I had an okay day. The ZOOM Drop-In was a disappointment. A young woman introduced a subject saying she knew it wasn't a support group BUT and then proceeded to take up all the time talking about a recent sexual assault and how her life is in chaos. I know we have to be compassionate first and foremost so i listened supportively and told her about a resource that might be able to help her. But, darn it all, there are crisis lines for people in crisis and this is just supposed to be a light casual social hour where we can heal from the intense loneliness of COVID. And i felt bad for the couple of men there who might have felt uncomfortable.

BethRags surely had it right when she said in mental health support you never know what you're going to get!

Life is so darn messy!

Hugs to all!

[Moose72]

Our Disney trip meeting yesterday went well. We talked about when we'll need to get park reservations and passes, how much its all going to cost, where we are staying at the campground etc. Unfortunately we are going during "Spring break 'season'" which lasts a whole month! Guess we'll just have to deal.

This morning, I took N3s gf to work by 8:00. I got up at 6 a.m. so I could relax with my coffee before I left. There was frost on the back window of the car which I scraped off but then I got to use the rear defrost to get what was left! The small joys in life! I also turned on the heat and it was warm by the time I got to S's place. My old car's fan would go out periodically hence no heat.

[Soupe du jour]

Today has been mostly pleasant. In the morning, we did some last minute spiffying of the house in preparation for a visit from Hubby's best friend. That friend lives near where we used to live in NJ, but he's also a Czech and visits Czech Republic often for business. He was sort of our first official guest, if you exclude my sister-in-law, the two worker friends who did painting and other tasks for us, and our land lady and her husband.

The three of us went for a long walk, in light snow, around where we live. I think my husband's friend was quite impressed with the beauty of the area, literally 20 minutes from the downtown of the second largest city in the country.The immediate area has rolling hills, orchards, village homes, a horse ranch, pubs (though not currently open due to covid) and hiking trails. Other people were walking, some with kids. We all had a layer of snow on our hoods and coats. Two little boys walked by with giant snowballs, obviously happy with themselves. They, and some other little boy, had rosy cheeks from being outside in the snow, and big smiles on their faces. Little Czech kids are required to say "Good day!" (Dobry den!) to adults, which is different than in the US, where many kids are taught to walk away saying nothing to strangers. Near the horse ranch there were about six people riding horses, some seemingly for the first time. As we walked up a hill with an arboretum, horses stood there staring at us, like we were amusements.

[Mountaindewed]

I woke up at 12:30 last night. I was up for a bit but then I found a 5 hour white noise on my Amazon music app. Once I put that on and did my deep breathing I learned in group, I was asleep pretty fast. Today I feel ok. I went down on my Geodon last night because I noticed my anxiety was bad after I took it. I didn’t have any anxiety last night. So I’ll see how it goes being on the lower dose.

I’m pretty bummed about my old therapist. I was doing incredibly well until I decided to be nosy last night. But I’m thinking about her a lot today and I’m kind of depressed about her. I’m trying to keep myself busy because we are staging the house today, the photographer is coming tomorrow, and then on Tuesday we list the house. So I am pretty busy and distracted today for the most part.

[Sunflower123]

I’m really struggling today. I’m deeply depressed and feel hopeless and defeated.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m really struggling today. I’m deeply depressed and feel hopeless and defeated.

I'm sorry, Jennifer. Is there anything in particular going on?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm sorry, Jennifer. Is there anything in particular going on?

I think 95% of the time I’m optimistic and I work hard at recovering and managing this illness well enough to go back to some semblance of a normal life. Then there is the 5% where reality steps in and I realize it’s not going to happen for me. Today is part of that 5%. Thanks for asking.

[gina_re]

Well my friend and I had an argument. So I guess thats the end of that. I deleted his number from my phone so I'm not tempted to contact him again. I'm just so frustrated with myself for being so bad with friendships. And what pisses me off the most is that I spent so much money on that man among other things and I got nothing in return.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I think 95% of the time I’m optimistic and I work hard at recovering and managing this illness well enough to go back to some semblance of a normal life. Then there is the 5% where reality steps in and I realize it’s not going to happen for me. Today is part of that 5%. Thanks for asking.

