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Default Jul 23, 2021 at 04:51 PM
  #1
Lately, since this past Tuesday I have not been thinking of my transference T. And I don’t want to forget her because I feel like she was different then the other people I have worked with in the last 16 years or longer. Even though in reality she really wasn’t different then a lot of them. But she’s starting to turn into one of those people and I guess its kind of bothering me. But I’m not sure why. I thought I wanted to forget about her. And now that I am it’s freaking me out. It’s just a lot of stuff happened this week that is making me focus on what’s going on currently and I just haven’t felt like thinking of stuff from 5 months ago. When I think of her it’s kinda like absent mindlessly and then I think “oh yeah I need to tell current T about that.” Then I move on.

Why do I kind of not want to forget about her?

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 07:27 AM
  #2
I think you still have a transference with her. Will you talk about her with your new T?

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 07:39 AM
  #3
I have mentioned her to my current T but not the transference. My current T is about the same age and is kinda hot too. But I don’t have a crush on her and I’m not having any transference. I’m kind of worried about mentioning the transference because I don’t want her to think I’m having transference with her as well. I did mention it to the weird unprofessional one I saw for a couple months and I had no issue admitting that my old T was “hot” but the unprofessional one was old enough to be my mom. So I felt comfortable saying that to her. It actually felt pretty good to finally admit my feelings out loud about transference T to another therapist.

I haven’t crossed any boundaries though with this new one. I’ve only emailed her 4 times. I emailed her about an extra session and she replied back asking a question. So I replied to that one. Then I replied back to her email about the cancellation she had. Then she wanted me to email her once I heard back from the therapist she wants me to see. She replied back to that one and I just left it and I’ll talk to her on Monday about things.

But yeah I’m not sure mentioning to another young hot therapist that I’ve had transference before with another T around her age is necessarily a smart thing to do.

But maybe I’m wrong.

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 08:05 AM
  #4
i agree with the wise and wonderful BethRags about talking to her about this if you want to.i think it may be worth it to bring it up. i think therapists are used to deal with this kind of thing so it shouldn't be that big of a deal i suppose. Plus if you mention it now you'll Hopefully be able to better work with her. Not to mention she would also be prepared to expect that to happen to her so she may start working with you to avoid that kind of transference happening in the first place. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Mountaindewed, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!
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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 09:36 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed View Post
I have mentioned her to my current T but not the transference. My current T is about the same age and is kinda hot too. But I don’t have a crush on her and I’m not having any transference. I’m kind of worried about mentioning the transference because I don’t want her to think I’m having transference with her as well. I did mention it to the weird unprofessional one I saw for a couple months and I had no issue admitting that my old T was “hot” but the unprofessional one was old enough to be my mom. So I felt comfortable saying that to her. It actually felt pretty good to finally admit my feelings out loud about transference T to another therapist.

I haven’t crossed any boundaries though with this new one. I’ve only emailed her 4 times. I emailed her about an extra session and she replied back asking a question. So I replied to that one. Then I replied back to her email about the cancellation she had. Then she wanted me to email her once I heard back from the therapist she wants me to see. She replied back to that one and I just left it and I’ll talk to her on Monday about things.

But yeah I’m not sure mentioning to another young hot therapist that I’ve had transference before with another T around her age is necessarily a smart thing to do.

But maybe I’m wrong.

I can understand your concern, but I think it's important to talk to your current therapist about your experience with the transference T. It was/is a big issue for you. I don't think current T will assume that you have that kind of transference with her. If she does, she may ask you, then you can clarify.

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Default Jul 24, 2021 at 10:02 AM
  #6
Mountaindewed, I think there's a difference between forgetting someone, and just moving forward in life in different directions. I thought I'd be terribly devastated when I had to leave my long-time psychiatrist. I probably would have at a different point in life, but I'm OK now. I will never forget him and will be grateful for everything he did to help me. But I am happy with where I am now. I have a new psychiatrist with a new perspective. That seems very good.

The stages of grief pertain to so many things in life, don't they? It need not be just deaths of people we know. It can be changes in life in other respects. Or other types of loss. The process can be hard, but it generally progresses, though at various rates. The only danger is not grieving sufficiently. But who's to say what is and isn't sufficient?
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Question Jul 25, 2021 at 09:29 PM
  #7
What is transference?
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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 11:43 AM
  #8
We talked about the transference briefly. I mentioned that video sessions were hard and I had started my transition the day after lockdown. She asked me if the transference was romantic and I said yeah but my hormones were just out of control. I also told her I felt like there was a bit of countertransference going on and how she’d email me and ask how I was feeling when I wasn’t feeling good that week. I don’t know. She didn’t ask if I had any transference with her. But I didn’t mention that I don’t have any. So not sure what she thought. She did seem to agree about the countertransference thing and that she was maybe a bit too involved with me then she needed to be. I mentioned moving on from her was very tough for me emotionally and how it wrecked my mental health for awhile.

But I did talk to her about it.

