Bipolar check-in #59

Migraine meds have always put me to sleep after they get rid of the migraine. I don't know what it is about them, but I'm grateful for the rest.

My pdoc gave me some ambien because I haven't had a solid night of sleep in so long I can't remember. We're hoping to kickstart the sleep and I'll only take a full 10 mg for a few nights and then taper off (in the past it's only worked for a few days for me anyway).

I'm not taking it until later because in general if I fall asleep too early I wake in the night and don't get back to sleep and I'm reluctant to risk waking like that with ambien in my body. I'm hoping I'll take it and just fall asleep and stay that way.

But I'm scared...this stuff has been useless sometimes in the past. However I've not taken it in 10 years (she looked) and so I shouldn't have any tolerance.

I just hope for a solid night of sleep. If I'm on here being weird in a few hours you'll know why

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow My pdoc gave me some ambien because I haven't had a solid night of sleep in so long I can't remember. We're hoping to kickstart the sleep and I'll only take a full 10 mg for a few nights and then taper off (in the past it's only worked for a few days for me anyway). I'm not taking it until later because in general if I fall asleep too early I wake in the night and don't get back to sleep and I'm reluctant to risk waking like that with ambien in my body. I'm hoping I'll take it and just fall asleep and stay that way. But I'm scared...this stuff has been useless sometimes in the past. However I've not taken it in 10 years (she looked) and so I shouldn't have any tolerance. I just hope for a solid night of sleep. If I'm on here being weird in a few hours you'll know why

I hope you're well into dreamland~

It's so cold in this house! (Related)

I went for a short hike this morning. ED voice is telling me to keep being super active. I already did 25 minutes of core and the hour +1/2 long hike. I just want to sleep through the hunger.
Oh! I got a hold of my friend! He was in the hospital for covid and other related issues but he's back at his place under quarantine. He thinks by mid october I'll be able to see him in person.
Haven't been able to get a hold of my girlfriend. She's in the hospital too (for other reasons) but I think she gave me the wrong number to call. I hope she's okay.
Alright. I gotta go for another walk. Just a short one. Then I'm coming home and reading.

It took awhile for me to get there, but I slept OK last night. The vivid dreams are still there. I have to say though, they are affecting me less during my day. So, I'll accept it for now. I'll meet again with my psychiatrist in two weeks. I'll wait till then so I can have something to report -- if it's helping or not. At least I did sleep at a reasonable hour and got up at a reasonable hour as well. Also no passing out, so that was a plus haha.

I had my second session with my new therapist this afternoon. I still like him, but I'll admit that I felt I was talking in circles today. I'm not sure that I got a lot out of it, but again, I think it was my fault more than his. What sort of irked me was that my husband kept calling me on the cell phone towards the end of the session. It interrupted it. I'll admit that the session way a good 15 minutes over, and my husband didn't call under the "over" period. But I still got flustered, making it end on an uncomfortable note.

I'm becoming concerned about my husband's spending. And I hate that he uses his credit card all of the time. It's as if he doesn't even know what cash is. I find it prevents us from sticking to any kind of budget, whatsoever. If it was just me spending, I think it would be fine since I only buy necessities. When I see something that's very expensive I tend more to nix the idea of buying it. Not so for Hubby. In fact, he sort of pressured me into agreeing to a huge expenditure, for myself, that I probably would not have made on my own.

I’m actually doing really well today. I haven’t had any Valium. Although that may come and get me later if I don’t stay ahead of my anxiety. My mom and I went out shopping today. We went all over to many stores. She bought me a lot of stuff. I had told her I’d wait until I got money but she insisted on buying me stuff so I’ll have it for the next 2 days. She got me a bunch of frozen breaded vegetables and some frozen lasagnas and other frozen stuff. Then she got me a few candy bars and some chapstick and those stupid pads I’ll need. I actually slept last night for the first time in forever. I fell asleep around 8:30 and I woke up just before 7. I’m home now for the day. Tomorrow I’m going to Applebee’s for lunch and then I have to wash my blankets and take a shower at night with this special kind of pre surgery soap.

I’m not currently nervous about the surgery itself although I’m worried my UTI is still there. But I’m wondering if it’s somatic. Does anyone know if bladder stuff can be somatic related? I’ve been on antibiotics for awhile and this comes and goes. It’s not consistent and it seemed to come on as soon as I got approved for my surgery. I’m also wondering if I’m just wearing the wrong size underwear to be honest.

Also my Covid test came back negative. They sure can do things fast now. I got the results in about 15 hours.

I’ll probably need to stop eating around midnight Friday . So I’m going to wake up at 9 or 10 and just eat a ton of stuff. I’ve made the mistake before of not eating after 4PM and being very hungry all day.

@Mountaindewed, it is possible that underwear could be a factor in UTIs. I wouldn't wear too tight of underwear. Also, always go for cotton ones, or at least ones that have a cotton crotch. Also, not too tight of pants. It's also possible the UTI could be partly stress-induced. Stress brings on all kinds of things.

Though perhaps a little bit of an old-fashioned home remedy, in addition to prescribed treatment, having a UTI is a good excuse to enjoy some cranberry juice cocktail. Cranberry juice is known to be helpful at curbing them. And tastes good.

I was drinking cranberry juice like crazy for a couple days until I finally decided to go to the doctor on Sunday. I asked her about it and she said the study results are mixed but it doesn’t hurt. I like the cran raspberry flavor.

Kinda tmi but I took off my underwear and I am fine now.

I’ve been wearing my moms giant pajama pants the last couple of nights and then baggy shorts during the day. I’ve been avoiding jeans.

