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Crazy Hitch
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Default Dec 21, 2020 at 04:12 AM
  #21
Ohhh before I forget - make sure you know your password before PC changes over to the new site. I didn't realise I didn't even know my password and the email address that I had stored on here is years old and I don't even use it anymore. I'm auto logged on to PC so I never have to enter those details.

Yeah I've heard of the star of Bethlehem. That's tonight here! But it's like at 1:00am and there's no way I can set my alarm and disrupt my sleep like that. I just won't function. I'm still oversleeping as it is. As for my son he hasn't really had much of an afternoon nap for 2 days now. Discovered when I picked him up from daycare that he has hand foot mouth disease. Ughhhh. Let's see how he is before Christmas. This is about his 4th round and I've never caught it so here's hoping!

Yes I agree it's so weird how close our lives are! In another world we could have been teaching at the same school! I seriously wonder if anyone at my work has BP and I just don't know about it. They say the statistics are 1 in 100 or maybe it's 2 in 100 I'm not sure. I don't know of anyone though.

Now I seem to remember why I never watched handmaids tail when I first heard about it. I couldn't find it on Netflix Australia at the time but it's worthwhile me having another look. I was going to do some Netflix watching today but before I knew it time was gone and I was picking up my son from daycare. :/ That's when I discovered the hand foot mouth. I'm jumping around 2 paragraphs here but let me know if you do see that star!

I'm a caffeine addict I think! I don't do anything in the morning without my first cup of coffee. I just don't function at all. Before I went all hypo then manic I could literally have a cup of coffee before bed then pass out. Although I've read somewhere that caffeine absorption is affected by smoking so I think that must be true. I never finish a cup in one sitting I'm constantly reheating it in the microwave. I have some quirky habits I reckon.

Glad to hear your husband has been engaging in slightly more conversation with you today. That's a great step forward, even if it's a small one. Onwards and upwards in slow steps. It will get there but it does take time.

What are your usual hours over there? I see your daughter was up last night way later than my son but I think that's because you start later than I do. I leave at 6:30am to get to work at 7:30am but school doesn't start until 9:00. That's because I have an arrangement to finish at 3:00pm everyday instead of 4:30 like everyone else. It gives me more time to spend with my son because the peak hour traffic is nuts. So he's normally asleep by 7:00pm and up around 6:00am. My partner drops him off at daycare every day so that helps.

Ha kids and technology! At least your daughter can navigate your iPhone. My son accidentally closes apps and then just yells at me to get it back on. And he also hates the phone being in my hand. If he sees it he thinks it's his. I'm not sure about my son being a genius I think it's more that I put too many counting songs on TV when he was younger! And they stop at 20 so that's as high as he can go. Although I'm trying to teach him multiples of 10 like 10, 20, 30 but he keeps interrupting me and saying 100! So we're not getting anywhere with that.

Where I live is pretty flat too with houses and some trees. Nothing spectacular. They're doing a lot of development around here so whilst there are some older houses a lot of them are getting bashed down for new houses to be rebuilt. It's a sought after area because the high school here is brilliant. It's the main reason my ex husband and I moved into the suburb in 2011 because we wanted our kids to go to a good high school. We bought a house here together but with the divorce we sold it. I don't own property but my partner does. We rent and he leases out his place because I don't want to move my kids to the school in his suburb. Plus the crime there is higher. There's virtually nothing here. I mean there is a little bit, but nothing to write home about. Touch wood.

Yeah my principal told me in 2009 that he had a breakdown. I'm not sure what that means exactly. Like did he have time off work or what. He asked me in the last week if I really wanted to do coordinating or not in 2011. I felt a bit offended. It's like he's expecting me to fail. Okay I think his main investment in the question would be that he's worried about the impact on the team if I fail hard again and have to take time off work. He said to me if I need a break and I'm struggling I must let him know. But selfishly I think, if someone steps into my position whilst I'm on leave and they do a good job, they will become my direct competition in 2022 because they could apply for the position. I know it's backwards thinking but that's just how it is.

Oh those rapid thoughts when we are manic can be very distracting so I can see how you couldn't quite get a book done in 1 weeks! During my height of mania I could honestly only understand 1 sentence in an email, usually the first one, then I could absolutely not pay attention and had no idea what people were saying. Nothing made sense and I just couldn't hold on to a train of thought long enough. You starting to write a book even whilst depressed might be a good thing. It will help distract you and take your mind off what you are feeling. And it's a great outlet. Good luck at your pdoc appointment in a few days! I hope they can help. I cried today just thinking about all of this crap that I've been through this year and then I thought damnit stop the tears because you need to go pick up your son. I think I need a really good sob.

Ohhh well as for my messages from God. Okay look clearly I'm not manic right now so I KNOW what I thought was bollox. But it was basically that the 2nd Coming (if you have a religious background you'd know what that means) was already happening here on earth and I was one of a few chosen 'disciples' (I have no other word of it) who had the closest connection to God and it was through my actions and me being a teacher that everyone would get to know the word of God. Yikes. I don't know if I dreamt much when I was manic because I barely slept. I probably had nightmares that I just don't remember. Last week I woke up (pretty sure I told you this) after a dream where the assistant principal who resigned had suddenly turned up to work. This was right before he resigned because that was always my greatest fear.

I'm pretty sure I have PTSD and that's what caused my mania which was caused by the entire assistant principal. I just get triggers left right and centre.I'm going to have to do some googling to see how to desensitise my triggers because they didn't exist before this episode. Or they certainly didn't exist on this magnitude just more of fleeting thought in the back of my mind.

Do you have any pets? I've got 2 dogs and 1 cat. I had 3 dogs but my Maltese passed away suddenly from a heart attack about 2 months ago.That was a shock because she was only 11 years old but my vet said that they are prone to that. Sorry if I've asked these questions before. Sometimes I can't remember what I've said in the chatrooms before or what I've typed on this thread. I'd go back and read it but I would now be on chapter 10 of this novel I'd get another dog in a heartbeat but they're selling for over $3,000 at the moment. COVID shot the prices up and the dog breeders all got greedy because sales went up due to people staying at home. And now they're being advertised as "Christmas pups" which has pushed the price up higher. I've seen ones go on GumTree for $10,000. Yup. Although I'd say the median is around $3,000-$4,000 for a jack russel or poodle or something of that sort.

