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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 10:48 AM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Sapien View Post
Edit: omg, I just realized today is 100 days clean and sober!!!
That’s wonderful! Congratulations!
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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 11:18 AM
  #22
Today I’m doing fine. I honestly am at a complete loss about why some days I can function fine and other days I can’t even get out of bed because of my depression and I’m taking Valium like crazy. I haven’t taken any Valium yet and usually I’d be on my second one by now. I’m just watching TV today and doing laundry. It’s too hot and crowded to go out. I’m slightly worried I have a UTI or something else. It burns to go and I’m kind of in pain. Sorry for the TMI. Gynecological stuff freaks me out and really stresses me so I’m just trying to watch TV and not worry about it. But going to the bathroom is a ***** and I’ve had so much to drink today I can’t avoid not going a million times.

I’m not thinking about my old T today, and I’m not thinking about my appointment on Monday with the new one. Today is simply a self care day.

I ordered a couple pairs of pants last night. I ordered a purple camouflage pair and a gray camouflage pair. I needed non jean pants and the website said they were buy one get one half off but they ended up being buy one get one free.

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 01:26 PM
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I’m back to being in my right mind today. I was getting really worried there. I’m lucid, functioning well and am happy and content. I was totally incapable of taking care of mother and brother for a few days and it all worked out. I must do a better job of protecting my mental and physical health in future. Still, my sister’s recommendation of putting my brother in a home just doesn’t sit well with me.

My daughter and I went to Red Lobster last night. Love that coconut shrimp and those crispy brussel sprouts! We went to the swimming pool late this morning. It’s 77 and breezy here so a little cool in the pool. I still enjoyed it immensely. Tomorrow we’re going to see F9 and then on to a venue to listen to two bands and to see fireworks. That should be enjoyable. Her visit couldn’t have come at a better time.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and a wonderful 4th.
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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 01:43 PM
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I don't know where else to write this and just want to get this off of my chest. I woke up, something triggered me, and then my mind keeps racing and racing. I am full of anxiety and intrusive thoughts that go along with it. I can't seem to turn it off, and my stomach is hurting. Then I just stare off into space not having any clue what to do. The pain is just too much, and I can't handle it anymore. When I'm not in this terrible state, my mood is elevated. But it is getting harder and harder to focus. I don't know if this is rapid cycling or mixed or just hypomanic with anxiety. I feel like I am having a breakdown and ended up taking a klonopin.

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 01:45 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I’m back to being in my right mind today. I was getting really worried there. I’m lucid, functioning well and am happy and content. I was totally incapable of taking care of mother and brother for a few days and it all worked out. I must do a better job of protecting my mental and physical health in future. Still, my sister’s recommendation of putting my brother in a home just doesn’t sit well with me.

My daughter and I went to Red Lobster last night. Love that coconut shrimp and those crispy brussel sprouts! We went to the swimming pool late this morning. It’s 77 and breezy here so a little cool in the pool. I still enjoyed it immensely. Tomorrow we’re going to see F9 and then on to a venue to listen to two bands and to see fireworks. That should be enjoyable. Her visit couldn’t have come at a better time.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and a wonderful 4th.

I'm happy to read that you got through that particularly rough patch. And you definitely needed a little break from your care giving responsibilities. How good to know that things can be dealt with without your constant involvement. If your brother does need a home, in the end, I hope it would be a decent place.

The coconut shrimp sounds yummy. I have not been to a Red Lobster in well over a decade. I have nice memories of my paternal grandmother taking me there. She and I loved seafood. I still do.
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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 01:50 PM
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I don't know where else to write this and just want to get this off of my chest. I woke up, something triggered me, and then my mind keeps racing and racing. I am full of anxiety and intrusive thoughts that go along with it. I can't seem to turn it off, and my stomach is hurting. Then I just stare off into space not having any clue what to do. The pain is just too much, and I can't handle it anymore. When I'm not in this terrible state, my mood is elevated. But it is getting harder and harder to focus. I don't know if this is rapid cycling or mixed or just hypomanic with anxiety. I feel like I am having a breakdown and ended up taking a klonopin.

I hope you start to feel better soon, xRavenx.