I’m also wondering if you could just be like super tense down there without any actual issue going on. I’ve been sitting on my bed with my legs crossed for hours at a time.

How funny you mention cranberry and raspberry combo. I don't have cranberry juice in my house, but am at this moment enjoying cranberry raspberry flavored herbal tea. Glad you're getting a little relief.

I just read that caffeine and alcohol can also worsen UTIs. I don't think you're a big alcohol drinker, but the caffeine could be a factor.

Hello all. I am sitting with my friend who is in OT school while she studies. We are at Starbucks. I had to grab a sweatshirt from my car because it's cold in here even though it's gorgeous and warm outside. Sunny and beautiful.

I took some PRN Haldol and am feeling pretty chill. I'm reading a book while she studies. We are going to have dinner later, too.

The paranoia is at bay for now. Don't know how long this will last. I still have another dose of Haldol that I can take later.

The Ambien really worked. I slept all night and through the morning and am still tired. I hope I don't feel this groggy the whole time I take it. It's so good to have had a full night of sleep, I'm just having a hard time doing anything. I did take the trash out. I need to take a shower. Supper is going to be something really easy.

I'm glad I asked to try this. I hope it really resets my body clock.

How do people get heavy sleep meds prescribed? I’ve had sleep problems since I was 14. Ranging from everything from sleep paralysis to full blown falling down a flight of stairs night terrors and the only thing I’ve been offered by doctors is melatonin and Benadryl. I was on trazodone for a bit too when I was 14.

Where's whatever (Jane)?

And fuzzybear

I swear I’ve played a role in a lot of members leaving with my bad temper and triggering posts.

Not good.

I have to drive to my friend's house soon and I'm nervous. I never know the way.

Feeling really good this evening. Nothing out of the ordinary these days -- woke up being OK. Took my meds, had my few hours of unease -- just tried to sleep it through, and now I'm feeling good. I got a bit of energy I'm gonna chalk up to getting a better night's rest. I know this may be a controversial subject, I'm gonna apologize to Soupe, our in house culinary expert -- but I have really been enjoying the variety of soups from Progresso lately. I know, I know -- too much sodium, base flavor but no flare etc. (my mom makes the point a lot haha). The last few days I've been really enjoying a nice bowl of soup at least for lunch. It may be because it's getting colder and something nice and warm fills me up. Perhaps for the same reason I enjoy a nice cup of hot chocolate in the evening as well.

So, serious note -- I'm thinking about getting a part time job. It'll be the first time in a long while I've been productive in society. Working in my career is not an option right now. I need to ease my way back into the workforce if it's something I am going to accomplish in the future. So as many place need workers right now. I could pretty easily I would assume have my pick at employers for something. I wouldn't even mind factory work. I know a factory in town has a part-time program. They pay really well but you work 16 hours a week (usually a weekend shift), but it's around $22/hr. It's something to consider, right? I am feeling better for the first time in a few years. I think I should take advantage at looking at ways to change my lifestyle.

Also, I am thinking about trying to take my meds that make me feel sick at night-- so maybe I can offset the uneasiness that comes with them. Only issue is I have to eat at least 350 cal with one of the them so that may be a bit of a hurdle. We'll see what I can work with.

Have a pdoc that is understanding to all of the havoc that insomnia causes helps a lot.

I didn’t get to sleep until late last night so I’ve been tired all day. I was able to talk to the photographer and everything is copacetic. I’m still worried about the marriage license and that RS may not get his updated license in time. But it is what it is, if it doesn’t come it doesn’t come. I was the same way with closing on the house; I wasn’t convinced we had it until we had the signed papers in our hands. Even sitting outside the title agency I was convinced something was going to go wrong.

My student started to have hallucinations today and had a meltdown. I noticed it as soon as she started whispering to herself. I asked if she was ok and she said with wild eyes NO, something is very wrong here. She got upset that I was looking at her so I moved away and kept my eyes straight ahead. The nurse came in and talked her down.

It was sad to watch. I’ve never full on hallucinated but I’ve been paranoid and I know that nothing anyone said would convince me otherwise. I actually don’t know how to respond, I feel like challenging the hallucinations may be more triggering. I know I got mad in the hospital when they tried to tell me the voices weren’t real. However that was true, it was REAL VOICES and noise that was too loud in my head. But it was frustrating to have no one believe me about what I was sure was definitely happening.

Anyway she was calm by dismissal and she actually was smiling and laughing with me because we were swinging and I was joking about how I couldn’t keep up (again, true, I couldn’t swing nearly as high as her!). So at least there’s that.

For me there are a few factors. One is simply an 18 year relationship with my pdoc; she can see I'm exhausted right now and she knows it's not normal for me to be this tired or not sleeping well. Another is that I'm on clozapine which is known for being very sedating and it doesn't make me sleep so I'm also on a high dose of gabapentin (most people divide my dose into 3 doses; I take it all at once). Lately I've needed 1-2 PRN doses on top of that and occasionally PRN klonopin which she knows I try hard to avoid. With all that sedation I've still not been getting a full night of sleep at all and it's been going on for months.

Another factor is that I don't ask for or take these meds easily. It has been 10 years since I was last prescribed a sleeping pill and there have certainly been times in there I've not slept well but adjusting my med doses or PRN doses have helped. This time nothing else has helped. I only got 10 pills and I'll take 4-5 of them and then wean off.

My pdoc also knows that my life has been extra stressful lately with the death of a loved one not that long ago and a potential move to another city along with COVID and some other things that are too complex to describe right now.

The biggest thing though is the relationship with my pdoc. She trusts me and I trust her. I don't know how I'll stand it when she retires.