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Default Feb 27, 2021 at 04:52 PM
  #641
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Congratulations! Hurrah!!

You know, my parents were interior designers and I did pick up some tips from them while growing up. If you use a tan/medium brown rug it will look bland. Blue could look okay, it really depends upon the shade of blue. But purple - I think - would look smashing! Assertive and bold.
I work with color and agree. I think you are right in waiting, just to be able to see the whole situation when everything is arranged.
Congratulations on the house!

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Default Feb 27, 2021 at 07:16 PM
  #642
This morning I bumped my head on the wooden storage shelf in the garage. It hurt like hell and the first thing I wanted to do was throw up even though I was feeling fine before. It was weird. I didn’t throw up though. Luckily I had a tetanus shot about 4.5 years ago.

I took a 3PM shower. I’ve been taking afternoon showers because they waste time during these long drawn out days and they also feel much more Empowering then morning ones when I’m half asleep. I turn the water so hot and just stand there.

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Default Feb 27, 2021 at 09:59 PM
  #643
I went for a walk today because it was 52 degrees out! I just wore my tshirt and sweatshirt (and stretch pants)= comfy and I walked to Starbucks. I got a coffee and didn't realize that if I order through the app that my drink is paid for with the funds I added to my "card". Duh. I was standing there after they gave me the drink until someone said "Its already paid for". Gosh! I am having senior moments and I'm not even 50 yet!

So I walked back toward home and was ready to cross at the crosswalk when I see N3 and his girlfriend on the other side! So I waited for them to cross. They said they were going to the mexican restaurant that was between us and Starbucks and would I like to come along. So we all went and talked about wisdom teeth and their removal and impaction, etc and just seeing the dentist in general. Then we walked back to my apartment so I could run in and use the bathroom and then I drove them home. Then I watched Onward on Disney+ instead of the Muppet Show. It was a nice Disney/Pixar movie. Now I'm ready for bed- I'm in bed!- and comfy and am going to read my book which I'm fast-approaching the end. Maybe not tonight but one night soon I will be at the end.

I also put some pictures that Facebook showed me that are in my photo section there up on Flickr. I'll see if I can attach one here.
Attached Images
File Type: jpg FB_IMG_1614389199615.jpg (33.4 KB, 8 views)
File Type: jpg FB_IMG_1614389223730.jpg (26.1 KB, 8 views)
File Type: jpg FB_IMG_1614389474703.jpg (38.1 KB, 7 views)
File Type: jpg FB_IMG_1614389292356.jpg (21.2 KB, 7 views)

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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 01:34 AM
  #644
It makes me so angry when i trust someone enough that they can sense i'm in pain and they ask, "Do you have friends or family that can help?" Like, what a stupid question! If i had a loving parent or a loving sibling or a loving best friend HOW COULD IT JUST SLIP MY MIND? It's like they think i've forgotten that i have a nose on my face and that it would be helpful to remind me that i have a nose on my face.

I think what they're really trying to say is, "Hey, i can sense you're in pain and is there someone else to help because i don't want to."
 
 
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 04:44 AM
  #645
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After last night I feel ok this morning. I’m kind of tired. I drank an iced coffee, 2 diet cream soda Dr. Peppers and a cup of black tea. But my anxiety is ok. I just feel bad about last night and I’ve been helping around the house and stuff instead of cooped up reading. I’m trying to deal with my thoughts instead of bottle them up and ignore them through distraction. I think my mom feels bad too because she’s offered to get carry out tonight which we haven’t done in a long time and she said it’s her treat. I called her out in some texts and I said she missed a lot of stuff when I was a kid. With my brother too. But these feelings and thoughts I had just built up for so long and I don’t think I ever properly discussed them with my therapist. So with everything I am currently dealing with, I just blew up. I’ve never thrown anything since I was a kid. Plus the extra Geodon and the 2 mil of Xanax after weren’t good either.

But I did apologize and I’m trying my best today.

I was in the car at the hardware store waiting for my mom and some dude try’s to open the side door. I’m like “wtf?” But not alarmed. Then he tried the passenger door and then looked and saw me and was really embarrassed and said “sorry” my mom had come out by that time and set the car alarm off at him to scare him away. I figured he had just mixed up the cars. He then came around his car and rolled down his window and apologized and said the cars looked the same. Which they didn’t really but they were the same color.

My mom was more freaked out then I was who just brushed it off.
It is hard to know the truth about that guy trying the doors, but I lean in the direction that he simply made a mistake. You can't imagine how many times I've done such things. Taking other peoples' shopping carts, going to the wrong car, even walking into someone else's room thinking it was mine. In my case, I was just sort of in dazes and only snapped out of them when the error was realized.

Last edited by Soupe du jour; Feb 28, 2021 at 04:56 AM..
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 04:50 AM
  #646
I feel good that I did some self-care today. The neglect went on too long and far so I could only do 50% in one shot. I'm vowing to do the other 50% by tomorrow. One thing I did was trim my bangs. No hair salons are open where I am. Luckily my grays are not that noticeable.