I was just having similar thoughts. Maybe I'm having a 5% day today, too. Awoke this morning after a night of bad dreams that I know are fueled by taking Seroquel to sleep. If I don't take the Seroquel I won't sleep. I told myself that "one day" maybe I'll be able to stop taking medication. For a moment my mood lifted - then I thought, Yeah, right...who am I kidding? I'll very likely be stuck with meds and their side effects until the day I die. Most days I manage the thought pretty well. Some days I just feel defeated.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I was just having similar thoughts. Maybe I'm having a 5% day today, too. Awoke this morning after a night of bad dreams that I know are fueled by taking Seroquel to sleep. If I don't take the Seroquel I won't sleep. I told myself that "one day" maybe I'll be able to stop taking medication. For a moment my mood lifted - then I thought, Yeah, right...who am I kidding? I'll very likely be stuck with meds and their side effects until the day I die. Most days I manage the thought pretty well. Some days I just feel defeated.

I’m sorry you are struggling today. I hope we both feel better soon.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m feeling better now. I took my 80 mil Geodon and yeah another Xanax. The realtor was here and says the house looks good. We are hoping to get to the town I’m moving to next Friday to look at houses. My mom said we could drive by my therapists office. I think that will make me feel better.

But my mom is burying a small St. Joseph statue in the backyard. Which I find really funny. I think she’s doing it mainly as a joke. I don’t think she really believes in those Old Wives tales.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

...my mom is burying a small St. Joseph statue in the backyard. Which I find really funny. I think she’s doing it mainly as a joke. I don’t think she really believes in those Old Wives tales.

I should just Google it, but what is St. Joseph supposed to do in the backyard?

I get my first Moderna vaccine at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. It's a light at the end of the tunnel.

What a glorious weekend this was. Sunshine & temps in the mid-60s. I grilled NY strip steaks & they turned out a perfect medium rare. I know many of you are experiencing troubled times, though. I'm sure there's a sweet spot waiting for you all out there somewhere. Hang in there.

[~Christina]

Hey Guys.. Cant find words but Im lurking when I can..

Hugs and love to all

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I should just Google it, but what is St. Joseph supposed to do in the backyard?

I get my first Moderna vaccine at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. It's a light at the end of the tunnel.

What a glorious weekend this was. Sunshine & temps in the mid-60s. I grilled NY strip steaks & they turned out a perfect medium rare. I know many of you are experiencing troubled times, though. I'm sure there's a sweet spot waiting for you all out there somewhere. Hang in there.

It’s supposed to make your house sell fast. You have to point the statue in a specific direction. It’s an old wives tale/urban legend.

[scatterbrained04]

Still hanging in there. Mostly stable. The staffing issues still continue at work. It's stressful, but I'm trying not to stress too much.

Started Wellbutrin on Saturday. So far no side effects from it, so I'm happy about that. I notice I feel maybe a bit more chill. I hope it can help me quit smoking.

[jmariah001]

Been dealing with a lot mood swings lately. I am going out later when the hubby gets back from work. He won't be back til after 11am. I hate all this time I spend alone. Oh well.

[gina_re]

I called out today. I just don't feel like being around people today and putting on a fake smile.

[*Beth*]

Every time my husband comes over all we do is argue. He constantly shoves his spiritual beliefs on me. His beliefs are fine for him, they don't fit for me. I can't stand when people proselytize! I slept well last night, with the exception of (again) extremely vivid dreams. When I awaken I can't let go of the intensity of the dreams.

I feel discouraged.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel weird today. I don’t know how to explain it. Although it’s completely understandable. We had a photographer at our house. So we had to leave for 1.5 hours. We went to the grocery store. This was my first time going anywhere with my brother in over a year. We drove right by old T’s office. I had a mini meltdown and I needed reassurance from my mom. Then we got the store. My brother stress bought a ton of stuff for himself. I stuck to my list. But I just feel weird about basically everything that happened today but I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to feel this way. It could also be the decrease in Geodon but my anxiety is better after going down on it.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I feel weird today. I don’t know how to explain it. Although it’s completely understandable. We had a photographer at our house. So we had to leave for 1.5 hours. We went to the grocery store. This was my first time going anywhere with my brother in over a year. We drove right by old T’s office. I had a mini meltdown and I needed reassurance from my mom. Then we got the store. My brother stress bought a ton of stuff for himself. I stuck to my list. But I just feel weird about basically everything that happened today but I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to feel this way. It could also be the decrease in Geodon but my anxiety is better after going down on it.

Driving past your T's office (whether an ex or current) is always really emotional. At least, for me it is. The T I saw for 6 years - he's been long gone from his office (22 years ago!). Still, driving past there is really hard for me.