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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 12:18 PM
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What is transference?
bizi
I honestly don’t know the exact definition of it myself. I first heard about it on this site and then realized that’s what was going on with me and my T. I just know I was having these romantic feelings about my old therapist and they were affecting my ability to do therapy.

There are other kinds of transference besides romantic but I’m not sure what they are

There’s countertransference too.

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Default Jul 26, 2021 at 02:41 PM
  #10
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What is transference?
bizi
i think it is when you develop feelings for your therapist but i am not sure about that!
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Default Jul 27, 2021 at 10:50 AM
  #11
Transference can be of different sorts, maternal transference, erotic transference and others....

I also think that the danger is in not grieving sufficiently.

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Unhappy Jul 27, 2021 at 10:06 PM
  #12
Before diagnosis, I saw a male therapist who on impulse kissed me. I was shocked.
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is this the countertransference?

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Default Jul 29, 2021 at 08:56 AM
  #13
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Before diagnosis, I saw a male therapist who on impulse kissed me. I was shocked.
bizi
is this the countertransference?
It's either countertransference or he was just a jerk.

They are supposed to process countertransference in their own therapy, or possibly with a superviser.

This sort of stuff makes me very angry. It is shocking when ''professionals'' act out like this

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Default Jul 29, 2021 at 01:59 PM
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I thought of her today so I drank the type of tea that reminds me of her. Yeah I’m still thinking of her sometimes

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Default Jul 29, 2021 at 04:18 PM
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Here's a helpful explanation of transference:

How is transference used in therapy?

Transference in therapy may be unintentional. A patient redirects feelings about a parent, sibling, or spouse onto the therapist.
It could also be intentional or provoked. Your therapist may actively work with you to draw out these feelings or conflicts. This way they can better see and understand them.
In all cases, a therapist should make the patient aware of when transference is happening. This way you can understand what you’re feeling.
Unaddressed transference can be problematic for the patient. It may even prevent them from returning for treatment. This is counterproductive.
Here are some of the situations a therapist may intentionally use transference:

Transference-focused psychotherapy

In a well-established therapy relationship, a patient and a therapist can choose to use transference as a tool of treatment.
Your therapist may help you transfer thoughts or feelings about a person onto them. Then your therapist can use that interaction to better understand your thoughts and feelings.
Together, you can develop better treatments or behavioral changes.

Dynamic psychotherapy

This is most often a short-term form of psychotherapy. It relies on the therapist’s ability to quickly define and breakthrough a patient’s problems.
If these issues involve feelings or thoughts about another person, the therapist may purposefully try to upset their patient with that information.
This type of transference can help the therapist develop more quickly an understanding and begin treatment.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)

If you’re open to understanding how your past has shaped your current problems, your therapist my use CBT.
CBT ultimately teaches you to understand your old behaviors so you can recreate newer, healthier ones. This process may bring up emotional issues that remain painful.
Transference in this situation can happen when the patient finds in the therapist a source of comfort or hostility that heightens some of those feelings.

What emotions are involved in transference?

Transference involves a wide range of emotions. All of them are valid.
Negative emotions of transference include:
  • anger
  • disappointment
  • frustration
  • hostility
  • fear
  • frustration
Positive emotions of transference include:
  • attentiveness
  • idealization
  • love
  • affection
  • attachment

What’s the treatment for transference?

In cases when the therapist uses transference as part of the therapy process, continuing therapy will help “treat” the transference. The therapist can work with you to end the redirection of emotions and feelings. You’ll work to properly attribute those emotions.
In the event transference hurts your ability to talk to your therapist, you may need to see a new therapist.
The goal of therapy is that you feel comfortable being open and having an honest dialogue with the mental health expert. If transference stands in the way of that practice, therapy won’t be effective.
You may consider seeing a second therapist about the transference. When you feel it’s resolved, you can then return to your initial therapist and continue the work you were doing before transference became problematic.

Takeaway

Transference is a phenomenon that occurs when people redirect emotions or feelings about one person to an entirely separate individual. This can occur in everyday life. It can also occur in the realm of therapy.
Therapists may intentionally use transference to better understand your perspective or problems. It can also be unintended. You may attribute negative or positive feelings to your therapist because of similarities you see in your therapist and someone else in your life.
Treatment is possible in both cases. Properly addressing transference can help you and your therapist regain a healthy, productive relationship that’s ultimately beneficial for you.

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Default Aug 01, 2021 at 12:36 PM
  #16
I thought of her today when I was listening to this song called Black And White movies by Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness. The part that reminds me of her is the part that goes “do you ever rewind to the summer you knew me?”

Because last summer was such a **** show because of my transition and all the emails and stuff and I honestly strongly believe she does rewind back to that summer sometimes.

I don’t think she’s forgotten about me. Or will. The therapists and other people I’ve run into since leaving them or moving on have always remembered me when I’ve encountered them again.

My mom says I shouldn’t forget her, because she helped me out so much. Especially last summer when I had no idea what was happening to my body and my mind and she was the only one I could talk to about it.

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Default Aug 01, 2021 at 12:41 PM
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But when I do start to think of her my mind goes to my current T. So I don’t know what’s up honestly.

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