No I Don't!

My pdoc called me back yesterday about my possible hypomania symptoms. Wednesday, I was in the bipolar chat and it was @Miguel'smom who suggested I call my pdoc. And probably a few others in the chat as well. Then some people on the check-in thread suggested it too. So I called and talked with my case manager who emailed my pdoc. But case manager never called me back and neither did pdoc. So then yesterday, my pdoc called and said that she called as soon as she read the email about my issues. Well, that was nice! She said that I "have really good insight into your symptoms". No I DON'T! My friend Caleb has to tell me these things and I never considered being "off" until people here told me they thought I was acting that way. So do I have good insight or not? I certainly didn't when I got manic 2 years ago. (Gosh that was that long ago?) Either that or I didn't care! I guess because of my hypergraphia these last few days I've been sharing a lot. Maybe too much! I've gone from "really good insight" to obsessed!

I hate when professionals say you have good insight.... that means nothing to me as I still get ill. So do I or don't I? Everyone says that to be me, is it cause I learn about bipolar and read up on thing is it cause I'm just intuned to my symptoms at times etc who knows

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Yes! I still get sick. I really want to go out and get stuff to repot my plants today, BUT I don't want to get covid. The grocery store is so busy on Saturday and Sunday! When I was manic last time, I was out at a restaurant and had the fleeting thought "Maybe I'm getting manic... Naaahhhh!" and went on with my meal. I've read a lot about bipolar too. I can see it analytically, but that doesn't mean I'm going to then say to myself, "You have X, Y, & Z symptoms for so long and my sleep has been bad and and and...." No! That's what my pdoc is for! That's her whole job.

I realize that sometimes it does take others to "clue me in" to my mood elevations, but I think that when I've been clued in, if I contact my psychiatrist it means I have some level insight, if only a little. If I truly utterly didn't, I'd basically tell others "F you", and that would be that. There's certainly only good in trusting others. Sometimes others are overreacting, and sometimes not. In any case, you get credit, in my eyes, for contacting your doctor and therapist. I see that as some level of insight. Telling you that is only a compliment, not a form of insult, and not a form of telling you you don't get sick. Developing some level of insight is a path to better managing the illness. Not managing the illness well at all brings only pain.

For me it usually takes someone else to tell me if I am hypomanic or depressed if it isn’t severe. It is hard for me to look inward and see the signs at first. Especially when hypomanic because it feels so much better than depression that I don’t want it to end. Sorry your pdoc didn’t give you what you need.

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Thanks @Soupe du jour @unaluna and @Crook32

I'm wondering if I should take my PRN Haldol now that pdoc prescribed yesterday.

Soupe, I felt like I was calling Pdoc just because it was suggested that I do in the chat on Wednesday. I would've called if they'd said that and I didn't think anything was wrong. Talking to pdoc I felt like the symptoms I was agreeing to having that she listed were lies. Like I called just for attention. Like I just want to be sick for some strange thrill.

So Sorry that you're not feeling that well! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about you making a good decision in contacting your Pdoc nevertheless. Yes, others may have suggested it first but ultimately it was YOUR decision and i think that perhaps there was a small part of you that felt like something was a bit off, but of course i may be completely wrong. i agree also that it is generally good to listen to other people's advice and at least take it into consideration like you did i think. i think your Pdoc was simply referring to you making a good decision in calling him. Please do not give up. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Moose72, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

You had enough insight to call, that is great!

Your not lying, it is causing you stess.

My pdoc recently said at my appointment that I have to advocate for myself and not let drs or others run our lives. In the end it really is our decision. But I know how hard it is to get the energy to do that when you aren’t feeling well.

