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Legendary Wise Elder
Mountaindewed
NoahsArk30
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,842
(SuperPoster!)
8,655 hugs
given |
#621
I’m just hanging on today. My anxiety is pretty sucky and I’ve already taken a Valium. I gave the bottle to my mom the other night. So I can’t just take them whenever I feel a bit of anxiety. I’m trying to learn to just sit with my anxiety. Although if I were in control of them I’d probably double up right now. I think it’s just caffeine related anxiety. I woke up before 2 and I drank a couple sodas and then I got a couple iced teas so I could avoid being tired. I’m not tired. Just anxious.
Basically today is just the same as these last few days. Just waiting for some news. I hope I get news this week. It should be faster then last time since I don’t need to jump through so many hoops. The phone just rang but it was just the pharmacy about some meds. The phone rang again 10 minutes ago and this time it was my moms friend. Every time it rings my stomach drops and then when it’s not the doctor I get flooded with a wave of anxiety. I’m just very on edge today. I had SpongeBob on again but I couldn’t even concentrate on that. so now I’m sitting in bed. I kinda think a giant pretzel bun burger would make my anxiety less since I’ve been barely eating these last couple of weeks. My therapist said yesterday that I seemed very fixated on death. I was telling her about Heath Ledger and how he was 28 the age I am and how I have had a lot of the same stuff in my system at one time that he had in his. I didn’t tell her I was S because I wasn’t. I didn’t tell her either that I tried multiple times to join the 27 club including the night before I turned 28. And how when I woke up on my 28th birthday I felt like a complete failure. I mean, I’m currently not S or thinking about it, but I do get down sometimes that I never joined the club. I should probably mention that 27 club thing to her at the next session. This is what my surgery will help with. It will make me an emotionally stable man. Before my transition I never thought about any of this stuff. I remember accidentally taking an extra Geodon in the summer of 2019 and I freaked out so badly for a couple days that I could have really hurt myself. Now I do worse without any thought. I just took one of my Geodon 80’s. The one that I am technically supposed to take in the AM anyways. I’m out of my 20’s and i can’t get ahold of my pdoc. I had been taking 2 80’s at night but I’m spiraling a bit right now and I’ve already used 2 of my 3 Valium and I just needed something legit. Valium doesn’t really work magic the way people say it does. Most of the time it just goes right through me. __________________ Ridin' with Biden Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jul 27, 2021 at 12:27 PM.. |
*Beth*, bizi, Fuzzybear, Sunflower123
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301
(SuperPoster!)
81.2k hugs
given |
#622
Quote:
Much Love to You! __________________ |
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bizi, ~Christina
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bizi, ~Christina
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catches the flowers
*Beth*
is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind,
body, spirit.
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
23.7k hugs
given |
#623
Quote:
A low dose AP can help with anxiety, especially if it's bipolar disorder anxiety, which tends to be vicious. __________________ |
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Lizzie1813
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Lizzie1813
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Wisest Elder Ever
Fuzzybear
has no updates.
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,301
(SuperPoster!)
81.2k hugs
given |
#624
__________________ |
bizi
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Elder
wildflowerchild25
has no updates.
Member Since: Mar 2013
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,431
9,545 hugs
given |
#625
I decided I will invite my cousins with the knowledge that the younger one probably won’t come anyway and I’m thinking the older one and his boyfriend will be able to behave in a public social setting better than they behave around just family at our family dinners. I’m just going to subtly tell them to bring their own wine if they think there’s something specific they would like. I scoured the internet looking for advice about complicated family situations and weddings and I feel that they will not cause unnecessary drama and just because I don’t like them doesn’t mean I can’t extend an invitation. I really don’t have to talk to them much if I don’t want to since there will be plenty of other people there.
As for my ex MIL I decided I am 100% not inviting her because it would just be too weird and uncomfortable. I am going to explain why to her but after that her reaction is not my responsibility. I had SO much trouble waking up this morning! I have no idea why! I actually only took half my normal seroquel amount. I fell asleep to a sleep story on the calm app. I had to get up to take my son to his physical and I just kept turning off my alarm. I finally forced myself out of bed believing that it very well could be 10am already. I don’t know if it was because I was dreaming but it was just so difficult. I am so concerned I will not be able to wake up in time for work in September. A week before work starts I am going to start getting up with RS at 6:30 so I get used to it. __________________ Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
*Beth*, bizi, Innerzone, Nammu, Soupe du jour, Sunflower123, ~Christina
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~Christina
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Member
Lizzie1813
I’m doing my best.
Member Since: Jul 2020
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 205
262 hugs
given |
#626
I take 20 mg Saphris. It’s an AP. My pdoc also upped my Lamictal. My anxiety is out of control. I’m going to talk about it (again) with my therapist today at 2:00. Something has to change.
__________________ Dx: Bipolar 1, BPD, Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia Rx: Trintellix 20 mg Saphris 20 mg Lamictal 300 mg Lunesta 2 mg Buspirone 5 mg 2 x day |
*Beth*, bizi, Nammu, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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Legendary Wise Elder
Mountaindewed
NoahsArk30
Member Since: Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 35,842
(SuperPoster!)
8,655 hugs
given |
#627
I’m kinda panicking about a lot of stuff. I took my 160 mil of Geodon super early. So now I’m probably messed up for tomorrow as well since I can’t take any more tonight. But hopefully I get super trippy and out of it so I don’t have to feel my anxiety or anything else for the rest of the day. It’s unusual for me to get this panicky and anxious this time of day. Usually I don’t do anything unhealthy until later in the evening.
