advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-04-2021, 08:24 AM   #1
MamaBear4
New Member
MamaBear4 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: United States
Posts: 9
2 hugs
given
Default Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

Well, now I am going through a depression. I've managed to stay out of bed and only my husband knows at this point and not my two teens. This is usually when some obsessive behaviors creep up that take me into a manic or mixed episode.
I am eating well, taking care of myself, and taking all my meds. I have no stress in my life either. My son has come out of his depression and is thriving! My children are happy, my marriage is good, and I even had an excellent job interview. I just hate this feeling!

This makes me think I will never be able to sustain a job again after my psychosis 8 years ago. I haven't been the same since. I did finish college and get a good job. I was successful for 2 years but I had to take short-term disability twice because of my depression. It was a high-stress job so I just quit one day with a week's notice. Now I am in school for something I love and had an interview to pursue it. I think I may get it and I am thinking don't take it. Don't promise what you can't give. (I want to be a Special Education Teacher). This would be a paraeducator job which is less stress because I'm not in charge but still. I am 5 classes away from having a MA in Special Education. IDK, I am rambling now. I just wanted to talk it out. Thank you for listening.
MamaBear4 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
"Thanks for this!" says:

advertisement
Old 05-04-2021, 11:47 AM   #2
buddha1too
Member
buddha1too has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2011
Posts: 356
8 yr Member
800 hugs
given
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaBear4 View Post
IDK, I am rambling now. I just wanted to talk it out. Thank you for listening.
You're not rambling. Thanks for sharing your challenges & victories with us.
buddha1too is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old 05-04-2021, 03:47 PM   #3
BethRags
~remember to breathe~
 
BethRags's Avatar
BethRags is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown California
Posts: 8,052 (SuperPoster!)
1 yr Member
9,826 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

You're not rambling, at all. As I see it you have 2 options...one is to work at a job you may or may not be able to cope with, the other is to apply for SSDI and be on it at least until you are more stable.

Speaking of stable...I don't recall if you've mentioned medication or therapy?
__________________
-Beth






BethRags is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old 05-04-2021, 04:06 PM   #4
Nammu
Crone
 
Nammu's Avatar
Nammu has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 47,955 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
38.2k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

Nope, not rambling. You can take the para job and see how you do. From what you say here it sounds like most of the stress is coming from your own internal talk. Maybe address that with a T.
__________________
Nammu
it always seems impossible until it's done..
Nelson Mandela



Nammu is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 02:20 AM   #5
FluffyDinosaur
Veteran Member
FluffyDinosaur has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2019
Location: In my head, mostly
Posts: 609
1 yr Member
28 hugs
given
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

I agree, you're not rambling. And I know how disheartening it is, having to continuously deal with mania, depression, psychosis... Not to mention the effect all that has on your confidence and faith in yourself and your life. I do hope you're not having to deal with that on your own. Do you have a therapist who can support you in this?

I think being a special ed teacher is a beautiful pursuit. If that's what you love, I think you should at least try going for it. Don't give up on yourself before giving yourself a chance, at least that's my opinion. In the worst case you'll have to quit, but it's never too late for that. On the other hand, you might succeed! In the meantime, all you can do is try to enjoy the process as best you can, and take all the support you can get to help maximize your chances.
FluffyDinosaur is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 07:05 AM   #6
Werewoman
Poohbah
 
Werewoman's Avatar
Werewoman Is a bit, well...wered.
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Betelgeuse
Posts: 1,202
5 yr Member
885 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

I worked as a para in a VE (varying exceptionalities) preschool class while I was waiting for a teaching job in my field to open up.

It was the most fun I've ever had while working. I loved it because the teacher was in charge. My two jobs basically, is to keep them safe and to observe behaviours and report any changes or problems. I never took work home like I always did while teaching.
__________________
You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. ~ Robin Williams

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? ~ Pink Floyd


The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning bright
The more the light shines through me
I pretend to close my eyes
The more the dark consumes me
I pretend I'm burning ~ Shinedown
Werewoman is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 07:28 AM   #7
whatever2013
Magnate
 
whatever2013's Avatar
whatever2013 is living the highway in my home
 
Member Since: Jul 2014
Location: Ontario
Posts: 2,180
5 yr Member
9,572 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

@MamaBear4: I say take the job! The only way to be sure to fail is not to try. We're here for you if you need support!

Ta!

Jane.

whatever2013 is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 09:09 AM   #8
MamaBear4
New Member
MamaBear4 has no updates.
 
Member Since: May 2020
Location: United States
Posts: 9
2 hugs
given
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

Thanks guys. I didn't get the position but the principal did reach out for an additional para job that is coming up. I think I'm going to take some time off from school and applying for jobs. As for medications I'm on 300mg of Lamictal, 90 mg of Latuda, Ativan and Ambien as needed. I don't have a therapist at the moment.
MamaBear4 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Old Yesterday, 06:46 PM   #9
BethRags
~remember to breathe~
 
BethRags's Avatar
BethRags is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind, body, spirit.
 
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown California
Posts: 8,052 (SuperPoster!)
1 yr Member
9,826 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Re: Sometimes I just hate this tightrope we walk

Sounds like a good med combination. If you do return to work a therapist might really help with any stress that pops up.
__________________
-Beth






BethRags is online now   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Hugs from:
"Thanks for this!" says:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:44 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun on Psych Central in 2001. It now runs as an independent community, overseen by a group of volunteers & Dr. John Grohol.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.