Bipolar check-in #56

I’m sorry you haven’t been able to get the med change that you need. Going without sleep is so hard. I hope you’re able to get the help you deserve.

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. You’re not alone. I’m glad you’re reaching out, and I hope you start feeling better soon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird My apartment complex is having a little 4th of July celebration lunch tomorrow outside. I’m gonna try to go to it if I can face my agoraphobia and actually get out my door. It’s been 4 days since I’ve even left my apartment. But I think I can do it. It will be good for me to get outside. ....

Thank you about my new apartment

The 4th of July party sounds like fun. Do you think that once you get there you'll feel less anxious?

Not really sure how I feel today. I guess I’m just “meh.” It’s gloomy out, and that always affects me. Not that I get outside much. I don’t have a car so I’m pretty much stuck in my apartment. My cousin lets me borrow her car when I have a doctor’s appointment for which I’m very grateful. On those rare occasions when I feel motivated, I enjoy drawing and painting. Maybe I’ll do some today. I have a sketch I could paint with watercolors. It’s a girl from my imagination. I hope I don’t end up just binge watching Netflix to distract me from the fact that I’m missing my son. It works, but I know it’s not healthy. I hope everyone has a good day.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I want to be done with SzA no more meds, counting spoons, looking on the bright side of everything. My family is changing, Miguel is growing up. I lack motivation to even to take a shower. My dad's in town and didn't even have the energy to go see him. H is in a horrible mood. I'm just feel defeated.

I'm so sorry, Mm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour .... I will also be making (homemade) what is called "Bishop's Bread". That is a loaf cake made with lots of egg whites, as well as chocolate chunks, roasted chopped hazelnuts, and lemon zest. It's my mother-in-law's recipe, so it will be popular. We'll have our house and property looking very nice for their arrival, but unfortunately the weather forecast is kind of lousy, with some rain expected. Oh well! Unlike what the poor folks in places like Portland, Seattle, and British Colombia are experiencing, the temps where I am are suddenly lower than normal. Today's high is only 69 F (21 C), with the upcoming days only barely higher, until next Wednesday. The low evening temp tomorrow will be only around 53 F (12 C). How weird the world's climate is nowadays!

Bishop's Bread sounds absolutely delicious.

The climate oddness is frightening. 115 degrees yesterday in Vancouver?!

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I can feel my mind unraveling. I know I am unwell and unstable. I am having intense SI and feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t want to miss my daughter’s visit and I loathe inpatient but that’s where I may be headed. I’m not capable of doing anything but staring at the wall so it’s every man and woman for his and her self right now in this household. I’ll contact my sister this morning to step in. I just keep thinking if I try hard enough or think hard enough, I’ll pull out of it. In any event, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend including a good 4th.

I'm sending love and good vibes, Jennifer

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Originally Posted by Lizzie1813 Not really sure how I feel today. I guess I’m just “meh.” It’s gloomy out, and that always affects me. Not that I get outside much. I don’t have a car so I’m pretty much stuck in my apartment. My cousin lets me borrow her car when I have a doctor’s appointment for which I’m very grateful. On those rare occasions when I feel motivated, I enjoy drawing and painting. Maybe I’ll do some today. I have a sketch I could paint with watercolors. It’s a girl from my imagination. I hope I don’t end up just binge watching Netflix to distract me from the fact that I’m missing my son. It works, but I know it’s not healthy. I hope everyone has a good day.

Pretty drawing! I can easily envision it done in watercolors.

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Originally Posted by Lizzie1813 I’m so happy for you! Moving into a nice, new place is exciting. It sounds like you’re doing well. I’m glad!

Thank you, Lizzie

Thank you so much! She was fun to draw.

The temperatures up north are scary. Hundreds of people have died from the heat...very few places in Washington and Oregon have a/c, and they probably don't in Vancouver, either. We've had normal temperatures here this week, so far.

I'm excited to be moving. I don't have an exact date yet, but I'm thinking it'll be about this time next week. My husband (we don't live together) is being a downer about me renting the new apartment. He likes my current one, hates change (even if to a better situation), plus he's being pissy about having to move heavy things (I don't have much at all). I really wish he'd think about how I feel, instead of considering only his own feelings. I hate having to move in with all of his negativity dragging me down.

Great news for next week though! I can finally, after 14 months of telehealth, see my therapist and my pdoc in person! That will be such a breath of fresh air. I'm completely burned out on teletherapy.

I’m so glad you get to move to a new apartment. I totally get it!

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’m so glad you get to move to a new apartment. I totally get it!

Thank you so much, Nammu

I took my morning Geodon at 7PM. I had taken my 100 mil around 4:30. I wanted to sleep longer and not be hungry for today. It kind of worked. I woke up to eat pizza Goldfish at 1 and I had some ramen for breakfast. I’ve already taken 2 of my 3 Valium and they aren’t doing much probably from lack of Geodon. Overall my moods are controlled. I’m drinking caffeine free diet Mountain Dew instead of zero sugar Dr. Pepper and Pepsi today. I feel like I can’t really handle the caffeine. I did get a $1 Diet Coke from sonic and I had a glass of iced coffee that came from a carton. I’ve pretty much cut out Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts after switching to cartons of iced coffee and drinking that instead. I’m trying to cut out fast food and I’ve been doing a pretty good job overall. I used to get stuff sometimes twice a day. Now I just eat frozen vegetables and pantry food. Sometimes I’ll get an ice cream cone. I haven’t gone out to eat since June 3rd. I don’t know if my behaviors including “med manipulation” as my therapist called it are becoming an issue or not. My 7 year old nephew commented on my weight loss yesterday. A lot of it though is just fat turning into muscle and my weight shifting like it’s supposed to on my shots.

Edit: I’m gonna take a 20 mil Geodon cause this anxiety sucks.

Second edit: I took the 20 mil Geodon and I ate some grilled zucchini and I feel less anxious.

Who’s the 28 year old
Man?

How many people are in your household?

I agree , especially if you’re working , then it’s agony.

I don’t have a car and I get out every day whether for work, church, meetings or exercise.

Yeah I’m just thankful we don’t have a heatwave like that right here right now. We’ve had a couple of really hot days where the city opened a cooling center. Climate change is scary . I have older friends who live in Oregon. I hope they are ok.

Are you and your husband separated?