[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I scheduled an appointment with my primary care doctor for September 16th to discuss getting back on meds for my Silent GERD. The dry coughing, acid reflux, trouble swallowing food, etc has gotten worse over the past year so I want to see if there’s anything that can bring me some relief to this. It’s made things very difficult and I have to rely on protein shakes most of the time. I used to be on meds for it but the med I was on was recalled because it was found that there were high levels of a chemical in it that can cause cancer, so I had to stop it. Then I never bothered going back to my doctor the past year and a half to get back on anything else, stupidly. Because it’s just gotten worse and I could have avoided it if I’d just gone.

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Do you think psych meds may be causing GERD? I had that happen with one med, can't remember which one.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Do you think psych meds may be causing GERD? I had that happen with one med, can't remember which one.

Possible trigger:

I don't think so, at least, not that I know of. I have an eating disorder that involves/involved restricting, bingeing, and purging, I don't binge or purge really anymore but my psychiatrist said it was likely from all the purging over the years, that it weakened my esophagus sphincter. In addition to the dry coughing, trouble swallowing food, and acid reflux, it also causes dental problems because of the acid flowing up back into my mouth all the time so I really need to get it under control because I have a lot of dental problems too

[Nammu]

I feel much better today,, it was a stomach virus. I also slept good last night. Weird dream but good sleep.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m doing well. I’m not getting enough sleep but overall things are well. I got a great spa pedicure yesterday with a fantastic calf and foot massage. It was a sunny, beautiful day but I had some things to do so I didn’t float. That was a mistake as it’s going to rain for the next 4-5 days. Darn! I knew I should have gone.

I talked with my brother last night and although he was pleasant to me he was extremely ugly to mom. It shook her up and upset her. Time for some tough love. I’m going to visit him after my therapy today. We’ll have a talk. We were already concerned about him coming home because he’ll do the minimum possible to care for himself. I can’t let him take us out with him. Truth be told, he needs to be in a nursing home. It’s just taking time for my sister and mom to realize that.

I would love to go to the movies to see Suicide Squad although I doubt it will be as good as the one with Will Smith. I don’t feel like I can with the COVID-19 case rise in my city. Frustrating and unfortunate. Can’t do much safely.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Your spa day sounds nice. I'm jealous! I wish I had someone to massage my left foot. Something has been amiss with it for a while.

It certainly can be tough the idea of putting a loved one in a nursing facility, but it makes things easier. Obviously, for my sister, brother, and me, but really my father is happier there than at home. He never plans to return home. Luckily his Long Term Care insurance finally now pays for it. I hope your brother either has such a thing or that Medicare or Medicaid would pay. Given your brother's condition, I'd think something could be worked out.

[Blue_Bird]

My apartment complex is having a BBQ grab-and-go thing today. So you can just go down and get a takeout container filled with BBQ food they made to take home. so I’m gonna go down and get some in a few minutes.

My doctor still never called me back. I’m sleeping 2-4 hours a night. I’m getting really sick of it and it’s making my paranoia about my neighbors worse, I’m having panic attacks every night. I hope they call me back soon. Maybe nobody ever told her to call me even though they said they would. Idk. It’s frustrating because I have the med that would help me, I just want to go back to my old higher dose, but I don’t want to do that without her saying I can/giving me permission to do it even though I know she would. All I’d have to do is just take a second chlorpromazine pill like I was on recently. I should probably just do it at this point. It’s been a over a week of this now.

Maybe I need to take the perphenazine again? I asked to go off it and stopped it like a week ago but she did say she’d still prescribe it in case I still need it. Maybe I should just start that again since the problems started after I stopped that?

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[Soupe du jour]

@Scooter9 and @Blue_Bird, I hope you both find relief for your physical ailments, soon. It is good that you at least have an idea what the issues are.
@Nammu, I hope your stomach improvement continues. I can relate to that. I wonder if it was just a stomach bug, of some sort. With so much emphasis on covid-19, other types of ailments have become almost surprising. No?

My cinnamon rolls turned out great. I put a maple glaze on them instead of a cream cheese icing. I did have cream cheese, but only stuff with herbs in it. That wouldn't fly! My beef and broccoli stir fry was also yummy. I used garlic in it since Hubby wasn't home (he has an allergy to it). Since I never use that ingredient, and rarely eat it, I find myself extra sensitized to it. I don't dislike it, but I surely smell and taste it more than regular garlic users do. It's almost 7 pm now and I'm tired. I cleaned up the house quite well, earlier, but then made a new mess in the kitchen. Most of that is also cleaned up.

[Blue_Bird]

@soup du jour

Thank you! And that food looks amazing!

I’m planning on trying to make banana bread for the first time soon.