Okay that' s me done babbling. Hope you managed to sleep some! Think I'll be going to bed fairly shortly myself.
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Default Dec 21, 2020 at 10:11 AM
  #22
Hey there!

I’m trying to go back to paragraphs I missed in my earlier message to respond to. My daughter is still sleeping and it’s 8:30. She usually goes down anywhere between 9-11 and wakes up around 9:30-10. When I go to work I leave the house around 6:45 and drop her with my mom 5 minutes away. She stays asleep or goes back to sleep. At night she gets wired and doesn’t want to sleep. She doesn’t always use a tablet and I know it’s bad but sometimes that’s the only thing that keeps her from jumping and bouncing and gets her calm to put her to sleep. I used to sing to her every night and rub her hair. I still do that sometimes and it works too. My husband used to like it when I sang and it helped put him to sleep too but I don’t think he likes it much anymore. So if I do, I quietly sing. I don’t have a great voice either lol. I know one day my daughter will tell me because my older daughter did when she got older!

Ok psychosis.... I guess I only really had it after I smoked the weed. I also hadn’t slept in a couple of days, maybe an hour or two. One of the doctors I spoke to said I probably had it before that. BUT the only time I lost control where I was in autopilot and it felt like it was a dream the next day was after the weed. When I smoked it years ago it only made me hyper and talk a lot and giggle, nothing like that.

Lol about the milk! I don’t know why people follow around someone who is angry!! My husband would sometimes get me so mad I would tell and he would tell me that was good and to let it out. I think I was drunk though.... I remember going to a bathroom once and yelling. Other than that I typically don’t let stuff bother me.... except one lady at my job. She’s a step team couch. She decided to move a bunch of my clubs stuff in a closet we shared without any consideration or permission. I ran down the hallways one morning to get a master key so I had access to the closet and to burn off my anger. I also spoke to the principal about it and went on a rant telling her that this woman thought she was all powerful to do what she pleases. The principal told me it was inconsiderate and that was it. She also asked me what I wanted to do about it. I told her nothing, what’s done is done. They also gave me another closet area to use but it’s super tiny and cluttered with library stuff. I just had to let it go. But I remember how pissed off I was!! They was also a couple of months before my mania.

I can see how that would bother you with your daughter confiding in the other woman, but very good of you to think that at least she has someone to turn to. Is she close like that with her father?

Is a theatre a hospital? We use theatre for movie theatres here. Natural do you mean without an epidural? Both of my children were vaginal with epidurals... the difference was my first I couldn’t feel anything and pushed her out right away. With my second, well it stopped working early in when I was maybe 4cm dialated. Every time they gave me more drugs in the epidural they would wear off at first after an hour then after 45 min then 30 min.... even when they gave me really strong doses. I just don’t think meds work very well for me!! When it was time to push I felt everything!!!! All of those painful contractions. My husband thought I was going to pass out. I was even begging for a csection! But when I began to push I didn’t feel any pain!! It was like a miracle and the nurse said that is true. I think I pushed for about 30 minutes. She came at abou 11:52 am. My husband didn’t want her to be born on 7/11 so I pushed as hard as I could and watched the clock!!

That’s so sweet that your daughter smiled and had a wonderful look on her face. Did you get any photos? My husband took a good one of his 2 daughters and my oldest holding our newborn. Thank goodness for phone cameras... I have zero photos of my first daughter in the hospital. No one had a camera!

Jolly ranchers are hard flavored candy that you can only suck on, they come in all flavors like strawberry, cherry, grape, sour apple, etc. meh kept a bag of them and in his pockets at work. He can smoke while he works so it was a super big challenge for him. Also all of the guys at his job smoke too! I know you can quit when you are ready!! 😊

Oh ok about work cover. I don’t think ours is 100% the same. We just have this thing called FMLA, family medical leave act that protects us. That’s it. It’s usually for when you have a baby or any medical issues.

Even though he’s an old English teacher, he’s also a guy so let’s hope that’s what contributes to him not understanding!! 😅

So my daughter is now awake... I will try to get back on later to respond to your last message, lol trying to keep up! I’m using my phone. My computer is at my house and also my password is only saved to my phone. It was an auto generated one that iPhone does. I think I can look it up. I can text pretty quick but I might be faster on a computer not sure. Ok she’s taking control of my arms and all over me, chat later!
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Default Dec 21, 2020 at 10:00 PM
  #23
Hey NaoSky! OMG what a shocker of a day. My son was screaming all morning because he's sick. I had to eventually put him in my car to go for a one hour drive. It's not helping that it's raining today so he can't go play outside. Grrrrr. And he's been bored outside. I couldn't even bribe him with a chocolate biscuit. He's lost his appetite that's for sure. Thankfully he's down for a nap but I'm not sure how long that will last. My nerves are shattered.

It's good that your daughter manages to get a decent amount of sleep. It's probably relative to the same amount of hours my son gets. I don't think kids using tablets are all that bad! There are a number of educational apps that my son uses and I don't have a problem with it. I know the arguments against it but if anything it's helped with his counting and learning the alphabet. Lol look I sing to my son all the time and I have the worst voice ever. It's only been in the last month or so that I can really point to which nursery rhyme he's singing. Usually it's the daddy finger daddy finger one or the other one I'm hearing quite a lot of is twinkle twinkle little star. And occasionally Alice the Camel. Usually when I change him that's the song I sing to him. He can be really stubborn and he hates it when I put clothes on him so it's a huge fuss in the morning to get him ready for daycare. He's an extremely strong willed little boy and he's got no qualms about letting people know about what he doesn't like. As for the fussiness during eating well that's a whole different matter. I can barely get him to eat absolutely anything. If it's not a sandwich or yogurt he just says "no" when I try to give it to him. It's a worry. I don't know when last he ate vegetables or meat and he doesn't eat anything at daycare either. Sigh.

