[buddha1too]

Sounds like many of you are having a tough time.

Hang in there, @Miguel'smom. I hope you can ground yourself today.

@Jennifer 1967...I'm sorry you have to be seen concerning the cardio issues. That must be a big worry. Hopefully the trip to your doc's office will settle that score. I'm glad to hear about the PT helping, though. It also seems that the rest of your life is going pretty well these days. I'm glad. THere's a big trip to Florida to look forward to, as well!

I'm sorry, @Nammu, but I don't believe for a second that your neck hurts. You're too incredibly nice to others around here, you take care of your mother, & have a pretty positive attitude about life for someone with BD. Karma works...& you're really working it! You've been "too good" for fate to go messing with your neck! Oh...And deoderant is a good thing. Use it liberally...

@wildflowerchild25...Again. I'm so sorry to hear about your health issues. I taught for a few years, & always appreciated the freedom to schedule things during the summer breaks. Just make sure you're wise to postpone things that long.

So you're multi-tasking, @Soupe du jour. Sitting in the pdoc's office AND working the forum here AT THE SAME TIME! I'm impressed. I'm one of those "walk & chew gum" guys! I think you were wise AND talented , since you weren't sure if you'd "pop off," or not. This is a pretty safe space.

I'm with you on DeJoy & Saul. Did anyone happen to see USPS Director DeJoy's testimony before the House of Reps? A more arrogant SOS (Sack Of, ummm...) seldom draws breath! MF-er. I got a call from my prescription insurance company wanting me to change my mode of delivery to postal (an order every three months. Well, HELL NO! DeJoy is going to destroy the Postal Service. Charging more, but delivering less...AND I won't even go into things over at the SSA. I'm sure their bureaucracy is hellish. I don't even want to think about how long you must have been oncall-waiting.

My mind is somewhat clearer to day. I don't know what effect this AP will have on me. I can't afford to lose space in my head. I slept a full 6 hours, & was rested. I guess things are starting out OK.

I check in here a few times a day, & follow everyone's ups & downs. Like life in a yo-yo factory. Don't worry...I'm in your tribe, too...

[Nammu]

Ha ha Buddha, I just had to reply. I am not too nice. I’ve written plenty of not so nice posts but mostly I don’t send them. Some have slipped though tho. I tend to ghost when I’m in a bad or irritable mood. Funny enough I do believe in karma and try my best.

Last night I tossed and turned until 4 am, then suddenly I slept. A dream I’ve had before. But it’s mixed up and all I remember is being a detective and following clues from books. Small paperbacks scattered around the murder site. I had to find the book that told the true version and eliminate the red herrings. The false books literally turned into fish as I read them! .

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by whatever2013

@BethRags: There have been two drownings in our pool recently. There are signs up to swim with a buddy. I tried to make arrangements to go with my neighbor but i like being spontaneous. I might just try to stick to the shallow end and do water-running. That should lessen the risk. After each drowning the city did a thorough investigation and certified the pool safe but i'm still pretty nervous about it. It seems like a bad luck pool.

Ooh, that IS weird and sad. Still, think of all the people who have used the pool and didn't drown. Yes, if you're alone, use only the shallow end.

[Nammu]

Ooooooooo I’m pissed. I’ve been trying to buy a bathrobe. There are no longer any clothing stores in my town. Except Wally World. So the first one I ordered was the wrong size. Mum bought it from me. This one I’ve been waiting on for weeks. Not only do they not send a purple royal bathrobe they send some towel like thing that I would never in a million years wear, to boot it’s turquoise! I don’t do blues of any shade. Oooo now I have to ship it back at my expense!

[Moose72]

My case manager was just here for half an hour talking to me about how I'm doing. She scheduled my next appointment for May 14th at 11 a.m. and I said that was fine but after she left I saw that I have a tele health appointment for 11:20 with my primary through zoom! So case manager had already left so I called and left a message. We'll see when she calls me back. Also, tried to get my next pdoc appointment in person but she's not going to be at my regular office and I don't want to hunt for a new place so I just gave up. It will have to be on the phone- again!

I took a 2-hour nap this afternoon on the couch. Got up a little early so that's probably why. I have some paperwork to do that the CM gave me. Oh joy.

