[Sapien]

Got my injection today. Nurse said I am full-on manic and had me stay for a bit so she could get in touch with my pnurse. I see where she's coming from, but I don't believe her that much. She says I'm noticeably more amped up than usual. This is my TRUE SELF! Is it wrong to feel good? Is pacing around deep in thought really that bad? I'm sleeping every night and 5 hours is all I need! I've lost weight too, but my weight always fluctuates a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I have an eating disorder because I'll go a week without eating much (usually with intention but for some reason right now I just feel like I don't need food) then eat until I hurt and then eat more. Nothing really feels real except my thoughts which aren't real.

[cogladaid]

I talked to my doctor yesterday and he said I sounded manic, not hypomanic. So he thinks I might be bipolar 1 instead of 2. But that’s up to the psychiatrist to diagnose me.

I’m feeling not as up today with med changes. I’m still distracted and restless with racing thoughts and some grandiose thoughts.

[cogladaid]

Am I repeating mhself? I don’t know I just feel like talking.

[buddha1too]

I've been there, Sapien. Mania can be pretty intoxicating! The last time I got really manic I was only sleeping three hours a night, speed walking around the city for 4-5 hours at a stretch, & I lost a great deal of weight in a short period of time because I was so focused on what I was eating. It felt great! I had a really good time!

FULL STOP, THOUGH!!! It's important to make sure you don't fall over the edge. It's sometimes impossible for me to tell when I've crossed that line from having a fantastic time to being a menace to myself & others. Be careful. I hope you've got people in your life who can let you know when you're in danger of a hospitalization. You don't wanna go there!!!

[Moose72]

@Sapien When I start thinking or saying that "I'm my true self" it most certainly means I'm manic. Your eating sure does sound disordered in some way. Can you bring this up to your pdoc? Maybe you can see a nutritionist?

[Moose72]

I haven't done a thing today except wash my hair. I'm letting it air dry. I had plans of cleaning, but I spent the morning on the phone with Caleb. Then I washed my hair and now instead of vacuuming, I'm watching Antiques Road Show. It's over actually, Simply Ming is on- whatever that is. Probably a cooking show. Yup. Cooking show. I'm off to vacuum etc. now.

EDIT: Apartment vacuumed, swept, mopped and dusted!

[BethRags]

Originally Posted by cogladaid

I talked to my doctor yesterday and he said I sounded manic, not hypomanic. So he thinks I might be bipolar 1 instead of 2. But that’s up to the psychiatrist to diagnose me.

I’m feeling not as up today with med changes. I’m still distracted and restless with racing thoughts and some grandiose thoughts.

I happened to see a post of yours on a different board and yes, what you wrote sounded like mania to me.

[leomama]

Feeling super down

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I can relate. When I was living in Germany, I had bizarre cravings for American food (they don't eat peanut butter in Germany!). Your post, however, makes me crave Czech cuisine. One of the best meals I ever had was Czech-style goulash when I visited Prague. It makes my mouth water...& I haven't had lunch yet!

I ate a particularly good goulash last week, but it was made in Brno. I was in Prague a few days ago, though. We found a most wonderful pekarna there (bakery specializing in breads). So far we haven't found as good of a one in Brno, but then again we haven't explored enough to know if there isn't.

I confess I brought a couple jars of peanut butter from the US. I have seen peanut butter in a Czech grocery store, but it looked like natural peanut butter. Oddly, I happen to particularly like Skippy lowered fat PB the best. It's more whipped, doesn't stick to the roof of my mouth, and is sweetened more than most. Basically chemical central, but it does taste good. Today I found and bought maple syrup, but it was quite expensive. In the US, I often used sugar free syrup, but I know real maple is yummiest. I'll just use it sparingly. By the way, I just bought a new waffle maker from Amazon.de.

Strangely, Czech stores have a lot of Tex-Mex type products. I'm happy about that. That cuisine has always been on my regular roster.

I do like Czech cuisine, but am not used to eating it so much.

[Mountaindewed]

I had my last therapy session. It went well and I’m kinda numb about it right now. But I feel good. The first thing I mentioned was that I felt the email thing was confusing and how she kept putting boundaries in and then taking them out and sending emails first asking how I was feeling. And she apologized and said she should have put strong boundaries in the beginning. Then I told her that I felt kinda let down because I really wanted to be back in person and I felt like if I had known it wasn’t going to be a temporary thing I would have done things differently. She said that she didn’t know what was going on and she really expected to be gone just a month and then things kept happening and things were pushed back and all over the place. I asked her what the 90’s were like since I always wanted to know. We talked about my cat scan a bit but we didn’t really talk about the medical stuff a lot. She said that she will call the new therapist on Thursday morning and she said the new therapist almost seems like a unicorn. Like a perfect fit. I said I was kinda worried about her age. I asked her if she had listened to that song. She said she read the lyrics and asked why I wanted her to listen to it. I said “I don’t know. It just seems like what I’m going through” and she said that she knows I move on and forget people easily but that she wants me to kinda keep transference in mind. Not sure what she meant by that. Maybe transference about the new therapist.

We talked about books for a bit. I asked her if she read The Babysitters Club books. Another question I was always wondering. She said yeah and she read Sweet Valley. And I said I read those and that I read a ton when I was a kid and it was basically all I did. She asked if I still read and I said yeah I read a lot now. I mentioned that I was reading The Diary Of A Wimpy Kid books and I felt kinda goofy reading them but they were super distracting. And like I thought she was totally cool about it and said that it’s ok to read whatever and a book is a book. Then she asked if that was the genre I liked and I said no that I’m kind of all over the place with what I read. I like classics like Charles Dickens and Brave New World and that I read The Diary Of A Wimpy Kid books but then I also like non fiction and books on folklore. She asked me what my favorite book was and I told her.

Then right before we ended she looked kinda emotional and she said a couple things and I said “it’s been interesting....” and she was like “yes it has.” Then she said bye and then we just kinda looked at each other for several seconds before she signed off.

So yeah that’s the end of that. I honestly feel much better then I thought I was going to feel. I thought I’d be an emotional wreck ending things with her. I’d been putting this off for 9 months thinking it would be impossible to handle. I didn’t know I’d feel so good once I actually did it.