I don't usually go on rants at work but when I do oh boy I do. That lady with the closet story sounds like a good old b with an itch. In my last week at work I sent the other assistant principal a ranting email about how autocratic and dogmatic the one year level was that I was working with. Like I was just "told" I'd be the one in charge of organising morning teas every Friday. Like hell no! How about you consult the team and ask me if that's what they wanted to do. I moved to coordinating Year 8s for a month and that was going to be my move for next year too. After my rant I told him I want to move back down to coordinating Year 7s because I can not work with such a culture. It was quite an explosive email because I was quite angry. The other rule they devised was no talking in the office. It wasn't directed at me per say but I don't do blanket statements. And the cherry on the cake was when I was told I can't do application forms for funded students with special needs. Like....um I've done that all year this year and get them over the line in Year 7 so they can have a teacher aide with them. I was told no that's the student support person's job and it's not on my job description. I said to the assistant principal since when do we follow job descriptions to a T. Whatever happened to everyone just jumping in and helping out one another when there's work to be done. I really don't like being told what to do. We have a new Year Level Leader next year for Year 7s who's coming from the UK. Let's just hope she makes her flight and that she actually arrives to do her job otherwise we're all screwed. I'm not sticking my hand up for that if there's a temporary delay. I don't need the stress.

Yeah a theatre is the room that they use for operating in a hospital particularly c-sections. And by natural I meant with epidural or no epidural ie no c-section. Yikes I've heard of epidurals wearing off before and I can't imagine anything worse. I don't think I could have laboured and birthed a child without an epidural that's hectic. I don't think I have a high pain tolerance to say the least.

When I had my c-section my partner was sitting by my side and he had my daughter's camera in hand ready to take the shot. The OB lifted him up and over the sheet that blocks the view of everything but as he went to take the shot he realised that it wasn't set up properly so damn we missed the perfect opportunity. With my eldest son and daughter I have the perfect shot of them being lifted up and over the sheets for us to look at. Funny thing is with my 2 year old the moment they lifted him out the first thing I said to my partner is OMG he looks just like you. And he still does to this day! His facial features at least. My partner has blue eyes and red hair (although it's really light now over the years) and my son has blonde hair and blue eyes. I've got brown hair and brown eyes so he missed the gene pool on that one. My eldest son looks like me with the same colouring.

We have something similar to FMLA .... I think! We get 14 days every year for sick leave / carers leave and if you don't use it it just rolls over to the next year. I used a lot of that with my son this year every time he couldn't go to daycare because of a cold here or there and he's had hand foot mouth before and couldn't go for a week. Also before I officially applied for work cover I had used a bit of leave. So when I was running out of leave which would have become unpaid I switched to work cover. We get a thing called long service leave. Not sure if you guys have that there. Basically you accumulate leave that's separate to holiday leave for each year you work. After 5 years is the first time you can take it. I think I've clocked up about 6 months worth of leave that would be fully paid if I took it. I've thought before maybe I should take the first 6 months off next year but you have to apply 6 months in advance so that wouldn't work.

Right let me go enjoy the last bit of my sanity before my son wakes up and causes bedlam around the house. He truly exhausted me this morning! I type a lot slower on my phone I'm pretty fast on a keyboard. Except when my son's awake he always tries to bang my Mac onto the floor. Oh happy days!
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Default Dec 22, 2020 at 10:11 AM
  #24
Hey you! I hope you are sleeping well. Me, eh, it was a terrible night. I woke up after 2 hours, then again after 2 hours. Then I had such horrible stomach pains that I could barely get any rest after that.

So yesterday at dinner I noticed he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. 😢 It’s the first time since he asked me to put it back on him almost 3 months ago. I don’t know why it’s off. I didn’t have the courage to bring it up. I tried looking around the apartment for it but didn’t see it so not sure where he put it. So maybe me thinking about it kept me up last night. I don’t know what’s going to happen between us. I was thinking about re-gifting a picture frame I had inscribed about 4 years ago for Christmas that says I will love him always and forever and it had photos of us in it... i has also added his last name to mine and had it added to the frame. I remember he cried because he didn’t think I was going to ever add his last name. I didn’t because he originally told me I didn’t have to... but eventually I did. But I don’t know how he would feel opening it up again.... I’m going to ask his daughter And my daughter what they think.

This morning I’m going to leave my little one with my mom and take my oldest daughter and step daughter to breakfast and shopping. I’m trying to get out and do stuff so I’m not just sitting around on my break. Yesterday I also went out with my little one and my mom. We went shopping to some thrift stores but didn’t find anything so we went to a place called Sams. It’s a private wholesale store that I have a membership with.. I bought 2 Christmas outfits for my baby... I don’t buy much anymore so it felt a little normal. I used to have a Christmas outfit for almost every day in December!! I dressed her up all the time with lots of bows. It’s just not the same right now and it breaks my heart so I’m pushing myself to do more. I have got to feel more balanced!! Today is my dr apt so I will see what they have to say about a med switch. I’ve been seeing a nurse practitioner that I thought was a psych. It’s who they gave me after the hospital but today I’m going to see a psychiatrist who is her “supervisor”. It was her recommendation.

I’m so sorry your son has HFM disease again!! I hear they can get it in daycares often and that sucks!!! 😢 I hope he feels better! That’s rough that he wouldn’t even take a cookie!! When my baby doesn’t take one I know somethings up for sure!!

I used to think giving technology to small children was bad but now I see the benefits. You are right, they can learn so much from them!!
Oh wow your sons eating habits sound so much like my daughter!! She also loves yogurt and hates vegetables! But she doesn’t always like bread. She does eat meat but is very picky. She even hates macaroni! Last night she didn’t eat anything on her plate. She does love strawberries and sometimes blueberries. We keep trying everything with her but she’s picky and can skip meals. She also likes pickles and sometimes a bite or two from a hotdog. But she dies love sweets and candy!

Her favorite song is 5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. I’ve never heard of Alice the camel. When she was little she watched Little Baby Bum all the time. Also tons of counting songs too, but she can’t count to 20. She will sometimes say 1 2 5 6 7 9... but when I count with her and say 1, she always says the next number instead of repeating me. She will watch baby bum sometimes. She loves any cartoon with princesses.

