[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm doing so much better on this meds. But I had a headache and checked whether I could take Tylenol and learned 2 of the meds interact to cause irregular heartbeat. So now I don't know what to do. I'm wondering if I miss heard him. but the pharmacy filled it? so Idk. It's my prn so I'm avoiding taking it until I talk to pdoc in 3 weeks. I also got a heart monitor watch so if I didn't miss hear I'm safe. I think for the first time ever I'm not regularly thinking about self harm.

That's great Miguel's Mom (about the self-harm, not the headache). You can call a pharmacist and ask about interactions without having to wait 3 weeks.

I love that you are feeling better!

@Miguel'smom: So happy to hear your new meds are working out and that you're no longer bothered by thoughts of self-harm! That's huge! Good for you!

@Jennifer 1967: Glad to hear your first dining-out experience went (relatively) well. The vaccines are supposed to be safe and reliable. Here in Canada the federal government is assuring people via a TV commercial campaign that the vaccines pass rigorous testing before approval. Hope your grad celebration is fun!

[unlived]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm doing so much better on this meds. But I had a headache and checked whether I could take Tylenol and learned 2 of the meds interact to cause irregular heartbeat. So now I don't know what to do. I'm wondering if I miss heard him. but the pharmacy filled it? so Idk. It's my prn so I'm avoiding taking it until I talk to pdoc in 3 weeks. I also got a heart monitor watch so if I didn't miss hear I'm safe. I think for the first time ever I'm not regularly thinking about self harm.

Do you mean long qt syndrome? It’s a risk with most anti psychotics (especially Geodon) and the risk increases with dosage and when combining more than one. It’s always freaked me out but it’s very rare.

It's such a drag, my mood is up and i want to go out into the city and have adventures but darn COVID. I've been for a walk with my one close neighbor already and that was fun but now i am facing a day at home with just soaps to amuse me and it's not enough. I'm wait-listed for the vax but haven't heard anything via phone, email nor carrier pigeon. So frustrating!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

... I think for the first time ever I'm not regularly thinking about self harm.

Fantastic!!

[Soupe du jour]

I'm extremely tired, and it's only 9 pm. I excused myself to let my husband and his sister have some chat time alone. I took a shower and am in my pajamas in bed.

Today we did some little touring of a town not too far from where we live. I believe we walked at least 10 to 12 kilometers (6 to 7.5 miles), and before that we did gardening for a good 45 minutes. I feel sore. I know it was too much for my husband. When he was in the bathroom at a particular place, my s-i-l commented on how out of shape he is. I'm out of shape, too, but not as blatantly so as my husband. Unlike him, I have the ability to just keep going and going even though it's uncomfortable. I even mentioned that to my s-i-l. I described it as blocking out any dread about distance (or the enormity of long treks) and just keep going and going, almost like a robot. That's not to say I didn't enjoy the walking trip. I did.

@Soupe du jour: I'm not surprised at your stamina in the face of long endeavors. You certainly are a force of nature!

It's Day 10 of my diet! Double-digits! What a struggle it has been! The hunger has been unpleasant but not hideous like when i tried last time in August and was so hangry i got censored. I could barely function then i was so hungry then so i'm glad i'm trying again. Edison failed a thousand times before he invented the light-bulb! Who knows where this will end? I'll be sad if it's just because of my high mood and i go back to overeating once the Summer heat sets in. But the only sure way to fail is not to try, so try i must!

I tried my faux chicken cutlets today and they were no good. They were an unappealing grey/brown/pink color. They were made from pea protein so i was able to eat one anyways since i know it's just plants but i'm not impressed. It was "The President's Choice" brand again.

I did more dishes today, in two lots. It's not so bad.

I had a nice time walking the dogs with my one close neighbor this morning. I so like her. Then i amused myself watching my soaps which were super today, one is so zany. Then i had a nice time listening to the radio with my eye-shade on as the Spring light bothers my eyes, so used to the Winter dark.

Well, "The Days and Nights of Jane!"

Hugs to all!

[~Christina]

Im sorry I just cant go back and catch up.

I saw my T last Wednesday and it was the first time I was in a rage that he could see, Normally I can talk about my rage. I have been throwing things and cussing a blue streak.

We have one more Zoom session and then in person. I told Richard I almost cancelled our session because I hate Zoom hate hate hate it.

I had an Appt with my Pdoc of 10 years Thursday. I told him about the meds I had to quit between the diabetes and now this Ortostatic hypotension took about 20 seconds, He said keep on Lamictal , Doxepin an Xanax, We are out out of any options, He had been out on Medical leave for almost 5 months so I knew that he would retire soon. He told me that I would be seeing a NP which is fine. I wished him a good retirement and health. He said thank you and logged right out Took less than 1.5 mins.10 years of him given me excellent help and boom it was over.

Centerstones policy is No one is prescribed a Benzo of any kind. I had been going to him for 10 years and he was fine with it. Now the NP? I have no idea. I have tried all the other non benzo meds for anxiety and nothing helps.

My husband is like " they cant just take you off of something you have been on for long... Yeah thats not how it works...

Honestly I feel like just giving up. There isnt a psych meds that will work with my diabetes, Orthostatic Hypotension and anxiety..

