[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I finally did what I've been dreading doing and avoiding....I wrote a letter to my family member who died. I am sure I have more to add but I have to stop so I can sleep. As it is now it just made me cry a lot which I think is the point. That and dealing with the feelings. I hate dealing with feelings. But I needed to do this.

Grief is hard. I'm taking a grief class and I think that's one of the things I really have learned. It's so simple but so true.

I'm sorry about your loss. I know how tough the grieving process can be. I did something like what you mention. Writing can be therapeutic.

[Soupe du jour]

MarcusAurelieus, I'm glad that chapter in your life is over. Do move on. I'm glad you have some closure even if it wasn't an ideal one. Hugs

Another update that just kinda hit me tonight. Today is my grandmother's birthday. She died in 2018. We never had an ideal relationship or anything, but I did love her for being in my life. I will always miss her. I love you gramma.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm really feeling quite down this morning, for many reasons (pain, isolation, boredom, frustration over the mess Hubby has left in so many rooms, thinking of my mom, being muted in a place where I used to pour out thoughts freely - not here, though). St. Patrick's Day was always celebrated by my mom as a holiday. She made all of the traditional goodies that many Americans do on the day and the family got together. Today, no mention. It's nothing that Czechs celebrate. I thought about at least making soda bread, but realized that we have plenty of bread/rolls already and Hubby doesn't enjoy it. Plus, my shoulder and arm should be left alone, if possible. I am sure that the grocery stores in NJ all have extra cabbage and corned beefs. Hubby doesn't like that, either. Though Czech Republic has plenty of cabbage, I don't think they have any corned beef roasts. One would likely have to spice them themselves.

@Soupe du jour: I'm sorry you're missing the St. Patrick's Day festivities but it's so important that you rest you shoulder and arm it's probably for the best. Plus, there are also probably a raft of Czech holidays to celebrate. You'll get to have fun, just the timing is not good today. Take it easy!

[Nammu]

I forgot to buy the corned beef and cabbage. So I’m going to to that today after my vaccine. I’ll make it on Saturday. My family is not Irish I love the meal though.

Oh soup I can appreciate your position in regards to sleep. I bought a new mattress about 2 years ago but it’s not a great one. I got very little sleep last night. A few minutes here and a few there and woke up way too early. I just spent over $3000 on hearing aids so a new mattress is out of the question. Oh well, I get my shot today maybe it will make me tired and I can get some sleep then.

[Mountaindewed]

Today is my 6th year anniversary of being out of the hospital, and my one year anniversary of getting my first injection. I feel ok today. I’m not too tired. My stimulus check came in and for once I don’t have mountains of medical and credit card bills. So I’m going to be able to pay off the bills I do have, put some money in my savings for my vacation in October, and have a few hundred left over just to get groceries and other necessities for awhile.

[xRavenx]

At work. Anxious right now. My breathing is heavier than normal, and I feel tense. I work until 7:30, so it is a long day, and I'm just hoping to get through it. I did hear there are new changes at work being made that might work out in my favor, so that is encouraging. But it can either go really poorly or really good. I just want to get through the day. I saw my pdoc today, and she mentioned a possible med change at next visit that I'm worried about. But it's better than living with this amount of anxiety. In terms of the Bipolar symptoms, I have my days where my energy is high, followed by some lows. Nothing extreme, but I get intrusive thoughts that are hard to deal with, and I notice a difference around the change of the seasons as well. I don't see my pdoc until May, so I'm just trying to keep doing what I've been doing all along and hold out until then. I've been working from home 3x weekly and go into the office once per week, but they are increasing the amount of time spent in the office shortly. So I'm a bit nervous about the change and wish I was able to work at home forever. Two more years of this, and then I'm quitting, because I'm in this loan forgiveness program where I have my loans forgiven if I work another 2 years. Then, I'll probably take a break from work and come up with a better, healthier plan for myself.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Getting the chip in my windshield fixed at the dealership where my daughter works tomorrow for free at 9 a.m.

Then at 10 my pdoc is doing a med check via phone.

I got a notice today from the apartment complex that there has been "a rash" of car thefts and break in and vandalism. Makes me worry. They've been stealing the cars and leaving them in other parking lots wherever. They dont know who's doing it yet.

That's excellent, about the free fix!

I noticed yesterday that maintenance has installed brilliantly bright lights in our complex parking lot, and I wonder if there have been car break-ins. Does your complex have bright lights or cameras?

[Mountaindewed]

I kinda had a meltdown this afternoon. First I had a lot of caffeine. For no reason. Then this cleaning lady came and she didn’t really do a good job. I felt like she was a fraud and it kind of freaked me out. Plus she was using this cleaner that smelled like mustard. She didn’t come in a company car. My mom heard about her from my aunt. But she left all kinds of spots and dust everywhere. I don’t know. It just freaked me out that we had a fraud in our house. Then I tried going to 5 Below. And that freaked me out because of the crowds and people laughing at stuff probably not related to me. I drove by my Old T’s office and everytime I drive by which is fairly frequently I get a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. And I finally told my mom that I was upset by the cleaning lady, I was unsure about my new therapist and the move, and passing by my old T’s office got me upset. I actually felt quite better the minute I spilled my guts about what was wrong. I’m having trouble with my memory I think from long term Xanax use. And I’m worried I will completely forget about my old T. I can only go back 5 thousand posts on this site and I have almost 20 thousand. I have a lot of stuff posted about old T. I am mad I never saved any of our emails. But I’m just worried new T will be like the cleaning lady. They are the same age and I worry new T will be forgetful and not do a good job working with me.