Haha yea she is not liked by most people in the English department. One day she decided I’d take over an entire workroom after getting permission from I can’t remember who maybe an assistant principal but never spoke to the English dept. they just found all of their files shoved into the break room! So she’s not on anyone’s good list!
Geez sounds like there is drama at every school even in other countries! I don’t blame you for not liking being told what to do especially if what you are doing is a good thing!! No you don’t need the stress and they can figure it out if the new teacher doesn’t arrive!!

Aww that’s too bad he missed the shot and they couldn’t do it again? I really wanted my daughter to have blue eyes. My husband has green/blue and I thought for sure she would get them since one of his other daughters has them and my dad has blue eyes. I have brown hair and brown eyes too and that’s what my daughter got. Except she got super thin hair from his side of the family. My hair is a lot thicker.

Your paid time off and leave sounds much nicer! We only get 7 days of sick time each year and that rolls over too. The FMLA is only to protect our job without any pay. I never took off work and when I had my daughter I used FMLA to take a 3 month leave and used up all of my sick days.. I had a very small check for the last month. But I wanted as much time off as I could get. When I went to the hospital I was off work 2 weeks. I only had 7 days paid and the rest unpaid but the FMLA held my job.

So I didn’t get to see the star of Bethlehem. My husband said he saw before the 2 planets touched but then said it looked like it passed. I never went outside to check and he didn’t ask me to. I thought he was going to.

So I used to drink coffee for the effects of it plus the taste. I also drank Starbucks a lot. This ugh my favorite is coffee I had in England... for some reason I can’t think of the name! It was more popular than Starbucks. But now I try to drink it for the energy, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like it gives me the same energy like it used to. Sometimes I do that too, forget about it and reheat it. When I go to work I take it in this cup that keeps it hot for hours. It’s nice. I just can’t drink any caffeine after 11/12 otherwise I don’t sleep at night!!

Yes I have a religious background too. That’s so interesting that it was the second coming. I think my cousin had similar ideas when manic. I wonder why even people who are not religious have similar episodes about God. Mine were just God leading me to do or say things. One was calling an old friend and telling her she wasn’t depressed. I didn’t even know that she was depressed. It was the friend that got transferred to another school because of the pedophile teacher.... I talked to her really fast and not even sure everything I said. She told me that she didn’t know how i summed up everything she had been thinking for the last year!!! So ya I really really thought God was leading me and I felt powerful. Then I went to my sisters house and told her that her best friend was a b-itch. Then I said sorry but it’s true and and want she needed to know that she was using her. It’s all true but I felt way too bold. I thought I knew everything and that I was gifted... it’s so strange having this disorder.

Pets... wow those are expensive!! Well... I had Bella, a small cairn Terrier mix with maybe chiwawa... my husband bought her for a birthday present for me. I had her about 6 years and Emma was a Beagle that I had for about 2 years. When I got depressed I couldn’t take care of them. 😢 I was feeding them but I didn’t love on them and they weren’t making me feel better and I couldn’t make them feel happy. Then they got fleas and I freaked out. I was still staying in my house by myself and imagined them getting out of control. I sprayed the yard and treated them but the fleas weren’t going away. I kept telling a friend of mine about it and how I didn’t feel like a good dog owner so she found two great homes for them. I think they are much better off. I do think about and miss them.

Ok I think I have now responded to everything lol! We do talk a lot! I need to get outta bed and get ready for the day! See ya!
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Default Dec 22, 2020 at 07:54 PM
  #25
Oh no sorry to hear you had another bad night sleeping. Ughhhhhh that sucks! IÂ’m on my mobile right now and I can barely see anything I donÂ’t know how you do it! My screen is so small and I have to keep scrolling up to see what youÂ’ve typed. IÂ’ve got my son jumping in tables as I type. HeÂ’s thrown two full on tantrums today and has a massive bruise on his head to prove it.

I canÂ’t believe he wasnÂ’t wearing his wedding ring. That sucks. Definitely ask about it thatÂ’s for sure otherwise itÂ’s going to play on your mind. It could have a totally innocent explanation and not what you think. When I noticed my ex husband wasnÂ’t wearing his wedding ring I got some lame excuse that it had fallen off in the swimming pool. Um yeah right. I found it in his car in the glove compartment very strategically placed there. ThatÂ’s probably very likely what kept you up last night especially with the stomach pains. I love the idea of you regifting the frame. Sounds like a great idea IÂ’d say go for it.

You know my son used to absolutely love spaghetti bologna or macaroni. Now not a chance. He used to love quiche and I remember one time visiting my partnerÂ’s folks for lunch and I said the only thing he eats is quiche. TheyÂ’ve made it a couple of times since but he doesnÂ’t eat it anymore. What he eats today he wonÂ’t touch tomorrow.

Oh my son loved baby bum when he was younger. Now everything has to be Dave and Ava or Bob the Train alphabet or counting. Your daughter sounds pretty good with her counting and how she goes about getting to the numbers. ItÂ’s being able to sound and formulate the words at this stage I think rather than getting them in the right order although she doesnÂ’t sound that far off.

Ok now IÂ’m absolutely getting yelled at by my son will have to reply later!
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Default Dec 22, 2020 at 08:24 PM
  #26
Good luck today at your psych appointment! Let me know how it goes Not sure if I told you how disappointed I was with my daughter's appointment. No meds. And my ex-husband I think has relayed the message incorrectly. Diagnosed as being hypomanic but not bipolar. Like what the heck. How are you one and not the other!

Awww bows for your daughter! That's what little girls are great for! My daughter used to put on her fairy princess outfit when she was much younger when we were going out to the store. It didn't bother me. Once she made me Dora the Explorer necklace with big Dora charms and made me wear it to the store. Not like I didn't get a lot of stares but oh well she was probably dressed up in one of her favourite outfits.

Yes our paid time here is really good for pregnancy / once you've had your baby. 50% of my pay came from my employer and the gap was paid by centrelink so I got 6 months off without noticing a dent in my pay check. I took off 7 months but I really noticed that last month with no salary. I did quite a few jobs on AirTasker. Mostly writing resumes for people so it was the odd job here and the odd job there.

