Bipolar check-in #56

Called everyone who needed to be called except my social worker did not call me back. I will have to call disability again because they need the paperwork by Tuesday and if I can’t get ahold of my social worker then I can’t get it to them. I’m gonna call my social worker again tomorrow, maybe she’s off? If I can’t get her I’ll call disability back.

I dyed my hair purple because guess what, screw it. I’m not going back to work until September. I only used semi permanent dye this time with no pre-lightening. I have dark brown hair but the ends are light brownish because of the bleach dye I had last year. It looks cool, when you see it in the sun you can see like a jewel tone. Not head turning but a nice subtle purple.

My eyes are pink again! I did not sleep in my contacts this time, but I did wear them. I think its allergies. I guess I'll have to call the eye doctor again. *sigh*

I'm having hot flashes again. Either my low thyroid has mysteriously turned to high thyroid, or this is early perimenopause! I am so afraid of menopause as I fear it means the end of sex and I can't take estrogen because of my history of blood clots. My primary doc is doing a zoom call tomorrow morning- maybe I'll ask her about it.

Got out of my comfort zone today. My daughter was having her graduation pictures taken out on a farm and asked us to come and get some pictures with her since there’s not going to be a ceremony or party. Google showed me the way. It was a nice drive on some back roads. Looked like they had just finished doing the road it was really nice. On the way back we stopped at Arby’s and got a beef and cheddar. 🍔 it was nice to get dressed up and go somewhere. Did miss the final episode of young Sheldon tho!

Feeling a bit better than I was a few weeks ago. I went off my AP again two days ago, though. I hate meds.

Sorry for those of you going through all the physical and other issues. I think many of us agree that, within reason, emotional pain is sometimes worse than the physical. I have a friend whose mother committed suicide on Mother's Day. I don't know how my friend will ever heal.

Sorry your having a rough time Its impossible for me to do any retail therapy finacially, which is good but yet bad.... Removing your payment info online for shopping is one the the smartest things do to, it can give me sometime to think " do I really need this"

Im glad your getting out and walking, I am spending time outside but not able to do much walking, Pan is too high .. but getting outside is so good for us.

Glad your keeping busy, Becareful you don't overdo it physically, You dont want your back to flare up.

What Lanyards are you making ( sorry I am outta the loop)

Take good care of yourself

Im glad you have enjoyed your Birthday

I hope things with your T can be worked out and you settle in , Its hard to find someone you click with.. Great news that the Pdoc seems like a good fit !

Ahhh the tickets sound wonderful, Hopefully as Covid restrictions are decreased we can all get back to going out and doing things. Everyone on the planet needs something positive to look forward too !

Thats so awesome your Husband made you Bagels !!!! Good for him !!

Take care of you

Hopefullly the Imetrix will fix you all up. Back in my 20's I had migraines 2-3 a week. Given Imitrex, Soon as I felt one coming , id snort that and took care of them 99% of the time. Huge relief ! horrible after taste tho LOL Hysterectomy is 2003 and I have only had one since.

I was very happy to hear about changes in the mask wearing for those that are fully vaccinated !

Many hugs

Hell yeah Rock that Purple !!!!!!

Ahhhhh that is so great you got out !!!!! Oooo Arbys Im jealous !

Is there a way for you to watch the show you missed??? I hope so

Well I had the last zoom session with my T yesterday.. He also loathes zoom as much as I do. Next session will be in person thank god !

Well I went off on a rant about the last appt with my retiring Pdoc. Richard was also very mad about how I was treated. he has known Dr Graves for close to 30 years. Everybody knows Dr Graves is not a warm fuzzy guy. hes an Aspie and there is some PD involved. But still... It was very wrong how he handled our appt. Richard and I agreed that he should have taped a message to his computer that said something like I wish you well and I'm sure X NP will be able to help you, Thanks " but no he didnt. Honestly if Dr Graves is this ill he should have just left and let someone take right over, I would have have much prefered that to having a less than that less that 2 minute insult. I told Richard that Im annoyed I even paid for that appt. He said I can file a complaint but honestly it wont help anything anyway.

Then Richard told me that Jane the nurse is also retiring end of the month, My head literally just hit the desk.. I knew she was considering it and Im really very happy that she is, she has worked her entire life and deserves to retire and go enjoy life and not have not have to wake up so early each day. Caught up with her before I left lots of hugs and tears.

In a way I do feel better having been able to rant to Richard about the pdoc issue. Now there is the big question of if the NP will want me off Xanax... i wont see her til July and Richard has never meet or talked to her, he said a few clients have said she is okay... So I need to hurry up and wait.

Steve has been really tired today, But he has been busy this week so I hope that is all it is and not some infection brewing.

I see my Cardiologist in the morning. My blood pressure does drop from lying, to sitting and certainly standing. Not sure if anything can be done other that I have to just sit and wait then stand and wait.. Its so hard to remember to do that, especially when I am burning dinner LOL

My rage is still with me, I know eventually it will go away. It just seems like its been here for years and years.. It really all started in Nov. Now there literally isnt any psych meds I can take I will need a way to find some balance and again ride out the Bipolar waves... Better get a new surf board and more sunblock

I am happy that mask restrictions are going away. In the last few months I have really struggled to wear one and get what I need from stores while battling a panic attack brought on by having to wear a mask. I know many people think this is far to soon. but speaking just for myself....My husband and I are fully vaccinated and feel like we have sacrificed a year and just lost over a year actually.

My daughter is coming next month for a week and I hope his middle son will be coming soon, Hes dying to bring his wife up.

I just really really need to catch a break Bipolar wise and physical health wise ! ( Like we all do )

Here it is, 3:30am and i've been up for an hour. I talk with my doctor on Monday, hopefully we will sort this out, maybe a little more Seroquel will keep me asleep. I fall asleep okay, i just wake-up uber-early.

