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Trig Jul 24, 2021 at 08:05 AM
  #1
does anyone do this?

I know when I'm really bad, I do write suicide notes- as soon as I'm feeling better, I tear them right up and throw them away.
but I know it helps me think things through and helps me work out why I'm suicidal in the first place.
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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 10:16 AM
  #2
I'm sorry you even feel compelled to write such things, raging vortex. Are you sure that there aren't things you write in them that could be better just communicated to others verbally (or in a letter), but without the suicide plan? Could it just be that you deep down don't want to really go that far, but still need to (in some way) voice concerns to others? I know it can be hard to say things to those who rarely listen.
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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 10:47 AM
  #3
There is supposedly a difference between suicidal ideation and suicidal intent. Obviously it's a lot more dangerous, and you are in more danger if you are actually planning suicide than if you are just thinking about it. I hope your notes are just your way of working things out, that is, processing things. I am a pretty high functioning bipolar 2. That does not mean that my symptoms never get really bad. However, like many of us, I got really good at hiding my disorder so I could work. I also just keep going if Im really sick, because doing things helps me climb back to recovery.
I have often wondered where the line should be drawn between ideation and planning. If my thoughts start to slide toward serious consideration, I try to get help by upping my T appointments, getting more exercise, talking to friends and relatives, working on more projects, etc, so I will get out of the danger zone. I dont know you well enough to say how dangerous your notes are-only you know how serious you are when you write them. However, I would urge you to do something safer when you are that frustrated, like working in a bipolar workbook or getting some aerobic exercise, getting out of the house somehow, etc etc. You can message me if you catch yourself writing one. I was a teacher for years, so Im pretty bossy, but glad to help. If this is any help to anyone, Ive always decided that if I took the same effort it would take to kill myslef in a way to minimize the emotional shock to my grown son (and Id have to convince my seriously workaholic multimillionaire brother to help my son and my two grandkids in the way I intend to do); and put that same effort into doing something that would help my situation, I might as well fight on as I always have. Right now, because I have a modest retirement income, I am much better off than when I had nothing for many years. I truly admire those of you who havent retired, to have made it though this covid mess. Huge hugs to everyone! I think most of us bipolars have experienced some really dark thoughts.

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 11:25 AM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
does anyone do this?

I know when I'm really bad, I do write suicide notes- as soon as I'm feeling better, I tear them right up and throw them away.
but I know it helps me think things through and helps me work out why I'm suicidal in the first place.
no I never wrote a suicide note. I think this is because of a situation I became aware of in college. I had a friend in college, she and I were slowly becoming more a couple. one morning I heard on the news there was a death at her address. When I got there I discovered it was my friend. they were treating the investigation as a suicide because they found a note. I was heart broken that she chose this way. Then about a year later her parents reopened the investigation. turned out it wasnt her choice to leave. she was the victim of a break in gone wrong. for a whole year people thought she had committed suicide all based on a note she had wrote when she was feeling down. She hadnt had time to tear the note up like she had done in the past.

Ever since then I have never wrote suicide notes. when I go due to natural causes or as a victim of accident or crime by another I never want my family, friends and online friends to ever go through that situation.

maybe instead of writing suicide notes you can start writing a journal where you can organize your thoughts and feelings in a way that helps you to figure out why you are feeling this way. thats what I do now. rather than a goodbye cruel world notes aka suicide notes, I sit down every day and write about my day and how I felt about things that went on that day in a daily journal.
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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 12:38 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour View Post
I'm sorry you even feel compelled to write such things, raging vortex. Are you sure that there aren't things you write in them that could be better just communicated to others verbally (or in a letter), but without the suicide plan? Could it just be that you deep down don't want to really go that far, but still need to (in some way) voice concerns to others? I know it can be hard to say things to those who rarely listen.


oh I defenetly want it

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 01:56 PM
  #6
Last summer on a Saturday night, because my episodes always happen on Saturday nights, I sent an email to my therapist and it was kinda like a S note. I told her it wasn’t her fault and what happens happens and etc etc. I don’t know if I had taken any meds that night or if I was just depressed. I don’t think at that time last summer I had started taking extra meds. At our next session she told me she was really thinking of calling my mom after getting that email. Lmao. If she was that concerned she really would have called my mom. I’ve written a few others in the notes section of my phone. But it’s mostly just to vent out my feelings. I always delete them

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 03:04 PM
  #7
So Sorry about your struggles! Please Do not give up! i don't think i have ever wrote them since i have never felt the need and/or urge to do that luckily. i think they may be Helpful in Some way as Long as one doesn't actually go through with it but i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that there may be other Better methods as well. i Hope you guys are all doing Ok. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @raging vortex, your Families, your Friends and ALL od your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 03:44 PM
  #8
When I'm down I write. Not suicide notes but a lot more writing. Depression always catches me off guard because I downplay my symptoms.