I didn't see the star either but I saw some pictures on Facebook. Looked good actually. Would have been nice if your husband asked you to go check it out.

One of my students gave me a really nice travel coffee mug that keeps it pretty hot too that I use in my car. When I arrive at work at 7:30am an hour later it's still hot - if I have any left that is!

Ha yep religion seems to be a common theme. Gifted would be about the word I would use to describe it as well! My old psychologist a few years back told me that when she was doing practice in a psych ward there were 2 people there who believed they were Jesus. Lol yup.

Awwww sorry to hear about your dogs. Oh flees are the worst once you get them! I had an infestation once years back but fortunately managed to keep it under control. I don't know when last I took my small dog to the park but the labrador goes to the park with my partner every now and again. When I moved home after my ex and I divorced I originally had 3 dogs but rehomed one because I just couldn't take care of 3 pets. I still think about her often and I feel so bad having done it but it was the right decision. Your decision was the right decision at the time too.

I've signed up to watch this documentary called Unsinkable the Secret to bouncing back that I'm going to be watching pretty soon. I'll let you know if it's any good I don't know! Here's the link and I hope it's not a scam but it seems legit. You have to sign up with a time that you want to watch it

UNSINKABLE: The Secret to Bouncing Back

Hope your day went okay
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Default Dec 23, 2020 at 09:29 AM
  #27
Good morning! It might be that by the time you read this. It’s 7:40am here. I had about the same amount of sleep but no stomach pains thankfully. I was up after almost 2 hours of sleep then I got about 3 1/2 hours. After that it’s always very light sleep or being awake. Then I’m fully awake until I decide to check my phone. You are the main person I chat with online. I have a best friend that we check in with each other here and there but I know I wear her out with my illness and then I have a cousin who also checks in with me but we don’t talk all the time. She’s busy with work and her family. I do talk to my mom almost everyday. She’s been the best person in my life that never gets tired of listening. She’s still in a depression too so we are there for each other. I still don’t know how she does it.... years without BP and never on meds!

He wasn’t wearing the ring again! 😢 I just don’t know how to bring it up.... ask him where it is or why he took it off or ask if he lost it. Maybe if he lost it? It just breaks my heart that he would take it off days before Christmas.... he could have waited at least!! So I ended up buying him a battery charger for his car. He was talking about getting one. I just hope I bought the right one. I may still do the frame and have him open it up before the kids get here. I asked his daughter and she said she doesn’t know how he will react. She also said we need alone time and she could watch the baby but I don’t know if that will help. She’s sweet... she also said we could do something for Valentine’s Day... he won’t even go to bass pro shop which is a hunting store he loves... I tried to go with him a couple of days ago since they have this aquarium with big fish that our daughter loves..... but he said no. I can’t remember what my oldest daughter said about the frame. I guess it can’t hurt too much. I just want him to know that I’m still the same person I was back then. I think he just doesn’t feel that way anymore. He used to do anything for me and I had my way a lot. He spoiled me so much and I did do a lot for him too but I don’t know if I did enough. So I try really hard to do more now and I’m not sure if it annoys him or what. My life is just so frustrating....

Lol I know how it is trying to text when the little one won’t let you. Mine tells me to put it down or tries to grab it so I don’t really get a chance to much when she’s awake! Yup I have to scroll back and forth to re-read the message to respond! I have an apple X plus but the screen is still much smaller than my mac.

Poor baby! My little one throws tantrums also! I know how it is. Her head bumps are usually from being clumsy though. I’m sure she’s had some bruises from fits too!

Lol their eating habits sound similar! She used to try and eat anything. She loved avocado and now wont touch it! If she doesn’t like something she spits it out or won’t even try it. I think some of her diet changed after I went to the hospital. My mom and me weren’t there to cook different foods and my husband said she would eat what he made so he mostly gave her chicken nuggets and fries! I never gave her fast food before that and now that’s what she prefers, but mostly just fries now!

Aww she just cuddled up on my arm. She passed out before 8pm last night so she will probably be up soon.

So they ended up accidentally scheduling me with the nurse again instead of the psych so they had to reschedule it! I’m just glad I’m not feeling too low right now. Even my daughters said I was laughing and seemed better so that made me feel better. My step daughter also said her boyfriend also noticed that I seemed better. That was one of my wishes that I could get back into the holiday spirit.... I was able to get all of my baby’s gifts and wrap them. I saw my husband look at the gifts but he didn’t say anything. In the past he always said something and picked them up and asked who they were for. He just walked past them like he didn’t care or pretended not to notice.

Hmm hypomanic? Is that what your husband said or the dr? Yea that doesn’t exist by itself that I know of... basically what goes up must come down. Speaking of I meant to ask you. After your last manic episode did you go through a depression or did the meds prevent it?

Aww the Dora the Explorer necklace sounds sweet!! I know you must have had fun with your daughter and bows! I know I did with my first and my baby... I just need to get back into it!!

Oh wow that’s some good time off!!! I know most countries give lots more time than the US!! It’s all about getting back to work here... even when someone dies they only give 3 days!

Yea I thought he was going to ask me.... but he keeps distancing himself more and more from me.... it’s going to be odd Christmas Day also because I’m pretty sure he didn’t get anything for me.... which I really don’t care but it will be the first time in 10 years....

That’s so nice of your student! I got a coffee cup one year! This year I got one gift from a student, I totally did not expect anything this year, it was a 20 dollar gift card to Target. Not sure if you have them in Australia but it’s a store my older daughter works at...

Lol there was a guy at the hospital I was at that said he was Jesus. He said God was revealing these scrolls to him. Before he started saying all that I played volleyball with him and he seemed normal... but then he started preaching to everyone.. I told him it wasn’t true. Every time he tried to tell me something i counteracted it and I wouldn’t listen like the other patients did. He got mad and walked away. He couldn’t convince me lol!

Thank you! Yea I think my dogs went to some good homes so that’s what brings me relief about it!

