It's glorious Summer weather and hard not to love life again. I sat outside with my dog for over an hour, just soaking in the glory. I'm in a loose sleeveless pink flowered dress and feel beautiful! Perhaps my high mood just took a temporary dip due to the disappointment with my online friend? I feel all nice and re-organized and relaxed and calm and competent again. I even called the handsome helpful delivery young man in the elevator "baby" i felt so good. I've never had the courage to do THAT before. I like it!

Thanks for all the support on my benzo taper. Can't believe it is actually happening! Have been struggling with them for 25 years! Aces!

[Moose72]

N3 passed his test! We did some parallel parking practice and some backing into a parking space practice. Both went well during the test. I waited for him at a restaurant in the same shopping complex. He wasn't gone very long but long enough that I wanted to sit inside somewhere. So Thursday he has an appointment to get his license and meanwhile there's something he can print from home.

And I picked up my Seroquel! I just took it in a bottle rather than refill my blister packs. The pharmacist I like wasn't there though. :sad: I have 3 refills I think.

I got up at 8:30 and it's been go go go ever since! It's now 2:30.

Now N3 needs to learn how to drive his own car- a stick!

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m not sure if it was just the neurologist appt or not but I’ve been very very anxious today. I did make it to the dr and he dx migraines as expected. He’s going to give me another med to try when one comes on, a different med in the same family as imitrex.

I was just so freaked out at the dr that I think it has overshadowed my whole day. I went grocery shopping out of necessity because believe me if we had vegetables for the guinea pigs I absolutely would not have gone. I was so overwhelmed and freaked out.

I do not want to leave the house for the rest of the week, not least because it’s going to be near 100 degrees for the next 4 days. High humidity too, of course. I might let my son stay home from camp for the rest of the week since it’s an outdoor camp.

Ugh I just want to relax.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by rose1985

Well things have certainly imploded in my life.

My sister passed away from lung cancer! She lives in Oregon so I didn't see her often. But I saw her on holidays and its just very, very sad. She had a really tough life like me. Lots of trauma and abuse.

So I'm dealing with that and its just been difficult.

My son comes twice a week now to visit. Its like a 45 min drive. I take him back but he takes the bus here. Well he is totally missing his morning meds. He just giggles all the time so I've decided he can't visit until he takes his morning meds. Hes hearing a lot of voices and we had an incident that I don't feel comfortable going into on here. But he needs to be taking all his meds for a week before he can come again.

My insurance changed on the 1st. It's a long story and my antidepressant is no longer covered. So I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday. I'm going to have to go on a different antidepressant and I'm just worried about weight gain.

I've lost 13 lbs in 8 weeks! I'm so happy about that. It makes it easier to get around with my hurt back.

My cat tiger had some issues. Had to take him to the vet. Hes diabetic and has been on insulin for 9 years. He was having a reaction to the insulin. So the vet lowered it to 7 units instead of 9. He had to be evaluated all day on Thursday. He had a intestine infection so he gave him an antibiotic too. Its the shot one.

So I've been very busy lately. Tiger is much better! Thank God.

Hope everyone is doing well!

I'm so sorry about your sister. Losing a sibling seemed like a very specific, aching type of grief to me.

My cat, Sidney, was recently diagnosed with diabetes. She's 10 or 11 years old. She was initially put on 2 units of insulin, but during her "glucose curve" at the vet her sugar level dropped way too low. So now she's on 1 unit, but it doesn't seem to be doing anything. I called the vet this morning and am waiting for her to return my call.

Do you use any coupon cards to pay for Tiger's insulin? I've found a couple online, but don't know if they're legit. I'm very worried about the $300+ a month for insulin. I'm glad Tiger is doing better

[*Beth*]

I guess we have a new check-in thread. I haven't been online much lately. I feel somewhat overwhelmed with "stuff to do." I can get myself all worked up over something as simple as mopping the kitchen. I feel like I'm never doing it "right." And that kind of thinking certainly comes from my childhood. It's stubbornly embedded in my thought pattern. Must be busy at all times.