I had a majorly interrupted sleep last night. All waking up with the numb/tingling feet and hands I've discussed a lot. It's getting to me now because it's getting worse. I was even so upset that I moved from the downstairs futon to the bed upstairs, to join Hubby. I have a phone appointment with my old nephrologist next week, but he can't do much more than give advice. Perhaps I should try going off the suspected med culprit. Or maybe try a new med. However, I'd need a doctor in CZ to prescribe a new option. I just don't want to dread having to sleep or worry that this is something far more serious. Hubby will call a potential GP here tomorrow to replace both my old GP and the nephrologist. I may even need that GP to refer me to a psychiatrist. Either way, I have two psychiatrists I'm thinking of contacting soon.

I'm feeling so nervous that I took an Ativan a minute ago.

Last edited by Soupe du jour; Feb 28, 2021 at 05:43 AM..
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 12:04 PM
  #647
Manic energy today I feel jazzed and unfocused. I almost didn't take my meds because I got it in my head they were poison and my doctor was trying to steal my thoughts. But I took them.

I'm cramming last minute for an ethics exam I have at 130pm central time so a couple hours from now. It's hard to focus but I should be fine. I've taken exams while super depressed before but never hypo or manic so it should be interesting. Get my bull-shitting skills activated I should be able to make it through if I remember key stuff.

I do talk to my doctor tomorrow so he'll probably adjusted my meds more, but I wish he would do something more drastic because it's hard for me to focus on work and school. I'm struggling to focus on things.
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 01:10 PM
  #648
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I had a majorly interrupted sleep last night. All waking up with the numb/tingling feet and hands I've discussed a lot. It's getting to me now because it's getting worse. I was even so upset that I moved from the downstairs futon to the bed upstairs, to join Hubby. I have a phone appointment with my old nephrologist next week, but he can't do much more than give advice. Perhaps I should try going off the suspected med culprit. Or maybe try a new med. However, I'd need a doctor in CZ to prescribe a new option. I just don't want to dread having to sleep or worry that this is something far more serious. Hubby will call a potential GP here tomorrow to replace both my old GP and the nephrologist. I may even need that GP to refer me to a psychiatrist. Either way, I have two psychiatrists I'm thinking of contacting soon.
I've been diagnosed with neuropathy, so can relate to the numbness/burning you describe. It's gotten to the point where wearing shoes can be painful if I wear them too long. I have an appointment with a neurologist for testing, but couldn't get in until June. Do you have any ideas regarding the causes or cures for this?

As far as seeking a new shrink goes, prepare yourself. The pdoc I had in Germany said Americans prescribe far more meds than European pdocs do. My dosages were greatly reduced...& I was hospitalized. German hospitals are far more humane & theraputic than hospitals in the States...but that's another story.

I hope you managed to get some rest after being restless last night.
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 01:37 PM
  #649
I woke up in a good mood. Usually I think of something that went on the night before or I have just bad anxiety. Today the only thing I was thinking of when I woke up was eating the other half of my sandwich from last night. So I had that for breakfast. Then I got really lightheaded and tired. So I went back to bed for an hour. But I still felt dizzy. Finally I had a Gatorade and I felt much better. So I assume it was dehydration. I don’t actually remember drinking anything this morning except half a can of diet soda.

But today I’m doing good. It does not feel like I am dealing with PMS and it also does not feel like I got my injection. My moods are ok. I bled really bad from the shot though. Blood was dripping down my arm.

I am not too nervous about therapy tomorrow and I haven’t been dwelling on my old therapist as much as I had been. I’m still bummed but not as depressed as I was on Thursday Friday and yesterday morning. Hopefully I am improving because I don’t have any choice but to get over it.

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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 01:41 PM
  #650
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It makes me so angry when i trust someone enough that they can sense i'm in pain and they ask, "Do you have friends or family that can help?" Like, what a stupid question! If i had a loving parent or a loving sibling or a loving best friend HOW COULD IT JUST SLIP MY MIND? It's like they think i've forgotten that i have a nose on my face and that it would be helpful to remind me that i have a nose on my face.

I think what they're really trying to say is, "Hey, i can sense you're in pain and is there someone else to help because i don't want to."

I entirely agree.

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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 01:56 PM
  #651
My mood has soured after an encounter with my mother. She started *****ing because my brother hasn’t been in contact with my grandmother. She still has resentment that he spends more time with his SIL’s family instead of ours. I want to yell at her because it’s OUR FAMILY’s fault for being full of horrible human beings!!! I don’t blame him at all! I mean yes, he should contact my grandmother to get an update on his cat because she really can’t handle the cat’s energy. He needs to find another place for the cat. BUT she doesn’t seem to get that’s she’s a major part of the problem. He’s tried over and over and over again to extend the olive branch to her and he just gets shut down every time. Why should he bother to keep trying? She won’t see that.

I’m not going to get in the middle because he’ll be mad if I say anything to her and I want to respect his wishes. But honestly she makes me so angry!!! And I also can’t tell him about her because he’ll get upset too and he doesn’t need the drama right now.

Ugh. These ****ing people.