I feel kinda antsy today. I really did not enjoy seeing my CM today. I felt uncomfortable and like I had absoluteluly zero to report! I just blank out. And then I start stumbling over my words and stopping in odd places and mumbling some more. I really did not feel comfortable with her here at my place even though she was wearing a mask and especially because she was here for half an hour! I don't know what she took away from our appointment but I took away awkwardness and confusion. That happens when I'm on the phone too and then I want to hang up! Now I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of the day. Three o'clock is not my best time of day. It's near 40 right now but tomorrow it's going to be 70! Wahoo!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Ooooooooo I’m pissed. I’ve been trying to buy a bathrobe. There are no longer any clothing stores in my town. Except Wally World. So the first one I ordered was the wrong size. Mum bought it from me. This one I’ve been waiting on for weeks. Not only do they not send a purple royal bathrobe they send some towel like thing that I would never in a million years wear, to boot it’s turquoise! I don’t do blues of any shade. Oooo now I have to ship it back at my expense!

How annoying! Grrrr.....

[Victoria'smom]

Thorazine and viserial added

[*Beth*]

82 degrees again today, but starting tomorrow the temperature is predicted to start dropping down some. Sunday is to bring RAIN!!! An event to celebrate!

I'm finally picking up my elderly dear of an SUV today - but it still has to pass a smog test. Not easy. And my driving license is severely expired due to covid shutting gov't offices down. I had to obtain my birth certificate to get the "REAL" I.D. license (do others of you have to get that, too?)- now it's a matter of actually going to DMV to renew my license. And of course, everyone wants $$$.

The two trees outside my window, where I have my computer, are in full bloom now. I enjoy their beauty so much.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

82 degrees again today, but starting tomorrow the temperature is predicted to start dropping down some. Sunday is to bring RAIN!!! An event to celebrate!

I'm finally picking up my elderly dear of an SUV today - but it still has to pass a smog test. Not easy. And my driving license is severely expired due to covid shutting gov't offices down. I had to obtain my birth certificate to get the "REAL" I.D. license (do others of you have to get that, too?)- now it's a matter of actually going to DMV to renew my license. And of course, everyone wants $$$.

The two trees outside my window, where I have my computer, are in full bloom now. I enjoy their beauty so much.

I need a real ID license before we fly next year. Maybe it can be when I renew- not sure. That's cutting it kinda close.

[Nammu]

That’s one thing I miss from Texas. My apartment was on second floor and right out the big picture window was a tree. I could watch it bloom. Sir and I enjoyed a virtual merry-go- round of birds, lizards and squirrels pretty close up. Then across the parking lot was a Spanish cemetery. When I first moved in I could see the people come and decorate and eat, but then the hedges grew too tall.

I written before about how i struggle with my weight. It might seem like a small thing but i've discovered that i LOVE milk again! I'm fine with drinking skim. I'm also loving vegetables lately. So those two changes give me a smidgen of hope that i might be able to lose weight. I've finished off all my potato chips and will try not to replace them. I have one serving of Nutella left, then, same. I'm so powerfully attracted to the milk i think my body might have been suffering malnourishment from missing nutrients in it. It's like my body unconsciously knows what to eat! Anyway, my old doctor said the dieting gateway is my front door. If it gets across there i will eat it. I'll try to take heed.

My drop-in was rather dull with people talking about babies and kids which actually started to upset me as a senior woman without kids. So i switched rooms. It was still worthwhile to attend because one woman made a fuss about another woman's advanced education and i was able to see that interaction for the unpleasant thing it is. I'm usually the one making a fuss so note to self not to do that anymore.

@BethRags: The view from your apartment of the trees in bloom sound wonderful!

Hugs to all!

[gina_re]

Well I've spent the last two days at home and in bed. I tried to get into an inpatient program that isn't in the hospital, but they do not have any beds available until next week. So I'm just going to go back to work. I think I've calmed down enough to do so. My boss is letting me work a half day tomorrow as a compromise since taking three full days off will require a doctor's note to return. At any rate, I still have a paper to write for school, so I have to pull myself out of this funk. But overall, I think I'm ok. I'm on so much medication that it's doing it's job in helping me be functional.
I'm going to go ahead and get that dbt workbook too. I obviously need some help when it comes to some of my thought patterns when I get like this. I wish I could go to therapy, but it's just too expensive right now. Anyway, thanks for listening..

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I need a real ID license before we fly next year. Maybe it can be when I renew- not sure. That's cutting it kinda close.

