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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 11:27 AM
  #1
I had a phone date with a woman (we'll call her "CG") i have been texting with over a dating app. She gave me her phone number and said to call at 9:00am this morning but she didn't pick-up and i just left a voicemail.

I think that's so rude! What a lousy way to start a relationship! Or then again, maybe she got cold feet. But *SHE'S* the one who gave *ME* her number and *ASKED ME* to call!

Maybe she's not reliable. It's been three hours and i haven't heard from her. I really put a lot of work into our texting relationship -- you all know how i like to write! There is only one person i know who writes longer texts than me -- my best friend from high school. She's a teacher. She was my maid-of-honor.

But i am the only person who uses paragraph breaks in texts, to enhance readability. CG just wrote distracted pointless texts full of typos. She's working and has two thirty-something kids and five grandkids.

Maybe she doesn't have time for me?

Anyways, the ball is in her court and i'm just going to heal at home in the dark and silence eating potato chips and swilling Coke Zero. I talk to my doctor on Monday but he's not of any help with feelings of rejection. But at least i have no commitments til then and i can heal in peace.

Jane.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 11:32 AM
  #2
You're correct, Jane- the ball is in her court. Please try not to take her behavior personally, as I feel confident that any action she takes (or doesn't) is about herself, not about you. Truly.

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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 11:59 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
Maybe she's not reliable. It's been three hours and i haven't heard from her. I really put a lot of work into our texting relationship -- you all know how i like to write! There is only one person i know who writes longer texts than me -- my best friend from high school. She's a teacher. She was my maid-of-honor.

But i am the only person who uses paragraph breaks in texts, to enhance readability. CG just wrote distracted pointless texts full of typos. She's working and has two thirty-something kids and five grandkids.

I had a "friend" who was similarly unreliable. I exposed myself to such stuff for years with her. I stuffed the feelz down but they all hit me later, much later. It's a lot of pain....yeah so don't bother with her I would say, unless she has a legit excuse for this one. But if it happens again then it's simply her being careless and unreliable. Don't bother with that kind of person.

Interestingly enough, that "friend" also wrote texts like that. Maybe there is a link between the two. Lol. Unreliable, careless, attention disorder, god only knows. But even if it's an attention disorder, they would need to take responsibility for it and do something about it.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 12:25 PM
  #4
I read that as thirty-two grandkids and was like wth?!

Are you sure it was not a 9pm date?
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 12:32 PM
  #5
@BethRags and @Alive99 and all:

I know you're right, that *HER* behavior is all about *HER* and that she possibly has untreated attention deficit disorder which *SHE* must take responsibility for.

But this is the first time i've reached out for a same-sex partner and she seemed genuine, if very busy and not being attentive in her texts. Just so disappointed that i invested two weeks of trading texts with her every day, getting closer and closer for her to blow me off like that when we both agreed we were ready to talk on the phone.

Just feel so rejected.

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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 12:43 PM
  #6
So Sorry you have to put with this! Please Do not give up! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about trying not to take it too personally and making sure it was the correct time perhaps. Hopefully she will call you back so that she can explain what happened. in any case it seems like you did what she requested. Hopefully things will Improve really soon for everyone. Try to talk to your doctor if it can Help you make you feel Better even a little bit. Please do keep us updated if you can and want to. Try to do something nice like cooking. Sorry if this post wasn't Helpful. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @whatever2013, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 12:52 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by whatever2013 View Post
@BethRags and @Alive99 and all:

I know you're right, that *HER* behavior is all about *HER* and that she possibly has untreated attention deficit disorder which *SHE* must take responsibility for.

But this is the first time i've reached out for a same-sex partner and she seemed genuine, if very busy and not being attentive in her texts. Just so disappointed that i invested two weeks of trading texts with her every day, getting closer and closer for her to blow me off like that when we both agreed we were ready to talk on the phone.

Just feel so rejected.

Jane.
Yes. That's exactly how it went with her for YEARS. You describe this very well. Please don't repeat it for years like I did because I ignored how it felt so it just got worse.

It gets complicated because she wasn't that unreliable originally. She just got...I don't know what changed. She did mention she was considering getting a consultation about ADHD medication. But looks like she never got that sorted out.

On second thought, she was kinda always a bit like this though, it just got worse later.

She did seem genuine and all that, too. (Then later she got too negative too)

It's absolutely not about you. I hope you'll find someone else who's more reliable.
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Unhappy Jun 12, 2021 at 01:08 PM
  #8
I am sorry you got hurt Jane. But don't ruin the hard work you have done on losing those 10 pounds.Maybe find a different treat for your self, like a pint of blueberries. Sorry you are hurting, this is about her and not you.
Don't give up your power to her.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 01:24 PM
  #9
@MickeyCheeky and @Alive99 and @bizi and all:

Thanks for all the wonderful support!

MickeyCheeky, i know i had the right date and time because i checked her text.

Alive99, i agree, people who won't give us the time and attention we deserve are not worth it. Glad this relationship only dragged out for two weeks and it wasn't even worth that. Will be more vigilant with the next person.

bizi, i've never understood what people mean about "giving away your power." Can you tell me what you mean by that?

Jane.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 02:42 PM
  #10
If this is the first time she's done something like this, I wouldn't make assumptions as to why she didn't pick up. Emergencies do happen, so it could have been something like that. If her grandkids are there a lot and they're babies or very young, that can be rough. Things tend to come up more often with little ones. If she's regularly unreliable, that's a whole other thing though.

