[bizi]

Just an FYI, stevia is a sweetener that is made from a plant. I use sweet leaf brand liquid droppers.I use 2 droppers ful they are half the dropper and I use 2 so it would really be just one full dropper. to sweeten my coffee. I also drink zevia soda pops. I like the different flavors that mimic brand name drinks like mountain dew, or dr. zevia, or black cherry.
all with zero sugars and I like the taste of them. They are very sweet and Ioften times dilute them with filtered water.
I also chew gum that has xylitol sweetener spry it is called I get it from myhealth food store. helps keep my mouth moving and hard to snack when I am chewing gum.
bizi who is 50 pounds over weight.!

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Maybe the depression is more a result of the bad habit, more than the other way around.

Maybe--I forget where I heard these: We are what we think. (Perhaps too many negative thoughts about ourselves and others fuels depression?) and We are the result of the five people we spend the most time with. (So hang around people with good habits and positive attitudes?) I want to add in here that IMO isolation can be bad for depression and so can watching the news and other things that are negative.

Thanks for being so positive BethRags. I will always remember how encouraging you were about my ability to beat my cancer (that your sister beat hers) and appreciate all the encouragement you provide here. Can you go to the grocery store now?

Originally Posted by bizi

Just an FYI, stevia is a sweetener that is made from a plant. I use sweet leaf brand liquid droppers.I use 2 droppers ful they are half the dropper and I use 2 so it would really be just one full dropper. to sweeten my coffee. I also drink zevia soda pops. I like the different flavors that mimic brand name drinks like mountain dew, or dr. zevia, or black cherry.
all with zero sugars and I like the taste of them. They are very sweet and Ioften times dilute them with filtered water.
I also chew gum that has xylitol sweetener spry it is called I get it from myhealth food store. helps keep my mouth moving and hard to snack when I am chewing gum.
bizi who is 50 pounds over weight.!

I recently bought some Stevia drops (read the liquid is better because the dry stevia has additives in order to make it more measurable for recipes--I use the dry stevia in this recipe: Mackie'''s Low Carb/Sugar Free Cheesecake Recipe - Food.com which is wonderful as is but even better when you exchange the sour cream for whipped cream and add about a quarter cup of cocoa powder. I also pair it with a nut crust (hazelnut, almond or walnut). When I went to the store yesterday, I did not buy any sugary things.

Bizi, I have been following some of your blogs on and off for a while (since 2016 or 2017?) and know how how much you have been struggling with this. I think that many of the drugs that help us with mental health issues make us gain weight. I truly hope they can discover some weight neutral ones. Some of the current ones make you feel hungrier all of the time. Though you are still overweight, haven't you made a lot of progress despite the medications that you take that fuel hunger? I had chemotherapy last year which caused me to lose about 18 pounds but I have gained about 7 pounds of it back. Though I am still overweight, I would be happy with just staying at my current weight (the 7 pound gain has made my clothes fit better and I don't want to have to buy new clothes.) I am going to get serious about not eating sugary things. Mostly, I eat really healthy--usually a vegetable omelet with cheese in the morning, salads (much of it from our garden), vegetable stir fries, and meat. Bizi, I also appreciate how positive and encouraging you are too!

[*Beth*]

Wow, thank you TunedOut. I'm honored. You've been through so much, and stay so level-headed. Yes, I do go to the grocery, although it's always a challenge to take that first step out the door. But I do it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by bizi

Just an FYI, stevia is a sweetener that is made from a plant. I use sweet leaf brand liquid droppers.I use 2 droppers ful they are half the dropper and I use 2 so it would really be just one full dropper. to sweeten my coffee. I also drink zevia soda pops. I like the different flavors that mimic brand name drinks like mountain dew, or dr. zevia, or black cherry.
all with zero sugars and I like the taste of them. They are very sweet and Ioften times dilute them with filtered water.
I also chew gum that has xylitol sweetener spry it is called I get it from myhealth food store. helps keep my mouth moving and hard to snack when I am chewing gum.
bizi who is 50 pounds over weight.!

I so wish I liked stevia. It's such a healthy alternative. Anyway, I'm drinking coffee with no sweetener again and I don't drink sweetened drinks. Good idea on the gum! I used to love to chew gum, but forgot about it. TunedOut is correct about the psych meds being weight gainers. Seems that researchers would come up with a better situation with the meds, as far as creating drugs that don't cause weight gain. More people would stay on their meds, that's for sure.