My lovely neighbor went online and ferretted out a vax appointment for me on Thursday! We're both really good on our computers, but she is more methodical while i am more chaotic-and-twirl-y. Plus, she loves a challenge. She's going to drive me, too, since it's way far away.

Such a gem she is, i must find a way to thank her. Flowers are out because she has a dog. Candy or chocolate is out because she watches her weight. "Things" are out because our condo-apartments are not large and we all want to get rid of things. Any ideas?

Maybe i'll just listen more when we are together her, give her the gift of my attention. I did that on one of our walks recently and she seemed really thrilled with me after. She's a good friend to have! So helpful! She's religious, so she may be helping only because of God, but whatever the reason, i am grateful.

Late afternoon yesterday, i felt well enough to risk some TV (have been doing sensory-deprivation to heal my insomnia). I came across this excellent Netflix series called "Start Up." It's about a code-jockey, entrepreneur and thug who start a alternative currency. It's really interesting!

Hard on my aching brain tho, i had to take sensory-deprivation breaks. But still, something to do while my insomnia runs it's course now that going outside in the blasted sun is out of the question except for an hour or two at dawn for my dog.

Hugs to all!

Hi Christina! It is very nice to hear from you, though I am SO sorry for your physical problems!

I’m just making those lanyard keychain things that I used to make in summer camp. I remember it used to pass the time when I was bored as hell during some activity or another

I think you’re right about my back though, I have no nerve pain but my back muscles are aching today! It’s going to be really nice out but I think I’m gonna have to chill.

I am depressed again and have no time for it. Prom, my teens birthdays, MIL visit, and family pool party to attend all in the last weeks of May. I have working with PDOC and she has increased my meds temporarily but they haven't kicked in yet. We are treating everything systematically for now. Ativan at night to help me get over anxiety and sleep and Ativan in the middle of the night when I want to wake up and get about 4 hours sleep. Haven't felt like doing anything but I pushed through and finished my last school assignments and have to get through the rest.

It will repeat, not sure when but the world won’t cave in cause I missed a show. I’m old fashioned and don’t stream anything. The only device I have is a iPad mini. Can’t imagine watch shows on that. The captions would be tiny!!

I’m worried about mum. I had dreams all night of keeping her save and she’s still not up. I know she has a habit of getting up at night and reading cause she can’t sleep. But it’s almost 11am. She has the most energy in the am, opposite me. There are time I go in her room just to make sure she’s breathing.

I took my Geodon early this morning and I fell back asleep about an hour later. I woke up at 6:30 feeling pretty rested. I ate breakfast and did my Noom stuff and then my mom and I went out to the store again. We stopped at Starbucks and I got this chocolate almond milk iced coffee thing and a Swiss cheese and ham croissant. At Walmart my mom needed a scale and I needed a toothbrush holder. Then we went to the local grocery store where I got a lot of fun vegetables like zucchini noodles and butternut squash noodles and some quinoa bowls. Our new fridge has a very cold water filter on the door. So I’ve been drinking a lot of water and I haven’t had any soda in 2 days. That’s the longest I’ve gone without any soda in probably a year. I’m hoping to kick the habit. Or just have one a week. I just bought 30 bottles of Pepsi Blue last week.

But yeah once again I feel good today. I think the move was good for me.

I am for sure passing like a guy now and it makes me so happy. The movers kept calling me and my brother “the boys” and then one of them asked my mom why we were moving here and my mom said because of my sister and the mover said “aw so you do have your daughter.”

I just had a zoom meeting with my primary doctor. It went great. I'm getting blood work taken tomorrow. Non-fasting. I told her about my hot flashes and she asked me more questions and then said she thinks I'm in the very beginning of menopause! I was worried about that. She said my age too lines up with it being perimenopause. She said to drink unsweetened soy milk and to eat a more plant-based diet including edamame and soy beans. Luckily, I don't have any bad side effects from peri yet. (i.e. dryness). Otherwise, she asked what my blood pressure was and asked about my cpap- said I probably will need a new mask soon and that she will call the supplier for me. I dunno. I suspected that I might be starting perimenopause from the night sweats and hot flashes but now its real if my doctor suggests that it is, too. Oh dear... I'll have to ask my mom when she started the hot flashes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 ... I dyed my hair purple because guess what, screw it. I’m not going back to work until September. I only used semi permanent dye this time with no pre-lightening. I have dark brown hair but the ends are light brownish because of the bleach dye I had last year. It looks cool, when you see it in the sun you can see like a jewel tone. Not head turning but a nice subtle purple.

I love that. It must look stunning!

whatever, would your friend like lotion or soap? If you know her favorite scent, that would be a plus.

I want to give hugs all around You're all in my thoughts.

I'm supposed to pay my internet bill today, but I'm taking part of it to get a pedicure. The $ part is not smart, but I feel like the health benefit of a pedicure would be good for me after almost 2 weeks of feeling physically unwell.

I've just been to the eye doctor. She says its really bad allergies- there are bumps on the inside of my eyelids! Plus my eyes are pink and goopy.

Nope, no worries. Not the end of sex. You just might need a bit of lube sometimes. (Which, yanno, might not come from a bottle. Just sayin'. Lol, TMI!?)

I love Young Sheldon!! We just finished the third season.

Mum got up at noon, and just now went back to bed. I worry about her she gets so tired so fast these days.

On the funny side of life it’s a dreary day. They forecast rain, we need it but mostly we get a couple sprinkles then it quits. So I went out to get the mail before the rain and while I was walking to and from the mail box big fat drops of rain fell. Then I got back inside and they stopped! So if I go stand outside I bet it would rain!