So I live in a non stop rage or a soul crushing depression or pure hell on earth mixed episodes??

Why in the hell bother???

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Im sorry I just cant go back and catch up.

I saw my T last Wednesday and it was the first time I was in a rage that he could see, Normally I can talk about my rage. I have been throwing things and cussing a blue streak.

We have one more Zoom session and then in person. I told Richard I almost cancelled our session because I hate Zoom hate hate hate it.

I had an Appt with my Pdoc of 10 years Thursday. I told him about the meds I had to quit between the diabetes and now this Ortostatic hypotension took about 20 seconds, He said keep on Lamictal , Doxepin an Xanax, We are out out of any options, He had been out on Medical leave for almost 5 months so I knew that he would retire soon. He told me that I would be seeing a NP which is fine. I wished him a good retirement and health. He said thank you and logged right out Took less than 1.5 mins.10 years of him given me excellent help and boom it was over.

Centerstones policy is No one is prescribed a Benzo of any kind. I had been going to him for 10 years and he was fine with it. Now the NP? I have no idea. I have tried all the other non benzo meds for anxiety and nothing helps.

My husband is like " they cant just take you off of something you have been on for long... Yeah thats not how it works...

Honestly I feel like just giving up. There isnt a psych meds that will work with my diabetes, Orthostatic Hypotension and anxiety..

So I live in a non stop rage or a soul crushing depression or pure hell on earth mixed episodes??

Why in the hell bother???

I'm so sorry, Christina. I've never heard you sound so defeated. To me, the telehealth stuff is dehumanizing, depressing in itself. But with all the psych meds there are, I feel sure that your new NP will be able to help you come up with some kind of plan. Please, remember to breathe and to hang on to hope...it is there

[buddha1too]

I've not been around much lately. Been feeling awfully anxious to the core, & not feeling very good about myself. This, too, shall pass...

[bizi]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I've not been around much lately. Been feeling awfully anxious to the core, & not feeling very good about myself. This, too, shall pass...

I am sorry you are having a rough time now. things will improve as you do.
bizi

[bizi]

@~Christina,
I am sorry you are having a rough go ahead.
trust that things will work their way through to a new normal.
I am sorry that you have had some falls if remember correctly.
heavy sigh
love bizi

[Victoria'smom]

Do you mean long qt syndrome?

no it's not my AP's. It's an interaction between my AD and my prn.

[Victoria'smom]

@~Christina I'm sorry

[unlived]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

no it's not my AP's. It's an interaction between my AD and my prn.

All sorts of medications can cause it - not just APs. But if you don’t have it it doesn’t matter

[Soupe du jour]

My s-i-l left for her home a little bit ago. In some ways I was sad to see her leave. In an other, I was glad to be done entertaining. Tomorrow, some restrictions will be lifted where I live in, though not to the degree as most places in the US. I'm sort of feeling like I don't know what's next, and yet I know some things that should be next.

My husband's best friend, who lives in the US, is extremely sick with covid-19. I'm not sure why he didn't get vaccinated. His wife did, and she's very glad she did. He's been so ill that he's been taken to the ER three times already, but they keep sending him home. He hasn't been able to sleep or eat for several days, and can't even go to the bathroom. His wife says he's lost about 20 lbs. He's normally a very stoic kind of guy, but the last time my husband talked to him, his voice was so weak (different) and he was talking as if he only had a few days left to live, giving my husband instructions for after his possible death. Yesterday that friend sent an email to my husband, written in ALL CAPS, which was quite odd. He was begging my husband to go to NJ to get him and bring him to Czech Republic in order to "get real medical care". [The friend is also a Czech and American.] My husband thinks his friend is so ill that he is becoming delirious. I think that's likely true, given the contrast in his behavior versus his norm. Obviously my husband can't go to him right now. I feel so worried.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

I've not been around much lately. Been feeling awfully anxious to the core, & not feeling very good about myself. This, too, shall pass...

I hope to see you around more. Anxiety is the worst.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

...

OMG, your husband's best friend - awful. I'm so sorry to hear of his very difficult situation. I do wonder why he wasn't vaccinated. I SO wish more people would take covid more seriously! I hope and pray he recovers, Soupe.

[*Beth*]

I've been doing quite well, especially with diligently practicing anxiety reduction techniques. Had a bit of a "lapse" last night...not sure what happened; I felt very odd with a sudden, random depression. Hopefully, I was just tired...the feeling seems to be gone today.

I had an intriguing dream. Dreamt I was in a class and the professor was excruciatingly demanding, insisting only on near-perfect work. I was anxious with doing the best I could and, for the most part, succeeded. But one project came along and I fell short of success. Initially, I felt like a failure - I so wanted to please the professor. But at the last moment I looked right at him and firmly said, "I did the very best I could, and that was enough."

!!!!! I was so shocked that my own words awoke me. Normally, I would be deeply involved in pleasing the prof and beating up on myself for "failing." not so in this case; I was quite firm in my internal feeling of genuinely doing my best and, in that, felt successful. The dream left it's mark on me, tells me that even unconsciously, my hard work in therapy is paying off.