[bizi]

Thank you all for the words of support and encouragement,

I appreciate you guys!
bizi

[~Christina]

Many Hugs Hun

[bizi]

@~Christina

Thank you for the hugs!
I miss you but understand feeling overwhelmed. That is why I only post on a few threads because my memory sucks and I can't remember a lot of what I read.
((((((HUGS))))))
love bizi

[bizi]

I did not sleep very well with just one prn
Remeron which can be addictive so I don't
take that all that often.
Jeff is gone again another graduation to go to.
He feels that this one his graduate student from isreal
where all of the fighting is happening, he should go.

he plans to travel around the states to see friends.
We went to a retirement party, at least 25 people there.
The food was good I had crawfish enchiladas with

a side of so so jalapeno corn grits. and a ceasar salad,
that was good not enough dressing but hay when you have a party for 25,
you can't expect the staff to pay much attention to individuals they were fine.

I had 2 bloody marys they were 2 for one, I didnot know that$6
for 2. yeay.

I worked today seeing one person out of town, not that far away.
They let me into her apartment.

Before they were going to make us go to the executors
meeting room which would have been disturbing
the staff and residents.Anna my client who lives in this nursing home,
was so happy to see me, apparently I was the first person to enter the

nursing home to see her.

The reason I am procrastinating about my charts is that I have to screen

all of my current files to see if I should keep them current.

If I have not seen them in 2 years then I will purge their chat

so I will have more charts ready to fill in the paper work to make

"new" charts ready for new clients.
my 2 drawer filing cabinet is getting full again
Which means I need to thin it out.

We used every plate the first time and the produce was terrible.
some good, some bad.We went to the store to buy baby carrots
and another meal I bought a cucumber.
WE will cook the martha stewart one starting tomorrow.

We have not even peeked in the backs for the produce
Those arrived on wednesday the beef is grass fed beef and good chicken.
these are the meals:
low carb beef and bacon hash with zucchini, tomatoes and chedder
with 2 eggs on top of the one dish hash.
another dish is called beef-mushroom yaki udon noodles with spinach and scallions,
and the third meal is chicken piccate and fingerling potatoes and arugula and green beans.
Each meal supposedly takes 30 minutes to make.
ya right!

[~Christina]

Oh that sounds yummy !!!

[bizi]

The first meal of martha stewarts meals turned out really good,
the 30 minute dinner took me an hour! It had grass fed beef,
udon noodles and mush rooms ginger green onions
teriyaki sauce and Chile paste it was like sirachi sauce,
and spinach..

hubby and I are planning our 25th wedding anniversary.
we are going to Hawaii! We will be visiting 2 islands Maui and Kauai,
not exactly sure how to spell them. We will go some time in august.
so this is early in the planning stages. Then again that is only 3 months away!
I have an ecredit from delta airlines for $650 from when
I had to back out of going to RI because of them canceling
my nephew Jimmy's graduation from law school and from covid.
So we are hoping that we can use that with this trip.
WE may fly back to IN for our summer family trip so we might
be able to use it then. I don't want to just forget about it.
We will use it somehow.
bizi

[*Beth*]

How exciting, bizi! Hawaii...you'll have a blast!! Yay!!

[bizi]

Originally Posted by BethRags

How exciting, bizi! Hawaii...you'll have a blast!! Yay!!

Thanks beth!!!!!!

[~Christina]

Oh that is so exciting !!!!!!!!

[bizi]

I cooked the last meal plan for myself.
It was good! I was going to invite a

friend over(katherine , pauls fiance )
but she had been on the computer

for 8 hours straight and was exhausted.
so I just cooked it for myself.
2 hours from start to eating to cleaning
up the kitchen. zuchini , purple onions,
bacon,chili powder, ground beef, cheddar cheese,
chives and 2 eggs cooked on top of the
"hash" in a cast iron skillet. That I

borrowed from our neighbors, the ones
we used their shop vac to remove the

water from jeffs car last night.
It filled the container half way up twice.
That was a lot of water!
I spoke with allstate about our car to make
a claim. We need to do a virtual assessment
with face time. I don't know how to do that.
so will wait until jeff gets home on thursday

Don't know when He will get home thursday

probably after hours for the assessment,

so he can do that on friday.
I already changed into my nite gown because
my uniform was so tight after eating that
I had to get my F******bra off!!!!!!!
lol
My back is bothering me I was trying to manage every

thing while cooking and was tense. Can't remember

when I last cooked a meal from start to finish like this.

anyway My nurse practitioner denied my refill of clonipin.
WTF...I will have to call her tomorrow.
sigh I hate getting upset/ confrontations.

