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FluffyDinosaur
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Member Since: Nov 2019
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#1
As some of you know, I recently received ECT. This worked very well for me; my depression has vastly improved. I'm not entirely out of the woods yet, but I hadn't expected that. In my mind, the purpose of the ECT was to help me break out of the worst of the depression and get me to a place where I can continue my recovery with more conventional methods. I feel I have succeeded in reaching that goal. Now I wanted to ask the folks here for their advice on how best to continue my recovery. I feel there is still a lot of hard work ahead of me, and I cannot lean back now, because if I do I will relapse without a doubt, and I am deathly afraid of that.
My current approach is as follows. First of all, I am starting up meds, in particular lamotrigine. I couldn't start that up before because lamotrigine is an anti-epileptic, so it interferes with ECT. Second, I think I have to do some psychotherapeutic work to deal with all of the traumatic stuff that happened during this past year-long episode, some of which still weighs pretty heavily on me. I am not quite certain yet how best to approach this. I hope I'll be able to figure that out with my therapist. Third, I am trying to schedule my week such that I take on more work and household responsibilities that I couldn't before, in addition to things like sports, family, and so on. Essentially, the second and third parts of my approach amount to IP-SRT, which I have heard highly recommended for bipolar depression. My "trouble" is with the details of this approach. For example, I really want to take on some work responsibilities again. On the other hand, I don't want to do too much too fast, because I am still extremely low on energy, and I am still having cognitive issues. I'm afraid if I don't strike the right balance, it will be counterproductive. I feel like I need to start doing things again in order to continue my recovery, because that's the only way I see to hopefully regain some of my confidence and begin to feel like a useful human being again. On the other hand, it's hard to do these things without being fully recovered in the first place. I find it hard to escape from this chicken-and-egg problem, and I'm hoping someone here might have some advice on this. My current plan is to just persevere, start with a few well-planned tasks, and simply push through, hoping that I make things better and not worse by doing so... Edit: I guess a major part of the problem is that this episode has basically completely destroyed my confidence. Now, on the one hand, I am extremely motivated to take on responsibilities again, but at the same time it brings me a lot of worry and anxiety that I can't do it because I'm not good enough. But doing it is probably the only way to start believing again that I can do it. I suppose there just is no easy way. Last edited by FluffyDinosaur; May 04, 2021 at 07:53 AM.. |
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buddha1too, MickeyCheeky, Soupe du jour
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MickeyCheeky
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#2
So Sorry that you're struggling! Please do not give up! i think your current plan, starting out with some well-planned tasks is a good idea. i think simply taking it one step at the time may be a good way to start. If you try to do something that you don't think you can handle that well at the moment i don't think there is any shame in abandoning it at least temporarely trying it out later. Just do what you can at the moment right now. Yeah, it may not be easy but i think it may be worth it to give this a try. Sorry if this post wasn't Helpful, i Hope others will be able to Help more. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @FluffyDinosaur, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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#3
@FluffyDinosaur:
I am so happy you are pleased with your ECT! Congratulations! It sounds like you are being cautious and taking calculated risks with your recovery and that is the best thing you can do to optimize chances of success. I agree with @MickeyCheeky, if something is too onerous, there's no shame in taking a step back. Everyone wants you to succeed and we support you in your efforts! Ta! Jane. |
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MickeyCheeky
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#4
Hi FluffyDinosaur. I think MickeyCheeky gave some solid advice. Actually, most of those ideas are ones you already have in mind. It will be good for you to take steps forward after your ECT, but don't necessarily leap forward. The best of us struggle to multi-task under good circumstances. I wouldn't go overboard after such a period that you've gone through.
I certainly hope the Lamictal will further ease any residual depression and keep you stable. I was prescribed a few medications after my ECT (way back 8 years ago) and the Lamictal pulled me further yet out of depression. I did have to watch that I didn't head too far the other direction. I'm sure your psychiatrist will be keeping a close eye on that. |
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FluffyDinosaur
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#5
Okay, thanks everyone! It's good to have some feedback that I'm probably headed in the right direction. I'll make sure to keep a close eye on my mood charts to help me decide whether I'm taking on too much, and be ready to take a step back if needed.
Good point to watch out for mania. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get away with Lamictal as a monotherapy, but I'm aware that it doesn't do much for mania. If necessary, I'm ready to go back to lithium, and like you said my Pdoc will also be keeping an eye on this. For now, the slow build-up of Lamictal is a little frustrating, but there's no way around that, unfortunately. |
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Anonymous41462, buddha1too, MickeyCheeky, Soupe du jour
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#6
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FluffyDinosaur
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#7
Thank you, Beth, I really appreciate it!
Med-wise, I'm sticking with lamotrigine for now, and the plan is to try adding lithium again if that's not enough. I'm not a fan of anti-depressants because of the side-effects and the risk of mixed features. I did try bupropion before the ECT, as sort of a last-ditch effort, but all it did was give me high blood pressure and irritability, so I gave up on that. As I mentioned in another thread, I also do well on Seroquel, and it's somewhat tempting to me because it makes me sleep well, but I'm holding off on that because of the side-effects and keeping it just as a PRN for now. I'm glad you agree on the psychotherapy part! I'm really looking forward to starting that, because I notice multiple times every day that there's a sadness and sometimes also an anger weighing on me. In a sense, though, I'm glad that at least now I'm able to experience those feelings in a more normal and healthy way, and I'm able to experience happiness again besides the sadness as well. It feels very different from the way I felt when the depression was at its most severe, when there was just hopelessness and despair and nothing else. The tough part is that my therapist is on a pretty long vacation right now, has been for a few weeks, and won't be back for another two weeks or so, which means that for now I have to deal with these feelings on my own. IP-SRT stands for Interpersonal and Social Rhythm Therapy, which is a therapy for bipolar disorder that's more or less a combination of interpersonal psychotherapy and the "SRT" part, which basically focuses on creating a steady schedule with social and other cues that aim to stabilize your circadian rhythm, which is supposed to help stabilize your mood. So basically it's more or less what I'm trying to do right now. It's supposed to be very effective, according to what I've read and heard. The "IP" part can focus on different things, one of which is the trauma and grieving due to the depression itself. I like the idea of adding the concept of priorities to my schedule/plan! That way it will be less overwhelming trying to decide what to do first. I'll try that, thanks again! |
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Anonymous41462
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*Beth*
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*Beth*
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#8
That's right, I remember now when you tried the bupropion. The less meds, the better...you're idea is right on, I think. I mean, if one needs more meds - totally understandable. But adding on more than you really benefit from is pointless. I also think it's smart to keep the Seroquel prn, because of the many extreme side effects of it.
Ugh, it's difficult when your therapist is away. But at least you have a T and the time goes fast. IP-SRT sounds like good, smart logic for living with bipolar disorder. I admire all you're doing to stabilize yourself and your life, FluffyD GREAT job! __________________ |
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FluffyDinosaur
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#9
Thank you, I really appreciate all the support!
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*Beth*, Anonymous41462
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#10
@FluffyDinosaur:
Thanks for the reminder about IPSRT. I think it would be very helpful for me with the level of chaos in my days. I'm such a slacker tho... Haha! (Swilling water as i write this. Yay!) Ta! Jane. |
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unaluna
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FluffyDinosaur
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Posts: 754
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#11
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Thanks, I'm glad to hear you found it helpful! I really hope it works out for you! |
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Anonymous41462
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