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Old 01-03-2021, 11:13 AM   #31
NaoSky
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Default Re: Crazy Hitch - High school teacher

Sorry it took me a bit to respond!! I havenít been on the forum and was playing a lot with my daughter plus binge watching Haven. Netflix said they were taking it off in January so I just had to watch it till the end lol. How was your New Years? Mine was in bed watching Haven. Iíve been sleeping close to 7 hours now but going to bed around 1:30am. I have got to get to bed earlier tonight since I go back to work in 2 days!! I canít believe my break is already over. They always seem to go by too quickly. Iím trying to tell myself to look forward to going back to work but itís hard. Iím getting 3 new classes of students so maybe Iíll get lucky with some good ones.

So the ring... I found it about a week ago under the microwave. I didnít know if I should tell him or not so I waited. Three days ago I pulled it out slightly to see if he would find it and then the next morning he used the microwave. I checked and it looked like it got pushed a little back under. Not sure if he did it on purpose or accident. Then yesterday he had to lift and move the microwave. I didnít even think anything if it even when I went into the kitchen and the countertops were bare. My older daughter, step daughter, and their boyfriends were over. When they left he told me he found the ring. I said, oh good!! But when I looked down at his hand he wasnít wearing it..... once a week I leave and go to my house to do laundry. I spend the night at my house then go back to his. So Iím at my house this morning. Iíll let you know if heís wearing it when I go back to his apartment. I donít think he will be. 😢

I know Iím watching a bunch of stuff and playing games to not deal with or think about my life and problems.... it helps me get by each day. Iím just scared about facing some of them. I got brave and talked to my husband about where we stand, but thereís still not any resolution because he says he doesnít know what he wants. So I just keep going and staying with him in a strange marriage, but I donít know if that is doing any good. I just donít want the separation from my daughter. Sheís super attached to me. Yesterday we both asked her if she wanted to stay with her dad or go with me. He asked first and she said ďgo with mommaĒ so I asked her just to see if that would change her mind and she was persistent and kept saying ďgo with momma.Ē I keep remembering how I had to go to the hospital and how CPS kept us separated for 2 months and what my husband told me about how she was traumatized when I left. I feel like Iíd be abandoning her if I let our marriage fail.... i just canít be separated from her again. It would break me again.

Wow - I just canít believe what your ex husband put you through!! Going to that address reminds me of what my sister did also when her ex was cheating! Her ex had a mistress while my sister was in the hospital delivering his 3rd child!! She did the same thing and found stuff in his apartment that belonged to the mistress! Men can be such idiots and jerks!!

Did you ask your psychiatrist about the meds? Speaking of... my appointment never happened! They said I didnít fill out these online forms which I did and then filled out a second time. I waited on the virtual appointment for an hour and nobody pooped in so I called the office and they said I was a ďno-showĒ in the system. So I complained then they came back and said I didnít fill out the paperwork, then came back and said I filled it out too late. So I had to reschedule to the beginning of February!! So Iím stuck on lithium till then.

Ok Iím about to get up and make coffee. Itís already 10am here! I hope you had a good New Years!!!
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Old 01-12-2021, 08:31 AM   #32
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Default Re: Crazy Hitch - High school teacher

*bump
How are you my wonderful friend?
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Old 01-12-2021, 10:29 PM   #33
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Default Re: Crazy Hitch - High school teacher

Heyyyyy Nao! Sorry Iíve been AWOL. Was trying to do some last minute things with my family. My partner went back to work today and my sonís gone back to daycare.

Whatís news my side? Iím day 13 smoke free! Wearing patches and chewing gum and still craving quite a bit. Iíve been using the money I would be blowing on smoking to treat myself. Just for this month then Iíll save it. I went for a haircut yesterday and Iím doing a keratin treatment tomorrow so that should make me feel a bit better.

I saw my psychiatrist today. Iíve been sleeping 11 hours at night and another 1-2 hours during the day. He says Iím depressed. Heís changed my meds - or added on should I say. So Iím still on lamotragine but heís readded cymbalta an antidepressant. I had to go off cymbalta when I went manic. I was on it for years for anxiety. He said I must give it 2 weeks and if itís still not working heís given me a script for abilify. He said I must go back and see him if I do need to start the abilify.