I'm trying to regulate my cat, Sid, on insulin. She's either too low or too high. So far, no happy medium. I'm basically an anxious mess with worry.

The temperature for the rest of the week is going to be over 100 degrees. Just...ugh. I wish the meditation techniques that work so well in my therapist's office would work as well for me at home.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing ok today I guess. I woke up fine from all the meds I took last night. My depression and anxiety didn’t really get bad until an hour or so ago. I went to Dollar General today and I got a huge baking tray for my kinetic sand. I thought I’d only be able to fit one 2 pound bag but all 3 the bags fit. I also went to the library because I had some books on hold. I browsed the shelf’s with my mom and I got some non fiction books and a Stephen King book I haven’t read. My mom got the same book too and another newer SK book. So I’ve been reading today and I listened to my podcast earlier this morning. I’ve had like 5 sodas so I’m trying to drink water now. I ate today too but not a whole lot. I just now had a bowl of ramen. I haven’t heard back from either of the places I applied to but I know it could take awhile. I’m not really sure I want to work at the library. The stairs are scary and I almost fell down them 4 times. They all have these like raised bumps on each step right where you put your feet. It seems pretty dangerous. Plus the whole library just seemed weird to me. So I’m waiting to hear back from my old job. My manager put my status as re Hirable. So I’m just hoping things work out and they call. I don’t have a plan C. Basically it was the library or back to my old job. But if neither of them work out then I’ll wait until December or January and figure out another retail store I can work at. Things are always much calmer in the retail world after the holidays anyways.

I ordered some of those really good face masks the N75 ones or whatever they are called. I don’t want to take any chances this fall. I read online that the medical ones are only 40% effective but the ones I ordered really protect you.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Just joining the thread......I'm tired today. I fell asleep early last night which always means I wake up and stay awake for hours during the night. I've even napped today which I very rarely do. Fortunately my mood seems to be ok. I'm actually doing very well at avoiding my summer hypo/mania this year which I'm excited about. Usually it's the end of July or first week of August so I'm moving away from the risky time. That would be great.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

Just joining the thread......I'm tired today. I fell asleep early last night which always means I wake up and stay awake for hours during the night. I've even napped today which I very rarely do. Fortunately my mood seems to be ok. I'm actually doing very well at avoiding my summer hypo/mania this year which I'm excited about. Usually it's the end of July or first week of August so I'm moving away from the risky time. That would be great.

Fingers crossed for you

I just took the new shuttle service at the mall that is available while the catwalk connecting the bus station and the mall is closed for repairs for the next six weeks. It was bliss! They are using one of the mini-buses used for the disabled and it is so comfortable! Leather seats with seatbelts, air-conditioning on high, jolly drivers and ramps on and off. The vehicles were waiting on the way there AND back! I had the whole ride to myself. I saw a flock of geese hunkering down for the night. It was so wonderful to be in a clean luxurious vehicle! They did everything but roll out the red carpet for me!

[Nammu]

I went to my aqua Zumba class tonight and there’s even more people! The three new ones are young though, in bikini s. In two weeks all the classes will be held in the small pool cause they’re closing the big one. I’m not sure why, I didn’t catch all of the announcements. But how are they going to fit the 9am people in the small pool? It’s a big class. I’m wondering if they will limit sign up? You can only sign up 5 days ahead of time. I usually just sign up for all the classes Monday morning.

All the staff are wearing masks again and asking people to wear masks on their way in and out. But while you’re exercising you don’t have to. Unfortunately not everyone is following the program. I hope they don’t close because of that. They sent an email a couple days ago announcing the new changes apparently my town is having a flare up of delta cases. 😢 I don’t watch the news closely, I’m usually reading or using my iPad while mum watches it so I’ve not heard about the increase before.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

When I was in college my roommate was my very best friend. I'd never had that kind of friendship before and it was great. After I graduated and moved 2 states away we kept our friendship up with visits and lots of time chatting on AOL AIM. Then I moved back a few hours from her, she had a baby, my bipolar was really bad and things started to get stressful.

