..
 
 
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Default Jan 21, 2021 at 12:58 AM
  #935
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Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
Congratulations to my American neighbors on your new president!

My province is under a stay-at-home order. It's really hard not being able to get out for a change of scenery, to the mall or joyriding our subway. But vax are being distributed, so it's not going to be forever. I guess we're all in this together.

I had a bad night at Scrabble club and will lose a pile of points. Heavy sigh!

Hugs to all who struggle!



EDIT: The stats came out at Scrabble club and i got the second-highest play of the night and the word was SMARTIE!!!

I shall call you Smartie from now on!

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Default Jan 21, 2021 at 05:10 AM
  #936
So happy and relieved that we have a new President that I busted out the champagne and strawberries. The inauguration was lovely. I hate that I missed the night portion because of a Zoom meeting.

I’ve had a bit of a downturn lately. The weather impacts my mood greatly in the winter and we’ve had some dreary days. The sun was out yesterday so I went out for an hour with my champagne. I have a new sun lamp that has two modes: bright white and warm yellow that is helpful. I’m not on firm ground yet but I’m getting there.

My daughter will visit the third week of February. Between my schedule and hers, we couldn’t work it out any sooner. That sucks but it is what it is.

Warm regards and hugs to all.
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Smile Jan 21, 2021 at 10:12 AM
  #937
192 This morning!
my first client canceled and not enough time to reschedule, so I could go back to bed.hmmmmm.bizi
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I hope to break into the 180's by feb 1st.

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Red face Jan 21, 2021 at 10:15 AM
  #938
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Originally Posted by BethRags View Post
I watched the entire inauguration and it was beautiful. Perfect. There was love written all over it.

Went to my GP because I feel like I have a uti that won't go away. He said nothing came up in the urine test. He sent it out to the lab. But he's concerned about a possible prolapse (bladder). Greaaat. I had complications with the birth of my son years ago and my bladder has never felt quite the same since. GP also said there could be an obstruction between my kidney and bladder. Sounds scary. I'm trying to be level-headed. Can't it just be a uti? Ugh.

I took too many pills last night. I was not okay. I slept very hard (it's difficult to be concerned about taking too many pills when the sleep is so restorative). Therapist tomorrow, pdoc next day. Good.
Does he mean a kidney stone?

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Default Jan 21, 2021 at 10:43 AM
  #939
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Does he mean a kidney stone?

Maybe. He's not sure. Of course my mind jumped to cancer. I'm telling myself Whoa...back off. There are about 100 issues that we can have with our kidneys/bladder/urinary tracts. Of course, I'm hoping for a magic pill that fixes the whole problem.

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Default Jan 21, 2021 at 11:23 AM
  #940
Count me among those who watched the inauguration and enjoyed it thoroughly (music I didn't give a hoot about, and wth with that skirt?!, but anyway...). I actually stood up for both inaugurations, clapped, exclaimed and even cried a little. So VERY relieved. So very proud also to FINALLY see a woman achieve this. I agree with Beth-- there was love written all over it. And sure, one could say it's just words and the sorts of things that are spoken at such an occasion, but they didn't ring hollow. I think he is a good man. And that means the world.

We signed the lease last night. We can move in next week (no prorated rent, just free till the February rent kicks in). My boss offered the loan of his van. Both these things are so nice! I don't have a ton of stuff, but still wish I could just wiggle my nose and have everything magically there. Lol. I need to get my hands on some boxes. A bit apprehensive about taking apart a big IKEA cube unit (and of course RE-assemble...), but it's a beast and there's no way around it. (I could leave it, but I love it, so... no.)

I'm doing alright. Much better, between now having a President that is worthy of the position and having the new place all official. Hey, it'll be the one place ever (and I've moved a LOT) that I'll remember when I started renting it, lol! My anxiety level has dropped significantly. Now all I have to do is deal with a heavy workload at work (that I've been working since extra hours because of) and move. Coffee please!

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