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[Nammu]

Soupe your cooking sounds sooooo goood .

[Moose72]

Soupe Those rolls look so delish!

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

@soup du jour

Thank you! And that food looks amazing!

I’m planning on trying to make banana bread for the first time soon.

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I hope you do make the banana bread. It's definitely one of the most beloved homemade baked goods. Coincidentally, I still have a chunk left of one I made about five days ago from over ripe bananas. It's not that well-known in Czech Republic, but every Czech who has tried mine has really liked it. Who wouldn't love banana bread or muffins?

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing decently today. My anxiety was ok early this morning even though I had a Mountain Dew. I went to get some work clothes. Some sweaters and non flannel buttoned shirts. Man did those mirrors make me look fat. It was kinda discouraging because I felt like I looked pretty good after my weight loss. My mom told me the mirrors were just distorted. Then at H&M I tried on a hoodie and then a sweater and my mom was fussing over me and trying to get it to fit right. Right in front of 2 dudes one who had his phone out. It made me a bit paranoid and it was annoying that my mom was being so fussy with making sure my shirt fit right. I’m 28 not a teenager. The fitting rooms were closed. I left kinda annoyed at both her and that guy. I don’t know. Maybe he was loss prevention. They wear regular clothes so you can’t tell they are security. He was just standing around near me and it was making me self conscious. But I found 3 sweaters and 2 buttoned shirts from Platos Closet for $46 and then a sweater from H&M.

Just the guy with his phone at H&M was making me self conscious. But they actually talked to me for once at Platos Closet. Usually they are just arrogant and ignore you if you are not “their” type of clientele. The lady asked if I was finding everything and said she liked my hat.

So it wasn’t totally bad today. I also went to the gas station to get a few more bottles of that new Mountain Dew and I got a bottle of Body Armor since it was past my morning snack. Then when I got home I took a Valium and ate a rice cake. I think the Valium is truly causing me to lose my appetite.

I also ordered a vest this morning from Amazon for $14 marked down from $40. I didn’t know what size to get so I got 2 different sizes and I’ll just return the one that doesn’t fit.

I’m at home now just waiting around for more work stuff.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

My apartment complex is having a BBQ grab-and-go thing today. So you can just go down and get a takeout container filled with BBQ food they made to take home. so I’m gonna go down and get some in a few minutes.

My doctor still never called me back. I’m sleeping 2-4 hours a night. I’m getting really sick of it and it’s making my paranoia about my neighbors worse, I’m having panic attacks every night. I hope they call me back soon. Maybe nobody ever told her to call me even though they said they would. Idk. It’s frustrating because I have the med that would help me, I just want to go back to my old higher dose, but I don’t want to do that without her saying I can/giving me permission to do it even though I know she would. All I’d have to do is just take a second chlorpromazine pill like I was on recently. I should probably just do it at this point. It’s been a over a week of this now.

Maybe I need to take the perphenazine again? I asked to go off it and stopped it like a week ago but she did say she’d still prescribe it in case I still need it. Maybe I should just start that again since the problems started after I stopped that?

Call again! It's the old 'squeaky wheel.' I've found perphenazine to be an excellent med.

[*Beth*]

Now I'm desperately in need of a cinnamon roll

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Now I'm desperately in need of a cinnamon roll

Ha ha, they do look sumptuous don’t that! My aunt dropped off some zucchini chocolate chip cookies. They satisfy my sweet tooth. Mm

[Mountaindewed]

So I called my doctor. I needed to reschedule my preop and ultrasound since it’s going to interfere with the hours they say I’ll be working. So I moved it to another day at 2:40. So even if I have to work I’ll be done by 1. And I asked and they said yeah plan on taking 6 weeks off. My surgery is on the 1st of October and then I did have a preplanned trip to see a musical on the 18th of November. I paid big money for those tickets. So I guess I’ll just tell them that I can go back to work on the 21st of November and hope they don’t have an issue with it.

I mean can they fire me before I even start? I plan on telling them all this on Wednesday.

Now I’m wondering why I decided to do this again instead of waiting. But I mean I haven’t paid rent in like 3 months and I have to put a lot of things I buy on my credit cards. I haven’t bought groceries in like 3 weeks but that’s because I eat the same 3 things and I stocked up a few weeks ago.

[Blue_Bird]

I went ahead and re-started the perphenazine (I have permission from my doctor to do that). I am having too many weird things going on mentally since I stopped it a little over a week ago. In addition to that I'm also having bad withdrawal effects.

[scatterbrained04]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@Scooter9 and @Blue_Bird, I hope you both find relief for your physical ailments, soon. It is good that you at least have an idea what the issues are.
@Nammu, I hope your stomach improvement continues. I can relate to that. I wonder if it was just a stomach bug, of some sort. With so much emphasis on covid-19, other types of ailments have become almost surprising. No?