My dilemma is that schools go back in 2 weeks and I told him I really donít want to go back. He said he doesnít do work cover claims and that if I donít go back the Department of Education might make me see an external psychiatrist and then all my records will be out there. I donít know what to do. I canít dump it on my principal last minute. Think Iíll see my gp next week because either way she needs to give me a clearance certificate to return to work full time. She would also need to be the one to deem me fit / unfit. The catch is my position of responsibility as a Y7 coordinator. If I donít go back I think Iíll lose it. They canít have someone on and off whoís unreliable with attendance. So I donít know!

Howís your sleeping going? I havenít seen Haven but omg Bridgerton was awesome. I binge watched that in just a few days. Soo good.

Howís work been since youíve been back? Any nice classes? Hopefully you have some good ones! Iím looking forward to what I call the Honeymoon phase where the kids in new classes are well behaved in the beginning. Or at least I can hope right!

It sounds like your husband definitely lost the ring otherwise he wouldnít have mentioned it. Has he been wearing it?

Have things improved in your relationship? Itís really difficult with a 2 year old in the middle especially because sheís attached to you. My son is a lot like that. Heís such a mommas boy.

Hang in there until February when you get to see your psychiatrist. Hopefully the lithium is working...or just a little bit!!!
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Old 01-13-2021, 08:06 PM   #34
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Oh my gosh that is such wonderful news!!! They say it takes days to start a new habit so you are almost there!!! You got this!! And such a wonderful idea to give yourself rewards. I totally need a haircut and dye! Iíve been putting it off because of this depression..... but good news, I think Iím on the uphill for real this time!! So I may be getting a haircut soon also! I finally love my job again so I know Iím feeling better! Also, for the last 2 weeks Iíve been getting more sleep. It started increasing to 5-6 hours and the last 4 days Iíve been getting 7-8 hours!!!! Straight too without waking up and without meditation!! I feel like my mood is back to normal. I just donít want to jinx it so I havenít talked about it too much because I wanted to see if it would last and so far it has. I think it started feeling better after the break and when I started classes again.

Classes are going very well. Itís nice to have new students and feel like Iím having a do-over. Iím glad that Iíve pushed myself to teach even when I thought I hated it. It was sooooo hard at the beginning of the year but I fought through the depression and Iím so freaking glad I did.

Thatís tough they are putting you on new meds right before school starts again. I know it takes awhile for them to kick in. I never found the right anti-depressant and just rode the wave of it. I donít recommend doing it, but I had my mom to go through it with me. I think sheís coming out of her depression too. It took me 6 months!! If you are in one I pray you do not go through it as long as I did.

I saw the icon for Bridgerton on Netflix and thought about binging it. I may have to now. What about Outlander? Have you seen that? Omg it was really good!! But Netflix only had 3 seasons here and there are supposed to be 6!

He put the ring in the medicine cabinet and isnít wearing it. Iím not even going to bring it up anymore. Iím going to not stress or worry about it. It is what it is I suppose. I think the more I donít cry over him or try to convince him of my love and just enjoy my feeling of normalcy then maybe he will consider making things work. I donít know. But I do plan on getting strong enough to feel like I can live on my own without a marriage if thatís what ends up happening. I just sucks he cant trust me. Our anniversary is 2/29, so that will be my last attempt to see if he will come around, then I give up.

Yes it is hard with a 2 year old and trying to have a relationship when they are right there lol... but even if she wasnít at home for the night I donít know if he would be in any sort of mood for romance. Itís been so long for that sadly....

I donít know how much the lithium is working. Iíve been on it 6 months!! So if it is, then it takes a long time to kick in. Or maybe for me it will just prevent mania, donít know, but I do plan on asking for a med change. Especially since I donít know how effective it is anyway.

Hang in there too, I know you can go back to work and do your best!! Remember itís hard for other people to tell that anything is going on with us because itís all inside. Nobody at my job figured it out and I was in a severe depression. Let me know what you decide!! Have an amazing day/night!
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