I know it’s all goofy stuff I’m worried about, but it just really freaked me out today. I took 3 mil of Xanax.

My books will be ready at the library tomorrow and I’m hoping that will take the edge off of things for awhile. Reading has been my escape since I was 7.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

That's excellent, about the free fix!

I noticed yesterday that maintenance has installed brilliantly bright lights in our complex parking lot, and I wonder if there have been car break-ins. Does your complex have bright lights or cameras?

There are lights on the buildings that are quite bright outside but I don't think there are cameras.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

There are lights on the buildings that are quite bright outside but I don't think there are cameras.

I don't know if cameras really deter people, or not. Seems that if thieves are afraid of being seen they wouldn't attack cars in an apartment complex, where anyone could be watching them through a window.

[Sunflower123]

We have a line of severe storms headed our way and we’ve been warned that supercells will be here between 3-5 A.M. along with the possibility of a tornado. After last Easter’s tornado touched down less than a mile away, I’m a little gun shy. I’m sleeping in my clothes and shoes tonight and making sure lamps are available and everything is charged. I sure hope it turns out to be nothing.

My daughter is graduating from college in May and is working a lucrative internship right now. She’ll be making her home in the town where she goes to college. As she makes this transition, I find myself with a sense of pride definitely but also of loss. It’s really bothering me. What is wrong with me?

I’m doing fairly well all things considered except for the grief thing. I know....I’m weird.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

....

My daughter is graduating from college in May and is working a lucrative internship right now. She’ll be making her home in the town where she goes to college. As she makes this transition, I find myself with a sense of pride definitely but also of loss. It’s really bothering me. What is wrong with me?

I’m doing fairly well all things considered except for the grief thing. I know....I’m weird.

Oh, my gosh! There's nothing weird about your grief. It's totally normal, just as your sense of pride is.

[gina_re]

I have survived the day without caffeine!! How I did it, I don't know. I guess bc I got to come to work a little late today, those extra 30 minutes of sleep really helped. Today was good. I had two classes for our new system at work at the old place I worked at. So it was nice to see some old faces. I stayed late in the cafeteria and worked on my homework assignment, and now that that is done I guess I can get some reading done while I let the traffic slow down. I have my sleep study tonight, finally! I hope they get the results of this one. I'm tired of waiting to figure out what is wrong.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I have survived the day without caffeine!! How I did it, I don't know. I guess bc I got to come to work a little late today, those extra 30 minutes of sleep really helped. Today was good. I had two classes for our new system at work at the old place I worked at. So it was nice to see some old faces. I stayed late in the cafeteria and worked on my homework assignment, and now that that is done I guess I can get some reading done while I let the traffic slow down. I have my sleep study tonight, finally! I hope they get the results of this one. I'm tired of waiting to figure out what is wrong.

I hope your sleep study is helpful!

[*Beth*]

My arm isn't hurting too badly, but wow, am I tired. As in, every noise seems to be so loud. I feel desperate to sleep, but my husband is going to be here so we can do some work with our business. Normally, I don't mind doing the work (although after more than 11 years I have burn-out moments), but I wish I didn't have to tonight. I walked to the library a block away and thought I was going to fall on the ground, I was so tired. But I checked out a biography of Anne Sexton.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

My arm isn't hurting too badly, but wow, am I tired. As in, every noise seems to be so loud. I feel desperate to sleep, but my husband is going to be here so we can do some work with our business. Normally, I don't mind doing the work (although after more than 11 years I have burn-out moments), but I wish I didn't have to tonight. I walked to the library a block away and thought I was going to fall on the ground, I was so tired. But I checked out a biography of Anne Sexton.

Wow! That's tired!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by gina_re

I have survived the day without caffeine!! How I did it, I don't know. I guess bc I got to come to work a little late today, those extra 30 minutes of sleep really helped. Today was good. I had two classes for our new system at work at the old place I worked at. So it was nice to see some old faces. I stayed late in the cafeteria and worked on my homework assignment, and now that that is done I guess I can get some reading done while I let the traffic slow down. I have my sleep study tonight, finally! I hope they get the results of this one. I'm tired of waiting to figure out what is wrong.

Well you're probably asleep for the night by now. I hope they find something!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

We have a line of severe storms headed our way and we’ve been warned that supercells will be here between 3-5 A.M. along with the possibility of a tornado. After last Easter’s tornado touched down less than a mile away, I’m a little gun shy. I’m sleeping in my clothes and shoes tonight and making sure lamps are available and everything is charged. I sure hope it turns out to be nothing.

My daughter is graduating from college in May and is working a lucrative internship right now. She’ll be making her home in the town where she goes to college. As she makes this transition, I find myself with a sense of pride definitely but also of loss. It’s really bothering me. What is wrong with me?

I’m doing fairly well all things considered except for the grief thing. I know....I’m weird.

I don't think that's strange at all! N3 lives in the same town but still I feel like he should be living with me. I have fears that he's going to die and nobody will tell me- and I dont mean in 60 years. I mean every day I worry about it happening.