One day she came to my house essentially uninvited with a letter stating everything she thought I was doing wrong in handling my life and that I was not who I said I was and a lot of faith based things. She told me one of my friends only put up with me because he felt sorry for me. It was really awful and it came when I was suicidal. When confronted about that a few months later she said it was a risk she had to take. So risking my life was ok.

Anyway, time passed and I considered things and eventually I cut things off. I did not do it in a way I would call mature now (with a long time to grow up and learn about life) And it bothered me. So after many therapist sessions about this I mailed her a letter yesterday saying I was sorry for my part in handling the end of our relationship. It was worded better than that though.

And now I'm nervous about what happens next. Either she reads it and sees it for what it is, she sees it and thinks bad things, she wants to talk more or not, etc. I don't want a new relationship with her. I know she acted out of what she felt was right, not malice, but I don't want to be hurt again.

The waiting is going to be hard. My therapist says if 6 weeks pass and I've not heard I won't. We'll see.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

When I was in college my roommate was my very best friend. I'd never had that kind of friendship before and it was great. After I graduated and moved 2 states away we kept our friendship up with visits and lots of time chatting on AOL AIM. Then I moved back a few hours from her, she had a baby, my bipolar was really bad and things started to get stressful.

One day she came to my house essentially uninvited with a letter stating everything she thought I was doing wrong in handling my life and that I was not who I said I was and a lot of faith based things. She told me one of my friends only put up with me because he felt sorry for me. It was really awful and it came when I was suicidal. When confronted about that a few months later she said it was a risk she had to take. So risking my life was ok.

Anyway, time passed and I considered things and eventually I cut things off. I did not do it in a way I would call mature now (with a long time to grow up and learn about life) And it bothered me. So after many therapist sessions about this I mailed her a letter yesterday saying I was sorry for my part in handling the end of our relationship. It was worded better than that though.

And now I'm nervous about what happens next. Either she reads it and sees it for what it is, she sees it and thinks bad things, she wants to talk more or not, etc. I don't want a new relationship with her. I know she acted out of what she felt was right, not malice, but I don't want to be hurt again.

The waiting is going to be hard. My therapist says if 6 weeks pass and I've not heard I won't. We'll see.

That sounds awful what that friend did! Inappropriate and even self-centered. She should be lucky you have even tried to rekindle the relationship by accepting any part of the blame. I'll be sorry if she doesn't respond in any reasonable way. But if she doesn't, that's her loss.

I'm so excited! In ten days, on Saturday, August 21st, i turn 55 and qualify for an active seniors center in my city! I've applied for membership and paid and registered for a spaghetti-and-meatball lunch on Monday, August 23rd (they are closed on weekends). They might be able to give me a tour also.

Yay! New people! A new place to go! Stuff to do in the daytime! I can't wait!

The form asked if i had a disability THEY SHOULD KNOW ABOUT. I didn't feel they SHOULD KNOW ABOUT my bipolar as i am very private about it so i didn't indicate it. Later in the form the question came up again in questions-for-funding-purposes and i indicated that i had a disability but was not asked to specify. Let me be a mystery to them, it is none of their business.

[Nammu]

I feel more and more comfortable at aqua fitness classes. This morning the instructor asked me how to sign good morning. So more and more of the ladies know I’m deaf. To me that’s a good thing. It means if I don’t see them talking they know I’m not ignoring them but not hearing them. The thing about being deaf is that like MI it’s largely an invisible disability. And people who don’t know I’m deaf think I’m being rude and ignoring them. Can’t begin to count the number of times someone formed bad thoughts about me because I didn’t hear them then if/when they found out they were embarrassed. I’ve found it best to be upfront. But the aqua fitness classes are a bunch of nice people. This is week three and despite eating the same, going to classes 4-5 days a week I’ve lost not an once! !! But today I did notice that I’m getting more flexible!