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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 02:12 PM
  #652
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I've been diagnosed with neuropathy, so can relate to the numbness/burning you describe. It's gotten to the point where wearing shoes can be painful if I wear them too long. I have an appointment with a neurologist for testing, but couldn't get in until June. Do you have any ideas regarding the causes or cures for this?

As far as seeking a new shrink goes, prepare yourself. The pdoc I had in Germany said Americans prescribe far more meds than European pdocs do. My dosages were greatly reduced...& I was hospitalized. German hospitals are far more humane & theraputic than hospitals in the States...but that's another story.

I hope you managed to get some rest after being restless last night.
Thanks for sharing on this topic, buddah1too. I'm sorry to read you have neuropathy and that you must wait so long to see the neurologist. Hopefully when you do you can get to the bottom of it and get some relief. My husband has had peripheral neuropathy for much of his life. In recent years, he takes gabapentin (brand Neurontin) for it (with a little success) which you may know happens to be an anticonvulsant sometimes also used for bipolar disorder or anxiety relief.

I think my blood pressure medication, irbesartan, is the cause for my tingling/numb hands and feet, upon waking. It's only upon waking, at this point, but it's waking me up throughout the night. No pain. Just the tingling/numbness. Maybe if I could stop that med it would stop. Or at least if I knew it was the cause 100% I could just live with that. I do need some blood pressure med. It's skyrocketed over the last couple years, plus since I have kidney damage it's crucial I keep it in check.

I'm not opposed to my med cocktail being reduced, but I won't stand for a doctor to slash it, foolishly. I think I need to keep my Seroquel XR, but maybe my small dose of Lamictal and Klonopin could eventually go. I'm more reluctant to give up carbamazepine, for a reason, and yet I know pdocs hate to prescribe it with Seroquel. Even my carbamazepine dose is half what it used to be.

I guess no psych hospital is great, but my nephew had experience in one in Prague and he didn't hate it. One thing I'm considering is perhaps a psychological health "spa" if I need one, but am not in total crisis. Having lived in Germany, you must be familiar with these, i.e. das Bad? One in CZ is in Jeseník. In Czech, they are called "lázně",
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 03:33 PM
  #653
Made a hair appointment for N3 for 3 today but he wouldnt answer until it was almost too late for me to leave and get him. Then I took off to get him and half way there, he called and said he didn't want to go that he was too tired! I said that's because you just woke up and told him he'd bd fine but he insisted and said he was going to call and cancel/reschedule. Ugh. I try to help him and he doesnt care. I'm trying to remember how intelligent and funny he is because otherwise I'm going to get mad at him and I don't want to do that.

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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 05:57 PM
  #654
So I just realized they want me to do another AIMS test at my next injection. At first I thought okay, no biggie, but then I realized it's only been a couple months since my last one and they like to do it yearly so something must be up for her to want to do another one already. I have been feeling a lot more twitching and stiffness lately, and the tremor in my left hand is pretty bad so I'm glad they're doing the test. Hopefully they'll lay off on the APs if it does show some abnormal movement; I'm prescribed more than I need.

I'm feeling hurt/abandoned today. I was recently manic and scared a lot of people off and now no one (especially a person who claimed to always be there for me) wants to talk to me.

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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 05:59 PM
  #655
Major TW.

Possible trigger:


I just feel weird about something but I can’t place my finger on it.

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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 06:16 PM
  #656
I had a wonderful weekend with my daughter and then she went back to her home away from home. It always bums me out for a few days. It’s a work in progress. We talked today about me moving up there when my mother and brother no longer need me. It’s something to hold on to.

I’m feeling better. The depression is gone for now.
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 07:14 PM
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I had a wonderful weekend with my daughter and then she went back to her home away from home. It always bums me out for a few days. It’s a work in progress. We talked today about me moving up there when my mother and brother no longer need me. It’s something to hold on to.

I’m feeling better. The depression is gone for now.

That's terrific, Jennifer! It seems that seeing your daughter is almost always therapeutic for you.

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Red face Feb 28, 2021 at 10:23 PM
  #658
I am happy for you jennifer.
keep it up!bizi

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Red face Feb 28, 2021 at 10:30 PM
  #659
I am in for a dry march.
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Default Feb 28, 2021 at 10:39 PM
  #660
It was a beautiful sunny Winter day today and my dog and i had a lovely time sitting out in the sun surrounded by the sparkling snow.

I watched several episodes of "The Young and the Restless" today with pleasure. Sometimes it just irritates me but today i felt compassion and affection for the characters. They care so passionately about each other and want to work out problems with such urgency. They're so honest and direct with each other about their feelings. It's so different from how i was raised, it's really good for me to see a better way of life.

I realized i mistook concern for accusation in my earlier post today because of several bad experiences in my past and while that situation does happen sometimes, that's not what was going on in this instance. I realized that i feel very mixed-up about that part of my life and it's just best to accept that i feel sensitive and conflicted about it and not strive too hard to come to any conclusions.

It's Sunday, so that means it's Cut Day in my benzo taper so i'll be down to 17mg Valium tonight. Progress!
 
 
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