How was the documentary? I started watching Virgin River a series on Netflix. It’s ok, just keeps me from thinking too much!

My wiggle worm is about to wake up and I need to go the the bathroom (aka toilet) and get some coffee! Chat soon!
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Default Dec 24, 2020 at 12:23 AM
  #28
Hi Nao! Christmas eve here. You might not hear from me for a day or so because I'll be at my partner's folks tomorrow. I've got my eldest 2 coming over for a pancake breakfast in the morning and they'll be at my place later on this evening. Going to use them as an excuse to leave his folks place a bit early. Sigh. I miss my own parents Christmas traditions where my dad would cook so must roast meat you'd have leftovers for a week! They used to have a swimming pool so we'd spend the day by the pool just feasting on barbecues and Christmas pudding and my mother makes the most devine christmas cake that's to die for! His folks are very "proper" and always use the finest of cutlery for every occasion. I'm surprised my son hasn't broken something by now! Even though I've been pretty good with my diet tomorrow it's going to have to go out the window. No ways am I making a bunch of pancakes and not having one with Nutella and bananas and whipped cream inside!

I went shopping with my eldest 2 for Christmas earlier and we honestly couldn't find anything. My son wanted a pair of these expensive runners (he does a lot of running and cycling) but low and behold none of the stores had his size. My ex husband and I have gone halves on a hair straightener for my daughter that she wanted (we never do gift sharing so that's a first since the divorce) and then she chose a top. So nothing elaborate. I also bought her a bath gift set from one of my students that runs her own business. My son isn't phased that he's not getting anything Christmas day he told me to just put it towards his 21st that's coming up in February.

That documentary is good if you want to listen to the first 1 hour and 15 minutes. After that it's just her selling her program. Knew there had to be a catch in there somewhere. I watched a few spinoff YouTube videos on rewiring the conscious mind to control our negative thoughts - actually more of the science behind it to stop the intrusive thoughts. It was good yesterday but I'm having a lot of unwanted thoughts today. It's like a record player stuck on repeat that plays throughout the day in my mind. Like can I actually go back to work next year - as in will I cope. I know I shouldn't think like that. Fortunately I've made an appointment with my psychologist on 4th January. I've had to bite the bullet with the fees and I'm just going to have to pay it. I only go back to work 27 January but my brain feels like such a mess. So many triggers there and even though the ex principal is gone there are just so many reminders and I need my psychologist's help on how to deal with it otherwise I'll land up being a basket case.

It's really good that you can speak to your mother. I don't speak to mine about the "tough" stuff and she has no idea what I've been through this year.

Awww no he still has the ring off If you want to you can ask him but the thing is you might not hear the answer you want to hear so maybe wait until right after Christmas. If you can cope a few more days. Just does seem strange that in the midst of everything going on in your relationship suddenly the ring disappears. Good idea about the battery I like it and wow if you can take up the babysitting offer so the 2 of you can go out I'd say go for it!

It's good that people are noticing the change in your mood. If others see it that's a definite positive sign. My psychiatrist always asks me how my relationship is and if my partner says anything about my mood. Actually my partner told me earlier I'm in "one of those moods" because I'm pissed off that yesterday he went shopping for his folks, brother, nieces etc and only came back with gift vouchers for everyone from the same store. Grrrrr. 4 hours and he couldn't pick a gift. So when I was at the store today looking for my kids i had to get his folks gifts. Just annoys me.

During my manic episode 2015 yes I hit severe depression and I mean severe to the point of being as dysfunctional as I was during my mania to being dysfunctional with depression. This time around I've had bad days with intrusive thoughts but not full blown depression no. My mood is still a bit wonky. A bit up a bit down. I don't think I'm totally "stable" but certainly a lot more stable than the last few months.

Okay my Mac is literally having toys thrown all over it and he keeps grabbing the screen! Have a super duper Christmas Eve and I'll let you know how my Christmas Day went in my next post As they say eat drink and be merry!
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Default Dec 26, 2020 at 10:56 AM
  #29
Hello my wonderful friend! Merry Christmas! I’ve been so busy the last couple of days! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with family!! Mine was good. My oldest daughter and her boyfriend plus my 2 step daughters, another boyfriend, granddaughter, husband, and my 2 year old all celebrated Christmas morning with breakfast burritos and gifts. I had a better time than I expected and felt more in the Christmas spirit than I thought I would. I ended up giving the frame and card with to my husband Christmas Eve. It didn’t change anything between us sadly... we talked for about 2 or 3 hours. He said he didn’t take the frame when he moved out because he thought it didn’t mean anything to him since I had told him we should have only been friends and never got married. I told him I wanted to remind him if when I did give him that frame and that was me and I did love him. He said he’s struggling with understanding who he is and what he wants. He does have a temper and he said he had to learn how to deal with it so he could be a better husband but he doesn’t want counseling..... he also said he wants space but doesn’t tell me to leave for 2 reasons, one he doesn’t want me to get more depressed and two he doesn’t want to be away from our daughter.... but he thinks space is what will help him. So now I’m battling with what to do. I think he’s leaving it up to me in a way and I feel stuck because I don’t want the separation, definitely don’t want to be more sad, and can’t stand the thought of sharing our daughter....

Pancakes sound so good right now!! So does Roast meat!! Wow that’s a lot of meat!! Barbecues by the pool for Christmas sounds so funny! Here we pray for snow!! Except we don’t get very much if it here, maybe every few years if we are lucky! So I only started eating Nutella maybe 10 years ago, I don’t know how long it’s been around but never tried it in pancakes, that sounds good! I like pecans in my pancakes with syrup.

Aww that stinks you couldn’t find anything for your son. Older kids are so much more difficult to shop for! Fortunately my older daughter and step daughter have hobbies so it had to click in my brain what to get them. At first I was clueless and putting random gift sets in the basket till a lightbulb went off. I got my older daughter knitting yarn. She’s very talented at sewing and knitting. I’ll have to take pictures and post them if the 2 blankets she made for my 2 year old. Then for one of my step daughters she’s been making earrings out of beads, so I bought her a bunch of different ones. For my other daughter I bought her a couple of shirts... she’s a lot more difficult to buy for! Then it was a bunch of toys did the little ones. My 2 yr old daughter had so many gifts to open we left some for later so we could go visit her 2 paternal grandmothers. His mom made a steak roast or something like that.. rib-eye roast I think, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a pumpkin pie. I’m glad they still love me despite everything.