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 04:10 PM
  #9
In the play "After the Fall" Arthur Miller says to his wife, Maggie (who is suicidal), "A suicide is always about two people, Maggie."

Who are you writing the suicide notes to?

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 05:00 PM
  #10
I completely relate and recently I've written several letters to various people explaining why I did it. To be delivered after. Still here. Letters are still on my computer to be printed. Maybe.

It did help me to get them written because, as you said, it helped me clarify my thinking about why I'm thinking this way. I'm really good at rationalizing things, even when I know my thinking is broken and I'm in no position to make good decisions about my life. I can easily convince myself that it's a bad idea or it's a good idea. I hate that I've dealt with all of this for so long that I can convince myself of anything and then also not believe a word I say.
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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 05:41 PM
  #11
bump for raggin vortex

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Default Jul 25, 2021 at 05:25 AM
  #12
Instead of a suicide note, I usually write a plan in one notebook. That notebook has all the plans I had from when my depression started. I don't read them again, but I keep them. Maybe, the writing process is what helps me express my ideas and clear my head a bit. I look at the plan and the reasons why I wanted to do it. So far, I've never done anything I wrote there. I hope I would never need to.

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Default Jul 25, 2021 at 11:57 AM
  #13
I tend to only write notes right when
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since I’m too worried about someone else finding them.

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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 03:20 AM
  #14
I've thought of it.... but no I haven't.

Hugs and respect to you rv

I'm worried about someone else (Papa bear) finding them.

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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 03:57 AM
  #15
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no I never wrote a suicide note. I think this is because of a situation I became aware of in college. I had a friend in college, she and I were slowly becoming more a couple. one morning I heard on the news there was a death at her address. When I got there I discovered it was my friend. they were treating the investigation as a suicide because they found a note. I was heart broken that she chose this way. Then about a year later her parents reopened the investigation. turned out it wasnt her choice to leave. she was the victim of a break in gone wrong. for a whole year people thought she had committed suicide all based on a note she had wrote when she was feeling down. She hadnt had time to tear the note up like she had done in the past.

Ever since then I have never wrote suicide notes. when I go due to natural causes or as a victim of accident or crime by another I never want my family, friends and online friends to ever go through that situation.

maybe instead of writing suicide notes you can start writing a journal where you can organize your thoughts and feelings in a way that helps you to figure out why you are feeling this way. thats what I do now. rather than a goodbye cruel world notes aka suicide notes, I sit down every day and write about my day and how I felt about things that went on that day in a daily journal.

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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 03:59 AM
  #16
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I'm sorry you even feel compelled to write such things, raging vortex. Are you sure that there aren't things you write in them that could be better just communicated to others verbally (or in a letter), but without the suicide plan? Could it just be that you deep down don't want to really go that far, but still need to (in some way) voice concerns to others? I know it can be hard to say things to those who rarely listen.
I have this problem, how to say things to those who rarely listen It can make thoughts even darker and even feeling like there is no way out other than ********

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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 04:04 AM
  #17
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Instead of a suicide note, I usually write a plan in one notebook. That notebook has all the plans I had from when my depression started. I don't read them again, but I keep them. Maybe, the writing process is what helps me express my ideas and clear my head a bit. I look at the plan and the reasons why I wanted to do it. So far, I've never done anything I wrote there. I hope I would never need to.
Good post

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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 02:06 PM
  #18
I *think* I wrote them when I attempted, but thankfully, it's been so long that I can't remember. I do write every day though, both because it's my thing and because it helps me understand what's going on in my brain more.
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Default Jul 29, 2021 at 08:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Ursula Shackleton View Post
I *think* I wrote them when I attempted, but thankfully, it's been so long that I can't remember. I do write every day though, both because it's my thing and because it helps me understand what's going on in my brain more.
I think I have worse days when I don't write anything. Writing helps me understand what's going on in my head more too.


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Default Jul 30, 2021 at 01:08 PM
  #20
I've been writing in a computer journal for twenty years and highly recommended as a free effective way of self-therapy.

Plus, it gives you a low-stress activity to do when
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. Sometimes if i'm not well enough to write, it's useful just to read and notice that i haven't ALWAYS felt this way.

When you're in the throes of
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it can seem that you've felt like that ALWAYS and that it's going to last FOREVER. In rereading my journal, i am reminded that there HAVE been GOOD times and just to hang in there, they'll come 'round again.

Above all, remember (and i saw the most elegant tattoo of this on a young man's inner arm once):

THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Hugs,

Jane.


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