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Well I broke down and took some of the extra Haldol just now. I picked up my new glasses this morning. They are taking some getting used to - I forgot that I'd ordered bifocals. When I picked them up, I tried them on, but couldn't see because I had my contacts in. So tonight I took out my contacts and put these new glasses on and immediately I noticed "the lines" of the bifocals! I can see out of the bifocal part and the regular part, but where they join is blurry! So right now, I'm typing on the computer looking through the regular area. I have to raise my head and look DOWN at what I'm typing if I want to use the bifocal part. Actually, it IS easier to read with the bifocal part, but I don't like having to hold my head up so far. My old glasses are trifocals and they are the kind that there are no lines! I got used to those immediately but these are annoying me! I've had friends that got them say that they had a hard time walking in them. Steps and curbs and stuff were hard to navigate. I made my second tiktok tonight introducing myself talking about these glasses and my deluge of 8x10 photos I got this week! I tried not to look like a dork, but my friend Christine said I look "great" in the video, so there it is. I have no idea how to do all the fancy editing. Heck! I don't even know how many seconds I have left when I'm recording, so it just cuts me off. Then I tried to edit that out and I couldn't figure that out either! I have no idea what I'm going to post about in the future. I probably won't be lip synching to songs though. Right now, my choices are 15 seconds or 60 seconds. I swear other people's videos are longer than a minute. I'm eating a pear. It's crunchy! I went out to Walgreen's again - this time to get Benadryl. I had an asthma flare up earlier and wasn't sure how I was feeling- my chest hurt a little- felt congested and somehow painful so I used my inhaler with my spacer (allows the medicine to disperse through the air in the spacer before I breathe it in). Then I took some Benadryl in case it was an allergic reaction or allergies from dust mites or seasonal. (I don't THINK I have bed bugs!) Now feeling fine. I stayed home today except to go to Walgreen's to get the Benadryl. Tomorrow, I should get working on my inspection stuff- I need to clean my bathroom top to bottom! Maybe sweep and mop? It isn't just cleaning- it's making sure things like the smoke alarms work. Well the last time I used the oven they sure did! And it says something about the carbon monoxide detector but the thing I thought was one says AT&T on it so I don't want to touch that - whatever it is. It seems so much harder now that I'm by myself even if my place *is* a lot smaller. I do like my new glasses though- They're nice and clear so the little bit of a prescription change really helped. It's just that the bifocal lines are blurry. I can read better through the bifocal parts, even though I can read pretty well with the regular section, too. So anyway, I took my Haldol PRN and not sure if it did anything. Maybe it hasn't been long enough- meds take about 20 minutes to start working after you swallow them. I hope I don't get too tired from it, though. So far, so good, though what would be the problem if I did get tired? It's 9:30 already! I'm watching The Muppet Show- the original- though. I can't believe I don't feel tired at all from the Benadryl. Maybe if I went and laid down it would help. Still really liking the photos I printed! Nobody has come over here to see them really. Oh great. Now I'm not feeling well again. I already took my night meds. Benadryl maybe wasn't the best thing to take considering that my night scripts include Trazodone and Seroquel. Ok. Off to watch TikTok in bed. It's trying to relax time. I think the benadryl has hit. My chest feels okay now.

I hate getting new glasses because they take time getting use to. Hopefully you'll adjust fast. I know nothing about tiktok, hopefully your friend can tell you how to post longer videos. My in-laws are really into tiktok. There are some free editing programs I don't know if they work with tiktok I'll ask my husband what they are. I know my son edits his videos for youtube and classes.

I hope you feel better today from the asthma attack or allergies.

Inspections are so stressful. I hope that goes well for you. Can you get someone to come help you? I know it's not just regular cleaning it's like spring cleaning on steroids x 10. I'm going to need to hire someone to help clean for inspection when I live on my own.

I hope you slept well and feel better this morning.

I thought bifocals no longer had lines on them. Mine never did, and now I wear progressive lenses. They don't have any lines. I admire you for your tech courage! I wouldn't know the first thing about doing the stuff you do with photos and videos.

TikTok

My first real video on TikTok!

It's just trial and error - especially the videos at this point. I have no sound effects or anything! Just plain old me!

Bifocals don't have lines when you order them that way but they should've warned me that these would have lines! It never occurred to me that they might as my old glasses do not have any lines.

Yes I am feeling better today. I went to Starbucks and then to the grocery store where upon someone called from pdoc's office to check on how I was doing. I told her I was out spending money on groceries! But that needed doing for at least a week- I had a spinach feta wrap and an irish cream cold brew at Starbucks before the store. I sat outside alone but I waited inside for 20 minutes for my drink! They were really busy. I had my N95 mask on so I hope that helped. I do feel better this morning- especially since I took a shower when I got up. No more asthma or allergies!

Maybe I can get my mom to come help me clean this week before the inspection??? I'll ask.

The glasses are in their case on my night table in the bedroom. I don't really need them unless there's something wrong so I can't wear my contacts but its nice to have a back up. I'm going to go to the eye place tomorrow maybe and ask about the line being in my field of vision making everything blurry! I have 13 months of contacts that I can use though- this includes the trial pair they gave me at my appointment.

I do TikTok on my phone so its whatever the app can do -

I hope everybody enjoys my first TikTok video (after the photos one)!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 It's just trial and error - especially the videos at this point. I have no sound effects or anything! Just plain old me! Bifocals don't have lines when you order them that way but they should've warned me that these would have lines! It never occurred to me that they might as my old glasses do not have any lines.

Optometrists usually give patients 2 to 4 weeks to get used to their glasses. If you need to make a change (such as, the lines if they bother you) you could probably exchange them.

I'll try them for longer then. Also, my mom is going to come over Wednesday to help me.