I have to show my birth certificate to get mine. Everyone has to show some official form, a birth certificate or something else (can't recall what). I had to pay $30 for the copy of my birth certificate, then another $35 for my license renewal. AND it took 5 weeks for the birth certificate to arrive after I ordered it. So don't wait too long. So much bureaucracy.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by gina_re

Well I've spent the last two days at home and in bed. I tried to get into an inpatient program that isn't in the hospital, but they do not have any beds available until next week. So I'm just going to go back to work. I think I've calmed down enough to do so. My boss is letting me work a half day tomorrow as a compromise since taking three full days off will require a doctor's note to return. At any rate, I still have a paper to write for school, so I have to pull myself out of this funk. But overall, I think I'm ok. I'm on so much medication that it's doing it's job in helping me be functional.
I'm going to go ahead and get that dbt workbook too. I obviously need some help when it comes to some of my thought patterns when I get like this. I wish I could go to therapy, but it's just too expensive right now. Anyway, thanks for listening..

Any time

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I have to show my birth certificate to get mine. Everyone has to show some official form, a birth certificate or something else (can't recall what). I had to pay $30 for the copy of my birth certificate, then another $35 for my license renewal. AND it took 5 weeks for the birth certificate to arrive after I ordered it. So don't wait too long. So much bureaucracy.

That shows how much states vary. I don't remember if i had to have my birth certificate (which I should since I did this in January but oh well) but I did for my passport a couple of years ago. It cost me $5 and arrived in less than a week. I think my license cost $25 whether I did a renewal of the old kind or the new one (which I got because why not). The driver's license came in about a week and they gave me a paper one to use in the interim.

I'm sorry CA is so expensive. I'd have trouble living there while here it's not as bad even on a lower income. Of course there are definitely areas that it's a lot harder here like getting to stores, doctors, therapists, etc.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Nammu

That’s one thing I miss from Texas. My apartment was on second floor and right out the big picture window was a tree. I could watch it bloom. Sir and I enjoyed a virtual merry-go- round of birds, lizards and squirrels pretty close up. Then across the parking lot was a Spanish cemetery. When I first moved in I could see the people come and decorate and eat, but then the hedges grew too tall.

Sounds pretty cool. I also remember you writing about the black bird that kept teasing your cat at the window. Do you ever miss Texas itself?

[Sunflower123]

I’ve been unusually busy the past few weeks and will be for several more. I’ve had no free time. I got mentally and physically fatigued so I took today completely off. It was great at first but gradually descended into sadness and depression. I’m really tempted to stay so insanely busy that I have no time to think, feel, ruminate or brood. Probably not the healthiest thing but would it be so bad to avoid the sadness and depression?

Tomorrow is back to the drawing board.

Warmest regards and hugs to all.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

Sounds pretty cool. I also remember you writing about the black bird that kept teasing your cat at the window. Do you ever miss Texas itself?

Sometimes mostly in the dead of winter. One thing about Texas was I never had to put on boots a parka, gloves, scarf s and hats just to go outside. I did have lots of hats tho, they were all hanging on the wall next to the door. I have dark hair and the sun is bright down there. And Austin was very liberal, I liked that and the many many places to go. I lived in south Austin and every Thursday night there was a street fair. Tons and tons of food trucks and vendors. I liked to just sit and people watch. It was just a bus ride away. Luckily cause parking was hard. So yeah there’s stuff and people I miss but here I have family.

No I didn’t have a cowboy hat.

[Soupe du jour]

My husband and I are in a rut. A not so small one. I know he's depressed, but I don't feel I'm in the right frame of mind to be giving him the support he needs. I feel bad about that. Of course I could use support, as well, but I feel I could likely proceed on auto drive. His depression is the deeply sad type, where crying can happen at the drop of a hat. Unless I'm in a mixed episode, mine is more like a feelingless state. Tough, and not as easy to breakdown. Right now he's outside sitting in the sun. He likely wishes I would join him, but I yearn for time to myself. I will go outside in a few minutes, because I know it is the right thing to do.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

That shows how much states vary. I don't remember if i had to have my birth certificate (which I should since I did this in January but oh well) but I did for my passport a couple of years ago. It cost me $5 and arrived in less than a week. I think my license cost $25 whether I did a renewal of the old kind or the new one (which I got because why not). The driver's license came in about a week and they gave me a paper one to use in the interim.

I'm sorry CA is so expensive. I'd have trouble living there while here it's not as bad even on a lower income. Of course there are definitely areas that it's a lot harder here like getting to stores, doctors, therapists, etc.

Wow! Big differences. I love California - would love it more if I had even a normal income. Every little thing is so, so costly. It's a relentless stress.