I’m not tired from the meds. Not spiraling anymore but not 100% ok either. I have my beats on so I can’t hear if the phone rings at all. My mom gets the calls on her phone. I’m listening to the song Unwell by Matchbox Twenty. I have a couple more hours for my call to come in. And then if it doesn’t I’ll have to do this all over again tomorrow. But my Geodon got called in finally. I don’t know. I just feel unusually weird today but I’ve been up for a long time and my meds were so messed up today. Maybe I’ll try a hot bath with some vicks vapor bath salts. I took the bath. Then I ate a burrito and took 4 zzquil pure zzz gummies. Not sure if 4 was too much or not. But I just want this day to be over with so I can start the same **** all over again in the morning. __________________ Ridin' with Biden Last edited by Mountaindewed; Jul 27, 2021 at 04:56 PM.. |
*Beth*, bizi, Lizzie1813, Sunflower123, VerMOZZica
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sunflower123
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
(SuperPoster!)
95k hugs
given |
#631
Quote:
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bizi, Nammu, ~Christina
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*Beth*, bizi, Nammu
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Legendary Wise Elder
Sunflower123
has no updates.
Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,543
(SuperPoster!)
95k hugs
given |
#632
Life is getting better and better with my new therapist and a better understanding of what’s going on. SI has disappeared.
I took mom to another town for a doctor’s appointment and ran all my errands today. Getting those checked off felt good. I’m tired and have a headache and backache now but still need to cook dinner and pick up. Maybe after the Bayer kicks in. I had a good time with my daughter Sunday. The movie and visit were great. We had to detour due to somebody’s fatal accident on the road. Tragic. I hope everyone has a good Wednesday. I’m taking my brother to get his truck fixed and to a pain management appointment then hitting the pool for the day. The forecast is high 90’s. |
*Beth*, bizi, Innerzone, Mountaindewed, Nammu, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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bizi, ~Christina
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Member
Lizzie1813
I’m doing my best.
Member Since: Jul 2020
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 205
262 hugs
given |
#633
I’m hurting so much tonight. I can’t breathe. I can’t keep the tears away. Sometimes I think this pain will kill me. Missing my son so much and feeling so hopeless.
__________________ Dx: Bipolar 1, BPD, Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia Rx: Trintellix 20 mg Saphris 20 mg Lamictal 300 mg Lunesta 2 mg Buspirone 5 mg 2 x day |
*Beth*, bizi, Innerzone, Mountaindewed, Nammu, VerMOZZica, wildflowerchild25, ~Christina
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Mountaindewed
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catches the flowers
*Beth*
is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind,
body, spirit.
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
23.7k hugs
given |
#634
__________________ |
bizi
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catches the flowers
*Beth*
is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind,
body, spirit.
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
23.7k hugs
given |
#635
Quote:
I have not had any relief from anxiety with the second generation AP's. The older AP's seem to work against anxiety much more effectively. I take Trilafon (perphenazine); it's the first med that has really helped with extreme anxiety. __________________ |
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Nammu
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Nammu
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Member
Lizzie1813
I’m doing my best.
Member Since: Jul 2020
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 205
262 hugs
given |
#636
My pdoc prescribed buspirone today for my anxiety. I can’t pick it up until tomorrow afternoon. I read that it can take 3 to 4 weeks for it to start working. She won’t prescribe benzos. I hope this makes a difference. My anxiety is overwhelming.
__________________ Dx: Bipolar 1, BPD, Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia Rx: Trintellix 20 mg Saphris 20 mg Lamictal 300 mg Lunesta 2 mg Buspirone 5 mg 2 x day |
*Beth*, bizi, Innerzone, Mountaindewed, ~Christina
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catches the flowers
*Beth*
is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind,
body, spirit.
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
23.7k hugs
given |
#637
Quote:
I hope the Buspar is the answer for you. I know the kind of pain you're in. It's a cannot run, cannot hide kind of pain. I'm so sorry, Lizzie. __________________ |
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bizi, Lizzie1813
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Lizzie1813
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Crone
Nammu
has no updates.
Member Since: May 2010
Location: Some where between my inner mind and the solar system.
Posts: 70,982
(SuperPoster!)
53.4k hugs
given |
#638
Wooo the aqua Zumba class was excellent. There were 6 others there and except for one they were all my age and all were overweight so I fit in just fine. I thought maybe I might heat a beat if the music was loud enough but it wasn’t but I did just as well as the others in class so definitely making this a weekly thing. Not sure yet if I can go to tomorrow’s aqua fitness class because my sister hasn’t called me back yet. I offered to take mum to the doctor instead of going to the fitness class because it’s going to be storming and she’s gotta drive 50 miles. I know I hate driving the interstate in storms so I offered. There’s still two other classes Thursday and Friday and I’ve already moved more this week than I usually do in a month, so missing one class is no biggy. I did the oversized T-shirt thing and went home to change.
Jennifer I’m definitely glad I did this. You can too, it’s worth it. __________________ Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
*Beth*, BeyondtheRainbow, bizi, Innerzone
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*Beth*, bizi
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
~Christina
has no updates.
Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
(SuperPoster!)
12.7k hugs
given |
#639
Quote:
Every med works differently for everyone.. Try and hang in there.. Stop punishing yourself. Take another day to float __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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*Beth*, Fuzzybear
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catches the flowers
*Beth*
is practicing healthy breathing for brain, mind,
body, spirit.
Member Since: Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
23.7k hugs
given |
#640
Quote:
Seroquel at lower doses will cause sleepiness. __________________ |
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