Hope it all gets sorted out and that it's nothing that's a big deal.

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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 03:29 PM
  #11
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bizi, i've never understood what people mean about "giving away your power." Can you tell me what you mean by that?
Jane
I know, i know! Youre driving down a road, and a bridge is out. Do you a) give the bridge your power and drive into the river or 2) DONT give away your power and figure out a detour?

The NEXT MINUTE of your day is you driving down the road of your day. If the person taking away your power is in your actual house, then thats a different problem. But usually im in my own house, and its a phone call or an email or snail mail that puts me off my route. It can put me into the river for 3 months before i rise to the surface again. I dont have that kind of time to waste anymore. Altho im sure it was convenient for my mother as a disciplinary method.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 05:14 PM
  #12
Wow, Unaluna, that's an adroit analogy!

Thanks!

Jane.
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Red face Jun 12, 2021 at 05:28 PM
  #13
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Wow, Unaluna, that's an adroit analogy!

Thanks!

Jane.
Don't let her behavior effect yours eating chips when you really need to practice with taking self care. Don't let her have that much power over you.
you are stronger than that.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 06:55 PM
  #14
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Originally Posted by unaluna View Post
I know, i know! Youre driving down a road, and a bridge is out. Do you a) give the bridge your power and drive into the river or 2) DONT give away your power and figure out a detour?

The NEXT MINUTE of your day is you driving down the road of your day. If the person taking away your power is in your actual house, then thats a different problem. But usually im in my own house, and its a phone call or an email or snail mail that puts me off my route. It can put me into the river for 3 months before i rise to the surface again. I dont have that kind of time to waste anymore. Altho im sure it was convenient for my mother as a disciplinary method.

I have that problem too. Last 3.5 years I've been in that river though trying to stay over the surface. Thanks to two people that I'm no longer even in contact with, though I've sorted out a lot about one of them in my mind, the other one I'm currently having acute issues about with a lot of memories coming up that I didn't even remember before.


I don't really understand how you avoid all that.




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Don't let her behavior effect yours eating chips when you really need to practice with taking self care. Don't let her have that much power over you.
you are stronger than that.
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How do you do that? And your profile says, happiness is a decision....how
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 09:29 PM
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How do you do that? And your profile says, happiness is a decision....how
@Alive99...I sense you're fairly new to the boards (or perhaps haven't been around lately). If you're looking around for some of the kindest & most supportive members on the bipolar boards, bizi's among them. Her comment wasn't meant the way you interpreted it. I just thought you should know.
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Default Jun 12, 2021 at 10:29 PM
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@Alive99...I sense you're fairly new to the boards (or perhaps haven't been around lately). If you're looking around for some of the kindest & most supportive members on the bipolar boards, bizi's among them. Her comment wasn't meant the way you interpreted it. I just thought you should know.

Sorry, I'm not sure what you mean, but thank you anyway for trying to help. I was genuinely curious about what she meant and I hope she'll be okay with saying more on it. I'm not in a good mood, so maybe that's what you noticed?
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Default Jun 13, 2021 at 01:46 AM
  #17
It is disappointing, while I agree she might have genuinely had something important come up at the time you were meant to have the date, she could equally be a flaky person and got cold feet. It’s up to you if you want to give her another chance, or benefit of the doubt, but I will say it’s better to just nip it in the bud if she comes back to you, then doesn’t apologise *and* make up for it properly, or doesn’t have a real (or a vague) reason for not answering the phone. If someone really is interested in you, their behaviour would likely generate less of these nagging doubts and second guessing.
I’ve had ‘friends’ in the past who have done similar (the worst example in my case saw me waiting at a bus stop for over an hour, for someone who wasn’t even coming; they’d changed their mind overnight and didn’t have the courtesy to text me! We’d been friends for a few years but not for much longer after that, especially as it wasn’t the first time she’d bailed out on me. I just didn’t see the point any more, and I felt better when I stopped talking to her, because the perceived rejection really was eating away at my self esteem).
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Default Jun 13, 2021 at 05:17 AM
  #18
@RoxanneToto and all:

Thanks for sharing your story with me. I feel similar, that i don't have the inner resources for someone who is going to be flaky. Sure, it's possible she had an emergency, perhaps even got COVID, horrid as that would be.

But i remember being in the hospital recovering from an emergency appendectomy and i still made two calls to cancel plans with friends. I want someone who will do the same for me.

Hugs,

Jane.


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Default Jun 13, 2021 at 05:42 AM
  #19
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But i remember being in the hospital recovering from an emergency appendectomy and i still made two calls to cancel plans with friends. I want someone who will do the same for me.


Wow! People do do that?

(I'm not being sarcastic! I don't care if this comes off stupid but I really had that initial reaction to your post. I've just made a thread in the relationships forum section asking about the actions of a true friend so this is highly relevant to me...)
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Default Jun 13, 2021 at 06:53 AM
  #20
@Alive99 I know you weren’t being sarcastic, it’s just sad that your experience (not being made aware something had happened/change of plan etc) has become so commonplace now (hence your reaction). But yeah, some people are still courteous enough to let others know something happened (if they can, sometimes it really isn’t possible. No sarcasm meant in my post, either lol).
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