Achieving hypomania

My husband has pointed out to me that I was hypomanic when I went through a great period of organization, cleaning, exercise, showering, happiness, etc. This has all left me. I realize I set myself up with good routines, but I’m having trouble following through with anything again. It’s been a week since I showered or brushed my teeth. I feel down but not depressed. How can I get back what I had? The energy, motivation, happiness and ambition. At the time I thought all normal people felt that way. I absolutely cannot lose the progress. What can I do? I have to be honest, I’m considering street drugs to bump me up. I have been in this hole for two years and I simply can’t go backwards.

What you've described sounds like nothing less than depression. Not showering and not brushing your teeth in a week is depression.

I'm sorry to say but that's just the reality of bipolar. One month you're sterilizing your floors, the next you can't get off the couch. Try and take it easy on yourself. That's just life with a severe illness.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Have you discussed this with your doctor? It does sound like you might be depressed. Really the only thing to do is please keep taking your meds and do other things that will keep you positive - maybe go out for walks or meditate. This too shall pass, and it can be tough to wait it out, I know. I am worried that you mention street drugs. While it may seem a good idea for a quick hit of energy, it will mess with your current meds and put your mood off even more. So let us know how it goes, ok?

I don’t know if it’s depression. I have had a terrible two years and during the euthymic times I struggled with self care. It’s like something broke. I was so excellent the last few weeks. I can’t not have it. I don’t care if bipolar is a severe illness. I need to function. I’m so disappointed, disheartened, and sad. It’s not fair. I want to be normal.

i must agree with the other wise and wonderful posters. It does seem like you're simply in your "down" phase of bipolar although the only way to know for sure is to ask a professional. Please do NOT take street drugs or anything dangerous like that. Contact a professional or anyone whom may be able to support You in this difficult moment such as Relatives or Friends. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @busymomof5, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. It does sound like you're depressed, especially if this has lasted for the better part of two years. Two years is a long time to be down in a hole. I don't think that should be dismissed as simply something you have to go through because you're bipolar. With the right treatment, it should be possible to live a better life than that, or so they keep telling me and so I hope.

I've been depressed for a long time now as well, and I know what it's like to just want your life back. I wish I knew of a foolproof solution, but I don't. Your best bet would be to talk to your Pdoc about changing meds/treatment. Hopefully that can make a difference. That's not a magic bullet, but it beats street drugs. Other than that, sticking with good routines and positive thinking, like you've been doing, is definitely a good thing.

@busymomof5

I can relate to you 100% for wanting to feel normal. I can also relate to having such good positive energy too.... and for your husband pointing it out.

I’m newly diagnosed... I was in mania and hypomania from the end of March 2020 - July 5 2020.... I lost weight, fixed a wall, painted a room, tried to divorce my husband, was sent to a mental hospital, dated a guy in California, almost lost my child with CPS involved..... then I hit depression and didn’t want to get off the couch, thought I was a terrible mom and didn’t deserve my child, almost lost my teaching job that I’ve had for 10 years because I thought they would see my depression and fire me and I didn’t feel like teaching at all, it was like I hated my job even though I knew in my heart that I had always loved it, I even thought if I died it was ok, and I wanted to be anyone else but me.

I went through that for 7 months!!! I’m finally back to normal. Please don’t get a quick high, it won’t help. The only thing that does is Time. I had to go through the motions until my sanity came back. I also binge watched shows, played online games, and made sure I was always around people. I also worked really hard and tried not to think. I lesson planned and probably sounded like a robot when I was teaching, but I made it and I’m so glad I did... I love my job again!!

You will feel normal again, but I agree with the others, please talk with your doctor. My heart goes out to you!!!! I wish I could take away your pain!!! I wish this illness never existed.... but it does and we have to learn how to make the best happiness when we do have those normal moments to carry us on through our down times. ❤️

Thanks to everyone who responded. I guess Um extra disappointed because I had 2 or 3 months of stability (but still wasn’t able to take care of hygiene). We agreed that if I was stable 6 months, I could go back to work. During my high, I applied for 3 jobs. 2 clinical, one non-clinical. I got the non-clinical job and am interviewing for the clinical jobs in the next week. I want to work. But I want to be well. It’s wrong, but I probably won’t mention this up and down to my pdoc as I think she would strictly stick to 6 months. Bipolar disorder will be here for the rest of my life. I have to be able to live my life. I am trapped at home. Trapped. If I can’t go back to working, I have no reason to go on. My life deserves to have more meaning than cleaning out toilets and putting away laundry.

@busymomof5 I am really worried for you about this last post. I don't know you well..but these words are troubling. Please take care of yourself. You are worth it.

I don’t mean to sound so dramatic. I’ve been trapped in my house since I left my job 2 years ago. I’ve gained 70 pounds. I’ve lost all self-confidence. My husband is currently at the height of his career and is being celebrated weekly. In big gestures. I’m so alone and tired of having nothing. I’m having a pity party, but I couldn’t even make it 3 months let alone 6. I think I have to make my own choices and go back to work without pdoc’s blessing. Bipolar disorder is going to be here and I have to live.

The first thing that comes to mind is that you should be certain you can be stable while working. If yes, it sounds like it might be a healthy thing to do. If no, you would just be compounding your worries. Covid probably amplifies your situation and thus your feeling of urgency. I’d just caution you not to make a rash decision you might regret later. I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

Trying to figure it all out. Thanks for the thoughts and support.

I contacted my pdoc about my depression. She suggested 2 drugs that are more than $1000 and one known to cause a lot of weight gain. I’m 150 pounds overweight already and desperate to lose weight. Fml. I opted to do nothing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by busymomof5 I contacted my pdoc about my depression. She suggested 2 drugs that are more than $1000 and one known to cause a lot of weight gain. I’m 150 pounds overweight already and desperate to lose weight. Fml. I opted to do nothing.

Why do they suggest meds that cause massive weight gain?!?!?! They end up causing such dangerous health conditions. I weighed 110lbs when I started Seroquel and, over seven years, gained 150lb. I adore my pdoc - except that she's always trying to get me to take Seroquel again. Sure...now that I am pre-diabetic, have high blood pressure and high cholesterol...I feel like her attitude is just, "Oh, well."

I second this! I have gained 50 pounds! I lost some of it but some came back. Its like swimming upstream to try to lose weight on these drugs!