Fortunately I ended up with only 2 clients today

so that was good. It felt like a saturday for some

odd reason. I slept in and am planning to do the

same thing tonight. I am going to go to bed here soon.
Good night
bizi

we are not going to hawaii afterall, too soon not enough time to plan. me I am so out of shape yadda yadda yadda so next year we will probably go to

Ireland, plus covid and flying. anyway just wanted you to know that. Maybe hawaii for our 30th wedding anniversary. This is 25 coming up and we will go to dustin beach for a long weekend. To celebrate.
bizi

[*Beth*]

I was in Ireland for a week a few years ago and absolutely LOVED it! The land is stunning and everyone I met was incredibly friendly. I highly recommend a trip there.


Oh, no on the Klonopin...I hope you can straighten that one out. Keep me posted.

[bizi]

the klonopin was an over site she called it in today.
jeffs car:
The more I talk to people the things that need to get done to his car IE.
take out the carpeting to dry the foam under the carpeting
He said to use a fan on it and rotate it around.I could not lift the 50
foot extension cord to try to hook up the fan.
other wise I would try to do that instead there is a breeze so
I opened up both car doors coupe car. and let the air circulate.

I ate the left overs from last night cooked in the microwave
I over cooked it and the ground beef was cooked too much.
oh well it was still good and I ate the left over fruit.
Strawberries, raspberries, blue berries, and pineapple.
It was a great desert.
now I am onto my 2nd gin and tonic with so much billing to
do I have never waited this long. I don't know what is wrong with me????
As soon as I am done with my note to you I will start on the billing.

bizi

[*Beth*]

Good news on the Klonopin. Jeff's car sounds a little more challenging...

[bizi]

yes I panicked, klonipin is the only way I can get to sleep. I have tried many things in the past when my previous pdoc took it away from me.
I had some fleeting thoughts that they had talked with out HIPPA consent.
They are friendly with each other, she told me that.
Their offices are on the same street.
I will pick it up tomorrow.
I have a stock pile of .5mg from before if I need them I could last for several months if she did stop my rx. I think hydroxyzine helped before.
NOT the crazy doses of melatonin that she was having me take.

I finally forced myself to do the billing. I hand wrote 30 bills and put them into the mail box, I have 4or5 left from this week but they can wait until I bill again in 2 weeks. That was the most bills I have sent out, usually it more like 20-25 at the most. I am behind in all areas of my business. I need to thin my filing cabinets of people I have not seen in 2 years. I need the charts so that way I can create new charts using old folders. I already have a stack of paper work old charts that need to be alphabetized.
They can stay on the floor least of my worries at this point. I am behind 3 months in charting my clients visits. I am just going to start over with that. I have not filled out my mileage charts since january.
That is a pretty simple task. Firstly I need to thin my charts/in the filing cabinet. I need to create new billing system, something easier to use than what I am using now.
I need an assistant to do all of this for me. sigh won't happen.....
anyway I am getting tired so need to think about getting ready for bed.
It takes me about 30 minutes of stuff to get to bed. I miss jeff when he is gone. He comes back tomorrow evening. So one more night alone.
He will have to take care of his car tomorrow from the flooding waters that he went thru.
good night
bizi

[TunedOut]

I panicked, klonipin is the only way I can get to sleep. I have tried many things in the past when my previous pdoc took it away from me.
I have had the same psychiatrist for more than 4 years (probably 5)--because of some of the things she has said to me--I have the impression that the government (she works for the VA and Medicare also puts out guidance for providers concerning drugs and treatments--I used to work in a Medicare call center), is discouraging benzo prescriptions. This doesn't help people who have been on it a long time because IMO there may be some providers will take people off of benzos because they are following the guidance without fully considering the patients medical history and diagnosis! In order my psychiatrist to prescribe Xanax to me, she is required to test me for drugs (like pot and oxycotin) periodically. This wasn't required when I first started seeing her. IMO, you cannot suddenly take people off benzos; if it needs to be done it would have to be done gradually because, not being able to sleep is very bad for our health.

I hope you have some quiet time that enables you to catch up on your work Bizi.

[bizi]

last night I finished hand writing bills, 30 of them, left 5recent visit bills to wait until the next billing cycle in 2 weeks.
That was a huge task to do it only took 2 hours to do but I was avoiding it like the plague.
a task that I did tonight was thin thru my filing cabinets and pull out charts that I had not seen in a years time. So I have around 50 charts to pull apart.
And then put new paperwork into them to create new charts for new clients. I was down to 2 new charts. I need to set up a new billing process. It has worked well for me but it is causing my anxiety about billing. every thing involved is repetitive. I use to have a young gal, friends of ours daughter and she would help me with billing, and filing. Now she is gone off to do her life with her boy friend in another state up north, maybe iowa?
anyway. I can sleep in tomorrow because I have the morning off, only clients in the after noon. So I have time to both sleep in and take a shower which I need to do......UGH!
bizi