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Anonymous32451
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#1
does anyone do this?
I know when I'm really bad, I do write suicide notes- as soon as I'm feeling better, I tear them right up and throw them away. but I know it helps me think things through and helps me work out why I'm suicidal in the first place. |
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Soupe du jour
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#2
I'm sorry you even feel compelled to write such things, raging vortex. Are you sure that there aren't things you write in them that could be better just communicated to others verbally (or in a letter), but without the suicide plan? Could it just be that you deep down don't want to really go that far, but still need to (in some way) voice concerns to others? I know it can be hard to say things to those who rarely listen.
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#3
There is supposedly a difference between suicidal ideation and suicidal intent. Obviously it's a lot more dangerous, and you are in more danger if you are actually planning suicide than if you are just thinking about it. I hope your notes are just your way of working things out, that is, processing things. I am a pretty high functioning bipolar 2. That does not mean that my symptoms never get really bad. However, like many of us, I got really good at hiding my disorder so I could work. I also just keep going if Im really sick, because doing things helps me climb back to recovery.
I have often wondered where the line should be drawn between ideation and planning. If my thoughts start to slide toward serious consideration, I try to get help by upping my T appointments, getting more exercise, talking to friends and relatives, working on more projects, etc, so I will get out of the danger zone. I dont know you well enough to say how dangerous your notes are-only you know how serious you are when you write them. However, I would urge you to do something safer when you are that frustrated, like working in a bipolar workbook or getting some aerobic exercise, getting out of the house somehow, etc etc. You can message me if you catch yourself writing one. I was a teacher for years, so Im pretty bossy, but glad to help. If this is any help to anyone, Ive always decided that if I took the same effort it would take to kill myslef in a way to minimize the emotional shock to my grown son (and Id have to convince my seriously workaholic multimillionaire brother to help my son and my two grandkids in the way I intend to do); and put that same effort into doing something that would help my situation, I might as well fight on as I always have. Right now, because I have a modest retirement income, I am much better off than when I had nothing for many years. I truly admire those of you who havent retired, to have made it though this covid mess. Huge hugs to everyone! I think most of us bipolars have experienced some really dark thoughts. __________________ Bipolar 2 with anxious distress mixed states & rapid cycling under severe stress tegretol 200 mg wellbutrin 75 mg, cut in half or higher dose as needed Regular aerobic exercise SKILLSET/KNOWLEDGE BASE: Family Medical Advocate Masters in Library Science Multiple Subject Teaching Credential-15 yrs in public schools |
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#4
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Ever since then I have never wrote suicide notes. when I go due to natural causes or as a victim of accident or crime by another I never want my family, friends and online friends to ever go through that situation. maybe instead of writing suicide notes you can start writing a journal where you can organize your thoughts and feelings in a way that helps you to figure out why you are feeling this way. thats what I do now. rather than a goodbye cruel world notes aka suicide notes, I sit down every day and write about my day and how I felt about things that went on that day in a daily journal. |
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#5
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oh I defenetly want it
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#6
Last summer on a Saturday night, because my episodes always happen on Saturday nights, I sent an email to my therapist and it was kinda like a S note. I told her it wasn’t her fault and what happens happens and etc etc. I don’t know if I had taken any meds that night or if I was just depressed. I don’t think at that time last summer I had started taking extra meds. At our next session she told me she was really thinking of calling my mom after getting that email. Lmao. If she was that concerned she really would have called my mom. I’ve written a few others in the notes section of my phone. But it’s mostly just to vent out my feelings. I always delete them
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#7
So Sorry about your struggles! Please Do not give up! i don't think i have ever wrote them since i have never felt the need and/or urge to do that luckily. i think they may be Helpful in Some way as Long as one doesn't actually go through with it but i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters that there may be other Better methods as well. i Hope you guys are all doing Ok. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to ALL of you, @raging vortex, your Families, your Friends and ALL od your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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#8
When I'm down I write. Not suicide notes but a lot more writing. Depression always catches me off guard because I downplay my symptoms.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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#9
In the play "After the Fall" Arthur Miller says to his wife, Maggie (who is suicidal), "A suicide is always about two people, Maggie."
Who are you writing the suicide notes to? __________________ |
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#10
I completely relate and recently I've written several letters to various people explaining why I did it. To be delivered after. Still here. Letters are still on my computer to be printed. Maybe.
It did help me to get them written because, as you said, it helped me clarify my thinking about why I'm thinking this way. I'm really good at rationalizing things, even when I know my thinking is broken and I'm in no position to make good decisions about my life. I can easily convince myself that it's a bad idea or it's a good idea. I hate that I've dealt with all of this for so long that I can convince myself of anything and then also not believe a word I say. |
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bizi
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#11
bump for raggin vortex
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#12
Instead of a suicide note, I usually write a plan in one notebook. That notebook has all the plans I had from when my depression started. I don't read them again, but I keep them. Maybe, the writing process is what helps me express my ideas and clear my head a bit. I look at the plan and the reasons why I wanted to do it. So far, I've never done anything I wrote there. I hope I would never need to.
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#13
I tend to only write notes right when
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__________________ It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction! ---"Address before the Wisconsin State Agricultural Society". Abraham Lincoln Online. Milwaukee, Wisconsin. September 30, 1859. |
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#14
I've thought of it.... but no I haven't.
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#15
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#16
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#17
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#18
I *think* I wrote them when I attempted, but thankfully, it's been so long that I can't remember. I do write every day though, both because it's my thing and because it helps me understand what's going on in my brain more.
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#19
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#20
I've been writing in a computer journal for twenty years and highly recommended as a free effective way of self-therapy.
Plus, it gives you a low-stress activity to do when
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Above all, remember (and i saw the most elegant tattoo of this on a young man's inner arm once): THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Hugs, Jane. |
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