I'm not sure if this would help, but when I'm in a mental state like you describe, I find it helpful to do a short little (and easy) project that requires some amount of attention. For me, that's most often cooking or baking something. Other times arranging flowers or tending to house plants or outdoor garden(s). I imagine others may pick a quick to finish craft. Could even be tidying up a house/flat or arranging books, or the like.
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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 02:09 PM
  #27
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I hope you start to feel better soon, xRavenx.

I'm not sure if this would help, but when I'm in a mental state like you describe, I find it helpful to do a short little (and easy) project that requires some amount of attention. For me, that's most often cooking or baking something. Other times arranging flowers or tending to house plants or outdoor garden(s). I imagine others may pick a quick to finish craft. Could even be tidying up a house/flat or arranging books, or the like.
Thank you. I need to think of a project to do. It is hard to do when in this state. I decided to write more in a different thread. Sorry in advance if it sounds repetitive.

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 02:19 PM
  #28
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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I’m back to being in my right mind today. I was getting really worried there. I’m lucid, functioning well and am happy and content. I was totally incapable of taking care of mother and brother for a few days and it all worked out. I must do a better job of protecting my mental and physical health in future. Still, my sister’s recommendation of putting my brother in a home just doesn’t sit well with me.

My daughter and I went to Red Lobster last night. Love that coconut shrimp and those crispy brussel sprouts! We went to the swimming pool late this morning. It’s 77 and breezy here so a little cool in the pool. I still enjoyed it immensely. Tomorrow we’re going to see F9 and then on to a venue to listen to two bands and to see fireworks. That should be enjoyable. Her visit couldn’t have come at a better time.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and a wonderful 4th.
Putting your brother in a home may be the best thing for him if he is resisting responsibility for his illnesses. They can better monitor him food intake. But yeah that’s a hard decision to make. It may seem cruel but it might be in his best interest. I’m glad you got a bit of a break and very glad your daughter is there for you to enjoy the holiday.

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 02:20 PM
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I don't know where else to write this and just want to get this off of my chest. I woke up, something triggered me, and then my mind keeps racing and racing. I am full of anxiety and intrusive thoughts that go along with it. I can't seem to turn it off, and my stomach is hurting. Then I just stare off into space not having any clue what to do. The pain is just too much, and I can't handle it anymore. When I'm not in this terrible state, my mood is elevated. But it is getting harder and harder to focus. I don't know if this is rapid cycling or mixed or just hypomanic with anxiety. I feel like I am having a breakdown and ended up taking a klonopin.

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 02:53 PM
  #30
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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 View Post
I’m back to being in my right mind today. I was getting really worried there. I’m lucid, functioning well and am happy and content. I was totally incapable of taking care of mother and brother for a few days and it all worked out. I must do a better job of protecting my mental and physical health in future. Still, my sister’s recommendation of putting my brother in a home just doesn’t sit well with me.

My daughter and I went to Red Lobster last night. Love that coconut shrimp and those crispy brussel sprouts! We went to the swimming pool late this morning. It’s 77 and breezy here so a little cool in the pool. I still enjoyed it immensely. Tomorrow we’re going to see F9 and then on to a venue to listen to two bands and to see fireworks. That should be enjoyable. Her visit couldn’t have come at a better time.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and a wonderful 4th.

Have a blast, Jennifer!

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by xRavenx View Post
I don't know where else to write this and just want to get this off of my chest. I woke up, something triggered me, and then my mind keeps racing and racing. I am full of anxiety and intrusive thoughts that go along with it. I can't seem to turn it off, and my stomach is hurting. Then I just stare off into space not having any clue what to do. The pain is just too much, and I can't handle it anymore. When I'm not in this terrible state, my mood is elevated. But it is getting harder and harder to focus. I don't know if this is rapid cycling or mixed or just hypomanic with anxiety. I feel like I am having a breakdown and ended up taking a klonopin.

The thread you started is a good one. I replied to you there

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 03:55 PM
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The thread you started is a good one. I replied to you there
Thank you!

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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 03:56 PM
  #33
I’m not exactly sure what happened to me today. I had major trouble waking up which hasn’t been happening for a couple of weeks. After I woke up we went to the state park a couple of blocks down and walked the dunes. We watched hang gliders and parasailing. When we got back to the house I just..I couldn’t shake off the exhaustion. It was like I’d already taken my night seroquel and I was fighting to stay awake. I was even slurring my words. I checked my med box to make sure I took the morning portion instead of the night one and I did. I’m wondering if I accidentally put the wrong seroquel pill in there when I was filling it before we left last week. I fell asleep for four hours and missed going down to the beach with my son for the last time. I feel bad about that but I could barely stay awake after we ate lunch at noon!