My cinnamon rolls turned out great. I put a maple glaze on them instead of a cream cheese icing. I did have cream cheese, but only stuff with herbs in it. That wouldn't fly! My beef and broccoli stir fry was also yummy. I used garlic in it since Hubby wasn't home (he has an allergy to it). Since I never use that ingredient, and rarely eat it, I find myself extra sensitized to it. I don't dislike it, but I surely smell and taste it more than regular garlic users do. It's almost 7 pm now and I'm tired. I cleaned up the house quite well, earlier, but then made a new mess in the kitchen. Most of that is also cleaned up.

The food you made looks delicious.

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Feeling very mixed-up today. Down. At Women's Group this morning it was said that parents won't abandon teenagers no matter how badly they behave, that parents understand the defiance is just a rite-of-passage. I took a risk and piped up about how my parents HAD abandoned my two older brothers and sisters, as soon as it was legal, not caring if it was amoral or unethical or inhumane, only that it was legal, on their 16th birthdays. Happy Birthday, get out. My brothers' lives were disastrous, but my sister survived.

Anyways, no one had anything to say about that except that my parents hadn't been suited to parenting and that they should not have had children. Certainly, my dad was not healthy emotionally or spiritually or psychologically. My mom took her cue from him. She had some compassion but was a functional alcoholic. She was traditional and believed what the man said goes.

Then i came in to see my neighbor Lynne with kidney disease who is on dialysis being carted away in a gurney. Lynne's home is in the corner before mine so i had to stand there for several minutes while the paramedics arranged Lynne on the gurney and ran a test and gathered up their gear. It was so upsetting and my PTSD was triggered and i stood there mute as a smelt.

I felt ashamed of not being able to say a few kind gentle words of comfort to Lynne but Louise said later to give myself a break, that it's better not to intervene in an emergency situation like that and indeed, it did look like Lynne was getting good care. So having Louise's support makes me feel a bit better.

But in between my interactions with Lynne and Louise i listened to several hours of national public radio and it was fascinating and everything but i heard that all the causes i am so passionate about are well-in-hand by professional people much more powerful than i. I see that i am not the only one concerned about these issues and that they are being dealt with with more elan than i could ever muster.

So i felt USELESS and went and got a 200 gram bag of chips and binged. Now that i'm logging my cals in a spreadsheet on my phone i wrote down the trigger as well so i'll have some content to get into with a therapist should the universe ever smile upon me and i get one i can get along with.

I felt so bad i phoned the crisis line and the woman suggested i try keeping a blog. I'll think it over. My opinions are so controversial i get censored if i air them here. I sort of value privacy tho and tend to regret getting so controversial and attracting attention. It would be anonymous tho. I do enjoy writing and venting so perhaps it would be GOOD FOR ***ME*** and give you all a break from "Blowhard Jane."

So embarrassed about how fractured my personality is tho, always working at cross-purposes.

@Blue_Bird and all:

I am so sorry to hear that you have an eating disorder so intense that it damaged your teeth. That is really serious. Did you or are you getting any help with it? A support organization for eating disorders just called me today. They just wanted my email and to tell me to keep an eye out for the announcement and registration for their new Fall programs in October so i look forward to getting some help with my binge-eating-disorder (BED). They have a group and also art and dance therapy. Sounds nice.

@Soupe du jour:

Your creations look yummy! You have mad skills!

[Blue_Bird]

I'm sorry for everything you're going through and I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend @whatever2013


Yes, I've been getting help with my eating disorder. I was recovering for a long time but I started struggling again recently, I don't binge/purge/restrict anymore I just restrict sometimes. so I'll have to talk to my therapist about it next time we have an appointment. I regret so much that I wrecked my teeth, they used to be so nice, I had braces and all that when I was a teenager, they could have stayed nice but then I developed the ED and ruined them. I need to go to the dentist soon because I probably have a lot more fillings/and or root canals I need done. I mean, I still have teeth, I have only had to get one pulled in the back and that was because my insurance wouldn't cover the root canal and crown for that one for some reason. But the enamel on all my teeth is really worn down. It's something I'm really self-conscious about. I wish I could go back in time and stop it from happening.

I'm glad that you're going to be getting help for your binge eating disorder, that's wonderful, and that's really cool that they have art and dance therapy. Art therapy is really helpful.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I went ahead and re-started the perphenazine (I have permission from my doctor to do that). I am having too many weird things going on mentally since I stopped it a little over a week ago. In addition to that I'm also having bad withdrawal effects.

Just curious...what dose are you on? I'm on 20mg.