[Moose72]

I saw my case manager today in her office for an hour. We made a safety plan. It's pretty good if I say so myself! We got a lot of good stuff in there. She got a copy and I got one too. I'm divided whether or not I will keep it in my purse so it's always with me or up on the fridge so I know where it is.

Tomorrow N3 gets his license. New pic than his enhanced ID which he was young when that photo was taken. I'm not sure if you can have both or if the driver's license takes the place of the enhanced ID.

[Mountaindewed]

I’ve been ignoring some pain I’ve been having for a couple days. I assume it’s just another UTI as a result of probably some thinning of the lining of my uterus which often happens to trans men and that’s why they medically need a hysterectomy. Because of the pain and bleeding and stuff. Anyways the pain was bad around noon and I figured I couldn’t just keep ignoring it. With my preop appointment not for over a month. I also knew I needed an actual urine test not an at home one so I called my primary doctor and he sent an order over to the lab and I went over there and was in and out in about 10 minutes. I don’t feel like sick or washed out or anything. I just have the typical UTI pain and burning. I’ve been just reading all day. I did get to the library again this morning to pickup some books I had on hold. I got a grilled cheese sandwich from their cafe and I swear it was the best grilled cheese I ever had. And it was from a frigging library cafe. But I’ve been on a search for the best grilled cheese and I finally found it. For less then $4 too.

But besides the library and the doctors I haven’t been doing anything. I made it to my next weight loss goal so I bought myself a shirt on Amazon with a giant penny on the front. I had one when I was a kid.

[Moose72]

It's storming here. Lots of sideways rain and high winds. Trees blowing all around. I just hope the power stays on!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I’ve been ignoring some pain I’ve been having for a couple days. I assume it’s just another UTI as a result of probably some thinning of the lining of my uterus which often happens to trans men and that’s why they medically need a hysterectomy. Because of the pain and bleeding and stuff. Anyways the pain was bad around noon and I figured I couldn’t just keep ignoring it. With my preop appointment not for over a month. I also knew I needed an actual urine test not an at home one so I called my primary doctor and he sent an order over to the lab and I went over there and was in and out in about 10 minutes. I don’t feel like sick or washed out or anything. I just have the typical UTI pain and burning. I’ve been just reading all day. I did get to the library again this morning to pickup some books I had on hold. I got a grilled cheese sandwich from their cafe and I swear it was the best grilled cheese I ever had. And it was from a frigging library cafe. But I’ve been on a search for the best grilled cheese and I finally found it. For less then $4 too.

But besides the library and the doctors I haven’t been doing anything. I made it to my next weight loss goal so I bought myself a shirt on Amazon with a giant penny on the front. I had one when I was a kid.

I have never seen a library with a cafe. That is amazing!

[*Beth*]

I don't know what's the matter with me, I've just been feeling down. Getting used to my new apartment is taking me a bit longer than I'd prefer. Everything is in its place, I just can't quite shake the feeling that things are backwards. Sounds weird, I know, but the new apartment is the same floor plan as the previous apartment, only backwards...as in, opposite. It's messing with my mind a bit.

My pdoc leaving so suddenly still has me floored. And my daughter is in New York as of today; she'll be living there to go to grad school. Of course, she's still not communicating with me...it's been 2 1/2 years. I don't know; that's probably a big reason for feeling down.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I don't know what's the matter with me, I've just been feeling down. Getting used to my new apartment is taking me a bit longer than I'd prefer. Everything is in its place, I just can't quite shake the feeling that things are backwards. Sounds weird, I know, but the new apartment is the same floor plan as the previous apartment, only backwards...as in, opposite. It's messing with my mind a bit.

My pdoc leaving so suddenly still has me floored. And my daughter is in New York as of today; she'll be living there to go to grad school. Of course, she's still not communicating with me...it's been 2 1/2 years. I don't know; that's probably a big reason for feeling down.

I agree- that's likely a huge reason why you're feeling down. The backward apartment? It's just messing with your mind. You'll get used to it.