I’m relieved to be leaving tomorrow though. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be but it was still pretty overwhelming. I’ll be happy to get back into my own space.

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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 08:10 AM
  #34
Tired this morning after a night of bad dreams. I don’t really feel up to going to church this morning, but my cousin likes for me to go with her so I will go. Missing my daughter (22) and my estranged son (19). I cried last night while I was praying for them. Tonight, I’m supposed to go to a cookout in my cousin’s neighborhood. Maybe it won’t be too anxiety-producing. My cousin’s friends are hosting it. Socializing is super hard for me. I never know what to talk about, and I always say the wrong thing. I’ll get through it somehow. I hope everyone has a good day.
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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 08:55 AM
  #35
I went to the clinic with my mom today since she wasn't feeling well. I went back home and ate dinner. I want to say something more but my brain is having a hard time processing my thoughts.
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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 09:35 AM
  #36
Hubby and I have worked our tails off all day preparing for our guests tomorrow and the next day. In reality, we've gone overboard, but I suppose if you can do little spring-cleaning stuff, why criticize it?

I might be wrong, but I am a tinge nervous that my sister-in-law and her son will want to "test" me to see how my Czech has come along. The sad reality is that it hasn't that much. There will come a time when I truly must put the nose to the grindstone. Ideally, I should register for formal Czech language classes. However, I'd like a couple things to happen first. One, get my second vaccination. Two, feel a bit more comfortable driving here. I don't think that's unreasonable.
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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 10:13 AM
  #37
Last night I took an extra Geodon 80, a muscle relaxer, a Xanax, and 2 zzquil melatonin. After that I asked my mom to hide my meds since I wasn’t confident I wouldn’t take anything else. After all that I still woke up at 2:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. Although last night I was slightly down in the dumps like I usually am on Saturday nights. So I’m not sure all that stuff I took was just because I wanted to sleep a long time. I had to wake my mom up at 2:30AM for my meds because I was super anxious and I also wanted to take my Geodon and go back to sleep. I took a Valium too. But they didn’t help me get back to sleep. They helped with my anxiety though. I couldn’t get onto MSF so I turned my music on and then I got up at 6 to take a shower.

I actually left my house today. Around 7 I went for a coffee from Dunkin’ Donuts and then half an hour ago I went to a couple gas stations and a Walgreens looking for the new fruity Kit Kat’s. I couldn’t find them but I did find yogurt covered skittles which I didn’t know they made anymore.

I feel ok today but it’s early. Usually after my second Valium is when I start to struggle.

My house smells so bad. It smells like feet. I use fabric spray and air freshener in my room everyday. So I know it’s not my room. It honestly smells like it’s coming from my moms room. But I don’t want to say anything. I smelled it at the old house in her closet too.

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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 10:35 AM
  #38
The 4th of July is my least favorite holiday because of the noise (illegal fireworks) that terrorize my elderly cat and cause my Vietnam vet husband to be on edge. I'm going to enjoy the day - weather shouldn't be any hotter than typical summer - then close the windows before dark to mitigate the bomb-sounds. When I was a kid the 4th was so much fun, but that was before jerks were setting off illegal fireworks.

Hugs all around

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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 10:56 AM
  #39
We’re the servers down for anyone else last night?
I’ve had a super rough week at work and also increased my dose of lamictal last night from 50mg to 100mg per my doctors orders. I’m ready to give up on medication but that’s how I got into this situation in the first place.
I was looking at the wellness wheel and my occupational health is very low. I know I need a different job. I don’t have the energy to find one while working and being there for my daughter and looking after my apt.
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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 10:59 AM
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We’re the servers down for anyone else last night?
I’ve had a super rough week at work and also increased my dose of lamictal last night from 50mg to 100mg per my doctors orders. I’m ready to give up on medication but that’s how I got into this situation in the first place.
I was looking at the wellness wheel and my occupational health is very low. I know I need a different job. I don’t have the energy to find one while working and being there for my daughter and looking after my apt.
Yeah I couldn’t log in. I woke up at 2:30 and couldn’t get in until 7.

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