That’s good that you liked the documentary, maybe some will stick with you and help in the long run. Also try some meditation too, maybe even to put you to sleep and then the psychiatrist... you will get back and your mind will be clear, I know it! I hate those intrusive thoughts too!! What I do a lot of the time is play a game on my phone. I don’t think when I’m playing. But I can’t play it around my husband too much because it annoys him. I play it a lot at school on my breaks. When I’m teaching I’m ok or lesson planning usually ok, but any down time I play the game... but I may start doing more meditation too.

Oh the ring! I asked him before Christmas. I ended up saying that I noticed he wasn’t wearing it. He said he took it off to mix the meat and lost it. He said he tried looking for it but couldn’t find it. I joked and said maybe we ate it and he said ya. He hasn’t mentioned it again. I know in the past how much that ring meant to him and he would have never misplaced it!! I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not. 😢

4 hours?!! I’d be upset too!! But I take forever when I shop so usually it would be my husband being mad at me, but at least I’d come home with actual gifts! I ended up getting nice candles for his mom and grandma. My husband didn’t get anything for them.

How long did your depression last in 2015? That’s so good that you didn’t go into a major one this time. If my mom hits mania and always goes into a depression.

Alright so let me know about your Christmas! Have an amazing day! ❤️
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Default Dec 27, 2020 at 01:16 AM
  #30
Hi Nao! Glad to hear it sounds like you had a good Christmas and were in better spirits than you thought you would be! That’s great! Onwards and upwards from here.

I’ll try answer most of what you wrote but I’m on a small screen again on my ip so I have to keep scrolling up and down to read.

It’s good that you and your husband managed to speak for such a long time. Keep the communication open that’s a good thing. When I went through my divorce my ex and I hardly spoke.

I was very young with my ex husband and after our son was born I moved back in with my folks because it was non stop arguing. I think it was also the stress of being a first time mother and being so young. It did a lot of positives for our relationship. It gave us the space that we needed. I can totally understand why you wouldn’t want a separation. I would be devastated if my partner and I separated. I don’t know what would happen with my son but I also know financially I absolutely couldn’t afford it. Sometimes I feel like we’re more house sharing than partners but that’s a whole other conversation. When I found out my ex husband was having an affair and we went through a divorce I took out a years subscription to eharmony and that’s how my partner and I matched. I don’t know that I had all sparks flying but I do know that by that stage I was desperately lonely. My ex husband had been “absent” for almost a year. Practically never at home. I remember a few nights of him coming in through the front door at 6:00am in the morning telling me he had slept in the office. Yeah right! Then he moved out and initially refused to tell me where he was living and would pick up the kids and drop them off. 3 weeks after he had moved out he gave me his address. I rocked up there unannounced and practically barged my way through the front door. The main bedroom was on the right hand side as you walked in and the cupboard was open and I saw female dresses hanging up. And that was basically us done and dusted. Sold our house divided the assets and the rest is history. Sorry I got a bit derailed there and off topic!

Yeah I used to play a lot of games on my phone too. I pop in to the chat room here to pass the time when I’m on holiday. I’ve done meditation but I always find it only helps me in the moment. I’ve tried using it like focusing on my breathing when I can feel myself stressed but it’s not the same. Ughhh I wish there was a quick fix. I was on antidepressants before I got manic and they’re also prescribed for anxiety but I had to abruptly stop them. I had been on them for years. I really want to ask my psychiatrist about them but I almost guarantee he’ll say no especially since I’ve stopped my antipsychotics. Don’t think he’ll be happy about that one either!

My depression in 2015 lasted a good few months b it was also caught up in the midst of my divorce so the timing truly sucked. Not that there’s ever a good time for divorce! I forgot if you said any of the meds you’re on are antidepressants.

Okay my partner has my son outside and I can hear him screaming. Need to go see what he’s up to.

Chat soon 😊
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Default Jan 03, 2021 at 11:13 AM
  #31
Sorry it took me a bit to respond!! I haven’t been on the forum and was playing a lot with my daughter plus binge watching Haven. Netflix said they were taking it off in January so I just had to watch it till the end lol. How was your New Years? Mine was in bed watching Haven. I’ve been sleeping close to 7 hours now but going to bed around 1:30am. I have got to get to bed earlier tonight since I go back to work in 2 days!! I can’t believe my break is already over. They always seem to go by too quickly. I’m trying to tell myself to look forward to going back to work but it’s hard. I’m getting 3 new classes of students so maybe I’ll get lucky with some good ones.

So the ring... I found it about a week ago under the microwave. I didn’t know if I should tell him or not so I waited. Three days ago I pulled it out slightly to see if he would find it and then the next morning he used the microwave. I checked and it looked like it got pushed a little back under. Not sure if he did it on purpose or accident. Then yesterday he had to lift and move the microwave. I didn’t even think anything if it even when I went into the kitchen and the countertops were bare. My older daughter, step daughter, and their boyfriends were over. When they left he told me he found the ring. I said, oh good!! But when I looked down at his hand he wasn’t wearing it..... once a week I leave and go to my house to do laundry. I spend the night at my house then go back to his. So I’m at my house this morning. I’ll let you know if he’s wearing it when I go back to his apartment. I don’t think he will be. 😢

I know I’m watching a bunch of stuff and playing games to not deal with or think about my life and problems.... it helps me get by each day. I’m just scared about facing some of them. I got brave and talked to my husband about where we stand, but there’s still not any resolution because he says he doesn’t know what he wants. So I just keep going and staying with him in a strange marriage, but I don’t know if that is doing any good. I just don’t want the separation from my daughter. She’s super attached to me. Yesterday we both asked her if she wanted to stay with her dad or go with me. He asked first and she said “go with momma” so I asked her just to see if that would change her mind and she was persistent and kept saying “go with momma.” I keep remembering how I had to go to the hospital and how CPS kept us separated for 2 months and what my husband told me about how she was traumatized when I left. I feel like I’d be abandoning her if I let our marriage fail.... i just can’t be separated from her again. It would break me again.

Wow - I just can’t believe what your ex husband put you through!! Going to that address reminds me of what my sister did also when her ex was cheating! Her ex had a mistress while my sister was in the hospital delivering his 3rd child!! She did the same thing and found stuff in his apartment that belonged to the mistress! Men can be such idiots and jerks!!

Did you ask your psychiatrist about the meds? Speaking of... my appointment never happened! They said I didn’t fill out these online forms which I did and then filled out a second time. I waited on the virtual appointment for an hour and nobody pooped in so I called the office and they said I was a “no-show” in the system. So I complained then they came back and said I didn’t fill out the paperwork, then came back and said I filled it out too late. So I had to reschedule to the beginning of February!! So I’m stuck on lithium till then.

Ok I’m about to get up and make coffee. It’s already 10am here! I hope you had a good New Years!!!
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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 08:31 AM
  #32
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How are you my wonderful friend?
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Default Jan 12, 2021 at 10:29 PM
  #33
Heyyyyy Nao! Sorry I’ve been AWOL. Was trying to do some last minute things with my family. My partner went back to work today and my son’s gone back to daycare.

What’s news my side? I’m day 13 smoke free! Wearing patches and chewing gum and still craving quite a bit. I’ve been using the money I would be blowing on smoking to treat myself. Just for this month then I’ll save it. I went for a haircut yesterday and I’m doing a keratin treatment tomorrow so that should make me feel a bit better.

I saw my psychiatrist today. I’ve been sleeping 11 hours at night and another 1-2 hours during the day. He says I’m depressed. He’s changed my meds - or added on should I say. So I’m still on lamotragine but he’s readded cymbalta an antidepressant. I had to go off cymbalta when I went manic. I was on it for years for anxiety. He said I must give it 2 weeks and if it’s still not working he’s given me a script for abilify. He said I must go back and see him if I do need to start the abilify.

My dilemma is that schools go back in 2 weeks and I told him I really don’t want to go back. He said he doesn’t do work cover claims and that if I don’t go back the Department of Education might make me see an external psychiatrist and then all my records will be out there. I don’t know what to do. I can’t dump it on my principal last minute. Think I’ll see my gp next week because either way she needs to give me a clearance certificate to return to work full time. She would also need to be the one to deem me fit / unfit. The catch is my position of responsibility as a Y7 coordinator. If I don’t go back I think I’ll lose it. They can’t have someone on and off who’s unreliable with attendance. So I don’t know!

How’s your sleeping going? I haven’t seen Haven but omg Bridgerton was awesome. I binge watched that in just a few days. Soo good.

How’s work been since you’ve been back? Any nice classes? Hopefully you have some good ones! I’m looking forward to what I call the Honeymoon phase where the kids in new classes are well behaved in the beginning. Or at least I can hope right!

It sounds like your husband definitely lost the ring otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned it. Has he been wearing it?

Have things improved in your relationship? It’s really difficult with a 2 year old in the middle especially because she’s attached to you. My son is a lot like that. He’s such a mommas boy.

Hang in there until February when you get to see your psychiatrist. Hopefully the lithium is working...or just a little bit!!!
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Default Jan 13, 2021 at 08:06 PM
  #34
Oh my gosh that is such wonderful news!!! They say it takes days to start a new habit so you are almost there!!! You got this!! And such a wonderful idea to give yourself rewards. I totally need a haircut and dye! I’ve been putting it off because of this depression..... but good news, I think I’m on the uphill for real this time!! So I may be getting a haircut soon also! I finally love my job again so I know I’m feeling better! Also, for the last 2 weeks I’ve been getting more sleep. It started increasing to 5-6 hours and the last 4 days I’ve been getting 7-8 hours!!!! Straight too without waking up and without meditation!! I feel like my mood is back to normal. I just don’t want to jinx it so I haven’t talked about it too much because I wanted to see if it would last and so far it has. I think it started feeling better after the break and when I started classes again.

Classes are going very well. It’s nice to have new students and feel like I’m having a do-over. I’m glad that I’ve pushed myself to teach even when I thought I hated it. It was sooooo hard at the beginning of the year but I fought through the depression and I’m so freaking glad I did.

That’s tough they are putting you on new meds right before school starts again. I know it takes awhile for them to kick in. I never found the right anti-depressant and just rode the wave of it. I don’t recommend doing it, but I had my mom to go through it with me. I think she’s coming out of her depression too. It took me 6 months!! If you are in one I pray you do not go through it as long as I did.

I saw the icon for Bridgerton on Netflix and thought about binging it. I may have to now. What about Outlander? Have you seen that? Omg it was really good!! But Netflix only had 3 seasons here and there are supposed to be 6!

He put the ring in the medicine cabinet and isn’t wearing it. I’m not even going to bring it up anymore. I’m going to not stress or worry about it. It is what it is I suppose. I think the more I don’t cry over him or try to convince him of my love and just enjoy my feeling of normalcy then maybe he will consider making things work. I don’t know. But I do plan on getting strong enough to feel like I can live on my own without a marriage if that’s what ends up happening. I just sucks he cant trust me. Our anniversary is 2/29, so that will be my last attempt to see if he will come around, then I give up.

Yes it is hard with a 2 year old and trying to have a relationship when they are right there lol... but even if she wasn’t at home for the night I don’t know if he would be in any sort of mood for romance. It’s been so long for that sadly....

I don’t know how much the lithium is working. I’ve been on it 6 months!! So if it is, then it takes a long time to kick in. Or maybe for me it will just prevent mania, don’t know, but I do plan on asking for a med change. Especially since I don’t know how effective it is anyway.

Hang in there too, I know you can go back to work and do your best!! Remember it’s hard for other people to tell that anything is going on with us because it’s all inside. Nobody at my job figured it out and I was in a severe depression. Let me know what you decide!! Have an amazing day/night!
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